


Q Loop

by NightFlame33



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Death, Delta Vega, Developing Friendships, F/M, Found Family, Groundhog Day, James T. Kirk & Leonard "Bones" McCoy Friendship, Kobayashi Maru, M/M, Movie: Ocean's Eleven Mentioned, Pre-Relationship, Space nerds, Starfleet Academy, The Enterprise is a beautiful lady and we love her, Time Loop, Vulcan, Vulcan Mind Melds, Vulcan survives (eventually), death but everything restarts so it's okay, matchmaker Q, mentioned Next Generation, suicide (but wakes up after)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:13:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 26
Words: 93,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27170231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightFlame33/pseuds/NightFlame33
Summary: The Battle of the Narada is over and the Enterprise is victorious. But all it not well. Q must fix the timeline so that Vulcan survives. But why would he do it himself when it would be so much more entertaining to watch interesting mortals like James T. Kirk do his work for him?
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock, Spock/Nyota Uhura
Comments: 336
Kudos: 398





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Oracular Refrain](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12212634) by [notfreyja](https://archiveofourown.org/users/notfreyja/pseuds/notfreyja). 



> Hi all! Here's a story I began after reading a lot of Q-related fanfiction, as well as time travel stories where the Enterprise crew saves Vulcan from imploding. If you want to read a work I was particularly inspired by, check out notfreyja's work, "The Oracular Refrain."
> 
> I've rated this piece M, just in case, but so far most of the content is about T. However, not quite sure how intense the story will get later on. My apologies for my attempts to mimic Russian and Scottish accents in advance. 
> 
> I plan to update this fic weekly on Friday evenings, EST. Now, let's have some Q and time loop fun. Enjoy!

_ The Original Attempt _

Following Nero’s defeat, the Enterprise crew felt exhaustion settle with the conclusion of the battle once the ship was out of danger of the black hole. Crewmembers collapsed in vacant corners to get a few moments of rest before dealing with the aftermath of the fight against the Narada, processing the events and emotions of the past two days. Engineering right away began the task of squeezing every ounce of power they could from the impulse drive with the warp core gone. Communications teams were broadcasting and monitoring subspace channels for aid from any Federation ships or allies in the system. But help was still a long way off. Security personnel, medical staff, and anyone else who had a spare moment worked on getting Vulcan’s survivors aboard settled and comfortable, sparing quarters wherever they could.

Acting captain, James T. Kirk, had given up the captain’s quarters to the Vulcan elders. He knew the quarters were not his to give, but he did not expect Pike would have need of them for the duration of their trip back home. Captain Pike was heavily sedated in Medbay while Bones slowly put the captain back together after the Romulans had inflicted countless tortures on him. Kirk didn’t want to think of what the Romulans put Pike through for him to give up the defense codes for Earth.

As acting captain, Kirk had a thousand different things he needed to do, even though the only thing he really wanted to do was pass out on a bed and sleep away the awful day. He had stopped by engineering to check on the damage down there and was surprised to discover Mr. Scott had taken control of the situation and had everything running as smoothly as could be considering the Enterprise’s casualties. He had a few choice words for Kirk about expelling the brand-new warp core and heart of the Enterprise. Kirk decided he really wasn’t needed in engineering after all. Which meant he needed to do the thing he had been putting off since the battle’s conclusion: face Spock.

Jim felt a wrenching guilt twist his gut every time he remembered the awful things he had shouted at Spock on the bridge to convince him to relinquish command. Sure, Spock had nearly killed him in retaliation, but the things Jim had said were unforgivable, especially now that he had felt the depth of emotion in Spock from the future on Delta Vega. But he had to make amends. He really liked the Bridge crew he had worked with today and he didn’t want to part from any of them on less than good terms. 

According to the ship’s computer, Spock was currently on the starboard observation deck. So that was where Jim headed. He touched his neck and the bruises on it briefly, hoping this talk would end in a less physical manner.

Unfortunately for Jim’s procrastination, Spock was on the observation deck when the doors whooshed open. He was standing at parade rest in front of the window, looking at stars that were barely moving under impulse power. No one else was present.

“Good evening, Captain,” Spock greeted. His gaze did not move from the stars.

Jim joined the Vulcan by the window before he spoke, making sure there was a bit of distance between the two of them. “I’m just the acting captain. Especially with Pike back on board. You can call me Jim.”

Spock did not reply.

“It’s a beautiful view from here,” Jim commented. “Though I have always been fonder of the aft observation deck. I like watching the stars race past when a ship is at warp.”

“The aft observation deck is currently occupied by several sleeping ensigns. I did not wish to interrupt their much-needed rest.”

“Very considerate of you, Mr. Spock.”

“It would be prudent for the crew to be at maximum efficiency. This can only be accomplished if the crew are able to take appropriate breaks.”

Jim sighed. “Agreed. We probably need to figure out a shift schedule since we don’t know how long we will be out here. Could be weeks.”

“Indeed.”

“Guess I’ll add that to the list of things to do. I didn’t think there would be so much paperwork being a captain. Almost makes me want to reconsider taking the command track. How are the sciences? I hear the blue shirts can get pretty wild.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. Jim couldn’t tell if he was amused or exasperated, but he guessed it was some combination of the two. But that was probably wishful thinking. “I believe you are attempting to engage in the human practice of ‘small talk,’ something I am neither proficient in, nor have a desire to partake in. And considering the volume of work you are complaining about, would it not be prudent to begin those tasks you mentioned?”

“You could have just told me I was bothering you,” Jim mumbled. “No, don’t reply to that, Mr. Spock,” Jim added, noticing Spock’s mouth preparing a retort. “I actually did have something I wanted to discuss with you.” This was it. Jim’s chance to apologize, to make amends and begin that epic friendship Jim got the faintest glimpse of in his mindmeld with Old Spock. And yet, the words didn’t flow. 

“What is it, Captain?” Spock asked. His eyebrow raised as he watched Jim rock on his heels over the railing. 

“Just...how are you holding up?”  _ Stupid!  _ Jim chastised himself. “I mean, after all that’s happened…”

“I am performing adequately. I am once again in my control of emotions. If that will be all, I do believe we still both have duties to perform.” Spock’s mouth was a thin line and Jim knew he screwed up. 

“I didn’t mean to imply - ” Jim began. “Nevermind. You’re right. Let’s go to the Bridge. Do you want to walk there together? I promise I’ll only talk about work stuff.”

“It would be logical for us to go together as we are headed for the same destination.”

Jim sighed. It was a start. Not a good one, but maybe once he had a decent night’s rest he would be able to properly apologize to Spock. 

On the bridge, everyone moved sluggishly, but there was a brightness in the atmosphere too. Everyone was still high on their victory. Jim watched the casual joking between Sulu and the young Russian – Chekov? Yeah, that sounded right – at the helm. Uhura listened patiently while Montgomery Scott, who was on the bridge for some reason Kirk had yet to identify, asked her various technical questions about the comm station on the bridge. Despite it being her first day at said station, Uhura was answering them rather easily. Spock was already back at the science station, monitoring and taking notes on something. Kirk was a little afraid to disturb him about what could be so fascinating while they were basically nowhere at impulse power. If Kirk didn’t know better, it seemed like the Vulcan was ignoring him. 

Meanwhile, Kirk lounged in his chair, tracing its curves and doing his best not to doze off while he watched the stars on the viewscreen. His mind kept drifting to his awkward conversation with Spock, and his memories inevitably relived how well the pair of them worked together to take down the Narada. But then it would switch to remembering his anger during the Kobayashi Maru hearing and being stranded on Delta Vega. And then his memories would switch to Spock’s hands around his throat and he had to clench his armrests to keep his fingers from tracing his bruises. Jim needed a distraction. And like a godsend, the turbolift doors opened and Bones stepped onto the bridge.

“What in the Sam Hill? I came to force Jim to rest and yet I am certain all of you are the same crew who were up here when that damned Romulan squid was blown up. Get some sleep! The lot of you! Doctor’s orders.”

“Bones! How are things down in Medbay?” Jim grinned, spinning around in his chair. He loved the fact it could spin. “And Nero didn’t blow up. It was more like he was imploded when the Narada became a blackhole.”

“I’m a doctor. I don’t care if they were sprouting daisies and doing a foxtrot when you were done with ‘em. As long as they weren’t causing any more casualties on this ill-fated hunk of metal.”

“Oi! Watch it! This hunk of junk is Starfleet’s finest work t’ date. She deserves our respect. After all, look at all she got us through today,” Scott countered.

Bones rolled his eyes, ignoring the Scotsman. “Things are as good as they can be in Medbay considering we just fought a genocidal maniac from the future. And as I don’t see us fighting any more genocidal madmen today, I suggest the lot of you head to your quarters and get eight hours of solid rest. Minimum.”

“But, Bones!” Jim complained.

“As Vulcans need considerably less sleep than humans, I would not require your mandatory eight hours of rest,” Spock pointed out.

“Why you, green – “

A shimmering sound interrupted Bones as a being manifested directly to his left, gazing around the room with disinterest. Jim shot out of his chair as he looked over the sudden intruder.

The intruder looked human. He had curly brown hair and wore something that almost looked like it could be some kind of uniform with its black pants and top, red shoulders, and a pin that looked like a Starfleet insignia, though it wasn’t one Jim recognized. And he certainly didn’t act like a Starfleet officer from the way he was draped over the Enterprise’s railing like an Orion hooker at a star base bar.

“Who are you and what are you doing on my bridge?” Jim asked, hand poised above his phaser.

“Captain, should I call security?” Uhura asked. Jim nodded in reply.

“Ah, I wouldn’t do that, my dear.” The figure snapped. “I’m afraid your turbo lift is out of order anyway.” The figure looked Bones over and scowled almost deep enough to match Bones’ incredulous scowl of his own. “Is this seriously the legendary crew my Picard boasted about? The famous Jim Kirk and his Enterprise crew? Can’t say I’m impressed,” the person replied, as he began to walk around the Bridge. “Though, you’re not exactly his Kirk, are you? No. Everything’s changed here.”

“Who are you and what are you doing on my bridge? I won’t repeat myself again,” Jim growled.

“Oh, Jimmy. Tsk, tsk. Is this any way to greet someone who holds your puny little past and future in their hands? I am Q.”

Jim looked around the bridge. The name didn’t spark any of his memories from Starfleet history classes, and from the expressions of everyone else, they didn’t recognize the name either.

“Alright, Q. What species are you then?”

“Part of the Q Continuum obviously.”

There were more blank looks.

“Oh, that’s right. We haven’t officially introduced ourselves to your species yet. Ugh! This will take so much more time to explain. Especially to you simpletons. I’ll say this, Starfleet really scraped the bottom of the barrel in this decade. I mean, don’t look now, but I think your navigator is a child.” 

Chekov flushed bright red from what Jim thought might be embarrassment, but looked more like anger.

“Captain, my scans of the being are erratic. It is as if he is both here and not here simultaneously,” Spock commented.

“The Vulcan is right, Jim. He may look and register human, but he’s…well, to be honest, I don’t know what the hell he is. These readings don’t make any sense.” Bones tapped his tricorder with frustration.

“How is zat possible?” Chekov asked.

“You all are incredibly dim, aren’t you? It’s no wonder Vulcan blew up. And you all are supposed to be heroes of the Federation?” Q sniffed. “I must say I am not impressed.”

Kirk’s fists clenched. “If you are just going to stand here insulting us, I insist you leave. We all have better things to do than be insulted by whatever the hell you are.”

“Believe me, there are millions of times and places I would rather be right now. But alas, something has gone very wrong in one of the main timestreams of the universe.” Q snapped, vanishing and reappearing at Spock’s station. “Your little hybrid’s future self is to blame for that, Jimmy boy.”

Jim blanched at Q’s words and glanced at his first officer who was now giving Jim what was probably a scrutinizing stare.

“Is he referring to the Vulcan who insisted on being left on that hellhole of an ice base, Captain?” Scott asked.

Everyone on the Bridge was glancing between Jim and Q curiously. Jim needed to change the topic, get it back on track. And if Q kept insulting Old Spock, Jim was probably going to punch him. The guy had been through enough for one day. And as far as Jim knew he was still on Delta Vega. He made a mental note to pick him up later.

“So what? Are you saying because a bunch of Romulan time travelers went on a revenge spree that you are condemning our entire timeline?”

“Precisely. It all needs to be set right.”

“Then what are you doing here? If you’re so powerful, couldn’t you do some cosmic fixing with a snap instead of talking to us lowly humans?” Jim spat.

“Ah, you have gotten to the heart of the matter at last. You see, I could just snap my fingers and set everything back to how it’s supposed to be. Vulcan survives, Romulans stay in the future where they belong, and everything returns to how it should be. But that’s so  _ boring, _ ” Q complained.

“What’s your point?”

“Did you know that if I snap my fingers and ‘fix’ everything myself, as you suggest, all of you in your current iterations will cease to exist? Sure, your main timeline counterparts live, but these versions will have never been.”

Jim felt his heart quicken at the thought. Sure, he hadn’t lived the best life between Frank’s abuse, his mother’s absences, and Sam running away. But that life had been his. And he didn’t want it to end, never mind cease to exist. And yet, maybe they all would be better off.

Q continued, “So, I have come to make things interesting. I want to give you a fighting chance for your universe. See if you can save it instead. Does that old Kirk mantra of ‘no-win scenarios don’t exist’ actually hold true?”

Jim looked around at his crew’s confused and terrified faces. “Wait, what do you mean, Q?”

Q chuckled. “Very simple, Kirk. Do what James T. Kirk is supposed to do: the impossible. Save your crew, save Vulcan, and don’t die. And to keep it interesting, I’ll give you a reset button.”

Jim opened his mouth, still confused, but Q snapped his fingers before he could get a word out. The last image Jim saw was his first officer, as stoic as ever, but something reassuring in his eyes that looked a little more human than the rest of him. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so the time loop begins...

_ Attempt 2 _

Jim started awake. His alarm was ringing and he groaned, laying back in his dorm bed. He felt his chest and throat for the injuries he had likely sustained from the Battle of Vulcan, but he felt no pain. No aches. No tender bruises.

Jim leaned over and looked at his clock. The stardate was 2258.42. That couldn’t be right. Unless…it was all a dream? The memories felt too vivid to be his typical dreams. And it all seemed rather fantastic. Vulcan being destroyed, meeting time travelers, captaining the Enterprise, making black holes…and that damnable Q fellow just to finish it all off. The more he thought about it actually, the more dreamlike it seemed. Jim rubbed his face. Time to start the day.

Jim sat up and reached for his padd. He had a few messages lined up that felt familiar, but one message really stuck out. It was a call for all students to report to a hearing that afternoon. Jim felt a shiver run through him. It was just like in his dream. That stupid disciplinary hearing over the Kobayashi Maru exam. Maybe his dreams had anticipated he would get in trouble for using cheat codes in the simulation? Yeah, that had to be it. Still, it was going to suck. But maybe this time he would be able to dazzle the board with his ingenuity to find a loophole. His dreams tended to think the worst of a situation.

Kirk began his morning routine and darted into the kitchen to brew himself some coffee and maybe a cinnamon roll before Bones woke up and harped on him about his diet.

Instead, Leonard McCoy, Jim’s roommate, was already sitting in the kitchen area, nursing a cup of coffee.

“You look awful. Wake up on the wrong side of the bed?” Kirk joked.

Bones shook his head. “Late night at the clinic. I got tasked handling this first year ensign. Got herself a broken leg. Damned idiot was attempting to – “

“Backflip off of the hoverport on the science building,” Kirk interrupted.

“Yeah. How did you know that?”

Kirk ran his fingers through his hair. This couldn’t be happening. It had all been a dream. Right? “We’ve had this exact conversation before,” he whispered.

“Speak up, kid. What do you mean we’ve had this conversation before?”

Kirk looked up and stared at Bones. “I think I may have actually traveled back in time.”

Bones looked at Jim for a moment and then he began to laugh. “Kid, you know I love to spout the dangers of working in Starfleet and the uncaring void of space, but we’re cadets. I seriously doubt anything that crazy would happen to us while we’re Earth-grounded.”

“No, seriously. I feel like I’ve already lived this entire day. I thought it was a dream, but everything is starting just like I thought it would.”

“Jim – “ Bones started, but then there was a knock on the door.

The memory came back to Jim in a flash. “I bet you my left kidney that is Gary. He’s coming to ask us what the hearing notification on his padd means.”

Bones rolled his eyes and moved towards the door. Sure enough, as soon as he opened it, Gary Mitchell burst through. “Did you all get the notification too? Looks like someone got in trouble,” he said in a sing-song voice. “Was it you, Kirk? I heard you did some fancy cheating on that Kobayashi Maru exam.”

Bones groaned. “Dammit, Jim! I told you that test was going to get you in trouble. Why couldn’t you just leave it alone?”

“I told you before, no win scenarios don’t exist. And I’m not going to let Starfleet teach cadets to give up just because a situation seems hopeless. And I have definitely said this word for word before…” Jim took a deep breath. “I have to go see Pike.”

“What? Why?” Gary asked.

“Sorry, Gary, nice seeing you. Gotta run. Bye, Bones! I’ll see you later.” Jim dashed out the door. If everything really was just like it was yesterday, Vulcan was in danger. And it sounded like their entire universe was too, if it really was Q who had caused this and they hadn’t all fallen into the black hole or something equally crazy.

Jim ran across campus, headed for Pike’s office. He knew that the captain usually had office hours at this time. He really hoped Pike hadn’t cancelled them for some emergency. There were not many people on campus Kirk trusted, but Pike was one of them. He had always backed Jim up when Jim butted heads with professors or people questioned his qualifications to be in Starfleet after his less than perfect record. Not to mention Pike helped him arrange his schedule so he could graduate in three years instead of four. Honestly, he was the only person Jim could conceive of not only hearing him out, but believing him in general.

Jim ran through the hallway of Captains’ offices. Eventually he found himself skidding outside Pike’s door and frantically requested access for entry.

“Access denied. Pike is not currently in residence,” the computer chimed.

_ Damn!  _ Jim pressed his head against the wall. Where would Pike be on a morning like this? Were there meetings going on? He knew the Enterprise was scheduled to ship out officially in a couple weeks. And it would have if not for Nero. Could he be doing some checkups on the ship? Or official meetings preparing for his next mission? There was no way Jim would be able to reach him either way.

“Jim? What are you doing here?” Pike approached Jim from down the hall, a mug of coffee in one hand and a padd in the other.

Kirk beamed. “Pike! Oh my God, I’m so happy to see you. Sir, there’s something I have to tell you about. Immediately. It’s an emergency.”

“Good thing I just got my morning coffee then. Step in my office and let’s talk.”

As usual, Pike’s office was pristine. He had some odd knick-knacks scattered about, and a picture with his family from the Enterprise, but overall, it was obvious that Pike just used the space when he had to.

“So, what’s on your mind, Cadet Kirk?” Pike watched Jim fidget in a seat across from him while he sipped his coffee.

Jim eventually decided on standing and pacing. How was he going to say this without sounding like a complete lunatic? “You believe in time travel, correct, sir?”

“I’m open to many possibilities. As a Starfleet captain, comes with the job description. I am skeptical of the theory, but I’ve heard enough wild stories from Archer to know it could be possible.”

“Well, sir, please keep an open mind, because I think I time traveled. A day backward.”

Pike’s eyes narrowed and he set down his coffee. “What makes you say that?” His voice had a new edge to it.

“The day began exactly as it did yesterday. Or, I guess, today again.”

“I believe you’re experiencing déjà vu, son.”

“No, no. I know what déjà vu feels like. I mean everything was starting out exactly as it did yesterday. And if I’m right, then we have a serious emergency on our hands. And I have to stop it.”

“What emergency? What do you think is going to happen today?”

“Vulcan is going to be destroyed. By a Romulan called Nero.”

Pike scoffed. “I doubt the Romulans have the capability to destroy an entire planet. Especially not a planet as well fortified as Vulcan. They wouldn’t even get past Federation space.”

Jim ran his hands through his hair. This wasn’t going well. “He’s a time traveler too. Look, the Kelvin disaster, with the mysterious lightning storm in space and the ship vanishing? That’s Nero’s ship. And he came back in time accidentally from the year 2387, to twenty-five years ago. And then, for revenge he will destroy Vulcan today. You’re going to be tortured by Nero into giving him Earth’s defense codes. But the Enterprise is going to rescue you and stop him from doing the same thing to Earth. But Vulcan will still be destroyed and Spock is going to go insane, and – “

Pike held up his hand. “I think I’ve heard quite enough. I don’t know how you found out the hearing today is due to your Kobayashi Maru exam and Spock filed the complaint, but making up this bizarre story is not going to get you out of it.”

“No, sir, I’m not trying to ‘get out of it!’” Jim wanted to steam with frustration. That stupid hearing. It was going to give him all sorts of roadblocks no matter what. “Look, delay the hearing for a day, send the fleet to Vulcan. We have to protect it! And then I swear I will go to the hearing and accept whatever punishment they give me without fuss. But we have to hurry.”

“Wow. Just when I thought you couldn’t get any more reckless. You want to mobilize the fleet? On what basis? Because you claim time traveling Romulans are going to destroy Vulcan? Do you even hear yourself?”

Jim’s shoulders slumped. He sat down. This was his only shot to give Starfleet fair warning. He took a deep breath. “Please, sir. I’ve done a lot of stupid stunts since I’ve been here. But I would not make something like this up. Even if it would get me out of an academic hearing.”

But Pike’s expression did not change. “Son, it’s not like I don’t want to believe you, but you have to admit, what you’re telling me is all rather fantastic and rather convenient.”

Jim sighed. “Look. I know you don’t believe me, but please listen to this: when you go to Vulcan, make sure your shields are up and the Enterprise is on red alert. I know you won’t listen to me if I tell you not to follow Nero’s instructions, so when you go to his ship and make Spock Captain, give him explicit instructions not to rendezvous with the rest of the fleet, and…and tell him to stop by Delta Vega. The Enterprise will need to pick up a couple of people there. One of them will have critical intelligence on Nero.”

“Jim, this sounds insane. All very elaborately thought out too – ”

“Please do what I say. And do whatever you can to stop that drill and the Narada when the time comes.”

“Kirk…”

Jim left the office. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

Jim was walking across campus, brooding, and realizing he should be halfway into his first class of the day. Except he had already heard the lecture before, so there wasn’t much point. In this line of thought, Jim didn’t notice he was about to run into someone until it was too late. Jim collided with someone smallish and going rather fast, so they were both knocked to the ground in a shower of papers and books.

“I’m sorry! So sorry!” A voice mumbled in a thick Russian accent that was very familiar.

Jim pushed himself up to see a curly-haired cadet scooping up the books and papers he must have dropped. “Chekov?” He asked.

“Ja. Zat is me. Now, how do you know me?”

Jim grinned. “It is you! Sorry, you’re probably really confused. We haven’t met yet. I’m Jim. Jim Kirk.” He held out his hand.

Chekov shuffled his precarious stack to one arm to shake Jim’s hand. “I’ve heard of you. You won za Kobayashi Maru. You genius too!”

Jim smiled. “Well, I’m glad someone thinks that. But you’re pretty incredible yourself, Mr. Chekov. Command track, and yet you dabble in a bit of everything…from what I hear anyway.” It was hard speaking to Chekov but not saying anything about the battle they had gone through together. Yet.

“Ja. It’s just all so…interesting. I want to learn everything I can. If I know everything, zen I can do anything.”

Jim’s smile momentarily slipped. He remembered seeing Sulu comforting Chekov after the battle. The young cadet had blamed himself for not saving Spock’s mother, despite all the heroic things he had done in the rest of the battle. He had saved Jim and Sulu. He had saved the Vulcan elders. And he had been a hell of a navigator. And it had been him that suggested using Saturn’s rings to hide from Nero. If Jim ever got his own ship for real, he definitely wanted this kid on it. As long as the young genius didn’t beat him to the chair first. He reminded Jim of himself in many ways. He hoped Chekov wouldn’t have to live through the same experience again today.

“So, how do you know me?” Chekov asked.

Jim returned Chekov’s gaze and patted his shoulder encouragingly. “I’ve just heard great things about a young Russian genius who seems to be as passionate about exploration as I am. Scouting out who I want on my crew one day. Though you might beat me to it,” Jim winked.

The cadet’s eyes widened and he blushed. “Maybe one day we will serve together, Meester Kirk. But I don’t think I want to be keptin yet.”

“Call me Jim, Chekov. And it sounds like I will definitely want you on any future crew I might have. As long as today’s hearing goes my way.”

“Zen you can call me Pavel. And do you mean ze hearing zis afternoon? It is for you?”

Jim nodded. “That Kobayashi Maru exam got me in a bit more trouble than I expected. But it’s nothing compared to what the rest of the day will be like.”

Pavel leaned closer. “What do you mean?”

Jim gave a small smile. He should have kept his stupid mouth shut. This conversation had been going so well. “Do you believe in time travel, Pavel?”

“Of course! Quantum applications of time and space put all matter in state of non-linear flux. Zerefore, time travel should be theoretically possible.” Pavel babbled on about various other time travel theories tossed around and Jim absorbed them all. This kid really did know his stuff.

“Wow, that’s incredible. That might actually help a lot. But going back to the loop theory you proposed. That’s kind of what I’m in right now, I think.” Jim took a deep breath. “You probably won’t believe me, Pavel, but I’ve already lived this day.”

Pavel’s eyes widened. “But to loop back in time…zat would take enormous power!”

“I think the alien who did this to me is capable of enormous power.”

“What happened? How did zey do it?” Pavel was on the edge of his toes. “What kind?”

“Umm…an alien species I never heard of called himself part of the Q Continuum. He said I had to redo this day. He snapped his fingers and I woke up back to this morning. Does that help?”

Pavel shook his head. “But it does sound wery fascinating. I wish I had been zer.”

Jim smiled. “Actually, you were. You were the navigator on the Enterprise.”

Pavel’s smile somehow managed to widen further, his eyes sparkling. He practically shivered with excitement. “Zat’s awesome! Zat will be amazing! I can’t w – “ Pavel suddenly paused. “Wait. Ze only way I would be on ze Enterprise’s bridge today would be an emergency. One ze rest of ze fleet could not respond to. What is going to happen today?”

Jim’s smile faded. “Someone is going to attack Vulcan.”

Pavel shook his head. “No way. No one could attack Vulcan. They are in ze heart of federation space. And well-armed. You are messing with me.” The young cadet’s shoulders slumped.

“No!” Jim exclaimed. “I swear I’m not. Vulcan will be attacked and we will be on the Enterprise. The call will come during my hearing!” He sighed. “Nevermind. I know how preposterous this all sounds. But you’ll see. Just…you’re going to be amazing, Pavel. Know that. And even if Pike says otherwise, be certain the Enterprise’s shields are up when you exit warp into Vulcan space. And…maybe try to get down to the transporters a bit faster.”

“What? I thought you said I was ze navigator?”

“I also called you a jack of all trades, did I not? I’ll see you in a few hours, Pavel!” Jim waved good-bye and set off before Pavel could interrogate him further. He didn’t think he could handle much more of explaining himself to others. 


	3. Chapter 3

The rest of the day went on the way it had before. Jim thought talking to Spock. He was second in command of the Enterprise, a well-respected professor, and from Vulcan. Surely if Spock said his planet was going to be attacked, people would listen to him. The problem was Spock didn’t even know Jim yet other than as the student who cheated on his test. Sure, they had been beginning to get along by the time Q showed up, but it was far from likely Spock would listen to him right now. Uhura would definitely think he was trying to play some sort of joke if he confided in her, so he couldn’t even convince her to convince Spock. That left Jim with no one who would believe him who could do anything to stop it.

When classes ended and the hearing came around in the early afternoon, Jim sulked to the assembly building. Bones was at his side trying to cheer him up. “Come on, Jim, this isn’t like you. Even if this is a hearing about your idiotic attempt to beat the damn unwinnable test, you always try to talk your way out of it. You don’t give up.”

“I’m not giving up, Bones. I just know it will be useless. I won’t be able to get in there and say anything that will make a difference in time. It’s like I told you. We’re going to be interrupted by a distress call from Vulcan. The hearing won’t conclude. I’m going to be in a state of academic probation limbo until our asses eventually get hauled back to earth.”

Jim had told Bones the story of today a few times now. His roommate still did not believe him, instead offering psychological explanations of overactive imaginations in dreams. “Just, promise me one thing, Bones.”

“What hare-brained scheme are you trying to rope me into this time?”

“Can you get me on the Enterprise again? I think you said something about ‘mudfleas’ last time and you shot me with a hypospray. Just make sure you have a shot of cortisone or something on hand. My entire body is going to swell up like a balloon and I’d rather get that part over with as soon as possible.”

“I’m not going to inject you with something that will give you an allergic reaction, you absolute nincompoop!”

“Where do you even get these insults, Bones? Do you carry around a 20 th century dictionary and read a few a day to keep things interesting?”

“Ugh! I give up! Let’s just get this damn thing over with.”

Jim sighed. It was going to be a long day. It already had been.

And so, the trial began just as it had before. Jim shuffled out of his seat and took the stand just as Admiral Barnett asked, “is there anything you would like to add before we begin, sir?”

Jim stood there for a moment. If it was like before, he would be calling out Spock, bringing him to the stand. But it was a waste of time. He knew who his accuser was. He needed to convince everyone here that the distress call they were about to receive in a couple minutes was an attack. They needed to be prepared. And he had been trying to figure out how to say it for the past few minutes.

“Cadet Kirk, may we continue?”

Jim took a deep breath. “Not yet, I do have something I would like to ask the council.”

“Go ahead.”

“What is the protocol for answering a distress signal from a federation planet? Nothing else, just a general distress signal.”

“Cadet Kirk, I fail to see what bearing this has on your current trial.”

“Just, answer the question. It will be relevant, I promise.”

“Depending on the crisis, at least three federation starships will answer the distress signal. Whoever is in the immediate area will be called first.”

“And under code 97.4, subsection 81, of the Starfleet handbook, if the cause of distress is unknown, a ship should confront the source of the distress signal under tactical alert, correct?”

“That is an antiquated rule, Mr. Kirk,” one of the admirals spoke up. “Generally, people in distress do not find it comforting if a ship answers them at full battle stations. This rule has been essentially overwritten.” Jim snorted. He didn’t consider Admiral Komack much of a humanitarian. And yet, as long as it meant contradicting Jim, he was the most considerate admiral in the fleet.

“But Starfleet has had its fair share of traps disguised as distress calls. We should consider this rule more carefully in the future.”

“Cadet Kirk, I must insist you declare what bearing this has on this hearing,” Admiral Barnett interrupted.

Jim was about to reply when an ensign ran up to Admiral Barnett’s desk with a padd. He looked it over and his eyes zeroed on Jim. “Once again, I will ask you, Cadet, why have you pursued this line of debate at this hearing? It appears to have no bearing on your exam results of the Kobayashi Maru exam.

Wait, this wasn’t supposed to happen. The hearing was supposed to be interrupted. They were all supposed to be leaving for the ships right now. But Barnett hadn’t made the announcement. Jim’s throat felt dry. “I would just like Starfleet to consider its protocols when engaging in a potentially hostile situation.” He kept his gaze on Barnett, hoping he could emanate something trustworthy in his expression. And then he turned to face Commander Spock with a smile. “And I have a very long-winded defense prepared on how  _ logical  _ protocols can help ensure that there is never a no-win scenario.”

Jim thought he could see Spock’s eyebrow twitch with annoyance, but it was hard to tell from farther away. Instead, he turned back to Admiral Barnett who was rolling his eyes. “Unfortunately, we must postpone this hearing. We have just received a distress call from Vulcan. As the primary fleet is in the Laurentian System, all cadets will report to the hangars. Dismissed.”

The entire room stood and Jim let out a sigh of relief. He just hoped he hadn’t delayed the fleet too much. It felt like every second counted on this day.

In an instant, Bones was at his side. “How the hell did you know about the distress signal?” He hissed. “Don’t tell me it’s some fake signal you concocted to get out of punishment or I will flay you alive, so help me God.”

“Bones, I swear on my life this is not something I came up with. The distress is real. Get ready, we’re about to head into battle. Now come on, you’ve got to get me on the Enterprise.”

“I don’t have to do squat!” Bones shouted, but he was already following Jim to the hangars.

After convincing Bones to infect him with a vaccine for Melvaran mud fleas again and a sedative once they were in Medbay, Jim Kirk found himself waking up on the Enterprise headed towards Vulcan and the time-traveling Narada. He started sprinting towards the Bridge until he stuttered and stopped halfway there, vision still blurry from the effects of the vaccine. (The cortisone hadn’t quite kicked in yet.)

“I swear to God, Jim, get your ass back to sickbay now!” Bones chased after him.

“Uhura!” Jim shouted, sprinting down a different hallway. “Main communications!”

“Where are you going now?!” Bones shouted as Jim passed him.

“Can’t talk! Gotta find Uhura! I can’t believe I didn’t think of her before! She heard the Klingon transmissions the other night. She’s the reason Spock and Pike believed me the first time.”

“What makes you think Uhura is going to listen to you? She hates your guts.”

“Thanks, Bones. But I know she cares.”

“Yeah, cares about you like a stain she’s too lazy to get rid of, so she says it gives her room ‘character.’”

Chekov’s announcement was now being broadcast over the speakers. The same message as before: distress call, lightning storm in space, seismic activity, etc…

“I really hate how you keep being right about every single moment of this day. After we take care of Vulcan I’m going to pass out and sleep away all the craziness of today.”

“Yeah, good luck with that. If it’s the exact same as yesterday, we still have several hours to go. Nero’s a slippery bastard.”

“I hate you. Truly.”

The door whooshed open for Main Communications and Jim sprinted down the hall to Uhura’s station. “Uhura! I need your help!”

“What do you want, Jim. I’m still mad at you for what you did to Gaila.”

“I know, I know. I was a dick. And I am so going to make it up to her after today. But right now, we have to save not only this ship, but the entire planet of Vulcan.”

“Yeah, that’s why we’re here. Are you supposed to be?”

Jim shook his head. “Look, that’s not important right now. The transmission from the Klingon prison planet you intercepted a few days ago, they said they were being attacked by a Romulan ship, right?”

Uhura nodded. “That’s right. How did you – “

“That ship, it’s attacking Vulcan right now. the lightning storm in space…it’s a trap. So, I need you to come to the bridge and help me convince Pike and Spock to make sure we are on red alert when we drop out of warp.”

“…What makes you so sure?”

“Ugh! This did not take this long last time. Uhura, listen to me. I’m from the future and I know for a fact we are warping into a trap. The only way to avoid said trap is to have our shields up when we enter Vulcan space. Alright?”

Uhura glanced towards Bones.

“Don’t look at me, he’s been spouting this nonsense all day.”

“Fine! I’ll go. But if my ass gets dragged down with yours, I will make your life a living hell, Kirk.”

“Reading you loud and clear. Let’s go. It’s time for you to take your spot on the Bridge.”

“What?!”

The confrontation on the Bridge somehow went worse this time around than the first time. But at least this time Jim also had the support of a familiar Russian cadet.

“Sir, we need to put the ship on Red Alert. Just like I told you this morning. We’re warping into an attack. Check communications. There shouldn’t be any subspace signals.”

“Kirk, how did you even get on board? You’re on academic probation,” Pike commented.

“Ugh! We don’t have time for this! Lightning storm in space, that’s what Vulcan is reporting. Just like on the day of the Kelvin disaster. I read your dissertation; you know this. And a few days ago, Cadet Uhura picked up a subspace transmission from a Klingon prison colony saying they were attacked by a Romulan ship that was preceded by a…wait for it…lightning storm in space! It’s just like I told you this morning.”

“Kirk, I don’t know what you’re playing at or how you’re involved, but between the outburst in my office this morning, your tangential reasoning at your hearing, and now this…”

“I believe him, sir,” Pavel piped up from his station while Sulu shot him an incredulous look.

Pike turned to Uhura. “Is what he said true. About the Klingon transmission>”

Uhura nodded. “Indeed, sir.”

Pike turned to the communications desk. “Monitor all subspace frequencies and see if you can pick up and Romulan transmissions.”

“I don’t know if I can distinguish between the Romulan and Vulcan dialects, sir,” the ensign admitted. Kirk had to hold his tongue from suggesting Uhura. Best to let everything play out as normal.

“What about you, cadet? Know any Romulan?” Pike asked Uhura.

“All three dialects, sir.”

“Then take the station.” Pike turned to Spock. “What do you think?”

“The cadet’s logic is sound. And Uhura’s linguistic capabilities are unparalleled.” Spock commented. “But I question Cadet Kirk’s motives considering his statement at his disciplinary hearing.” Jim’s mouth dropped open. After working so well with Spock in the battle and experiencing Old Spock’s memories, he forgot how much Spock didn’t trust him. Last time he had at least backed up Jim’s logic. Now he didn’t even have that. Why did it feel like a betrayal?

Kirk closed his mouth and addressed Pike. “Captain, remember what I spoke to you about this morning? My ridiculous claims you were so easy to dismiss? Isn’t it strange how all my predictions thus far are coming true? At least consider I’m right.”

Pike ran his hands through his hair.

“To which claims is the cadet referring?” Spock asked.

“He claims he’s from the future. One day in the future.”

“Time travel has been re-evaluated by the Vulcan Science Academy to be plausible, but its validity has not yet been proven,” Spock commented.

“Oh my God! We are going to drop out of warp at any second and we’re standing here debating time travel. Just put Red Alert on and you’ll see I’m right!” Jim shouted.

Pike glared. “Calm down, cadet Kirk, or I will throw your ass in the brig.”

“We’re getting ready to drop out of warp, sir,” Sulu spoke up from the helm. “In 5…4…3..”

There was a brief alarm as the Bridge lights dimmed and red lights illuminated around the Bridge. “Who the hell put on Red Alert?” Pike shouted.

“Shields up, sir!” Chekov piped from the helm. Jim could only grin. He definitely wanted Pavel on his future ship.

“…2…1.” Sulu finished, and the Enterprise’s view screen shifted from stars swirling past to a near collision with ship debris hurtling through Vulcan space.

Sulu managed to dodge with expert precision, but immediately the Enterprise shuddered from weapons hitting the shields.

“Damage report,” Pike commanded.

“Deflector shields are holding,” and officer reported.

Pike gripped his armrests. “Full reverse, come about starboard ninety degrees, drop us underneath and...” the Narada came into view and the Bridge fell silent as the Romulan monstrosity loomed before them.

The rest played out the same as it had. Pike was ordered to the enemy ship. He put Spock in charge and made Jim first officer, something Spock was even more disgruntled about than last time. And now, Kirk was strapping himself into high atmosphere gear with Sulu and Olson while Pike prepped a shuttle craft.

“Let me take the charges, Olson,” Jim offered.

“No way. I’m the weapons expert. I’ll carry ‘em.”

Jim sighed. “No funny business, Olson. Play it safe. Pull the chute when the Bridge tells us to, got it?”

Olson only laughed. “Never expected the infamous James T. Kirk to play it safe for anything.”

“People’s lives are on the line here! This isn’t a Friday night out from the academy,” Jim argued.

Olson stopped laughing. “Sure thing,  _ mom. _ ”

Jim sighed and shook his head as the shuttle pulled out of the bay.

Sulu leaned over to whisper to Jim. “Is it true what you were saying on the bridge? You’re from the future?”

Jim nodded. “It is.”

“Then tell me this, are we going to make it through this?”

Jim looked at Olson who was busy rechecking the charges in his vest. “Most of us will, anyway.”

“Oh my…this is going to be a hell of a day.”

Jim was looking down as the red matter was launched into the planet. He had failed. Again. Vulcan was about to be destroyed. And he had changed nothing.

The drill was about to collapse.

“What was that?!” Sulu shouted.

“Red matter. Vulcan’s about to become a black hole.”

“You failed. Utterly. I’m disappointed, I really am. I expected better from the infamous James T. Kirk,” a voice shouted over the wind.

Jim turned and gaped at Q now standing on his other side. “You! You’re the one who sent me back.”

“Yep. And your first try was…disappointing to say the least. I expected something far more brash and exciting from the infamous Jim Kirk. Oh well, maybe next time.”

“Hey! – “ Jim started, but Q was snapping his fingers and Jim’s world went dark. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, all, and happy Halloween! Hope you all enjoy the next chapter.

_ Attempt 3 _

Jim woke up to find himself once again in his dorm room bed with his alarm going off. He bolted up and grabbed his padd. Sure enough, it read stardate 2258.42. It looked like his personal hell of a day had just restarted. Again. Jim fell backward. He turned over what Q had said on the Bridge when he first appeared:  _ Do what James T. Kirk is supposed to do: the impossible. Save your crew, save Vulcan, and don’t die. And to keep it interesting, I’ll give you a reset button. _

It was a game, Jim realized. Q was forcing a cosmic game on him. His conditions to win were simple: keep the Enterprise alive, prevent Vulcan from being destroyed, and don’t die. That meant no heroic Kirk sacrifices. That was fine with Jim. He joined Starfleet to surpass his father, not become him.

And then the reset button. It occurred to Jim that perhaps Q was going to draw this game out for as long as he could. So, every time Jim failed one of the conditions, he was going to have to relive the day again. He groaned. How was he supposed to do this?

Jim was stuck in a time loop. It sounded like something out of a science fiction comedy. For a moment he wished he could contact Q to get more information out of him, but the more Jim thought about it, the less he liked that idea. Q was an arrogant jackass. Jim would probably be left with more questions than answers if Q answered his attempts to contact him. And Jim could not definitively say he would be able to prevent himself from socking Q in the jaw.

So, Jim ran through the day again. He made more changes. He spent the morning developing a code he could implement that would turn Enterprise’s shields on automatically without Red Alert being activated. From there, he planned to man a shuttle himself and take out the drill while the Enterprise engaged the Narada.

When he got the Enterprise, he managed to avoid Bones long enough to plug it into the ship’s main computer system. It worked, but as Jim was implementing it, security personnel found him.

“Cadet, why aren’t you at your station?”

“Well, that’s a funny story actually. I...um...can’t find the bathroom?”

The security personnel’s tricorder beeped. “Hey, you’re James Kirk. You’re not supposed to be here!”

“What does that even mean, ‘supposed to be here’? What qualities must one possess to be supposed to be somewhere?”

Predictably, Jim spent the rest of the day’s attempt in the brig until Vulcan inevitably blew up and Jim’s world went dark. He had failed. Again. At least Pike had never gotten the chance to come down and lecture him.

_ Attempt 21 _

3 weeks. That was how long Jim had been at this, trying every conceivable variable and alteration to cut back on time. Except in one attempt where he had been in such a rush to get across campus to the hangars that he had gotten hit by some sort of hover truck. That had been unpleasant. Still not as bad as dying in space though.

Jim woke up in this attempt and decided he needed a change. A real change. And a great place to start when all of one’s solutions fail is to return to the drawing board. Jim decided to research all he could to gather more information on potential solutions and to go back to brainstorming. Jim also needed someone to talk to about this who would actually believe him.

_ Old Spock!  _ Jim realized. If there was anything who would take his word for certain, it was Spock from the future. He had felt Spock’s deep affection and trust for his version of James T. Kirk and Jim was fairly certain he had only received a passing glimpse of his emotions for his captain. Jim was immensely curious just how deep those emotions ran, even if it would be cheating to look at his potential future.

It was decided. Jim would go find Old Spock and get as much information as he could from him. Between his time travel experience, knowledge of Nero and the future, and his knowledge of Jim, maybe together they could make a plan that would work.

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty! Coffee’s ready!” Bones called from the dorm’s kitchenette.

Jim bounced out of bed. “Good morning, Bones!” He grabbed a coffee as he pulled on his pants. “Hypothetically, if someone wanted to take a day trip to the Vulcan system, what would be the best way to do so?”

Bones’ brow furrowed in the specific strained expression he made when he knew Jim was about to do something stupid but still hadn’t figured out what it was. “Why the hell do you want to go to Vulcan, Jim? One could get heat stroke in a matter of moments on that oven of a planet. And the air is even drier than its locals.”

“Not Vulcan. Delta Vega. Planet nearby.”

Bones dropped his jaw. “Delta Vega? You mean that icy graveyard where they send cadets and ensigns who screw up so royally Starfleet sends them there so they will beg for a dismissal or death, whichever comes first? Why would you ever want to go there? Oh no, don’t tell me they’re sending you there! What did you do this time?!”

“Relax, Bones. I’m not getting sent to Delta Vega. There’s someone there I have to talk to though.”

“Can’t you just comm them like a normal person? What brain-addling substance did you consume that makes the empty space between your ears think it’s a good idea to visit someone  _ in person  _ on a death planet outside of the system?”

“I think that was contradictory. If I have an empty space between my ears, wouldn’t that make a brain addling substance ineffective?” Jim teased. As fun as it would be to continue riling Bones up, he had to figure out logistics. “I’m going to head over to the hangars. See who’s coming and going today. I’ll catch up with you later!”

Bones sputtered for words as Jim downed his coffee and darted out the door. He nearly ran into Gary in the hall, who shouted something after Jim he didn’t catch.

Unfortunately, Jim discovered once he reached the hangars that the next ship headed towards the Vulcan system was scheduled for 1300 hours. The cargo ships weren’t as fast as starships. Jim wouldn’t arrive at Delta Vega until Vulcan had already been destroyed. If yesterday was any indication, the day would restart before Jim ever made it to Delta Vega. So, he formed a new plan.

Jim went about his normal day as he figured out the logistics of his plan. While he sat through lectures he had already heard, Jim scanned Enterprise schematics and protocols on his padd as he tried to remember every detail possible of the past attempts during the destruction of Vulcan.

He went to the trial and barrelled his way through it just as he had in the other attempts. The distress call came. Bones snuck him on the Enterprise. Jim headed for the launch bay as soon as he woke up from Bones’ forced nap. He was just about to open the doors when he cursed. The Enterprise didn’t have her shields up. They were all going to be obliterated.

“No, no, no, no,” Jim muttered as he ran to the Bridge. He managed to make it gasping for air before they dropped out of warp. He began to explain his intrusion same as before, but he stuttered over proof. There was no Uhura this time to back him up.

Jim grasped for more evidence, but he was effectively a stowaway who was trying to command a starship captain to do something. Spock and Pike weren’t listening to him. And then they dropped out of warp. Jim wasn’t sure what was more painful: the force of the explosion that split the Bridge open or the icy vacuum space. All in all, an awful way to go. 

_ Well, if you don’t like it, change it. Focus, Jimmy!  _ Q’s disembodied voice haunted Jim’s final agonizing moments. It was definitely on his list of five worst ways to die. 

_ Attempt 22 _

Jim awoke and sucked in a deep breath, as if he had just woken up from one of those dreams where he was falling. That had been awful. There was no way Jim was going to die like that again.

Jim got up and stretched. He felt a heaviness set over him as he realized he would have to live the same day over again just to get to Delta Vega.

He entered the main living area of his dorm to replicate some coffee. Bones entered a few minutes later. “Ugh. Hell, of a night at the clinic,” Bones rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

“I bet. You look awful. Unfortunately, it’s going to be a hell of a day too.”

Bones accepted a cup of coffee. “What makes you say that?” His eyes narrowed. “What did you do, Jim?”

“Nothing yet. And to be fair, other than the hearing today, nothing that happens will be my fault.”

“Wait, what hearing?”

Jim sighed. “Check your padd. Campus-wide gathering this afternoon. My hearing for cheating on the Kobayashi Maru.” He returned to his room to begin putting on his uniform. Now what should he do to pass the time until the hearing?

“How do you know this hearing is for you?” Bones shouted.

“I have my ways!” Jim shouted back, not feeling up to explaining himself yet again.

Jim decided to spend the morning and early afternoon at a quiet spot in the campus library looking up everything he could on his padd about Romulans, Vulcans, and time travel. Jim got stuck on a particularly relevant piece dissecting the theory behind potential black holes being Einstein-Rosenberg bridges. It was kind of fun to remember that a whole lot of the theory would end up being proved today and he was the only one who knew it.

Jim Kirk almost missed his hearing he was so wrapped up in his reading, so he had to run across campus. Not pleasant. The library was on the opposite side of Starfleet academy. But he did make it, sneaking in the back just as the council called him to the stand. He was certain he received many strange looks as he walked down the stairs, trying to appear as confident as possible that he had been there the whole time. He winked at Bones as he passed. His best friend was treating him with a particularly withering scowl. Jim predicted Bones’ hypos in the hangar were going to be especially painful today.

And so, Jim did everything as closely as he had the first day. He remembered to grab Uhura and head for the bridge. He gave as basic an explanation as he could leaving out anything about time travel. He didn’t even say Nero’s name. Just called them Romulans. And so, when the Enterprise dropped out of warp and the unsuspecting crew was caught up in the chaos, Jim snuck off the Bridge and sprinted for the shuttle bay.

By some miracle, Jim managed to make it through the minefield that was the debris around Vulcan’s system. The Narada was too busy with Vulcan and the Enterprise to notice a small shuttle craft heading for an icy planet no sentient life would set foot on willingly.

Jim headed for the Starfleet outpost on Delta Vega. It was the only landmark he knew of that was close to his position. Old Spock would be somewhere within a 10-kilometer radius. When Jim began to descend, he almost headed for the outpost until he realized he was in a shuttle craft. He had scanners. So, he set his sights for Vulcan life signs near the outpost, and…bingo! One Vulcan. About 9 kilometers due east.

When Jim set down, he could see Vulcan. It was still in the sky. Excellent. He guessed he had about twenty minutes before the planet imploded and the day reset again.

“James Tiberius Kirk,” a familiar voice said as Jim stepped out of the shuttle and the freezing wind lashed against his cheeks.

“Spock!” Jim’s eyes brightened. “I am so glad to see you.”

“As I am to see you, old friend. How did you find me?”

“That is a long story. One I don’t have time for. I’m stuck in a time loop and I need your help.”

Just as Kirk predicted, Old Spock believed him almost immediately. Jim had to explain that it was an omnipotent entity who called himself Q that set the loop, but after that Spock understood. “We dealt with a few omnipotent beings in our time as well,” Spock explained. “Never a time loop, but they did have the power to manipulate time.”

Jim laughed out loud.

“I fail to see what was said that warranted an expression of merriment.”

“Wow, you really are Spock. That is totally something he would say and I’ve only worked with the guy seriously in the first attempt. I’m just so relieved someone finally believes me so easily. These past twenty attempts have been hell.”

“Fascinating.”

“You can say that again. Anyway, I need your help. I don’t know what to do to correct this loop and keep Vulcan from being destroyed. I just keep going through the day basically the same way every time because no one really believes me, except this cadet called Chekov.”

“If I may, perhaps a mind meld would convey your experiences far more efficiently. You said you are short on time.”

“Oh yeah, that would be great actually. Just, be careful with those emotions of yours, alright?”

“We have melded before?” Spock paused.

“In the first attempt. Before I was in a time loop. I was really confused and we were kind of short on time then too. It made things easier.”

“I see.” Spock looked like he was holding something back, but he said no more. Instead, he initiated the meld. “My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts…”

Jim attempted to order the memories in his mind as best he could, but as usual, they tended to jumble and overlap, making strange connections that would probably send most Vulcans into a fit of insanity from the illogic of it.

When they broke apart, Spock’s eyebrows raised. “I did not realize how…chaotic…your mind was in your younger years.”

“It’s okay, you can call it illogical, I won’t be offended.”

“Not necessarily illogical. But it is very different from my own Captain’s thoughts.”

“You melded with your version of me?” Jim asked. “Why?”

Spock looked away. “It is best I reveal as little of your future as possible.”

“Yeah, yeah, you told me before that you and Jim were friends. But here’s the thing, I didn’t think Vulcans had friends. I read about Vulcan culture today and it appears they are very vague on the friendship thing. Colleagues, allies, words like that are used to describe people close to them.”

Spock did not reply.

“Okay, fine, we won’t talk about your timeline. So, can you help me with my time loop problem?”

“It is…a complex issue. The coincidence of your Kobayashi Maru hearing with Nero’s arrival is unfortunate.”

“Ha! You do believe in luck. But yes, the academic probation thing is a real pain in my ass when I try to get people to trust me about Vulcan. Hey, did your Jim Kirk cheat on the Kobayashi Maru too?”

“…Yes, he did. I believe he received an academic commendation for original thinking.”

“Awesome! Well, at least I have that going for me once I get out of this.”

“I believe if you were to successfully save Vulcan the Kobayashi Maru hearing would no longer be an issue. An entire planet would owe you their lives.”

“Fair point. But first we have to save it. So, what are your thoughts?” Jim looked to the sky. Vulcan was still there, but not for long if the barely visible vibrations of the planet were any indication. He doubted it was just atmospheric distortions. “I think we’re almost out of time.”

“James T. Kirk from my universe was often seen as an achiever of impossibilities. Just like you, he did not believe in no win scenarios. But Captain Kirk never defeated the impossible alone. He always had help. He had his crew.”

Jim’s breath hitched. “It’s like in the second attempt. When I screwed up convincing Pike, Chekov put the shields up anyway. We still failed, but we would have failed a lot sooner without him. Even in the first attempt, I did hardly anything. Everyone contributed a lot. It would be impossible to pull this off alone. Why the hell did Q only pick me to be stuck in this time loop?”

Spock raised his eyebrow. “Perhaps he does not comprehend the variables of the situation, or perhaps it is to make his ‘game,’ as you like to call it, more exciting. But speculating on Q’s motives will likely reveal no conclusive or constructive information to aid you in your task.”

“The old geezer is right,” Q flashed into existence between Spock and Kirk. “You should be far less concerned with me and more concerned about the fact you have wasted another attempt. Your time’s up, Jimmy-boy.”

Kirk clenched his fists, but otherwise tried not to let his anger show. Even if he really wanted to. “Time’s up for today or this whole game of yours in general? How long does this ‘reset button’ last?”

Q shrugged. “Indefinitely. Or until I get tired of this game and reset your universe myself. But if you keep side tracking like this, I may have to shut you down.” Q walked around Jim, whispering the last part in his ear.

“Fascinating,” Spock murmured. Jim felt his breath suck in. For a moment there, as Spock’s eyes widened and gleamed with scientific curiosity at Q, Jim could see Spock’s younger self clearly in his mind’s eye. Despite how much friendlier this Spock was with Jim, it was abundantly clear the two Vulcans were the same person.

Q rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Stop looking at me like I’m one of your petri dishes, Mr. Spock.” Q snapped his fingers and Old Spock disappeared. Q and Jim were left alone in the shuttle craft.

“What did you do to him?!”

“Oh relax, this timeline is about to be reset anyway. He’ll be back here tomorrow, same as before.”

“What is your deal, anyway? Does it really amuse you this much to play with us like we’re your personal pawns?”

Q yawned. “Of course, a chess analogy. How expected of you. And here I thought you would be a little more unpredictable, Jimbo.”

Kirk took a deep breath. As much as he hated Q and his time loop, he still had to play the game. “You keep popping in saying I’m off track, but you’ve given me the opportunity to take this test over and over again. I’m going to use every resource at my disposal, go through trial and error, and do everything I can to make sure we come out of this with the best outcome. I’m going to make mistakes and get sidetracked, Q. If you don’t like it, get someone else to play your game. A robot perhaps.”

Q snickered. “Very well, Jimmy, I’ll let you have your way. Trial and error. I do believe your little Vulcan would be quite proud of you. Playing the long game then. I’ll check back later.”

“Wait, Q –” Jim started, but Q’s fingers had already snapped. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something I have noticed some fanfictions do is equate Q with Trelane, a powerful being that shows up in The Original Series. I contemplated doing the same here, but instead decided to forego it for matters of simplicity. But in many ways Trelane does feel like a younger, more immature Q. If you like omnipotent beings annoying humans, I highly recommend watching the TOS episode, "The Squire of Gothos."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim starts seeking out others to help in the time loop.

_ Attempt 23 _

When Bones walked to the kitchen area for his second cup of coffee of the day, Jim was still in his pajamas writing a list of all the people who had been crucial to Nero’s defeat (that he knew of).

“Don’t you have a class right now?” Bones grumbled.

“Yes,” Jim replied, not really paying attention.

“Shouldn’t you – I don’t know – be there? What are you doing?”

Jim ignored Bones’ questions. “Hey, what do you know about a cadet called Hikaru Sulu?”

“Never heard of the guy. What track is he on?”

“Command.”

“What makes you think I would know him? If anyone is going to know him between the two of us, it would be you. Between your overly friendliness that makes about as many enemies as friends and the fact you are literally on the command track, shouldn’t you know the guy?”

“I actually do know him. Just not well. He’s a really private guy. Going through background info from social media turns up basically nothing other than the fact he’s a pilot and the guy really likes plants.”

“Fascinating,” Bones grumbled in a way that he didn’t find it all fascinating. “May I ask why you are stalking your fellow students instead of going to class?”

“I need his help with a project potentially.”

“What kind of project? On second thought, don’t tell me. It’s probably not an official project and potentially illegal. Aren’t you in enough hot water over the Kobayashi Maru debacle?”

“Yes, and it’s been extremely irritating.”

“Told you so,” Bones smirked.

“I don’t regret it. Just wished I had better timing about it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Nope, nevermind. Probable deniability is the way to go with whatever schemes you’re cooking up. Now, I’m heading to class. Like a  _ responsible _ student.”

“Bye, Bones,” Kirk waved as he perused his list: Spock, Old Spock, Scott, Uhura, Chekov, Sulu, Bones, and Pike. There were others who had played critical roles, but this was really the group that saved the day. And someone among them was going to help Kirk escape this stupid time loop and save Vulcan. Old Spock was off the list even though he probably would be most helpful and willing to help. But he was on Delta Vega and Jim’s options to go there were limited. Scotty was out of the running too for the same reason. Jim had already tried Pike. He was off the list now too.

“If you’re going to skip class, I better at least see your ass at the hearing this afternoon. I’m not going to sit through another boring council session alone,” Bones called out to Jim as he left.

Jim made a noise of affirmation, though he really didn’t want to have to sit through his disciplinary hearing yet again. He looked through the list. Who would believe him and be helpful in developing a plan?

Pavel Chekov had believed Kirk rather easily the first time around. And he had even made the snap decision to go against orders and raise the shields on the Enterprise. Plus, the kid was a genius. He had saved Kirk and Sulu’s lives when he took over transporter controls to beam them back to the Enterprise, somehow calculating the effect of gravimetric distortions on the fly to compensate. Between his open-mindedness and intelligence, the kid would be brilliant.

The issue was, Jim had no idea where Chekov would be throughout the morning other than the one-time Jim had run into him. So, he would inevitably have to “accidentally” run into Chekov again. But this time hopefully their conversation would last more than a few minutes.

Jim lurked around the main courtyard of the campus in the morning when he saw a familiar face that brewed an unpleasant reminder in the pit of his stomach:  _ Gaila. _

After Gaila helped Jim reprogram the Kobayashi Maru with a cheat code, preceded by their awkward exchange during post-coding sex and Uhura kicking him out, Jim had never gotten the chance to apologize to her. Last he heard, Gaila had been assigned to a different ship: one that had been far less fortunate than the Enterprise during the attack on Vulcan. Jim felt awful. This might be the day that Gaila died. And he had never apologized to her. Or really thanked her for helping him cheat the Kobayashi Maru. She didn’t deserve that.

Jim took a deep breath. He should wave her down, tell her he was sorry. Gaila was a good friend. They always had a good time together. And the sex had been great up until Gaila proclaimed she loved him. In a way, Jim did love her, as a friend. And he felt guilt settle uneasily in his gut as he realized he had hardly thought about her amidst the chaos of defeating Nero and now Q’s time loop. In fact, he had hardly thought of any friends he might have lost to Nero’s surprise attack.

Jim ran across the grass before he could think about what he was doing. “Gaila!” He shouted.

The Orion turned and began to smile, before it dropped and she turned away.

“Wait, wait! I just want to talk!”

Gaila turned. “I’m still upset with you, Kirk. I could have gotten in trouble for helping you and it turns out I’m just a means to an end?”

Jim huffed. “No, Gaila. You’re not. You’re my friend. And I panicked. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for your help with the exam. And I do love you, as a friend. And I’m sorry if I let you believe otherwise.”

Gaila took a deep breath and smiled. “Okay, you’re forgiven. I’m still a little mad at you, but I am happy you talked to me. Maybe we can study or something this weekend.”

Jim forced a smile to his face. He wasn’t sure if it was because Gaila was Orion or it was just the sort of person she was, but she was always rather forgiving in this sort of drama. “That would be great, Gaila. Just…if you get the chance between now and then, try to be on the Enterprise.”

“What?”

Jim caught sight of Chekov hurrying across campus out of the corner of his eye. “Sorry, Gaila, I don’t have time to explain. And I’ll do this again once I have my time loop sorted out.”

“What? Jim?!”

But Jim kept running. “Pavel!” He shouted, sprinting after the curly-haired cadet. The kid was surprisingly fast despite the stack of books and papers he was carrying.

Chekov paused and turned, peering over the top of his books. “Do I know you?”

“Not yet, Mr. Chekov. My name is Kirk. Jim Kirk. And I have some physics problems for you.”

Just like before, Pavel believed Jim rather easily about the time loop. He was a little more skeptical when Jim talked about Q this time, but he still came around. And after saying he needed his help, Pavel suggested Jim accompany him to the library where he was headed to study anyway.

That was how Jim found himself staring blankly as Pavel prattled on about complex temporal and gravitational theories and equations, pausing only to ask Jim the occasional clarification question on events that had occurred in Jim’s first and subsequent attempts. Jim was smart, but for one of the few times in his life, he felt dumb in front of this kid.

“Zis Meester Scott, he created a transwarp beaming equation, ja?”

“Yes. Well, not yet. But he postulated the possibility. Spock from the future supplied the actual equation that got us onboard the Enterprise.”

“How?”

“Something about considering space as the thing that was moving. I wish I could tell you more, but with everything else going on I didn’t pay all that much attention to the equation when Spock entered it.”

“It’s too bad. But still wery interesting. I definitely want to meet Meester Scott.”

Jim laughed. “Well, if I ever get my own ship, I definitely want you both on my crew. So, hopefully you’ll get the chance.”

“I would like zat wery much, Meester Kirk.”

“We’re still just cadets, Pavel. You can call me Jim.”

Pavel grinned. “Anyway, I was thinking about zis one theory…”

Jim smiled and nodded. It was already past noon and mostly all he had done was try to keep up as Pavel talked physics. He would have to take a crash course in experimental gravitational physics just to talk with this kid. He doubted they would figure out a solution today.

When the time for the hearing came around, Pavel got up to leave and Jim said he would follow in a bit. That was a lie. Jim was going to hit the books. He wasn’t about to waste his time getting accused of cheating, stabbed with hyposprays and blown up again for nothing. So, he stayed in the library until the world turned dark from another failed day.

_ Attempt 38 _

After a week of studying as much as he could about physics, Jim felt ready to face Chekov again. He had spent several iterations of the day holed up in the library pouring over all the theories and equations he could remember Pavel mentioning and doing some other studying to make sure he had additional knowledge to draw from. Hopefully this time they would have a discussion that might end up leading to some sampling of potential solutions that could save Vulcan.

“I leave you alone for a few iterations and I come back to find you studying temporal physics? Jimmy, how can you do this to me?!” Q appeared and lay across the table on Jim’s books, groaning. “Where’s the action? The ripped shirts while you both fight and seduce beautiful aliens?”

“Sounds like someone has been watching too much twentieth century science fiction,” Jim grumbled, tugging his book out from under Q. “Now go away. I want to make sure I’ve got this theory figured out before I talk to Chekov today. Unless you want me to waste another attempt studying?” Jim threatened.

Q sat up. “Honestly. It’s a wonder people like you as much as they do. What is there to you besides those neutron star eyes and smile?”

“Ha! Joke’s on you, Q, because newsflash! People generally don’t like me.”

Q smirked. Jim definitely hated it when he did that, because inevitably something Jim didn’t like would follow. “You really are quite different from the Jim of Picard’s timeline. I wonder, will you be able to be the great starship captain you’re meant to be with such insecurities?”

Jim was glad Q vanished with a laugh after that, because he really wasn’t sure how to respond.

Jim spent the rest of the hour in the library before he set off to find Chekov. He had gotten Pavel’s daily schedule from him before Pavel had left the library during attempt number 25, so now he was able to intercept Pavel as soon as his morning class let out. As soon as Jim said he was heading to the library, Pavel was rather accommodating to listen to Jim’s story.

“Why did you seek me out, Meester Kirk? Wouldn’t a professor or ze actual Enterprise crew be better to talk about zis problem with?”

Jim knew the Russian Whizkid had a valid point. “Unfortunately, most people won’t believe my story as easily as you do. And besides, you’re a genius at this stuff. You saved my life in a couple of the iterations now. And you had the idea to surprise Nero by dropping out of warp in Saturn’s magnetic distortions. I like your novel ideas. And right now, I could use some novel ideas.”

Pavel’s jaw dropped open. “I did all that?”

“You are rather incredible, Mr. Chekov. Now, how about we discuss some singularities. I want to see if we can stop the black hole from consuming Vulcan before it forms.”

After about an hour of tossing theories and ideas back and forth, both Pavel and Jim were rather frustrated. “It is just too unpredictable. Not enough wariables are accounted for!”

“Come on, this red matter stuff is still matter. That means it can be altered, changed...something!” Jim argued.

“I agree. But we don’t know enough about ze red matter to figure out how. Its existence has not even been theorized yet. Zer is no way to figure out how to stop it without extensive analysis.”

Jim sighed. “Then that’s that. I guess we start looking for another option.”

Pavel tapped his fingers against the table. Jim could feel the slight floor tremors from Pavel also shaking his leg. “Maybe we need to do something you have already tried.”

“What?”

“You said Nero does not expect Starfleet to save Vulcan. Ze entire fleet warps into a trap, ja?”

“Yes.”

“Then we shall surprise Nero. Just like ze Enterprise did when saving Earth. You can hide Enterprise in ze magnetic distortions.”

“Pavel, that’s brilliant! But are there any planets that can create that same effect in Vulcan’s system?”

“Ja. I think Delta Wega has a moon with unstable polar regions zat create magnetic distortions.”

Jim laughed. “Seems like it’s my destiny to keep returning to that damn ice planet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something I really like that a lot of fanfic writers do it incorporate Gaila. I think she had the potential to be a rather interesting character rather than just one of Kirk's flings. After all, she did help him hack the Kobayashi Maru. I might have more with her later on. 
> 
> But for now, there will be more with Chekov to come. Check back next Friday/Saturday!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk teams up with Sulu and Chekov

_ Attempt 39 _

After spending the rest of attempt 38 until the distress call from Vulcan planning, Jim and Pavel agreed that it would be better to restart the day rather than implement their plan hastily. Jim saw the way Pavel was trembling when they departed for the shuttle hangar. So, Jim had administered the vaccine Bones usually gave him to sneak him aboard the Enterprise. Over all, dying of a severe allergic reaction still seemed like a better way to go than simultaneously burning and freezing to death from an explosion tearing open the Bridge like a tin can. 

Now on attempt 39, after once again convincing Pavel of Jim's time loop and clueing him back in on the plan, Pavel realized something. “We must inform Hikaru!”

“You mean cadet Sulu?”

“Ja!”

Jim groaned. Of course. Helm and navigation worked as a team. So, if Chekov decided to make an impromptu course correction, Sulu better be in on it or there would be hell to pay.

“How are we supposed to convince him that the Enterprise should warp into a tactical position for a surprise attack rather than remain in the fleet’s rescue mission formation?”

“Oh, don’t worry, Jim. I know Hikaru. I’m sure once we explain everything, he will be accommodating.”

An hour later, Sulu strode into the library. He smiled when he saw Pavel, but it turned to confusion when he saw Jim.

“How do you know Jim Kirk, Pavel?” Sulu asked as he sat across the table from Pavel and Jim.

“Zat is a complicated story,” Pavel began. “But I basically met him today.”

“Is that so?” Sulu asked. He looked Jim up and down with a guarded gaze. Jim got the impression Sulu had not heard the more flattering aspects of Jim’s reputation.

“I need yours and Pavel’s help,” Jim began. “It’s important.”

“Jim is in a time loop!” Pavel bounced excitedly. “He is living today ower and ower. Isn’t zat amazing?”

“That’s one word for it,” Jim grumbled.

Sulu held up his hand. “Wait a moment. How do you know this, Pavel?”

“He told me so,” Pavel said. “You see, we – ”

Sulu interrupted. “So, Jim Kirk – noted campus prankster and genius with far too much time on his hands despite all the classes he’s taking – told you he was in a time loop and what, you just believed him?”

“He is wery convincing,” Pavel supplied.

“Look, Sulu, I don’t know what you’ve heard of me or who you think I am, and I don’t really care. The fact of the matter is that Vulcan is about to be destroyed today and if I don’t do something about it, everything will reset. Now, I’ve tried to fix this by myself, but I can’t. And since you and Pavel will be helmsman and navigator on the Enterprise, you can help me stop it.”

Sulu smirked. “See, I know you’re lying. Ensign Mckenna is assigned to the Enterprise’s helm in an emergency.”

Jim furrowed his brow. He did not know that. “But it’s true. You were there! You saved my life, I saved yours…and then you managed to not only outmaneuver a ship from over 150 years in the future, but also steer us away from the gravity well of a singularity. And that was all in the first attempt.”

“That is quite the story you made up, Kirk. I’ll give you that. And I can’t imagine how you managed to get Pavel to believe it.”

“We don’t have time for this!” Kirk groaned, holding his head in his hands. “Look. You and I ended up having to skydive out of a shuttle pod and engage some time-traveling Romulans in close combat. I originally assumed you knew some sort of hand to hand combat. But all your experience is in fencing. You had some kind of foldable sword attached to your back. You saved my life with that sword. And then I tried to save yours when you fell off the drill.”

“I only caught about half of that,” Sulu admitted, a little stunned. “But how did you know about fencing? I don’t really talk about it.”

“I told you. I’ve lived this day before. The three of us with the rest of the Enterprise ended up saving Earth, but we failed to save Vulcan. So, a pain in the ass omnipotent being decided to make me fix the timeline for him.”

“You do realize how ridiculous that sounds, right?”

“I still think he is telling ze truth,” Pavel argued.

“Okay, Sulu. Fine. You don’t believe me. But then give me one good reason I would fabricate something like this. You appear to have heard the stories about me. My pranks usually have a purpose, right? It’s usually someone who pisses me off, like a bully or a prejudiced professor or an unbeatable test. Could you imagine me trying to pull one over on Pavel? He’s basically the nicest person I’ve ever met. Why would I try to trick him?”

Sulu ruminated for a moment, likely weighing Kirk’s words from what he had heard in rumors. Jim just hoped the gossip mill didn’t get too out of hand about some of his exploits. “Perhaps you’re trying to impress him. Take advantage of young Pavel here. Wouldn’t be the first time someone tried to.” Sulu raised his eyebrow.

Pavel looked down into his lap and Jim had the gut-churning realization that someone had made a pass at Chekov at some point. The thought made his blood boil. “First of all, no. Second of all, hell no! He’s seventeen. And based off the guarded looks you two are giving me, it appears I have someone to go torture and then kill.”

Pavel looked up at Jim with wide eyes.

“Don’t worry. Time loop. Can’t get caught if it will all reset anyway,” Jim winked at Pavel.

For the first time during the exchange, Sulu smiled at Jim. “Okay, I believe you now. Anyone willing to murder on behalf of Pavel’s honor is a friend of mine. So, go ahead. Tell me everything.”

Fifteen minutes later, Jim and Pavel finished explaining the situation and their plan, so Sulu finally got the chance to reply. “You do realize we’re going to get in a ton of trouble for this, right?”

“Not if it works,” Jim argued. “What’s the alternative? Die in a fiery explosion? I guarantee you the Narada will tear the Enterprise apart like paper if she drops out of warp with her shields up. Also, I doubt anyone will notice until you all have warped around Delta Vega. From there, I’ll provide what intelligence I can, and then we can let Pike and Spock take over. Hopefully maneuvering the Enterprise to Delta Vega will be able to give us a tactical surprise.”

“What are you going to do while Chekov and I are disobeying orders?”

Jim smiled. “I’ll do what I’m best at: cause a commotion.”

Overall, the plan was working as smooth as silk. Jim’s role was basically to fulfill his role same as he had in the original attempt. He went to the hearing, Bones got him on the Enterprise, remembered to grab Uhura, and caused a scene on the bridge insisting Romulans were attacking Vulcan.

“Sir, I pick up no Romulan transmission, or transmission of any kind in the area,” Uhura noted.

Kirk took the opportunity to glance at the helm station. Chekov and Sulu were diligently focused on their monitors and the main viewscreen, likely making the last calculations to drop out of warp near Delta Vega. “It's because they're being attacked,” Kirk remembered to say, with a slight delay. But he managed to pass it off like he was contemplating rather than distracted.

Pike stared at Kirk before giving his order, “Shields up. Red Alert.”

Kirk had to force himself not to smile with relief at Sulu and Chekov. They were in the clear. Now they just had to save Vulcan.

“Arrival in Vulcan in five seconds... four... three... two...” Sulu announced.

And then they were there, shrouded in the darkness of one of Delta Vega’s moons.

“What am I looking at Mister Chekov?” Pike asked.

“Sir, there are no Starfleet communications even at short range. No subspace chatter. Nothing,” Uhura reported.

“We are behind one of Delta Wega’s moons, Keptin,” Pavel announced.

“Why…”

“Sir, scanners show there is indeed a ship orbiting Vulcan and it has dropped something into the atmosphere that is blocking all communications in the system,” Spock announced.

“Let’s get a closer look,” Pike said.

_ No!  _ Kirk mentally screamed. “With all due respect, sir, should we really be doing that? We have no idea what that ship is capable of. Only that it’s surrounded by a field of debris of Starfleet vessels who had been in ideal condition only minutes ago.”

“I had not yet disclosed that information, Cadet Kirk, how did you derive that conclusion?” Spock asked.

_ Fuck!  _ Jim cursed. He found himself at a loss for words as Pike and Spock scrutinized him. “I…it’s a logical conclusion, right? No communications and a big scary ship orbiting Vulcan with tentacles. It makes sense that the Federation ships would be incapacitated.”

“That’s not what you said, Kirk. You said debris field. Explain. Now,” Pike ordered.

“We don’t have time for zis, Keptin,” Chekov spoke up from his seat. “Zat ship is doing something to ze planet. Shouldn’t we be focused on zat?”

Pike sighed. “Acknowledged, Cadet. But we will talk about this later, Kirk.”

Jim breathed a sigh of relief. As long as Vulcan was safe, Pike could throw him in the brig for all he cared.

“Should I still move closer to the vessel, sir?” Sulu asked.

“No. Let’s gather what information we can first. And figure out a way to disable that drill. I have a feeling we will want communications and transporters as soon as possible.”

Jim started to have some doubt in his mind. It seemed he might have given Spock and Pike too much credit. After all, they still knew virtually nothing about the Narada. And it would not take long for the Romulans to launch the red matter into Vulcan’s core. Had Jim somehow made things worse again?

“If I may, perhaps a couple officers could take a shuttle down to the drill to disable it,” Kirk suggested, hoping it would get the ball rolling. “I doubt the enemy ship would notice it amongst all the debris. And meanwhile the Enterprise could surprise attack the main ship.”

“What makes you so sure this will work? And to send cadets down to that drill in a shuttle sounds like a suicide mission. I’m not about to condemn some cadets to death if there are other options. We should focus all our efforts on disabling the ship,” Pike noted. Jim held his tongue from saying that his experiences proved it wouldn’t be a suicide mission. But that was a conversation he wouldn’t be able to explain very easily.

“Spock, what do you think?” Pike asked.

“From my scans, it appears that the ship is heavily fortified and shields are not easily penetrated. However, it does have a vulnerable spot between its tentacle-like appendages.”

“That’s not really a surprise attack,” Sulu commented.

Jim took a deep breath. He remembered Q’s warning that he couldn’t die, but just maybe he could pilot a shuttle well enough so he’d survive. “Sir, what if I acted as a distraction? I could take a shuttle pod and draw the ship’s attention so the Enterprise would have a more effective surprise attack.”

“Out of the question. Even the best pilot could not last long against a ship like that in a shuttle. You’re not getting out of trouble that easily, Jim.” Pike gave a small smile. But it was forced. Jim knew Pike was struggling to find an answer. It truly was beginning to feel like Jim had just delayed the inevitable with his plan.

“We’ll go in fast,” Pike decided. “How agile are you with those controls, Mr. Sulu?”

“Like a rabbit on espresso, sir.”

“Excellent. Uhura, put me on the ship-wide comm. We’re about to rush these Romulans with everything we’ve got.”

Jim got a bad feeling in his stomach. It wouldn’t work. The Enterprise was outmatched. They would be obliterated before they could even get close. And even if they did, there was still red matter in the Narada. If it was ignited, a singularity would develop in Vulcan’s orbit. The planet would be destroyed anyway. Why hadn't he thought this out more?

It all went to hell fast. Jim braced himself on the Bridge as the Enterprise sped at full impulse towards the Narada. As soon as they left Delta Vega’s orbit, the Narada registered them. And then they were being shot at. Shields dropped rapidly. The Romulans were closing in. The Enterprise got some good shots in, but inevitably Jim’s world exploded again. This time, he was tossed against a wall and his world went dark before he could experience the unforgiving vacuum of space again.

_ Attempt 40 _

“Okay, so you got all that, right?” Kirk asked Sulu and Pavel after explaining their previous plan and the aftermath that followed when they tried to implement it.

Both nodded. Sulu still looked a little skeptical, but once again he was semi-convinced. As usual, Pavel believed Jim rather easily.

“Great, because now we need to add more to the plan. Like what we can do once we actually drop out of warp. Pike and Spock will have no idea what they’re dealing with, so we need to influence them in any way we can.”

“What are we supposed to do? We’re just cadets,” Pavel pointed out. He tapped the table. “And Professor Spock is wery scary.”

“Agreed. But he’s also reasonable,” Jim pointed out. “Vulcan logic and all that. We just need to have a plan and a decent argument to back it up. I don’t think we’re the team to go for subtlety.”

“Especially not with you in it,” Sulu joked.

All three laughed. “Careful, Sulu. I watched you kick a Romulan into a wall of fire. I don’t think subtlety is your strong suit either.”

“Jim is right, Hikaru. You did punch Oto Singh in the throat that one time.”

Sulu’s smile faded. “Asshole deserved it.”

“No argument here,” Pavel agreed.

“Didn’t that guy get booted out of Starfleet?” Jim asked. “Were you part of the reason?”

Hikaru’s glance flickered to Pavel. “Let’s just say Starfleet is better off without scumbags like that.”

“Fair enough.” Jim knew not to press. Especially as Sulu’s arms crossed and his gaze averted from both Pavel and Jim. Maybe one day he would get to hear the full story. Even if that day wasn’t today. “Getting back on track, we still need a plan.”

“I feel like we need vodka too,” Pavel grumbled.

“Pavel, it’s not even noon. No,” Hikaru replied. “But I would definitely be down for a little celebration once we kick some Romulan ass today.”

Jim smiled. He was already several weeks into this time loop, but the hope of Pavel and Hikaru was infectious. Maybe 40 was the magic number. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oto Singh is a completely made up character. I just needed a reason for Sulu to be especially protective of Chekov. I probably won't include more on him since it's such a side bit, but if you want to me to include more of this made up backstory for Sulu and Chekov's friendship, let me know.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all of you missing Spock, hope you enjoy this chapter!

_ Attempt 43 _

Sulu was wrong. They did not kick Romulan ass. In fact, the past three days had been mostly the same: failures. Jim would meet up with Pavel, who would call Hikaru, and then Jim would reveal the plans they had come up with so far to save Vulcan. All had failed. All seemed like decent enough plans, but when it got right down to it, on the bridge Pike and Spock wouldn’t listen. And Kirk’s explanations lacked enough weight to convince them. In attempt 42, Jim had eventually just decided to tell the truth. That had not worked either. And once again, the Enterprise flew into the Narada and was obliterated.

“We need to do something different. Our plans all end up the same,” Kirk said after giving Pavel and Hikaru the rundown again. He noticed with every iteration his explanation seemed to go by quicker. Perhaps his explanation was finally getting more believable.

“It sounds like you already have a plan in mind,” Hikaru commented over his folded hands.

“I do. Kind of. More like it’s the original plan but with tweaks. The Narada’s drill should be our primary target again. Take it out and we have communications and transporter capability. So, if you and I can be faster disabling the drill than the first attempt, there will be a greater window for transporter capabilities.” Jim turned to Pavel. “And this is where you come in. You’ll be crucial. You need to get down the transporter room. I’ll give you the specifications I can and you can beam the red matter directly out of Nero’s ship. No red matter, no black hole.”

“Do you think zat will work?” Pavel looked doubtful.

“I have no idea, but we have to try.”

“So we’ll try this plan, and if it fails the day restarts anyway. Fine. But how will Pavel excuse himself down to the transporters? He’s on navigation.”

Jim grinned. “Young Pavel is a genius, a jack of all trades. He originally transported you and I back because no one else could compensate for the gravimetric distortions. But give me an hour or two and I’ll have a device that should mimic the conditions for the transporter readings. I’ll give Pavel the specs and he’ll be able to snap us up like plucking a daisy. Piece of cake!”

Sulu frowned. “I’m just not looking forward to potentially dying on a Romulan drill thousands of meters in Vulcan’s atmosphere.”

“It will be okay. Plus, now I know what to expect down there so hopefully I’ll be a little more helpful. Also, we need to bring our own charges. And try to convince Pike to leave Olson behind. That idiot dies every time.” Under Pavel and Hikaru’s shocked expression, Jim mumbled an apology. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like that.”

So, the new plan became the old plan with tweaks. Sulu and Chekov looked grim throughout the rest of the day, but Jim was excited to do something more than argue with Pike and Spock and then get blown up.

“It’s not going to work you know,” Q interrupted with a yawn as Jim reprogrammed a comm badge to give off false gravitational readings at the flip of switch. Q sat on the edge of the table, crossing his legs and looking smug.

“What are you doing here? I thought you only showed up to bask in my failure and threaten me to do better,” Jim grumbled.

“Au contraire, mon ami. I  _ am _ here to bask in your failure. This isn’t going to work.”

“Really? And why should I believe you? Maybe it will work and you just want to draw this game out longer. I’m still not convinced you putting me in this time loop is the merciful chance you claim it is.” Kirk gasped and shook his hand after accidentally shocking himself.

“Fine. Don’t believe me. You humans can be so stubborn. But do remember when you wake up back in today’s morning, that I warned you. Your plan won’t succeed, Captain.”

“I haven’t earned that title. Not yet,” Jim commented.

“Hm. Humbler than I thought you would be. Very curious. But once this plan fails, do think up something a little less predictable next time. At least _ try  _ to make this game interesting.”

“Yeah, because I live to entertain you, Q,” Jim grumbled.

“Who are you conversing with, cadet?” A familiar voice that was definitely not Q made Jim jump from his work. When Jim looked around, Q had vanished.

“Spock! I mean, Professor Spock. Or do you prefer commander? Sorry, I was talking with…no one important. What can I do for you?”

“Do you have clearance to be in this lab, cadet?” Spock asked.

“I’m a last year cadet, I have access to all student-accessible buildings, do I not?” Jim asked, with one of his best get-out-of-trouble smiles.

It had very little effect on Spock. “Yes, all senior cadets do have access to all student academic buildings on campus. But that was not what I asked. I asked if you had clearance for this particular lab, which is typically reserved for science track cadets whose focus is on computer programming.”

_ Shit, I forgot I was using Gaila’s credentials to sneak in here,  _ Jim realized. “I’m helping a friend with a project. Looking over her code and checking for bugs. She just stepped out for a bit,” Jim lied.

“Which cadet?”

“Cadet Gaila,” Jim replied automatically. He would have to make it up to Gaila later if this ended up being the day Vulcan was saved.

Spock raised his eyebrow, likely in doubt, but he moved to walk away.

“Wait, commander!” Jim’s mouth moved before his thoughts could. He struggled to find the right words for what he wanted to say to Spock. He knew his actions with Sulu and Chekov to combat Nero would likely look like mutiny even if they did save Spock’s entire planet. Another action that would continue to build walls between any potential professional relationship between them, let alone friendship. “I know I must seem like an impertinent and cocky cadet to you, I hope one of these days we’ll be able to look past all that I’m probably going to do. So, long story short, I just want to apologize in advance for everything that I’m going to do today.”

Spock’s eyes squinted a fraction of a millimeter as he considered Jim carefully. “It would appear you already treat your predicted version of events and personal actions today as facts that cannot be altered. May I ask why you have illogically apologized for events that have not yet happened?”

Jim waved his hand away. This had been a terrible idea. “Don’t worry about it, Commander Spock. Just a gut feeling.”

“Illogical, as – “

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure you’re about to say something about how my gastrointestinal tract has no bearing on predicting future events. The point is, Mister Spock, I am probably going to act like a Grade A asshole to you throughout the day, and I want you to know it’s for the greater good. Except maybe for the hearing you called against me, but that’s mostly to keep continuity.”

Spock stiffened.  _ Shit, what had he said?  _ “How did you know that the hearing scheduled for this afternoon at 1500 hours would be for a charge I raised against your misconduct?”

Jim shut his eyes. Damn, it looked like he would have to restart the day if this conversation kept up. He couldn’t have a suspicious Vulcan observing his every move for the plan to succeed. “I honestly don’t think you’ll believe me if I tell you.”

“Then if you will offer no explanation, I must hypothesize the most likely scenario from the information I know about you and today’s events. Did you hack into Starfleet official communiques to search for faculty conversations about potential punishments regarding your unethical conduct during the Kobayashi Maru exam?”

Jim shook his head and smiled. He tried not to let the fact Spock thought he was a moral degenerate bother him. “No, Spock, I did not hack into Starfleet communications. I’m not as morally questionable as you seem to think. Once we finally sit down and have a proper chat about the whole exam, I’ll bet I can convince you to see things my way.”

“I will cede if your logic is sound,” Spock said, which sounded like a dare and an invitation all at once. It made Jim…excited? “But you have still neglected to explain your source of knowledge for the hearing this afternoon.”

“I don’t suppose the rumor mill is an acceptable answer either,” Jim guessed.

“No, it is not, cadet, as the knowledge of today’s hearing is strictly between myself and the council, who are all unlikely to ‘gossip,’ even though humans are often found to engage in such meaningless discourse.”

“Ouch, I think I’m offended on behalf of my whole species, Mr. Spock,” Jim grinned.

Spock only raised his eyebrow, awaiting Jim’s answer.

“Fine! I guess this is a wasted attempt anyway, so I’ll tell you. I’m stuck in a time loop. Have been for over two weeks now, living this particular day over and over again. I know about the hearing because I’ve already lived through it multiple times. And every single time – unless I don’t show up – the hearing is interrupted by a distress call from Vulcan. And since I’m revealing everything anyway, the person I was talking to when you first discovered me here is the omnipotent asshole who trapped me in this time loop.”

Spock considered Jim’s words. “What happens after the distress call from Vulcan?”

Jim ran a hand through his hair. “Oh, wow, you’re really not going to believe me now. Look, this day ends up being pretty crazy. Like, universe-altering crazy. Which is why I’m in this time loop, so try not to be too logical over what I'm about to tell you.”

“As I am Vulcan, to go against logic would be anathema to my person. But perhaps you should allow me to judge the validity of the logic of your statement. After all, you have thus far shown vast amounts of illogical behavior in my presence.”

“I will take that as a compliment, Mr. Spock.” Jim sighed, “Okay, here goes. Vulcan’s distress call will report they are having a natural disaster: unusual seismic activity. Starfleet will postpone the hearing to send the fleet still docked here with crews of cadets to answer the call.”

“A tactical choice considering the majority of the fleet is currently in the Laurentian System.”

“Exactly! So, we do that. I sneak on board the Enterprise because there was no way I was going to be left behind, academic suspension or not. But when we get to Vulcan, it’s not a natural disaster. Time traveling Romulans, upset over something that happens in their future, will turn Vulcan into a singularity. Enterprise will be able to save some people, including the elders, thanks to you. And I think some others were able to get away via ships, but the losses are still devastating. Anyway, the first time around, you and I got into a disagreement, but eventually we ended up chasing Nero – that’s the Romulan captain – back to Earth and managed to destroy him. And that is when Q – the guy who put me in this time loop – shows up. He tells me I will have to keep reliving this day until I save Vulcan. So, every time I die, Vulcan is destroyed, or the Enterprise is blown up, today begins all over again.” Jim took a deep breath; unaware he had been holding it. “Any questions?”

“I find I have several, but am currently determining which ones are most pertinent,” Spock replied.

“Oh no, I broke you, didn’t I?”

Spock’s eyebrow twitched with annoyance. Jim almost laughed at the familiarity of it. He didn’t realize he had missed Spock, but apparently he had. Old Spock was cool, but Jim thought he would have to try really hard to get him to twitch his eyebrow like that. Also, Old Spock tended to default to a wistful expression that made Jim feel uncomfortably like a ghost of Spock’s past rather than his own person.

“You did not ‘break me,’” Spock replied drily. “I am digesting your input and currently calculating probabilities.”

Jim laughed. “I think I definitely prefer you like this, when you aren’t emotionally compromised,” Jim noted.

“As a Vulcan, I – “

Jim interrupted, “Yeah, I don’t think so. I’ve  _ seen  _ you emotionally compromised Spock. In fact, I should be apologizing to you for insinuating you don’t have emotions at one point.”

“No apologies are necessary as I do not remember any such event.”

“Yeah, I still feel bad though...Do you believe me, Spock?”

“I have two clarification questions which I believe to be related to one another.”

“Go ahead.”

“How did you, a stowaway on the Enterprise, become someone this Q deems important enough to send through this time loop? And how did you aid in the defeat of the Romulans?”

“You’re not going to like this. To save the ship and buy us time, Pike gave himself over to the Romulans. Before he left, I was made first officer and you were captain. Later on, because of reasons that would spark too many more questions, our roles were reversed. We saved the day, but we lost Vulcan. And Q wanted us to fix it. So, he put me in this time loop to see what I would do to change things. And I relive today until I either save Vulcan or Q gets bored. Whatever comes first.”

“Your story is…unlikely…”

Jim’s shoulders slumped.

“…However, I find that I cannot elucidate a reason for you to concoct such a story. As such, I am conflicted.” Spock finished.

“Wait, you actually believe me?” 

“No. However, if you would be amenable, I would conduct a light mindmeld to verify your story.”

“Oh…sure! I mean, I kind of know how they work and I’ve been in one myself. And I feel like this one would have a lot less emotional transference, so that’s good. Except maybe on my end. Are you okay with that? I’m a pretty emotional guy.”

Spock cocked his head. “I am curious as to how you would find yourself in a position that would require another Vulcan to mind meld with you. But I am certain my shields will hold satisfactorily against your…emotional turbulence.”

“Great! Let’s do it.”

Jim and Spock stood facing each other and lightly Spock’s fingers pressed against Jim’s temple and face. “My mind to your mind,” Spock murmured. “My thoughts to your thoughts.”

Old Spock’s mind meld had been a little turbulent from the emotions that leaked through, but there had been an order and practiced touch to it from him. Jim could already tell this Spock’s mind was less disciplined and practiced in this particular Vulcan custom. He was more like a probe than a wave, heading off in different directions in Jim’s mind, tapping on doors Jim would rather have closed, then moving on to find what he was looking for. Jim tried to guide Spock as best as he could through his mind, but Jim didn’t have much experience with telepathic abilities himself, so the blind was leading the marginally less blind.

It took effort for Jim to focus his mind, his thoughts preferring to go on undisciplined tangents and Jim could feel the frustration wafting off of Spock when he did so. Still, Jim attempted to show the events of the past couple weeks in a sequential order. He tried to avoid some of the awful stuff like Spock’s outburst on the Bridge or watching Vulcan implode, but his mind barreled through the memories and Jim could feel Spock’s horror as he saw these memories through Jim’s eyes. He also tried to keep Old Spock from his thoughts because of universe-destroying paradoxes, but young Spock still saw some of those flashes of memory too. The universe didn’t end though, so Jim had a feeling Old Spock had really just been lying to him on that account, something he didn’t think Vulcans capable of.

When they broke apart, both Jim and Spock gasped to catch their breath.

“Cadet Kirk, I find I must apologize for my…emotional behavior. It was – “

“Don’t worry about it, Spock. I wanted you to lash out emotionally. I had to make sure we didn’t go to the Laurentian System. But the things I said to you were awful, and I want you to know I didn’t mean them. Not really.”

“I felt your intention, Cadet Kirk. And I feel…shame, for what I did to you and that I have forgotten it.”

“Don’t beat yourself up about it. In a way, it never happened. The day reset because of Q. The only remnant of past attempts is my own memory.”

“A logical conclusion,” Spock acquiesced. “Then I must apologize for giving you these memories.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “I keep telling you, forget about it. Let’s just start fresh. So, are you going to help me save Vulcan and consequently our entire universe?”

Spock was thoughtful for a moment. “I must ask why you have not sought the aid of ranking officers to help you with your situation?”

“Because most ranking officers don’t like me very much. I’m…impertinent. And the hearing today makes it look like anything I say is an excuse to avoid punishment. I tried going to Pike but he didn’t believe me, as you saw. So, I decided to do things on my own for a while. And when that didn’t work, I started enlisting the help of other cadets who played a pivotal role in past iterations of today.”

“…I would be amenable to helping you within the bounds of Starfleet regulations.”

Jim smiled. “Good thing this is one of the plans that falls mostly within Starfleet regulations.” He felt excited, a surge of energy blossoming in his chest. He should have reached out to Spock initially. Maybe their dream team extended beyond beaming to genocidal Romulan ships. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim, Spock, Chekov, and Sulu carry out their latest plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter. I know it's right after I posted the last one, but I think for continuity sake it helps to have the whole attempt presented at once, but I still wanted to keep the interaction with Spock and then the implementation of the plan separate. So, enjoy double the amount of chapters!

It turned out Spock was actually really helpful. Jim found himself wondering why he hadn’t confided in him earlier about everything. At the hearing, as soon as Jim took the stand, Spock also came down to take the defense stand, unprompted. “I wish to withdraw my complaint against Cadet James Tiberius Kirk. After deliberation, I have found his unorthodox approach to the Kobayashi Maru exam reflective of the qualities Starfleet wishes to instill in its command track cadets, even if Cadet Kirk failed to garner the original purpose of the test.”

So, it wasn’t a complete admission of being wrong, but if their plan worked, Jim would have all sorts of time to argue with Spock about the Kobayashi Maru, and all manner of other topics too. Kirk was already liking this day more than any other he had so far. In fact, Spock seemed downright friendly now. Maybe Old Spock had been right after all. Mostly Kirk was just shocked Spock had gone up to the podium unprompted to remove his accusation against him.

“This is rather unprecedented, Commander Spock. And the facts still remain that Cadet Kirk cheated and the council should address this issue,” Admiral Komack spoke up.

“As there is no longer a prosecution against Cadet Kirk, the matter should be put to rest, along with the question of Cadet Kirk’s academic probation. If another member of the council would wish to raise a complaint against Cadet Kirk’s actions, an alternate hearing will have to be called,” Spock reasoned.

Jim mostly just stood there with his mouth agape, not quite sure what he was witnessing. No one had ever come to his defense like this except for Pike. He certainly hadn’t been expecting Spock to do so after only knowing him a day. But Spock’s entire planet was on the line. That did change things.

The messenger ensign entered the hall then and handed a padd to Admiral Barnett. “We have just received a distress call from Vulcan. All cadets will report to the main hangar as the main fleet is engaged in the Laurentian system. This hearing is officially over as Commander Spock has withdrawn his charges against Cadet Kirk. Congratulations, Kirk, your academic suspension is lifted.”

The room was dismissed and as the cadets filed out chattering, Kirk turned to Spock and grinned. Joy surged in his chest because for once he would not have to sneak aboard the Enterprise. It felt like a milestone. This was the best hearing so far. Maybe it would end up being the best iteration of today too.

This time, Bones didn’t need to inject Jim with a questionable vaccine to get him on the Enterprise. Jim was assigned to a basically meaningless post in a lower ops room. But he was assigned to the Enterprise! No stowing away this time. Immediately, he sought out Uhura. The faster they could get to Pike, the faster Kirk could convince him of the plan.

It started out working amazingly. Spock was backing Kirk up as he chatted away. Neither of them mentioned time loops or any of the other stuff Kirk had learned in previous iterations, but they didn’t need to. Pike was on board. Sulu even decided on a whim to bring up warping behind Delta Vega’s magnetically unstable moon for cover like in previous plans. Pike jumped on it. Everything was working smoothly.

Kirk, Sulu, and a different cadet this time headed to the shuttle bay with charges for the drill in all of their vests. The Enterprise would lay cover so the shuttle could head toward the surface unnoticed. However, once in the atmosphere, impulse would have to be turned off to avoid detection, so they would have to jump to the platform anyway. The shuttlecraft would likely be a casualty.

It went smoothly. All three of them made it to the drilling platform. While Kirk and Sulu took out the Romulans, the other cadet set the charges. It went as smooth as a butter-bathed piglet, as Bones might say. Chekov beamed them back to the Enterprise and communications were back online.

That’s when everything started to go wrong. To save the Enterprise some time, Pike took a shuttle to the Narada.

“No! We have to get him back!” Jim pounded the transporter pad when Chekov delivered the news. “We can’t leave him in Nero’s hands. Last time he was paralyzed! If they find out what we’re up to, he’ll probably be killed.”

Spock entered the transporter room. “I informed Pike of the probability that his actions would end in his demise. He refused to remain on the Enterprise and promoted me to acting captain and you to first officer.”

Jim ran his hands through his hair. “This is just like the first time. I hate this.” He turned back to Pavel. “Sorry for shouting. How are you doing on finding the jellyfish with the specs I could remember?”

“It iz wery difficult, sir. Ze ship’s shields will not let me lock onto anything. I don’t think we can beam it to Enterprise.”

Jim felt a hollowness in his head. “No, no, no, no!” He muttered. “We can’t fail now. We’re so close. As soon as that red matter launches, we’re done for! Vulcan’s gone. Reset the game. What are our options? Anything? Come on! Some of the greatest minds at Starfleet are in this room! What can we do?”

“We could do what the USS Kelvin did,” Sulu said quietly.

Kirk turned to glare at Sulu, but his gaze quickly softened. “That’s true. It would be an option. But not with the stipulations Q gave me. If the crew dies, the day restarts. If I die, the day restarts. We have to save Vulcan and make it out of this alive.”

And then the Narada’s first torpedo rocked the ship.

“I must return to the Bridge,” Spock announced and ran out of the room.

Kirk sighed. “I should probably join him. Even if it will only be for a few minutes. Well, at least we tried, everyone.” The ship rocked again, this time more forcefully. Jim was flown against a wall and his head rang from the impact.

Sulu groaned from where he had fallen. “This is it. We’re all dead. Sorry, Jim. Guess you’re back to square one again.” Wires overhead came loose and sprayed sparks. A crack was running through the transporter pad.

“Move! Move!” Chekov gushed. “I have an idea!”

Jim stood up on shaky legs. He felt dizzy. “You do? What is it?”

“Do you still have ze comm with ze gravimetric distortion readings?”

“Yes! What are you thinking, Mister Chekov?” He handed his comm badge to Chekov. He had not needed to use it since Spock was able to give Chekov clearance to go to the transporter room to carry out the plan.

“I cannot beam anything from ze Romulan ship, but perhaps I can beam something to ze ship.”

“How does that help?” Sulu groaned. His forehead was bloody from a cut and Kirk got the impression that if they managed to save the day, Sulu would be sporting a nasty bruise.

Pavel finished tampering with the comm badge and slid the cover back on. “Bingo!” He ran to the transporter pad and reworked some of the wiring.

“Now what?” Jim asked.

Chekov didn’t reply. He ran back to the controls for the transporter, his fingers a flurry of movement as he calculated who knows what.

And then Chekov was running back to the pad and standing on it, as if getting ready to beam.

“Pavel, what are you doing?” Kirk’s voice was rising.

“I’m sorry, Meester Kirk. But I need to control ze Romulan transporters to get back and compensate for ze gravimetric distortion readings of ze badge. I will save ze ship.”

“No! Pavel!” Kirk and Sulu both shouted. Jim staggered to the controls, but it was too late.

“We have to get him back!” Sulu shouted. “He has basically zero combat skills.”

“I know, I know. But we can’t beam him back. He’s already on Nero’s ship…I’m going after him.”

“What?! You can barely stand!”

“And you can’t stand at all!” Jim snapped back. “And we’re out of time.” Jim set the coordinates and controls for the exact same as Chekov had just used. He dashed to the transporter pad and let himself dissipate into the swirling light.

Jim found himself in the heart of the Romulan ship. It looked just like where Scotty had beamed him during the first attempt, but Jim couldn’t be certain. The Romulan ship was still so unfamiliar to him. Strange, considering how much he had obsessed about it over the past few weeks.

He looked around and saw no sign of anyone this time. To his left, he saw the stark contrast of Future Spock’s ship. He crept towards it. He wasn’t entirely sure what Chekov was planning. Only something about transporters. Would he try using Romulan transporters?

As Kirk wondered where to start looking, halfway to Spock’s ship, he saw a person in a yellow shirt, out of place in the dark metal and jagged edges of the Narada. Chekov was working frantically at controls across the room. Jim had to bite his tongue to keep himself from screaming Pavel’s name as he raced towards him, phaser out and searching for any approaching Romulans. 

“Meester Kirk, I almost got it!” Chekov waved excitedly. 

“Chekov, you have to get out of here,” Jim hissed. He was almost there. Just a few more steps. 

“Just a few more calculations. Almost got it…” Chekov’s fingers were a flurry across the Romulan controls. 

Jim looked to Old Spock’s ship. It was beginning to fizzle as it was transported off Nero’s ship.

“You got it…” Jim watched, dumbstruck at the sight of the ship containing red matter disappearing off the ship. “You got it, Chekov! Nice work!”

Jim beamed and turned to Pavel who had an equally ecstatic grin. They had done it! They had the red matter. Vulcan was saved!

Pavel opened his mouth to speak, but instead he shuddered as Jim heard the sound of phaser fire. Time seemed to slow as Pavel’s mouth coughed up blood instead of words and he crumpled to the floor, a sickening hole in his chest. Jim could hear the sound of someone screaming distantly. It took him a moment, but he realized that someone was him. 

Jim collapsed by Chekov’s body. As Romulan weapons discharged towards them, Jim dragged Pavel behind the control panel, out of sight of the Romulan shooters.

Jim felt numb, as if it refused to process the image Jim was seeing. He kneeled at Chekov’s side and turned him over. Maybe he was still alive. Jim could save them both. But these thoughts vanished as Jim looked down to see Chekov lying on the floor, a gaping red hole in his chest, and eyes that stared blankly in the distance.

“No. no, no, no, no, no. Pavel...Pavel, please... you can’t do this. You can’t die! We just saved Vulcan!  _ You _ just saved Vulcan! . I...I have to save my crew! You’re part of my crew!” Jim felt tears stinging his cheeks. He squatted and cradled Chekov’s limp but still warm body in his arms. “You stupid, reckless genius. I can’t believe you thought you could just beam over here and…” Jim choked on the words. “You’re too much like me. You’re supposed to be smarter than that.”

Jim could hear the Romulans heading towards him. He knew what he should do: complete the mission: save Vulcan, save himself, save the ship. He could finish what Chekov started. But he couldn’t. Because then Pavel would be gone.

“You saved Vulcan,” Jim repeated, letting go of Pavel’s corpse, after gently closing his eyes. “And now I’m going to save you.”

Jim remembered what Q had said earlier today. That today was doomed to fail. Had that been Q’s attempt to warn him that this would happen? It felt like a cruel joke more than a benevolent gesture. Why couldn’t he have just told Jim what was going to happen?

Kirk stood and looked one final time at Chekov’s body. Then, he turned to the Romulans who had just noticed him. “Hey! Bastards! Dare you to shoot me!”

It turned out being shot was nicer than anaphylactic shock purely because it was faster, but it hurt like hell. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...So maybe I posted two chapters today because I was feeling a little guilty about what happens at the end of this attempt. But no worries, day restarts anyway, right? ;)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bones is an amazing best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like we've been needing some Bones and Jim interaction again. Enjoy!

_ Attempt 44 _

Kirk woke up. He screamed in his pillow. He cried in his pillow. He fell back asleep. He dreamed of Chekov dying. He would wake up again. He would obsess over all the attempts so far and all he had gotten wrong. He would cry himself back to sleep. He was pretty sure Bones came to check on him a few times, but Jim had a tendency to put off sleep. Very rarely would Bones actually wake Jim if he was sleeping. It would have to be a life and death emergency. So even if Jim was awake when Bones checked on him, he acted like he wasn’t.

Jim dreamed. Jim woke up. Jim cried. And so, the cycle continued.

_ Attempt 45 _

The only way Kirk realized a full day had passed was when his alarm was blaring. This time Jim did get out of bed. He started his morning like usual. But he didn’t greet Gary when he stopped by the dorm, but withdrew back to his bed. Jim only emerged again when he heard Bones leave for class. And then he started drinking.

_ Attempt 49 _

Jim decided the best thing about this time loop thing was having no hangover the next morning. Also, all the alcohol he drank the day before would reappear just as it was. That way he could drink to forget all over again. Except no amount of alcohol could wipe the sight of Pavel’s lifeless gaze from his memory. And nothing could make him forget that nearly every attempt so far had ended in failure. 

Jim knew he should stop moping. Before Q got bored and reset everything himself so it was like Nero had never traveled back in time. Jim was starting to wonder if that would really be such a bad thing. From what he knew from Old Spock, it sounded like the other timeline would be better. He would grow up knowing his Dad instead of the asshole that was Frank, his brother might have stuck around growing up, and it sounded like he and Spock would become good friends, something Jim was still having a little trouble believing was possible. Of course, that Jim wouldn’t be him, but the other him sounded like a better Jim anyway. He bet old Jim never let Chekov die either. Yep, it would just be better all around if Jim gave up and let a better version of himself take over.

“I thought Jim Kirk didn’t give up.” Jim was expecting Q’s voice to come and finally finish him off, but instead it was Bones.

Jim sat up on the old couch he and Bones had found abandoned a couple years back when one of the buildings was being remodeled and the furniture replaced. It wasn’t very comfortable, but the last thing Jim wanted right now was to feel comfortable. “What are you doing home?”

“Came to check on you. You look like me when I stepped foot on that deathtrap to San Francisco three years ago.”

“You didn’t do this the past few times,” Jim mumbled.

“What few times?” Bones’ eyes looked betrayed and accusatory all at once.

“Nothing. Besides, what makes you think I’ve given up?”

“Um, I just told you. You look like shit. It’s 11 in the morning and you’re halfway through a bottle of whiskey in your underwear on our couch. What happened last night that…broke you?”

Jim snorted. “The usual. Got up. Tried to fix everything. Got really close. And then I watched a friend die. I’m beginning to think there is exactly one no-win scenario and I’m living it.”

“Wait, what? Who died? Jim, what happened?! Seriously, kid, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

Jim took a deep breath. He felt the tears coming fast and hot again. “I’m tired of this, Bones. And I will get through this and start planning and trying again, but goddamn, I need to just grieve! Even if everything reset and Pavel is alive and well. I just…he died. To save me. To save all of us. And I’m the only one who knows it! He believed me every fucking time. He was always willing to help. And I let him die!”

Bones sat on the couch next to Jim. He pried the whisky bottle from his fingers and set it aside. And then, Bones wrapped him in a hug, pulling him as close to his chest as possible and rocking him.

Jim didn’t even try to stop the tears anymore as he sobbed and choked and his salty tears ran tracks down his cheeks and soaked into Bones’ uniform.

“I don’t know what you’ve been through, kid, but it sounds like you’ve had a hell of a time. But I’m guessing you’re blaming yourself for something that wasn’t really your fault.”

“He sacrificed himself, Bones! Because of my stupid plan!”

“Shhh…It’s okay. You know, it sounds like it was this Pavel kid’s decision. Not yours. You can’t control the actions people take. I mean, look at every time I try to get you to eat a salad. It’s not like it’s going to kill you, yet you treat it like it’s an adder’s nest about to hatch.”

Between sobs, Jim choked on a laugh.

Bones rubbed Jim’s back. “You know, not everything is going to work out. Just because you don’t believe in no win scenarios doesn’t mean there won’t be times when you make the wrong choice or make a mistake. You’ll just have to learn, move on, and try even harder next time around. That’s just life, kid.”

Jim took a deep breath. “Thanks, Bones. Somehow, your grandpa wisdom might have actually helped. Are you going to offer me a butterscotch too?”

“Shut up, Jim,” Bones grumbled. And for once, Jim happily obliged.

Jim wasn’t sure how long they sat like that. All he knew was that he dozed off and when he awoke, Bones was fast asleep too. They would probably end up missing the hearing and the distress call altogether, but Jim was taking another personal day. He would save Vulcan tomorrow.

_ Attempt 50 _

Jim woke up, and for the first time in a few days he didn’t feel like curling up at the bottom of a whiskey bottle. He got dressed; not in his uniform, but still better than moping around the apartment in boxers. He made his way to the kitchenette to start replicating coffee and breakfast. 

“Finally stopped moping, have we?” Q snapped into existence, laying across the sink, counter and stove of the dorm’s kitchenette.

Jim’s shoulders slumped. And he had thought today was looking up. “Could you not? That’s where we make our food.”

Q snorted. “Food. Ugh, disgusting. That’s where you have to consume the dead tissue of other living things to survive?”

“I guess.” Jim needed coffee to deal with Q’s bullshit. “What are you doing here, Q? Gloating? Came to tell me you told me so?”

“Tsk, tsk, Jimmy-boy. You should know by now that a being such as myself would never have such blasé and simple motives. Gloating is only one of the reasons I’m here.”

Jim sighed.

Bones came storming into the kitchen grumbling, “What no ‘count, nighttime dalliance did you see fit to let stay over and wake me up with your needling bickering this early in the morning? Y’all better skedaddle if you don’t want me throwing you both out on your asses.”

Jim sighed again as Q sat up on the kitchen counter. “Fascinating. He’s somehow even more cantankerous in the morning. He’s like a rabid Calloid from the Greee’ack system. I do believe I should get one of these. See just how angry I can really make him.”

Bones’ eyes widened and Jim shrunk at the dangerous glint to them that only appeared when he was really mad. “Where the fuck did you pick this basket of wasps from, James T. Kirk?”

Jim was really in for it now. Bones hardly ever used his full name. “Bones, meet Q, a pain in my ass for the past couple months, time-loop speaking.”

“What in the Sam Hill…”

Q giggled. He actually giggled. He snapped his fingers and his strange uniform transformed into a different set of clothing, grey and double buttoned with epaulettes on the shoulders. A squashed cap was fixed on his head. Q also now sported the most ridiculous sideburns and mustache imaginable. It was familiar, but only because Jim was a sucker for history. “This Sawbones you have, Jim-boy, really adds a new character to this little parley,” Q drawled with an accent even thicker than Bones’.

Bones’ eyes narrowed and face turned bright red as his eyes fixed on Q’s new look. Jim also saw a few different veins popping out of the side of Bones’ skull. “Get this wad of pond scum out of here now, Kirk. Before I disavow my oath and kill him.”

“Believe me, Bones, he’s not worth it.” Jim shot a pointed look at Q. “A confederate soldier, really? That was over four hundred years ago. Don’t you have other mortals to terrorize, Q?”

“Fine, fine. Your doctor is a little too easy to rile up.” Q snapped his fingers and changed back into his appearance from before. “But I’ll be watching you close, Jimbo. I wonder if you’ll be amusing now that your grand plan failed so spectacularly. I really didn’t expect that Wizkid you’re so fond of to pull a stunt like that. Starting to think I should have chosen him for this mission instead…”

“Q, don’t you – ” Q snapped his fingers, and vanished with a grin. “ – dare,” Jim finished lamely.

“Mind telling me what that ruckus was all about?” Bones glared.

“Let’s have some coffee first,” Jim sighed. “But let me just set the record straight, I definitely did not sleep with Q and have no intention to. Ever.”

“Good. Or we definitely couldn’t be friends anymore.”

Jim decided to spend the rest of the day playing a grand joke on Q. After explaining everything to Bones a couple times and telling him some of the more notable iterations of the day, Bones took a long sip of his second cup of coffee. “Sounds like you need to get back at the omnipotent ass somehow. Pull one of your grand Kirk pranks. Probably make ya feel better too. I don’t know this Chekov kid, but sounds like you were pretty beat up about his death.”

“Still am, in many ways. You helped me cope though. Thank you for that, even if you don’t remember.”

“What’s your plan, Jim?”

Jim shook his head and smiled. “You never know what kind of omnipotent being is listening, Bones.”

“Drink to that,” Bones raised his coffee and downed the last of it like it was a shot. “I’ve got to get to class.”

And so, after tossing around a couple of ideas, Jim headed towards the academy’s hangars.

He managed to hack the schedule system for Enterprise maintenance so his credentials would register for one of the daily crews. And then he headed for the next shuttle to the Enterprise.

Jim got on the Enterprise fairly easily. He spent the morning walking through the ship. The ship he problematically already thought of as his. But if everything worked out, that wouldn’t be right. Pike would command the Enterprise, Spock would be his second in command and Jim…well, was certain he could convince Pike to get him on the Enterprise. As long as Jim didn’t get expelled or sent to a hellhole of a Starfleet base like Scott. He’d probably be an ensign, but he would still be on the flagship of the fleet, also known as the ship Jim had already begun to think of as home.

While strolling the ship, Jim occasionally tapped some buttons that did nothing of consequence, or inspected some panels. He rewired some circuits that could be more efficient, but mostly he wandered around. He spent a good thirty minutes sitting beside the warp core and imagined apologizing to the Enterprise for needing to eject her shiny new heart on her first trip out during the first attempt.

“They say once a ship bonds with her captain and crew, she will do anything to make sure they return home safe and sound,” an engineer commented as he stood by Kirk at the warp core. “That Captain Pike is a lucky bastard. She will be the pride of the fleet once she has her maiden voyage and works out the kinks.”

“Yeah, he is lucky,” Jim commented, a surge of jealousy washing over him. He knew it was illogical. It’s not like he wanted Pike to get tortured so he could be captain, but it had just felt so right sitting on the Bridge of this ship, pushing the Enterprise for everything she had to take down a genocidal Romulan and return home safely. Jim felt like he was meant to be here. And no other ship would ever be quite the same. The Enterprise was his. And he knew that somehow along the way, he ended up belonging to the Enterprise too. He still remembered the awe breaking through his Bones-induced fever when he first saw the Enterprise docked in space. That awe hadn’t left him.

The engineer coughed. “Anyway, back to work. Don’t want the Enterprise falling apart mid-warp next week, after all.”

“Ha, yeah.” As the engineer left, Jim turned to the Enterprise. “You’ll be flying out sooner than you think.”

Jim could hear the ship hum even though it was mostly on auxiliary power while diagnostics were being conducted. “I’m going to fix this mess,” he whispered to her core. “We’re going to save Vulcan one of these days. And even if you won’t be mine, you’ll still be the best ship in the damn fleet. You’ll just have to treat Pike really well. He’s one of the best men I know. And Spock too. He will never admit it, but he’ll love you too. And I’ll do my best to be with you. And I’ll try to make sure Mister Scott is on the ship too. He’ll pamper you like the lady you are.”

Jim’s comm chirped. “James T. Kirk, report to station security immediately. You are not authorized to access this vessel. Security personnel will intercept you on the way.”

Jim acknowledged and smiled. “Until next time,” he whispered to the Enterprise’s warp core. And then he strutted out of engineering.

“You didn’t even try to avoid being caught. What were you even hoping to do? Sing your warp core a lullaby?” Q walked alongside Jim.

“Nah. Just felt like having a heart to heart with the ship today,” Jim shrugged.

“You’re very flippant, Captain. Don’t forget you have a game to play. If you forfeit, I’ll have no choice but to end this my way,” Q warned.

“Maybe I was using today to look at Enterprise schematics. Figure out every dirty little secret of the ship.”

Q scoffed. “I hardly consider swooning over a piece of primitive technology beneficial to solving your little problem.”

“Little problem?! A planet’s existence hangs in the balance! This problem even warranted the attention of the mighty Q! Are you saying you would debase yourself to puny mortal troubles?”

“Of course not,” Q replied. He leaned in close to Kirk. “But I would find it extremely entertaining to watch you pathetic humans die over it. Until next time, Captain. Try to keep it interesting, for your sake.” Q snapped and vanished just as two security guards turned the corner to intercept Jim.

Jim allowed himself a small smile. For the first time, he had frustrated Q, and it felt like victory, something he was in short supply of these days. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Calloids of the Greee'ack system are totally made up by me. Definitely not canon.  
> 2) Hope you enjoyed the filler angst and bromance this chapter. Next chapter we'll start getting into the next major arc of the story.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk begins to enlist Spock's help with his time loop

_ Attempt 51 _

Jim woke up on attempt 51 thinking of Spock. Initially, he had been reluctant to reach out to the Vulcan officer about his time loop situation, convinced that the Kobayashi Maru had put up a divide between them that could only crossed with something drastic like taking down a genocidal Romulan from the future. But then yesterday happened. Jim still found himself amazed how easily it had been to convince Spock of his story. Albeit, there was a mind meld involved, but Jim could work with that.

Jim was determined not to drag Chekov into any more of his time loops. He couldn’t watch him die again after he had trusted Jim in every single attempt Jim had approached him. So, he needed someone else’s help. And from their near success in the last iteration, Spock was perfect for the job. Jim couldn’t stop grinning at the thought as he got out of bed and started the morning. 

Jim started out by checking out which classes Spock would be teaching in to see if he could catch him as a class let out. He was half tempted to sit in on a lecture, but he knew Spock was the type of professor that could account for each and every one of his students, no matter the class size. So, that was how Jim found himself loitering outside Lecture Hall 8A when a Vulcan grammar class let out at 1000 hours on the dot.

As soon as he spotted Spock’s familiar face striding out the lecture hall to get as far away from the rush of students as possible, Jim called out his name in greeting.

Spock stopped and turned. When his eyes caught sight of Jim, he seemed to sway a bit as if fighting the urge to walk away. “Cadet. How may I assist you?” He asked as Jim caught up to him.

“I have a hypothetical situation for you.” Jim’s eyes crinkled with excitement as he smiled his signature James T. Kirk smile, known for getting him both in trouble and out of it. “Suppose time travel was possible and Romulans from about 150 years in the future managed to make their way into our time and proved hostile towards the Federation, what would your strategy be to stop them?”

Spock tilted his head. “Your hypothetical scenario is highly unlikely, and contingent on far more variables than the information you have offered. Why have you put forth such a query to me?”

Jim tapped his chin, faking contemplation. The truth was, he had already extensively thought about his answer while waiting for 10:00 to intercept Spock. “Well, I’ve heard you are the new first officer of the Enterprise. And since Captain Pike is like family to me, I want to make sure his new first officer is someone who he can depend on. Please allow me to indulge my illogical human concern for basically the only father figure I have in my life. Wouldn’t you want to make sure that if your father or mother were going on a trip the people intended to watch their back were competent and trustworthy?” Jim knew he had Spock. If only for bringing up his mother, for it seemed she was the one thing Spock was undoubtedly very human about.

Spock stood there with Jim’s words, perhaps sensing a trap. Or perhaps intrigued by the possibility of a trap. Jim doubted Spock was completely fooled by his story, although Jim did hold a high regard for Captain Pike and did hold him in a high regard, so he had only stretched the truth a little bit.

“Your concern is understandable, even if your logic is lacking as anyone chosen to be first officer of the Enterprise would be of the highest caliber.”

“Was that boasting I just heard?”

“Negative. Merely logic.”

Jim smiled, delighted. He had hooked Spock. “Well then, let me treat you to some tea or something and we can continue this conversation. How is your schedule the rest of the day?”

“I am free until 1300 hours.”

“Excellent.”

Jim ended up spending hours debating with Spock in the local campus café. While he slurped down a chocolate milkshake, Spock sipped delicately on a brand of Vulcan tea. The conversation inevitably led to the Kobayashi Maru exam. Jim presented his argument that the test was unfair and emphasized his devotion to the belief that there was no such thing as a no-win scenario. But Spock was stubborn in thinking.

“Logic dictates that a no-win scenario is possible as situations have occurred that could not be constituted as ‘winning.’ Failure is inevitable.”

“I’m not excluding the possibility of failure,” Jim argued. “I just don’t think a situation exists that doesn’t have some sort of solution. Even if said solution is not achieved. And in a way, it’s a matter of perspective too. I bet you’ll want to bring up my Dad and his heroic death. Sure, you could say that his death was inevitable, but I wouldn’t call the Kelvin disaster a no-win scenario. He saved over 800 lives at the expense of his own. Wouldn’t that logically be a winning scenario. ‘Needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one,’ or something like that?”

“Your logic is sound. But to imply every scenario contains at least one positive alternative to others would imply that failure is not a result of uncontrollable variables, but rather the result of the actions of an individual.”

“So? I would take that and the possibility of success rather than have everything out of my control with no chance of survival. There’s always another way, Commander Spock.”

“But to hinge all one’s efforts on success, even at low probability, is illogical. Especially at the expense of dealing with the fallout of potentially negative outcomes.”

Jim laughed. “We’re really not going to agree on this yet, are we? I’ll get you to come around to my side eventually. Just you wait.”

“I determine the likelihood of such a scenario being below 5-percent,” Spock replied.

“Ouch. I did not realize you thought so lowly of me. I’ll definitely have to change that.”

Spock nodded and stood. “I would continue this conversation at a later date, but presently we must both head to the main assembly building for today’s council meeting.”

Jim’s smile dropped. “Is it that time already? Wow. I never even got to all the important stuff I wanted to talk with you about.”

Spock dropped his chin. “Perhaps we could discuss it on the way to the hearing.”

Jim’s jaw almost dropped. Did Spock actually want to spend more time with him? This didn’t make any sense. Now, two times, his attempts to be friendly with the Vulcan had succeeded. He had gotten the impression in their first go round that Spock thought he was an arrogant delinquent, but maybe he was mistaken. “I would love to, Commander, but I’m afraid what I have to talk to you about will take a bit longer than the walk to the hearing. We can discuss it tomorrow though. You go on ahead without me.”

But Spock didn’t leave. “Knowing the human proclivity for emotionalism, I find it unlikely you will wish to converse with me further pending certain outcomes of the hearing this afternoon.”

Jim smiled. “Oh, don’t worry, Spock. I already know the hearing today is because you’re bringing up charges against me for changing the parameters of your Kobayashi Maru exam. And before you accuse me of nefarious information gathering, it was just a simple matter of inductive reasoning to figure it out. I know from my friend Gaila you were one of the coders for the Kobayashi Maru. And I know that the admiralty is upset because I cheated. Also, the only reason one of these grand council meetings is called with the entire campus present is usually to bring a case Starfleet wants to make an example of to public trial. Since my cheat code has been the talk of campus more than anything else the past few days, I can only assume that the hearing is for me. Simple logic.”

“Impressive, Cadet Kirk. Though I do expect you to show some more formality at your hearing.” With that, Spock walked off.

Jim sat there momentarily stunned. What informality? And then, he realized, he had just called Spock by his name. No title or anything. He would have to watch that in future attempts.

_ Attempt 52 _

“I understand your point,” Jim said to Spock after once again successfully dragging the Vulcan to the same on-campus café. “But in the end,  _ Romeo and Juliet  _ was still a love story. Why would Shakespeare end a farce tragically?”

“The entire premise of the play is over-dramatic and foolish,” Spock pointed out. They were two hours into their discussion of Shakespeare plays and Jim was delighted to find Spock had some very strong opinions about The Bard.

“And all of Shakespeare’s other plays aren’t?  _ Macbeth  _ was basically an entire play of one guy killing everyone when he got some lousy advice and panicked.  _ Much Ado About Nothing  _ was essentially a bunch of bored rich people playing matchmaker for their two friends with a whole lot of unnecessary drama and subterfuge.”

“I concur, the plots are…dramatic. But it is the purpose of the plots which dictate comedy or not. Shakespeare’s tragedies lend itself to a certain moral lesson. They are teachings of the failings of illogical human behaviors. The comedies are pure farce, devoid of the moral quandaries of Shakspeare’s tragedies.”

“Wow. That is a strong opinion. So, you feel  _ Romeo and Juliet  _ does not lend itself any kind of moral lesson, Mr. Spock?” Jim clarified.

“Precisely.”

Jim grinned. He had set the trap so perfectly. “I must disagree. There is a very important lesson to be gleaned from  _ Romeo and Juliet.” _

“Enlighten me.”

“Why, Mr. Spock, I would think it obvious to Vulcan. The lesson is to not let emotions completely cloud one’s judgement. Especially when you are a teenager.”

“…I believe that is a personal derivation of the work and not necessarily fundamental to Shakespeare’s initial purpose of the play which remains a farce.”

Jim laughed. “Oh my God, Spock, did you just tell me my argument isn’t canon?”

_ Attempt 53 _

“The particle density of a star’s inner workings would make such fluctuations in gravimetric distortion near impossible to navigate correctly to allow such an attempt to be successful. The likelihood one could use a star as a proposed ‘slingshot’ has a success rate of less than 0.4-percent.”

“Wow. Rounding to the tenths place this time? I would say this question has utterly flummoxed you,” Jim pointed out sarcastically.

Spock either did not pick up on Jim’s sarcasm or enjoyed annoying him by pretending not to notice. “Incorrect. As much of what we have discussed remains theoretical, I am unable to glean a more precise success rate.”

“So you’re saying it’s still possible,” Jim replied. “If someone could warp around a star and adjust for gravimetric and temporal distortions, one could time travel.”

Spock’s mouth was set in a thin line. “Yes, it is possible. But unlikely to succeed. And without extensive trials, one could not predict with any kind of accuracy when they would re-emerge in time.”

Jim smiled and leaned back. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to try it out for ourselves someday.”

Spock’s eyebrow raised. That was the seventh one today. He had already beat yesterday’s count, and he still had…shit, half an hour, before the hearing. Once again, he didn’t have time to tell Spock the truth today. Maybe tomorrow.

_ Attempt 56 _

Jim had truly meant to use these past attempts to start making a plan with Spock. To tell Spock the truth and save everything. But it continued to be the case where their conversations would inevitably draw out into long debates on everything from ethics to literature to quantum theory. And then, in every attempt, they would run out of time. And rather than go through the painful process of a trial and inevitable failure as Vulcan was once again destroyed, Jim would instead jump in front of a hover truck (usually the same one) and get it over with quickly so he could begin a new day and talk to Spock some more.

By this point, Jim didn’t really want to tell Spock the truth. He enjoyed just talking with Spock about random topics and arguing with him just for fun. Sure, it was annoying to have to reintroduce himself every day, but it sure beat having to try yet again to save Vulcan and fail. Yet Jim knew if he didn’t start being more proactive soon, Q would likely come back. Jim was not sure how long that guy’s patience lasted, but it probably wasn’t as long as Jim would like.

Jim headed through the throng again, already going over the introduction he used every time without fail. “Spock!” Jim called.

The Vulcan turned to Jim. “Do I know you, cadet?”

Something didn’t feel right, but Jim couldn’t figure out what. “I have a hypothetical situation for you.” Jim’s eyes crinkled with excitement as he smiled his signature James T. Kirk smile, known for getting him both in trouble and out of it. “Suppose time travel was possible and Romulans from about 150 years in the future managed to make their way into our time and proved hostile towards the Federation, what would your strategy be to stop them?”

Spock’s eyes narrowed. “Your hypothetical scenario is unlikely and therefore illogical to consider. If you wish to discuss information apart from the realm of the hypothetical, I am available from 1100 to 1300 hours for my office hours tomorrow.” And then Spock gave a small nod of his head and walked off briskly.

Jim stood there, open-mouthed. What had gone wrong? He went over the conversation, even though there hadn’t been much of one.

“Ballsy of you to address a professor by his name alone. Practically suicidal to do it to Professor Spock,” a cadet sniggered as he passed Jim.

_ Of course,  _ Jim realized. He knew getting too comfortable with Spock was going to bite him in the ass one of these days. Jim contemplated ending the day then and there. But the truth was, it would be a waste. He needed to get back on track to save Vulcan. No more distractions. So, for the first time in days, Jim went to the library.

Jim avoided Chekov, which was fairly easy considering the cadet didn’t have any memories of the rapport they had developed. Instead, he found everything he could about Vulcan mind melds and began to study.

The literature was rather sparse and vague regarding mind melds and Jim wanted to give up with frustration several times. How did a species as logical and devoted to knowledge as Vulcans still manage to keep so much of their culture a secret? It didn’t make sense.

Still, Jim began attempting some basic exercises that were listed regarding Vulcan meditation. It was difficult for Jim to sit still and focus, but he kept at it. Maybe if he were more mentally disciplined should Spock ever meld with him again, Jim would be able to hide some of the stuff he didn’t want to show, like their fight on the bridge or the indulgences Jim had made these past attempts to get to know Spock purely for selfish reasons. Or the swell of enjoyment and excitement he felt whenever he thought of Spock. And just as Jim was getting the uncomfortable feeling that maybe he was developing some stronger feelings that went beyond platonic in this rather one-sided friendship, Vulcan blew up and Jim’s world went dark. 

_ Attempt 57 _

Jim sat across from Spock in the café again, tapping his foot with nerves while Spock explained some of Surak’s teachings. Ordinarily Jim would have been fascinated, but he was preoccupied trying to think of how to tell Spock the truth. Last time it had taken a mild meld for Spock to believe him. Would that be the case again?

Jim was so lost in thought; it took him a moment to realize Spock had finished speaking and was now staring at him intently.

“Oh, sorry, Commander Spock.”

“I did not realize my discourse on Surak’s principle of cultivating a varied intelligence to assist in the pursuit of logical decisions in all matters was of little interest to you.”

“Actually, Commander Spock, that sounds fascinating. I imagine that’s likely an origin of the ‘infinite diversity in infinite combinations’ phrase Starfleet likes to spout when talking about diplomacy.” Jim met Spock’s gaze. “I just have a lot on my mind today. I apologize.”

“As your cerebral processes are encased as normal in its typical cranial meninges, bone, tissue, and assorted hair and skin, your ‘mind’ should have no further pressure than any other day.”

Jim laughed. “Somehow I always forget how funny you can be.”

“I can assure you I – “

“ – did not mean to invoke a humorous reaction.’ Yep, heard that before. Don’t worry, Commander Spock, your secret is safe with me. I won’t tell anyone you’re the universe’s funniest Vulcan.”

“An illogical assumption to make as it has been my impression you have not had extended contact with many other Vulcans.”

Jim shrugged. “You’re right. But I still think you’re hilarious.”

Spock’s eyebrow raised. That was the fourth one today. Still several hours to go. Maybe Jim would break another record today. “I do not wish to sit here and be insulted.”

“Okay, okay,” Jim held his hands up in surrender. “I’ll drop it. Besides, there is something important I need to discuss with you.” Like flipping a switch, Jim’s heart began to accelerate.

Spock settled back in his chair and prepared for Jim to begin speaking.

“Okay, so what I’m about to say is going to sound completely far-fetched. And illogical, but I swear it is the truth.” Before Jim’s anxiety rose even further, he spoke in a rush. “I’m in a time loop. I have been living this day over and over again. For nearly two months now.”

Spock’s eyebrow raised.  _ Five.  _ “Have you any proof of this?”

Jim took a deep breath. “The first time I told you the truth you performed a mind meld to be convinced of my story. But I’ve gotten to know you a bit since then. I know you think  _ Romeo and Juliet  _ was intended to be one of Shakespeare’s comedies. You do believe in no-win scenarios, but you also believe in luck, something you are in denial over though. You also know a lot about relativistic physics and mechanics despite having no degrees in either field. Your mother’s name is Amanda and you love her more than your own planet. You love your father too, but your relationship with him isn’t quite as deep.”

Spock’s eyes betrayed nothing.

“Now, you’re probably wondering how I know all that and likely thinking of bolting because I’m sure I’ve offended multiple sensibilities of yours. But I only know all this because I’ve spent multiple days sitting here having tea with you. And before that, we fought side by side in the events that will follow today’s hearing.”

Spock finally uttered a question. “What is your prediction of the events to come, Cadet Kirk?”

Jim took a deep breath. This was it. Moment of truth. “The hearing today will be interrupted by a distress call from Vulcan. All the Starfleet ships currently orbiting earth will answer the call. It is being attacked by Romulans from the future who are also responsible for the death of my father and the destruction of a Klingon Prison planet about a week ago. Cadet Uhura can back me up on that one, and I know you value her judgement.”

Only the faintest twitch of the lip betrayed Jim had struck a nerve. “Clarify. What do you mean by that?”

Jim had forgotten Spock and Uhura’s relationship was a secret. One someone like him definitely shouldn’t know unless it was to use the information for blackmail. Maybe he could pass it off as a clueless comment. “Shit, I didn’t mean anything by it, Spock. I…just…she’s your TA, right? For the past two years? Any TA who sticks with you that long has to A: be really smart and willing to give up a ton of free time to meet your high standards. And B: someone you respect and work well with. That has to foster a sense of trust, right?”

Spock was silent. But his eyes hadn’t hardened and he wasn’t getting up to leave. Jim took it as a sign to continue. “To wrap things up, Vulcan will be destroyed and that’s when my day restarts. The omnipotent being who put me in this time loop made it so I can’t escape the time loop until I save Vulcan. So, that’s what I’m trying to do. And if you don’t believe me, well, there’s always tomorrow.”

Spock was silent. He seemed to be scrutinizing Jim for any sign of untruth. Jim returned Spock’s stare, bright blue irises meeting dark brown. “Despite the vast improbability of your statements, I believe you are telling the truth. Or you at least believe yourself to be.”

Jim smiled with relief. “Excellent! So, I’ve gone from liar or crazy, to right or crazy. That’s an improvement!”

“Why have you not sought the aid of ranking officers to help you with your situation?”

“Because most ranking officers don’t like me very much. I’m…impertinent. And the hearing today makes it look like anything I say is an excuse to avoid punishment. I tried going to Pike but he definitely didn’t believe me. And he puts up with my shit more than any other officer. So, I decided to do things on my own for a while. And when that didn’t work, I started enlisting the help of other cadets who played a pivotal role in past iterations of today.”

“Which cadets?” Spock asked.

Jim froze. He thought of Sulu’s anger and despair as Chekov transported himself to the Narada. And Jim remembered seeing Pavel’s formerly vibrant eyes looking hollow when Jim followed him to the Narada. “It doesn’t matter right now. We tried multiple times to fix everything and it didn’t work. So, consider this me reaching out to a ranking officer.”

“Cadet Kirk, I will not be able to garner an accurate conclusion if I do not have all the facts at my disposal. Which cadets have aided you thus far?”

Jim looked away. “Cadets Chekov and Sulu. Brilliant cadets, both of them. And they were amazing. We got really close a couple of times. But it just wasn’t enough. Once I stop screwing up enough to be a captain for real, I’m going to want them on my crew.” Jim smiled, thinking longingly of the dream team of the crew he had up on the Bridge following Nero’s defeat. The way they were all beaten and exhausted but had smiled after defying near impossible odds. “And there are others who I haven’t reached out to yet to help in the time loop. There’s an engineer named Montgomery Scott currently on Delta Vega. And my roommate, B- I mean, Leonard McCoy, will make a brilliant CMO. Also, I’ll probably have to steal Uhura as she’s the most talented tongue I know, but you already know that.” Jim winked, and then paled realizing what he said. “I didn’t mean…ah, shit.”

Spock’s eyes narrowed. Jim knew he was in for it.

“Can I just spare us both from this moment and defenestrate myself? We’re three stories up. That would kill me, right? I’ll even let you toss me out.”

“How are you aware of Cadet Uhura and I’s relationship?” Spock asked, an edge to his voice as hard as a starship’s plating.

Jim’s fingers brushed his neck unconsciously, still remembering what it felt like to be in Spock’s death grip. He knew it was unlikely for Spock to throttle him over this, but the thought Spock had the capability still triggered Kirk’s adrenaline. “I really didn’t mean anything by that comment. It’s been a pretty crazy time loop. As I said, Vulcan got destroyed. You were rather emotionally compromised by the whole affair. And you and I, we were about to head off onto basically a suicide mission to stop Earth from imploding next. So Uhura was kissing you good-bye. And I saw it. Actually a few people saw it. That’s when I learned her name was Nyota.” Kirk knew he was rambling, but he couldn’t stop. “I don’t care, honestly. I think you two are a cute couple. Scary, but cute. Scary because you both terrify me. Please, Spock, just say something already!”

“I can confirm that you are no longer mentally impaired to warrant hallucinatory situations.” Spock sat back down

“Spock, are you…are you saying you believe me?” Jim finally dared to look at the Vulcan’s eyes. His stoic resting expression had returned.

“I have noticed that your referral to me in this conversation has progressed to become increasingly informal.”

“Oh, sorry about that, Commander. Between a future version of you on Delta Vega and us risking our lives together, I’ve gotten to think of you rather informally.”

“Fascinating. There is an alternate version of myself on Delta Vega.”

“Shit! I wasn’t supposed to tell you that. But considering the universe didn’t blow up from a crazy paradox, I guess old you likes to mess with me too.”

“I do not ‘mess’ with people,” Spock sniffed.

“Right.” Jim laughed. “You know, this is going a lot better than I thought it would. Since you believe me now, you wouldn’t by any chance want to try and help me save Vulcan?”

“I would concur that there is nothing of greater importance I could be doing should your story be truthful, which is increasing in likelihood.”

“I will take that as a yes. So, now that you know basically everything, we can begin working on a plan.”

Something Jim did not anticipate working with Spock was just how different he thought from him. Especially when Spock wasn’t emotionally compromised by the death of his planet and mother, and prone to vengeance-fueled spontaneity. Spock was logical. Everything was methodical, had reasoning, and options were usually ranked based off of the probability of success. Jim did not work like that. He relied on instinct, gut feelings, and the intersections of fact and emotion to make his decisions. The problem – as Jim discovered now that he was in a non-life-threatening situation – was that they were both about equally stubborn. It was becoming more and more apparent that despite whatever repertoire Jim had built with Spock, the fact they had defeated Nero together the first time was a miracle.

“Your solution of commandeering a shuttle craft to destroy the Narada’s drill before it penetrates deep enough to create a singularity has a probability of 2.356-percent.”

“That still sounds a hell of a lot more likely than just asking Pike nicely to step down so we can take over the Enterprise! I told you already, he won’t believe me.”

“Perhaps it is because of your inclination towards emotional outbursts,” Spock replied.

“Why you – “

“If it is all the same to you though, we must depart. The hearing will begin soon and we must go so I may time how long the hearing will take until the distress call from Vulcan arrives.”

“What do you mean, ‘calculate the time?’ Shouldn’t you be more preoccupied with getting me out of the hearing?”

“Negative. As we have yet to determine a plan of action, let alone plan it, I will spend this attempt calculating exactly how long every scenario will take and conveying the times to you. Tomorrow, you must approach me and have me initiate a mind meld so we may have the maximum amount of time to prepare as possible.”

Jim ran his hand through his hair. “Okay, I'll do another attempt. Just so you know though, dying by being blown up in a starship is not a fun way to die, so whatever we do today, can we just do our best to stick it out until Vulcan implodes again?”

“That would be logical as it will present a complete timeline of today’s events. Now let us make our way to the hearing.”

“Wait, Spock!” Jim called after him as Spock already began to stride away. “A few questions. One, when am I supposed to meet you? And where?”

“I will leave my apartment promptly at 0747 hours to leave for my first class. You must intercept me before then, preferably after 0716, as that is when I finish my morning meditation. In the staff quarters on campus, building 2, room number 307. The access code to get in is 914362.”

“Okay. So, I’ll show up at your apartment about seven-thirty. Great. Now how am I supposed to convince you to meld with me when I essentially break into your apartment with a crazy time loop story first thing in the morning?”

Spock paused. “I see I have miscalculated the depth of my distrust of you from before. You are right. Perhaps I shall share with you a memory of my childhood. I am the only one who would know the significance of such a memory, so for me to share it with another would be a gesture of profound trust.”

“Cool. Which memory?”

Spock’s fingers twitched as he walked. Was he…nervous?

“Look, Spock, I promise I won’t judge you for whatever you’re about to tell me. And I won’t share it with anyone else, even if no one will remember it. So if it’s embarrassing or – ”

“No, there is no reason for me to be hesitant to share this memory with you as the fate of my planet will depend on it. When I was seven Earth years old, my half-brother, Sybok, was exiled. His name was not to be uttered in our household any longer. I lost control over my emotions and I allowed myself to be comforted by my mother. It was one of the few occasions I allowed her to embrace me beyond infancy.”

“Wow. That really was personal. I’m…sorry, Spock.”

“You were neither a witness nor a participant in these events. To apologize is illogical.”

“It’s an expression of sympathy, Spock. But these memories…are you…regretful for your actions? It sounds like you were just a kid who needed his mother.”

“I feel great shame from this moment, but it is also a source for some deep affection I hold for my mother. The event is…conflicting.”

Jim smiled. ”Okay. I understand…well, not really, but maybe one day – when we’re better friends – I’ll ask you for more. But I have a feeling you don’t want me to ask any more questions now.”

“It would be a misuse of time that should be spent at the hearing, as well as inconsequential to your convincing me of your honesty.”

“Yep, message received. Okay, let’s do this.”

Spock withdrew his charges against Kirk again. Afterwards, he and Spock established a communication channel for them to remain in contact for the duration of the day. When something of significance happened, Spock would relay the data to Kirk. The first thing Spock told Jim was the time from the start of the hearing to the arrival of the message: 8 minutes, 5 seconds.

The fleet did not launch until about 1 hour 3 minutes after the distress call was received.

The flight from Earth to Vulcan: 4 hours 8 minutes 22 seconds. Followed by a bunch of numbers Jim forgot regarding dimensions of the Narada, data gathered from the drill, and sets of coordinates that Jim realized after the fact indicated the precise location of the Narada. He hoped Spock hadn’t expected him to remember all of them.

The time from the arrival at Vulcan to the destruction of the drill and launch of red matter: 32 minutes 7 seconds. It was the last transmission Jim received from Spock. And then, Jim’s world went black. He hoped he would remember all the numbers Spock gave him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Romeo and Juliet conversation is based off of a debate I recently had with a friend and it felt like something Kirk and Spock would argue over, so I modified it for this fic. Hope it ended up being as humorous here as it was in real life.
> 
> 2) Anyone catch the Star Trek IV reference in attempt 53? ;)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Jim and Spock interaction this chapter. (Plus Pike!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a couple of things before we get started:  
> 1) Thank you so much to all of you who have continued to stick around and read this story. Your support means a lot to me and I am glad there are people enjoying reading this as much as I enjoy writing it. We passed over a 100 kudos with the last chapter and I think that's pretty neat.  
> 2) This story ended up taking off more than I initially planned. Initially I had a goal of around 50,000 words for the final count. But as the story kept developing, I found there was so much more I could do with it. Projected estimates will have the story at over 100,000 words for the final count.   
> I hope you all continue to enjoy this story, and I will continue to post on a weekly basis. (Might even see some longer chapters in the future.) Until next week!

_ Attempt 58 _

Jim always woke up in the time loop at 0700 hours on the dot from his alarm. Considering the faculty apartments were about a fifteen-minute walk away, he allowed himself ten minutes to get changed, freshen up, and chug a cup of coffee before heading across campus to visit Spock in his apartment.

There was a light fog lifting as he left, casting the campus in a peaceful, but eerie, calm. The dampness likely made his hair stick out ten different ways, so he would look even more crazed when he arrived at Spock’s apartment.  _ Just great. _

At 7:25, Jim hesitated outside Spock’s door. Should he announce his presence with the door comm? Or would Spock just ignore him if he told him who he was? Jim made the ridiculous decision to knock. He hadn’t knocked on anyone’s door since he lived in Iowa where some neighbors resolutely tried to incorporate as little technology into their lives as possible, meaning wooden doors with knockers.

It proved to be a completely inane idea. A door which is unaccustomed to knocking automatically registered the greeting with an alarm believing someone to be breaking in.  _ Shit.  _ This led to Jim prying off the door panel to trip the wire so the alarm would turn off and maybe he could redo this whole day.

Of course, Spock’s door whooshed open just as Jim had his fingers tangled in the wiring of Spock’s door controls, the inner alarms of Spock’s apartment dinging.

“Cadet, why are you attempting to break into my quarters?” Spock inclined his head impassively. But even Jim could see the hostility of a Vulcan preparing to pounce: eyes narrow, and arms at his side, one hand already forming the stance for a Vulcan nerve pinch.

“Commander Spock! This is…uh…not what it looks like. I’m not breaking in, I swear!”

“I would be appreciative of an alternative explanation for why you are tampering with my door’s central wiring.”

“Right. Well, you see, I was nervous, so I knocked on your door rather than use the panel to request access. But I forgot that the doors here are kind of sensitive about touching and the alarm started to go off, so I was trying to turn it off before it bothered anyone, but I have clearly failed in that respect.” Jim gave a sheepish smile. “Sorry about that. I’ll just go ahead and put everything back how I found it.”

“Cadet Kirk, how did you get into the faculty apartments?”

“Ah, that’s actually the reason I’m here. Well, it’s related anyway. But if it’s all the same to you, this isn’t really a conversation for a doorway. Just let me put this back and – “

“Cadet Kirk, if you do not inform me why you are here then I will call security to escort you off the premises.”

“Okay, okay, calm down. Commander Spock, I am here because you told me to be here. You gave me the access code to your apartment building so I could intercept you before your first class.”

“I have no recollection of telling you to do such as this is the first occurrence we have conversed.”

“See, that’s where all this gets really complicated. I’m in a time loop. I’ve been living today over and over again for over fifty days now. In the last attempt you and I started to develop a plan, but we need more time to develop it, so you proposed a mind meld. That way we can finish where we left off yesterday.”

“I suggested a mind meld,” Spock stated. It wasn’t quite a question, but Jim did detect a note of incredulity in Spock’s demeanor.

Jim sighed. “Look, you told me a memory I could share with you in case you don’t believe me. Now would you rather me say it out loud in the hallway or are you going to let me in?”

“…Very well, cadet, you may enter.”

“Excellent!” Jim popped Spock’s door control panel back in place and strode into the room. “Now, let’s check out what digs they gave you. I bet they aren’t as nice as Pike’s but they still have to be better than the dorms they give us cadets.”

Jim heard Spock exhale very slowly as if in exasperation. He liked to think Spock was also raising his eyebrow too as Jim sauntered into Spock’s kitchen.  _ There’s one for today’s tally. Bet I can get it up pretty high with the extra hours we’re going to spend together today,  _ Jim grinned to himself.

“Now, what memory of mine do you have?”

Spock walked serenely around the kitchen in such a way that nothing Jim said could surprise him. Jim almost laughed out loud as he realized Spock was doing the Vulcan equivalent of strutting. He truly didn’t believe Jim could know anything deeply personal about him.

“You were seven years old. Your brother, Sybok, had just been banished from Vulcan. Well, technically half-brother. It was one of the few times you allowed your mother to comfort you.”

Spock had stiffened and his eyes were on Jim. His hands looked tight as if preparing to attack and Jim’s fingers instinctively went to his neck. “How could you possibly know this?”

“It’s like I said, you told me. Yesterday. Well, today, but a previous version of today. Man, I really hate this time loop.”

Spock was silent.

“Listen, Spock, I know you don’t trust me yet, but believe me when I tell you that from my perspective, we have spent entire days together. If it helps, in regards to your memory, you told me it was a source of both shame and love. I also want you to know, I don’t judge you for feeling shame. I spent a lot of my childhood being taught I needed to take care of myself. To do everything alone. But going through this time loop, it becomes more apparent with every iteration I  _ can’t _ do this alone. And maybe that’s a lesson I hadn’t quite learned yet before this time loop. I need your help to save Vulcan.”

Spock finally replied. “What do you mean by ‘save Vulcan?’”

“Shit. Sorry, I’m going all out of order here. I really think this would just be easier with a mind meld, but I can go through the whole story again if you would like.”

Spock shook his head. “There is no need. I have not shared that memory of my mother with anyone. The only other source for the memory would be from my mother herself, who is disinclined to reveal that which I do not wish her to. I believe your story,  _ cadet. _ ”

“I forgot your rank again, didn’t I, Commander Spock?”

“Indeed.”

Spock initiated the mind meld. It was easier the second time around. Jim knew what to expect now and having Spock’s presence in his mind felt less like an intrusion now that he had gotten to know the guy. It felt more like a new friend poking around his personal belongings: slightly uncomfortable but also a sense of immense trust.

Jim felt a burst of curiosity from Spock.

_ What is it?  _ Jim directed the thought at Spock’s presence in his mind as Jim’s memories of the time loop’s various attempts played.

The feeling Spock tried to convey was subtle and hard to catch. Like whispers in the background that are too soft to make out distinct words. But he could feel Spock’s frustration when Jim was not able to receive his message. So, Jim focused more on glossing over the attempts or thoughts he did not want Spock to know about. Especially his realization at the end of attempt 56, something Jim was still in denial about himself.

The playing through of the attempts faded, after Spock spent considerable time on the last attempt, likely going through all the data Spock had fed to him through the battle with the Narada.

When they broke apart, Jim gasped. He hadn’t realized he had been holding his breath.

“Fascinating,” Spock said.

“What is it? And what was that feeling you couldn’t quite convey to me in there? It was faint, but I couldn’t quite grasp it.”

“Forgive me. Your mind’s compatibility with my own allowed me to forget that I was not melding with a telepathically enabled Vulcan. I was attempting to convey my fascination at your mind’s reaction with my own. During an initial melding it is unusual for two minds to be this compatible.

“Well, to be fair, this is hardly my first melding with you. I mean, older you has melded with me a couple times. And you melded with me too in another attempt.”

“Fascinating.” Spock looked like he wanted to say more, but he refrained.

“Anyway, you probably saw just about everything. Any questions?”

“You did attempt to shield some of your thoughts and memories from me from these attempts. Why? To make an educated strategy, one must use all available resources at one’s disposal.”

“Don’t worry about it. That kind of stuff wasn’t relevant to all this. Just personal stuff I was working through.” And it was, for the most part. Spock didn’t need to see Jim crying into Bones’ chest over Pavel, or their long discussions when they should have been trying to save Vulcan. Sure, maybe some things could have been important to show him, but Jim didn’t want Spock to have to watch himself beat Jim nearly to death in the original attempt. Or hear the awful things Jim said to provoke such an attack.

“Very well. I do not wish to cause you discomfort from the exchange. Unlike my elder counterpart.” Was that bitterness Jim heard in Spock’s voice?

“Hey, don’t worry. I’m sure Old Spock didn’t mean it. Sorry, that’s what I call you from the future.”

“It is an accurate moniker relative to myself. I fail to see the need for your apology.”

“Thanks, but it’s not exactly a descriptor that radiates respect. Anyway, back on track. We need a plan to save Vulcan. Now that you know what’s going on, maybe you have some ideas?”

“I will need a moment to process my thoughts. As well as inform my teaching assistant that she will be teaching my classes today.”

“Ah, Uhura. Don’t tell her it’s because I’m here though or she is going to freak.”

“From your memories it appears you regard Uhura with friendliness. Would she not have a similar affection towards you?”

Jim smirked. “Not exactly. I’m fairly certain she hates my guts. In fact I’m kind of insulted she hasn’t complained to you about me. I’m in her dorm often enough hanging out with her roommate. And even if she doesn’t hate me, then she tolerates me at best. But the nice thing about Uhura is she can put all that aside for the greater good.”

“Indeed.”

“Yep, when I get a starship one day, I totally want her as my communications officer if she’s willing.”

Spock was silent. His eyes no longer met Jim’s.

“What’s wrong? Did I say something offensive? Sorry, if you want Uhura on whatever ship you want one day, I’m not going to take her from you. Don’t worry.”

“No, my discomfort is not because of Uhura. But I saw you fail many times in this time loop. I remembered my initial reaction to your Kobayashi Maru exam and felt you were arrogant and naïve. I did not think you possessed the qualities a starship captain needed. But my conclusions were incorrect. Every attempt thus far has been in perseverance. And after viewing the hearing from your memories, I understand you do not believe in no-win scenarios. It is a curious failing, but one I must reconsider in the face of the adversity you have faced under the being called Q.”

Jim’s jaw dropped open as he processed all that Spock had said. “Wait a moment. Not only did you just compliment me, but I think you also admitted you were wrong. Oh my God, I must be dreaming. This isn’t an attempt at all. Or maybe this time loop has all just been one complex dream, because there is no way Spock in any universe would not only compliment me, but admit fault, in his first day meeting me.”

“As you have met me in several iterations before, it is not our first meeting,” Spock clarified.

“Ha! There’s the Spock I know. Contradicting me at every turn. We are either the greatest team or the worst.”

“An illogical supposition to speculate as it would be near impossible to measure or quantify results that would corroborate either claim.”

Jim smiled. “Anyway, you were right about one thing though. In that original attempt, I was arrogant and naïve. I guess it just took a few dozen failures to make those qualities less present. It may be the same day for everyone else, but I feel like a totally different person after all this.”

Spock’s padd buzzed. “Cadet Uhura has confirmed she will teach my lectures for the day. We should begin to prepare for the Narada’s attack on Vulcan to make use of the time we have before the hearing.”

“Agreed,” Jim smiled as he forced himself not to use a colloquialism that would inevitably derail their conversation again.

Their argument from the previous attempt resumed. Jim kept putting out more and more reckless ideas. Even tossed around knocking Pike out with a hypo so Spock could take full command of the ship, a solution Spock was decidedly against.

“It was just an idea,” Jim grumbled. “I wasn’t  _ that  _ serious. I like Pike. Let’s rethink alerting the council earlier. Surely there is some way to convince them,” Jim argued.

“Without evidence, our case would have little bearing.”

“We’re working together! If everything was as it should be, we’d definitely not conspire together of all things. I would think that would be convincing enough.”

“Negative. Despite your assumptions, I do not have ‘the ear of the council.’ I am favored by Captain Pike, but I do not know many of the admirals apart from my father’s diplomatic missions that I would occasionally accompany as a child.”

“Well, this sucks. So, we still have to accomplish all this mission in the six or so hours between the hearing and Vulcan imploding. Great.”

“Actually, the precise time from your – “

“I don’t need the exact time it will take us, Commander. We need a plan.”

About an hour before the hearing Kirk and Spock finally decided on a plan. Jim didn’t think it was going to work. They were playing it too safe. Spock still thought Pike could be convinced of their story and act appropriately in the moment.

“The previous attempts did not succeed because you forced this scenario on Pike in the moment. Why did it never occur to you to use the four hours and eight minutes of the journey to Vulcan with greater efficiency?”

“Because half the time I was bedridden due to Bones’ stupid vaccine so I could actually be on board. When I wasn’t bedridden, you saw I was busy trying to implement fail safe codes to protect the Enterprise.”

“Well, given that we are informing Pike before the hearing and all charges against you will be dropped, there should be ample time to explain the specifics of the situation and plan appropriately with Captain Pike.”

Jim grumbled, but he stalked after Spock anyway as they made their way to the faculty lunchroom where Spock knew to find Pike at this hour.

Jim was not entirely sure what went through Pike’s head as he looked up from his padd and leftover stir-fry, but his brow furrowed with confusion as he watched Jim and Spock enter the lunchroom. He paused mid-bite, setting his chopsticks back into his food. Jim and Spock stood in front of Pike, the chatter in the lunchroom quieting to an eavesdropping silence as they awaited an explanation for whatever could bring the polar opposites of Professor Spock and Cadet Kirk together.

“May I help you with something, gentlemen?” Pike asked, raising an eyebrow and leaning forward in his chair.

“We need your help with something, Pike. It’s rather urgent,” Kirk began. “Can you spare a moment?”

“You two are…working together?” Pike asked. His brow furrowed deeper.

“Affirmative, captain,” Spock replied. “A pressing issue has come up that requires our collaboration.”

“That must be one hell of a problem to bring you two together.”

“Captain, I fail to see how the nature of the problem is related to the nature of Cadet Kirk and I’s collaboration.”

Pike chuckled. “You still don’t realize the full capacity for human resentment then. Is Kirk aware you’re bringing him up on charges this afternoon, Spock?”

“Actually, he dropped those charges this morning, sir. He decided this problem was far more important than our petty squabble.”

“Jim, charges of academic dishonesty are more than just a ‘petty squabble.’ And what do you mean Spock dropped the charges?”

“You say tomato, I say the test was broken and I fixed it. Spock doesn’t agree, but he did not think it warranted a formal trial either. Moving on, we really need to talk to you, Pike.”

Pike glanced around the lunchroom at the eavesdropping professors and sighed. “Bunch of gossips,” he muttered so that only Jim and Spock could hear him. He snapped the lid back on his lunch container. “Let’s adjourn to my office. I have a feeling this is going to be a hell of a conversation.”

“You are very fond of this metaphor. I fail to see how a fictional representation of punishment in the afterlife has any bearing on your standard discourse,” Spock commented as the three of them exited the lunchroom.

“Because it’s fun to say, Spock,” Jim replied for Pike, smiling as he teased Spock. “Aren’t there any colorful metaphors Vulcans like to use for emphasis?”

“No.” The look Spock gave to Jim was full of exasperation. And to think Jim thought Spock was emotionless when he first met him. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Spock try some new plans with Pike's help.

“Let me get this straight. You two are in a time loop – “

“Not Spock, just me,” Jim corrected. He stood by Spock on one side of Captain Pike’s desk while Pike slumped in his chair on the other side.

“I think just this conversation is giving me grey hairs. So, Jim is in a time loop, because of an omnipotent being called Q. And the only way to get out of it is to save Vulcan from being imploded by Romulans from the future. Am I correct so far?”

“Affirmative,” Spock replied. “His story is unlikely, but my mind meld with him proved the validity of his story. Cadet Kirk is telling the truth.”

“And this distress call is going to come during Jim’s hearing.”

“Yep. Let me tell you, it makes it a pain in the ass to get on the Enterprise in the attempts I didn’t work with Spock.”

“Okay, so we need to make a battle strategy to engage the previously mentioned time traveling Romulans from the future.”

“Actually, Pike - ”

“Cadet Kirk and I have already devised a plan.”

“…Of course you have. Well, let’s hear it.”

“I’m going to make you some coffee. Spock will be able to remember all the details better so he’ll explain the plan. I’ll also go ahead and email your students that their class is cancelled. You’re going to be here a while.” Jim scooped up Pike’s padd.

“You don’t know my access codes, Kirk.”

“Psh. Yes, I do. I had to figure out where you lived freshman year so I could crash on your couch. Remember when I had that horrendous roommate before Bones? I hacked into the Starfleet database to figure out where you lived. And I may have accidentally found out your access codes. But don’t worry, I’ve never used them for nefarious purposes.”

“Fine, whatever. I’ll change my codes later.” Pike waved his hand. “Now get me my coffee.”

“Yessir!” Kirk mock saluted.

“After reviewing Cadet Kirk’s memories of the time loop, the time between arriving in Vulcan space and Vulcan’s ultimate demise is rather limited at…” Spock went on, giving Pike the run down of the plan he and Jim had devised earlier in the day. With only a couple hours left before the hearing, Jim hoped it was enough time to enact and finally end this time loop.

The plan, despite the time it took to go over it, was actually fairly simple. Captain Pike had made far more friends than enemies during his tenure at Starfleet so far. Before heading to Vulcan, he broadcasted to the other federation ships that recent intelligence had come through that the source of Vulcan’s distress was not a natural disaster, but an attack from an advanced Romulan ship.

A couple captains were skeptical, especially when Pike found himself stuttering for evidence. That was when Jim suggested Uhura. Because Uhura could speak better Romulan than the majority of Starfleet communications officers, she could pick up on other signals that regular communications cadets could not.

The fleet dropped out of warp briefly to change into a tactical formation with the Enterprise at the lead. From there the plan would be fairly simple: while the rest of the fleet engaged the Narada, the Enterprise would head for the drill and disable it. But as the fleet was reorganizing, Jim still felt a sense of dread in his gut he couldn’t shake.

“This is taking too long, Sp – I mean, Commander,” Jim whispered to the Enterprise’s first officer. “We’ll have less than twenty minutes to stop the Narada if we leave right now.”

“The fleet is…more undisciplined than I anticipated,” Spock muttered back.

“Knock it off, both of you,” Pike ordered. “This fleet is primarily manned by Starfleet cadets right now. What did you expect?”

Jim ran a hand through his hair. “We’re not going to make it.”

“Make what?” Chekov piped up from his chair.

Jim shook his head. “Nothing. Just make sure you fly under the radar of whatever ship we’re about to encounter, Mister Chekov.”

“Aye, sir. We shall come about from ze other side of Wulcan.”

“Good. Great. Thanks, Chekov.” Some guilt still wormed in Jim’s heart whenever he looked at the young navigator.

The fleet was finally under way. From the anticipated arrival at Vulcan, they would have about sixteen minutes to save Vulcan. Jim flipped his phaser to the kill setting just in case. If everything went to shit, he was not going to die in the vacuum of space again. He would off himself first.

There was a brief shining moment when the surprise of ten Starfleet vessels warping into the star system and immediately firing upon one unsuspecting Romulan ship seemed like an easy battle over within minutes. But as soon as the Narada was aware of the ships and damage they were causing, the tide quickly turned.

Even if the Narada was initially a mining ship, its advanced technology and weaponry were an easy match for the federation ships. The USS Farragut dealt a huge blow when they collided with some of the Narada’s weapon systems, but all Jim could do was wince at the lives that had been lost, Gaila probably among them. Would this much death be required no matter what? Surely there had to be a way to save both Vulcan and the majority of the fleet.

But for now, Kirk realized he had to focus on the attempt at hand. He helped man the tactical station. As Sulu came about, Kirk targeted and fired on the drill that had already penetrated a significant distance into the heart of Vulcan.

When the drill broke, the bridge of the Enterprise cheered. Even Jim smiled, but he knew this battle was far from over. Nero still had the red matter. Whether the drill was successful or not, that stuff could still do a hell of a lot of damage. Damage that would certainly mean a restart on the day. They had just over five minutes left to save Vulcan.

“We have to lure them away from Vulcan now, Captain!” Jim shouted. “If they get the chance to launch the red matter or they explode, that stuff is going to ignite and destroy Vulcan anyway.”

“I’m open to suggestions,” Pike shouted as a torpedo hit made the ship shudder.

“Shields at 60-percent and failing,” a Bridge officer reported.

Jim had a burst of inspiration. “Chekov and Uhura, plot a course as close as you can to the Narada’s sensors. Make sure that ship sees exactly who we are.”

“What? Are you crazy?!” Pike shouted. “We’ll get pulverized.”

“We are almost out of time and options. I forgot because it was so long ago, but the reason the Enterprise was spared in the original attempt was because Nero recognized our ship. The Enterprise of our time holds significance in his.”

“He seeks to show me the destruction of my planet,” Spock stated, recalling his mindmeld with Jim. 

“Exactly! So, let’s get right up in his face and then run like hell.”

“I believe that Mister Kirk’s plan has merit, unnecessary metaphors aside,” Spock supported. Jim flushed with the unexpected praise, staring at Spock warmly. 

Pike hesitated, white knuckles gripping the arms of his captain’s chair.

Jim managed to tear his attention from Spock. “Come on, what have we got to lose? If I’m wrong, the day resets anyway.”

“Fine! Mister Sulu, let’s get up close and personal with these Romulans,” Pike ordered.

“Aye, Captain,” Sulu replied. Jim could see the barest trace of a smirk on the helmsman’s face. “We’ll make sure the only thing their sensors pick up is us.”

The Enterprise broke off from its formation with the other fleet ships, of which only four others remained. Half the fleet was already gone. Sulu’s expert piloting made certain the Enterprise flashed her brand-new paint job to the Narada as it dodged the tentacle-like appendages of the ship.

The firing on the Enterprise finally lapsed. Jim breathed a sigh of relief as he finally let his muscles relax now that he no longer had to fight to maintain balance in the middle of the battle. Was his plan actually working? Could they antagonize Nero into leaving the system and somehow destroy him away from Vulcan? Did he just buy them the time they needed to win?

And then Uhura made an announcement that sent dread into Jim’s stomach. “Captain, commander, an incoming message has just been put through for Commander Spock. It’s the Romulan captain. He says, ‘I hope you enjoy the show, Spock.’ End message.”

“Ze enemy wessel has just launched something into ze atmosphere,” Chekov reported.

“No!” Jim shouted. “Can we stop it?”

“Negative. It is already in ze planet.”

Jim turned to Spock. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“We will have to rethink our strategy next time,” Spock replied. And then Jim’s world went black. Well, at least he never needed to use his phaser.

_ Attempt 67 _

Jim poured tea for himself and Spock while Spock was once again processing the mind meld of the day. It seemed with each attempt, Spock’s brow furrowed further from the added failures. “We need a new angle. To try something completely different,” Jim said. Their fingers touched briefly as Jim handed Spock a cup of tea and he almost flinched from a brief shock. But it seemed a little warm for static electricity.

“Clarify.”

“Well, you just saw all my memories. There were a lot of different attempts in there. And a lot of different plans. Some of them were really good plans but there’s one thing that always seems to cause a problem: time. We don’t have enough time. I mean, we only have a half hour to actually do anything to save Vulcan. And that’s only if we can avoid getting blown up before then. So, we need to do something to give us more time. Maybe we could even ambush Nero.”

“To do so we would need to launch the fleet prior to the distress call from Vulcan.”

“Exactly!” Jim said. He set the mugs of tea on the table and sat across from Spock. “And think about it: there are over five hours between when the Narada enters the system and Starfleet answers the distress call. Ample time for Nero to drop off you from the future, disable communications, fight and destroy all of Vulcan’s defenses, and then drill almost to the planet’s core. That means  _ they  _ need six hours to do all that. Imagine what we could do if we had more than a half hour to engage just before they deal a crippling blow.”

“It is logical to assume a greater chance of success with an increased time limit. Additionally, if Starfleet were to engage the Narada in congruence with Vulcan defenses rather than after the Vulcan fleet is destroyed, chances of success would increase by over 40-percent. Without further data on the movements of Vulcan fleets, I cannot offer a more precise probability at this time.”

“Don’t worry about it, Commander Spock, that is already a significant margin to work in. Now, to deal with the issue at hand: how do we mobilize the fleet for Vulcan six or more hours ahead of schedule?”

“Additionally, I will need to drop the charges against you beforehand since your hearing does not occur until 1530 hours.”

“Also true. So, that leaves us about an hour left to come up with a plan and implement it to mobilize the fleet.”

“Perhaps it would be prudent to spend today planning for the next attempt rather than rush through a hastily made plan.”

Jim sighed. “As much as I would like for it to be otherwise, you’re right.” Jim clapped his hands together. “Alright, clear your schedule, Spock, because we have a whole new day to plan.”

An hour before the hearing, Jim and Spock were at a stalemate over their latest debate. They were running out of time despite Jim’s protestations they could both afford to skip said hearing, Spock was still adamant they go. “Come on, Spock!” Jim pleaded. “We’ve figured out the rest of this plan already. Everything is set to go once we get on the Enterprise. We just have to agree on how to mobilize the fleet.”

“Faking a distress call from Vulcan is not a viable option.”

“Yes, it is!” Jim argued. “It’s not immoral if we know they’re going to send one anyway! Wouldn’t it be better to fabricate the distress call to ensure Vulcan gets help the moment they are actually in distress?”

“I am not questioning the morality of such actions,” Spock countered. “Merely questioning the capability to fake such a distress call. Were we to fake a distress signal, it is inevitable that Starfleet would hail Vulcan directly for further communication on their situation.”

“Fine! Then how do you propose we mobilize the entirety of Starfleet’s stand-by fleet to Vulcan six hours ahead of schedule?”

Spock did not reply, and Jim threw his hands up in surrender as he leaned back in his chair. “We’ve been at this for hours. Surely, we must have some idea of how to implement the new plan. Come on, Spock. What else could possibly mobilize the fleet to Vulcan? There must be some obscure protocol rattling around in your brain.”

Cue signature Spock eyebrow raise. That was eight so far today. Jim didn’t expect today would be breaking any records. Then again, kind of difficult to top nineteen as he had in the last attempt. Especially when Jim had no intention of setting foot on the Enterprise while it warped into a suicide mission today. But Spock didn’t need to know that.

“To mobilize the fleet would take a significant event such as a distress call or intelligence about an impending attack.”

Jim ran a hand through his hair. “So, what you’re saying is, we don’t need to forge a distress call. We just need to give Starfleet significant evidence that Vulcan will likely be attacked today.”

“Affirmative.”

“There’s just one problem with that. We don’t have any evidence!”

“While I am not amenable to forging a distress call, the creation of evidence that would indicate a high probability of an attack is merely advancing the intelligence you would provide later in the day.”

“Still kind of like lying, Spock,” Jim grinned. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“Vulcans do not lie.”

“Sure, Spock. Sure.”

Jim lay on his couch in the dorm figuring out some final adjustments to his and Spock’s intelligence report. They wouldn’t have a lot of time to implement it tomorrow, but hopefully they would still be able to get it to Starfleet with plenty of time to spare.

“Well, well, Jimmy, fancy seeing you here instead of in the middle of blowing up in Vulcan space. I thought you were done with your moping stuff.”

“Hi, Q. A displeasure to see you, as always. And I’m not moping. I’m working out an elaborate plan for the next attempt.”

“Ouch, you wound me, Kirk. Here I am, putting together this elaborate time loop for you and you don’t even appreciate it. If you’re going to be ungrateful, I might as well just end it now. And stick you in the space between realities just for good measure.”

Jim bit his tongue from making another snarky remark. He was not entirely sure Q was joking, and Jim was not about to test how seriously the omnipotent being took his threats. “Okay, Q, what are you here for?”

“Oh, nothing really. Got bored playing god king to a planetary system. They became entirely too reliant on me, pestering me with every little question. Took all the fun out of it with all that work. Also, I think they started some crusades against infidels in a neighboring system and that was just so cliché.” Q rolled his eyes to the sky, shaking his head with exasperation as if he were talking about children hurling mudpies rather than entire planets going on a conquering spree. “So, I decided to check up on you. See what progress you’ve made. Not as much as I’d hoped, but oh well, I should know that I literally can’t underestimate you mortals.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Well, if you don’t mind, I do still have a few details on this to hash out before Vulcan blows up today and I’d rather finish them in some peace and quiet.”

Q laughed. “Your day’s already run out, Jimmy. Enterprise held her own for a while with Spock holding a good deal of your memories in his mind, but she’s still gone. And Vulcan will be following suit rather shortly.”

Jim looked at the clock on his padd. Sure enough, Vulcan was only minutes away from imploding. He sighed. “Well, guess I’ll just have to try my best with this tomorrow. I’m sure Spock will help.”

“Yes, I did notice you were relying on your little hybrid a lot in these past few attempts. And don’t think I didn’t notice you getting all chummy with him a while back and completely avoiding the one task I assigned you.” Q waggled his finger and clucked. “Very naughty of you, Mr. Kirk.”

Jim’s shoulders tensed. “I was gathering information on him. I had to figure out how to communicate with the guy. He hates my guts every time the morning restarts.” The words felt bitter on Jim’s tongue as he uttered them. It was always difficult to remember that even though he thought of Spock fondly now, he was still worse than a stranger in the Vulcan’s eyes: a cocky young cadet who had cheated on a fundamental command-track exam.

Q laughed. “Oh Jimbo, you should know by now that’s not true.”

“What do you mean?”

But Q only responded with a snap of his fingers. Jim’s world once again went dark. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note I've neglected to bring up: I have no idea how much time it actually takes to get to Vulcan, or when the fleet actually arrived at Vulcan to engage the Narada. All timing that I have established in this fic is made up by me. From other Star Trek series I always got the impression that it takes at least a day to get to Vulcan. But in the 2009 movie it feels like it takes 15 minutes tops. So, I compromised and made it six hours. Also, this gives me some wiggle room to implement different plans ;)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more Spock and Jim bonding, plus some realizations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Happy Kwanzaa, and happy other assorted December holidays! As a holiday treat and thank you for all your lovely comments and kudos so far, I planned on posting a couple additional chapters today, but I was not able to finish editing them. However, I will send them out tomorrow night. Otherwise, hope you enjoy this chapter!

_ Attempt 68 _

Perhaps Jim was still a little tired from yesterday and distracted from his conversation with Q, because it took him longer than usual to convince Spock of his story and agree to a mind meld. But when he did, Spock looked at Jim curiously. “You feel that I harbor ill-will towards you?”

“I guess you saw my last conversation with Q. Sorry about that. Before we got to know each other, yes, I thought you disliked me. I screwed up your test and came across as a complete jackass. You may not actively hate me, but I doubt you want to be my friend at this point,” Jim confessed, even though it made his chest hurt a little to remember that.

“Vulcans do not have friends.”

“Oh. Right, sorry.”

“However, I harbor no dislike towards you now or before you entered these premises. To do so would not only be illogical, it would be an incorrect assumption. On the contrary, I find you a fascinating specimen for your high intelligence and propensity to behave most illogically.”

“Then why the hearing? Why bring up charges against me?”

“Because you cheated. And in your brashness failed to garner the purpose of the exam. I had hoped the hearing would instill the lesson in you instead.”

“Huh…that’s actually…rather logical. Of course, it didn't work. Never try to apply logic to James T. Kirk,” Jim grinned.

“Clearly, as you are more illogical than most humans.”

“Okay, I know you meant that as a scathing insult, but I am totally going to take that as a compliment.”

“Thus, proving my point.”

“Okay, back on track. So, I composed most of the basic intelligence this morning as I rushed over here. We just need to work out the details and send it over to Starfleet.”

“You wish to pose as a Rigellian cargo ship delivering this intelligence?” Spock asked.

“Yes, it makes sense.”

“What if Starfleet wishes to contact said Rigelian vessel for confirmation?”

“Good thing I speak a decent amount of Rigelian,” Jim replied. “I’m going to be on stand by with a communicator in case Starfleet wishes to contact the vessel for verification and further information. And if it gets to be too difficult to keep up the ruse, I also have a static noise on stand-by so it will look like the Rigelian ship is encountering interference in a nebula.”

“But you do not look Rigelian.”

“Also true. But I’m piloting a very old vessel. And it just so happens that half the communications system will be down, making it impossible to establish anything but an audio link.”

Spock raised his eyebrow. “Clearly you anticipated many finer details during your ‘brainstorming’ session in the last attempt.”

“Thank you, Mister Spock. Here, look over this transmission one last time for me. Make sure I have the grammar right. I’ll go pour us some more tea.”

Spock scrolled through the message Jim had compiled in Rigelian. “I question your ability to pass as a Rigelian trader with your complete disregard of the passive pluperfect verb-construction.”

“Guess I will have to use exclusively active voice, then.”

“Would that not give off an aggressive impression?”

Jim shrugged and handed Spock a mug of tea. “I’m late in delivering some cargo, a Romulan vessel just gave me some grief, and I have an embittered personality after forty years of working on a cargo ship that’s twice my age and falling to pieces. I’m allowed to be a little angry.”

“It appears you have adopted the fake persona of a Rigelian trader completely,” Spock marveled.

“ _ Yes. And I am in no mood for prying Vulcans today!”  _ Jim spat in Rigelian, and smirked at Spock who blinked with surprise.

“See, Spock, we’ll pull this off! Just be sure that while I’m getting this intelligence taken care of you go ahead and drop the charges. I don’t think I’ll be able to get Bones to sneak me on board the Enterprise out of pity this early. This mission is going to make him miss his favorite class.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. Three already today and a brand-new plan ahead of them; Jim had a good feeling he would break his last record for Spock eyebrow raises. “I question Dr. McCoy’s adhesion to Starfleet protocol considering how frequently he lapses in following it.”

Jim laughed. “Don’t worry. He usually only bends protocol on my behalf.”

“…That is still concerning. How often has Dr. McCoy broken protocol on your behalf?”

“That is a question I’m definitely not going to answer.”

All in all, Jim thought he was doing rather well as Starfleet followed up on the fake intelligence. Jim lay on his dorm room couch, talking into a communicator while his free hand tapped on the padd, making various technical noises for background noise to simulate the bridge of a Rigelian cargo ship. He had even put a sock outside the door to ensure he wouldn’t be disturbed.

Of course, no one bothered to tell Bones that common decency was to not interrupt when a sock was on the door. Or maybe they had, and he had – like a lot of things – decided such a practice did not apply to him. “Jim! Who are you fucking at nine in the goddamn morning?!”

“Venthyr, please respond. What was that background noise?” Starfleet command asked over the comm.

“ _ Umm…nothing! Just some…uh…some spatial whiskey, I mean…turbulence. Give me a moment,”  _ Jim replied in stuttered Rigelian. He turned off the communicator and launched himself at the door.

“Bones! A moment. Please!”

“Jim, open this door right now! This is my dorm too, you know. I don’t know what manners they bred into you in the flat wasteland of Iowa, but you don’t lock your roommate out of his own apartment.”

Jim opened the door. “Fine! Come in, but please, if you care about me at all, please don’t say a word for the next couple minutes.”

Jim darted back to the couch and turned his communicator back on. He also activated the static program he had developed. “ _ Communications Officer Reynolds? Come in. This is Venthyr from the Rigelian cargo vessel 846.” _

“We read you, Captain Venthyr. Is everything alright?”

“ _ I have entered a nebula that is making it difficult to hold a communications link. I must cut this channel.” _

“Understood, Captain Venthyr. Thank you for your help today. Reynolds out.” The connection broke and Jim flopped with relief.

“Mind telling me what that hullabaloo was all about?” Bones asked. “Why were you impersonating a Rigelian freighter captain?”

Jim shook his head. “Believe me, you’ll be happier the less you know.”

“That sounded a little too official to be one of your practical jokes,” Bones noted. “On a scale of a laxative in Mitchell’s lunch to mutiny, how much trouble are you in?”

“A little closer to mutiny than you’d prefer,” Jim admitted.

Bones face began to flush red as he rolled his eyes skyward. “Goddammit, Jim! One of these days that Kirk charm is going to get you absolutely nowhere except a prison colony in New Zealand.”

“Believe me, this is for a good cause.”

“Jim, I swear – “

“Cadet James Kirk, open your door,” an official voice interrupted Bones. “this is Starfleet security.”

Both of them froze and turned towards the door.

“James Tiberius Kirk, what did you do?” Bones said in an icy voice that was far more terrifying than anything Jim had heard from his roommate before.

Jim didn’t reply, instead swallowing a lump in his throat. He moved to the door and allowed Starfleet security entry.

He steeled her nerves and turned on the Kirk smile. “What seems to be the problem, officers?” Jim asked the red shirts standing outside his door.

“You are to come with us, for hacking into a private Starfleet communications channel, impersonating a Rigelian transport vessel, and attempting to use an official channel to mobilize the fleet.”

“Wait! I can explain,” Jim protested. “It’s not what you think!”

“YOU DID WHAT?!” Bones shouted.

“Come with us, Cadet Kirk, or we will forcibly remove you.”

Jim sighed. “Yeah. Okay. Today was a bust. Got it. Can I send a message first though?”

“Negative. You will be allowed to make contact once you are in custody.”

“Yeah, that checks out. Well, let’s go.”

“JIM, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU IF THEY EVER LET YOU OUT!” Bones shouted.

A red officer nudged Kirk. “Are you just coming with us so willingly to avoid whoever that is?”

Jim smiled. “My roommate, Cadet McCoy. And to answer your question, definitely.” Jim didn’t feel much like explaining how it was useless to resist as all his plans for this attempt had failed anyway.

_ Attempt 69 _

“I’m staying in your apartment this time to answer Starfleet’s call,” Jim informed Spock as they went over the plan again and finished up the intelligence message. “I’m pretty sure the last attempt failed because Bones was making a ruckus in the background.”

“It would seem prudent to impersonate a Rigelian freighter captain in a space that has a decreased likelihood of potential disturbance.”

“So, that was a yes, right?”

“Correct.”

“Alright, let’s do this.” Jim tapped his padd and sent out the message to Starfleet communications. “There! New Plan Beta, attempt 2, is underway.”

Spock raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry, thinking of a name to call this plan. After all, it’s very different from anything else we’ve tried. Feels like it needs its own name. How about ‘Plan Venthyr,’ for the heroic contributions of my disgruntled Rigelian captain persona?”

Spock did not reply.

“I’m guessing that’s a ‘no.’ I’ll keep working on it.”

“Your focus would be better spent determining what to say to Starfleet communications when they call. Perhaps going over Rigelian verbs would be prudent?”

“Sometimes you are such a nerd, Spock,” Jim teased.

“This is a word I still do not understand in human vocabulary. The meaning has changed a lot through the centuries, but it was originally meant as an insult to someone who displayed above average intelligence, typically on a focused subject. However, I fail to see the insinuation of an insult in such a description.”

Jim couldn’t help but smile as he listened to the Vulcan equivalent of a mini-rant. “I guess because humans feel aggression to those they envy sometimes. It was used as an insult to those who were considered outside the parameters of normal behavior or intelligence. There was also a connotation of physical weakness ascribed to nerds at one point. In any case, it’s more of a term of affection than anything these days.”

“Fascinating.” Jim had started noticing the small hitch in Spock’s voice every time he said that word. He said it the same way Jim had the urge to bounce and move around when he was excited. It was…adorable. Wait, did Jim just seriously think of Commander Spock as adorable?

“By your statement, it would indicate you hold some degree of affection towards me,” Spock’s face was near as stoic as ever, but some micro expression Jim sensed leaked through: amusement.

At any other point, Jim would be able to riff off such a comment. But the sudden realization that he found something Spock did adorable had just opened a floodgate of tiny realizations that Jim had been repressing came to him all at once: Jim found he did not just enjoy Spock’s company, he looked forward to. He didn’t mind having Spock poke around in his brain anymore. He enjoyed Spock’s sense of humor, and he loved playing the eyebrow game, which Jim wasn’t sure if Spock was aware of or not. Jim would like to think this realization was one of friendship, but there was something more. Something he wouldn’t even admit to himself yet.

“I…uh…yeah, Spock. Of course, I feel affection for you. It’s only been a couple hours for you, but I have spent weeks with you and some days in life or death scenarios. You’re…my friend,” Jim finished. Hopefully in a voice that sounded convincing. “It must be strange for you, but maybe once this time loop is over, we can become proper friends.”

Spock stiffened, his expression somehow closing off from Jim. “Vulcans do not have friends.”

“Sure, that’s what they say, but Vulcans still have colleagues, right? That’s kind of like friends. And don’t forget, you’re half human. I’ll make myself your friend, just wait and see.” Jim might have said more, but that was when Jim’s communicator beeped. “I bet that’s Starfleet.  _ Time to become Venthyr _ ,” Jim finished in Rigelian. 

This time, Starfleet was convinced by Jim’s Venthyr impression, even if Spock had been critical of Jim’s inflections after the fact. Now for the rest of the plan.

Jim was cleared of the Kobayashi Maru charges. And at around 0930 hours, a message came for Spock from Starfleet Headquarters.

Jim checked his padd as well. It had been a long thirty minutes since Starfleet’s call because other than Spock’s criticism of Jim’s Rigelian, he had hardly spoken. And most of Jim’s attempts at conversation had fallen flat. Jim had resolved to force Spock to him somehow around the time Spock’s message came in.

“I haven’t gotten a message yet. Do you think they are just informing senior officers right now?”

“Negative. It appears that the Enterprise will not be going to Vulcan.”

“What?! Why not?”

“Starfleet has determined that the whole fleet is not needed for the voyage to check on Vulcan, so only three ships will be departing: The USS Farragut, the USS Antares, and the USS Hood. As the Enterprise has not yet had her maiden voyage, it is unlikely she would have been chosen for this type of mission.” 

“Oh my God, we screwed everything up. Now none of us will be there when Nero attacks. I don’t even really know who is on those ships except for one or two cadets.”

“Perhaps our advance warning will prove successful in saving Vulcan,” Spock suggested.

Jim frowned. “How likely do you think that is? You saw my memories, what the Narada is capable of. Sure, those ships might not be picked off like flies, but that doesn’t mean they will be successful. Nero managed to destroy all of Vulcan’s ships before Starfleet ever arrived. Do you really think three unprepared federation ships will make that much of a difference?”

Their presence would increase the likelihood of success by about “0.3-percent.”

“And since we’ve seen the probability of Vulcan ships destroying Nero’s ships alone at 0-percent, those are pretty low odds.”

“Indeed.”

“Ugh! We screwed up. Again,” Jim slumped in one of Spock’s chairs. “There has to be a way to get through this day with Q’s requirements.”

Spock said nothing, but moved to get up.

“Well, since we have the whole day now, how about we talk about how you clammed up when I started talking about friendship?”

“Negative. I have classes I must tend to.”

“Spock, you can’t just avoid me about this. You’re acting childish. Besides, you already commed Uhura to cover your classes.”

“As there is nothing more that can be done today, I will attend my classes.”

“Spock! We can figure out a new plan. Or something! Come on, please?”

But Spock had already grabbed his bag of notes and was headed out his door without another word.

“Damn Vulcans and their emotion suppression,” Jim grumbled to the empty apartment. And then he felt queasy with the realization that he was alone…in Spock’s apartment. There was just something so domestic about that. And the more Jim dwelled on that thought, the more his imagination wandered, envisioning all sorts of scenarios of Jim and Spock sharing an apartment, unplatoncially. It was weird to have the brief flashes of places in the apartment he could see himself making out with Spock. Then, he wondered how many places in the apartment Uhura and Spock had had sex. Did Vulcans even have sex before marriage? Regardless, the idea of Uhura and Spock having sex made Jim feel queasy.

“Yeah, I am definitely not going to hang out here all day,” Jim mumbled, bolting from the apartment.

Jim spent most of the day on the grass of the main campus. He was incredibly grateful that at least he was stuck in a time loop of one of San Francisco’s rare, clear days for this time of year. And the weather wasn’t too cold either. It was a perfect day. There were certainly worse days to live over and over again, weather wise anyway. Jim sat in the grass, the sun warming his face as he listened to the background chatter of passing cadets and officers.

He saw Sulu across the quad and waved, forgetting that the other cadet didn’t really know him yet. Sulu did give a tentative wave in return anyway, before hurrying to his next destination.

And then, Jim saw Spock walking across the campus, deep in conversation with another cadet Jim recognized almost instantly: Uhura. Jim felt a small spike of something that felt angry and irrational as he watched the two of them. It didn’t make sense. He knew Uhura and Spock were dating. He thought they looked cute together.

_ But he’d look cuter with you,  _ an irrational voice in the back of Jim’s mind whispered. Jim waved it away, but the fact such a presence was there concerned him. There was no way he was jealous. Spock was a friend. Definitely a friend. And Uhura was already something that was sort of like a friend. He was being ridiculous. And yet, he didn’t get up to greet the couple as he watched them head towards the main cafeteria.

“What are you doing, Jim?” Bones’ shadow passed over Jim.

“Hey, Bones! You’re blocking my sunlight.”

“You’re supposed to be in class, idiot. Are you seriously skipping class to lounge about in the middle of the campus?”

“To be honest, I completely forgot I had class today. I just wanted to enjoy this beautiful day.”

“Uh-huh, and someone’s beautiful ass by the looks of it. So, whose was it? I saw a second-year cadet hurrying by around where your eyes were wandering. Also Professor Hughes, but I doubt you’re checking out fifty year olds.” Bones gasped and grimaced. “Don’t tell me it’s Uhura. Now there’s a path you really don’t want to go down. Last time you did I met you bruised like an apple in a toddler’s pocket on a shuttle to Starfleet.”

“How would a toddler even fit an apple in their pocket?”

Bones groaned again. “It’s Uhura isn’t it? Are you out of your corn-fed mind?!”

“Actually, it’s not Uhura I was staring at thoughtfully – “

“Lustily,” Bones corrected.

“ – It was Commander Spock.”

Bones near choked. “The Vulcan professor? I take it back, Jim. Go after Uhura. At least she might let you down easy. I’m pretty sure if you hit on a Vulcan I’d find you in the bottom of a garbage chute.”

“My ego’s not that fragile, Bones.”

“No, I mean a Vulcan would literally put you in the bottom of a dumpster. They seem the type to do crazy stuff to be a lesson for future contenders.”

“I think you’re beyond paranoid. Besides, not like I’m going to do anything about it. Spock’s dating Uhura, remember?”

“WHAT?! When did this start? And how do I not remember?”

Jim mentally kicked himself. He had completely forgotten the professor-cadet relationship was supposed to be super-secret, as in literally no one else knew about it. “Shit, shit, shit. I wasn’t supposed to say that.”

“How the hell did you find out something like that anyhow?”

“I…long story. Anyway, you can’t tell anyone, Bones. And I mean anyone. Or Spock will kill me. And then Uhura will kill me again for good measure. ”

“Are you fucking kidding me, Jim?! You know Commander Spock?”

“What? No! What gave you that impression?”

“Oh, I don’t know, you just referred to the Commander like he was your best friend or something. No title or anything. Jim, what have you been up to messing around with a Vulcan?”

“No, it’s not like that, Bones. We’ve just…Commander Spock and I have been working on a project together lately. I guess I didn’t realize how informally I had been thinking about him.”

“You two sound like you’re pretty damn chummy. Vulcans don’t talk about their personal lives unless they have to. And here you are not only referring to Spock without a title, but also talking about his love life. You’re like the Vulcan equivalent of a best friend to him.”

“It’s not like that. We don’t talk about these things, I just…pick up on them. Notice things.”

“Uh-huh.” Bones crossed his arms and his grimace looked especially doubtful.

“Come on, Bones. I spend hours with this guy. I keep a running tally of how often I can get his eyebrow to raise in conversation. I get a kick out of trying to figure out if his misunderstandings about human idiosyncrasies are jokes or not. He’s like a puzzle. Did you know whenever he says ‘fascinating,’ it’s his way of expressing his pure, unadulterated wonder?”

“Oh, Jim…” Bones’ arms dropped and his grimace turned into something soft and sympathetic.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“You’re in love with him.”

“I am not! He’s just…a friend. Not even that, according to him. We’re just colleagues or something. Temporary colleagues.”

“Maybe to him. But you are definitely, one hundred-percent, becoming very humanly infatuated with Commander Spock.”

Jim lay back on the grass. He covered his face with his hands. “No. No way. I can’t be. He’s with Uhura. He’s a professor. And he doesn’t even think of me as a friend. There’s no way he’d even consider something…else.”

“Wow. You’ve got it bad, Jim. Come on, let’s go.”

“I’m not going to class, Bones.”

“Wasn’t planning on taking you. We’re headed back to the apartment. We’re going to drink a couple glasses of bourbon, put on a holovid, and then continue drinking bourbon until we can’t say Spock’s name anymore.”

“To be fair, I don’t think anyone except the Vulcan language experts can pronounce Spock’s full name correctly.”

“’You’re missing the point, Jim.”

“Right. We’re having a pity party. Let’s go.”

So, they did. Jim and Bones drank the bourbon that would be returned by tomorrow morning. They watched a couple holovids and laughed at old jokes until Spock was the furthest thing from Jim’s mind. Later on, Jim curled up with Bones and the almost empty bourbon bottle on their old, lumpy couch until the world went black as Vulcan was destroyed for the sixty-ninth time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) For those of you who aren't super deep in the Star Trek fandom, Rigelians are a real species. There is a whole lot of info about them, and I think they were one of the founding Federation members, but otherwise, there's not really a lot you need to know for this fanfic. I just needed an alien race for Jim to impersonate. But they are kind of neat if you feel like looking them up. I think they're supposed to have 5 genders.   
> 2) Bones and the bourbon is definitely something I picked up from the original series. I love how in "This Side of Paradise" Bones' idea of relaxation is just sitting under a tree with a mint julep. Probably one of my favorite Bones moments in the original series.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of Q, and then some Uhura (finally!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, part 1 of 2 for a little holiday treat. Enjoy!

_ Attempt 70 _

Jim awoke to the unpleasant sensation of Q sitting on his chest. “What the hell are you doing, Q?” Jim groaned and tried to push the omnipotent being off of him.

“I’m waking you up early today. We need to talk.”

“Why? What’s there to talk about? I failed. Again. So, I will try again today.” Jim managed to successfully push Q off and proceeded to pull pajama pants and a t-shirt over his boxers.

“We need to talk because somehow your grumpy Southern sawbones got to tell you about your feelings for your hybrid before I did! I was so looking forward to the horror and shock that would cross your human face. Your species’ face is incredibly expressive, did you know that? So much fun to make it twist all sorts of different ways.”

“Wow, did you actually just pay humanity a compliment?” He was resolutely ignoring Q’s claims of his feelings for Spock.

“Not a compliment, just an interesting observation. Faces are less dizzying to watch than Kiiil’tar tentacles or Artackri spines. Now, let’s talk about you and Spock.”

“Let’s not. You put me in this time loop to save Vulcan, not live out a real-life soap opera for your amusement.”

“A soap opera? Oh, what a fantastic idea, Jimmy!” Q prepared his fingers to snap, before Jim clamped a hand firmly over the omnipotent being’s fingers.

“No. Whatever it was you were thinking of doing, just no.”

Q looked at Jim’s fingers in offended perplexity. “Did you just interrupt me? How bold of you. And so very, very foolish.”

“Look, Q, I am very tired and very frustrated right now. Whatever antics you are up to will likely only infuriate both of us and continue to prolong this time loop you claim to be growing bored with.”

“Oh, very well,” Q replied. “Now stop touching me with your oily monkey hands.” 

Jim rolled his eyes as he let go of Q. 

“Come on, Jamesy, throw me a bone, will you? Your day was dull to begin with. Watching it over and over again is _ agony _ . This new development with your little hybrid has been the most exciting thing to happen in ages.” 

“There is no development! Every day is a complete restart with him. So, even if he didn’t have a girlfriend and wasn’t irritated by my presence because of the Kobayashi Maru, there would be no basis for him to return my feelings.” Jim sighed. “Look, do we really have to talk about this? This is just a silly crush. It’s not like it will amount to anything.”

“You know what you need to do? Sleep with him. Isn’t that the way you silly mortals get these absurd fantasies of love out of your system?”

Jim shot a withering glare at Q. But the omnipotent bane of Jim’s existence did have a point. Would his feelings for Spock dissipate if he just slept with the guy? Of course, that opened a whole can of worms. There was no way he was going to do that to Uhura. And with him melding with Spock all the time, there was a good chance Spock would discover the incident later from Jim’s memories. It just wouldn’t be right. And even if it was, this felt like more than a dalliance or a temporary crush born out of a need to sex rather than an actual affection for the person in question. No, Jim started caring for Spock before he ever even considered sleeping with the guy. It was a novel experience for Jim and he wasn’t really sure what to do with these new emotions. 

“I’m not going to sleep with Spock. I doubt he would even let me if I wanted to anyway.”

Q smirked. “I could change that, you know. Make him more receptive to your affections. It’s so easy to mess with Vulcan hormone levels. Just a little chemical imbalance somewhere and they go completely feral.” Q yawned. “Wouldn’t be difficult either considering your Vulcan pet has the stirrings of feelings for you as well.”

Jim absolutely hated it when Q teased him like this. There was literally no evidence to back up Q’s claims that made Jim’s optimistic heart beat a little faster. “You’re insane. Spock holds no affection for me. And even if he did, I’m not doing that to Uhura. She’s my favorite frenemy. One day I hope we’ll even be proper friends.”

“Well, we could bring the Vulcan’s girlfriend into the fold too. It’s not like a threesome would be that much more difficult than two. Though maybe it is too much for your pathetic mortal minds to handle.”

“No. Absolutely not. Uhura’s like a sister. Or a cousin. And there is definitely no way she’d sleep with me. Not that I want to anyway.”

“Seriously? I thought James T. Kirk lusted after everything that moved.”

“Wow. Are you seriously calling me a standard-less slut?”

“You have a reputation, Jimmy. In this timeline and the original.”

“Yes, because reputations mean so much. Three years ago I was poor George Kirk’ son who would never amount to anything. Now – until you showed up – I was the hero who saved Earth from destruction.”

“Ooh, Jimmy, was that just some self-confidence I heard? How…alluring.” Q waggled his eyebrows.

Jim snorted. “Ask anyone, they will say I have plenty of ego.”

“Ego is not the same as self-confidence, Jayjay.”

“Q, are you actually here for any legitimate reason or just to drive me crazy with your latest side project in this stupid time loop?

“I actually came to help with your little Vulcan problem, but apparently you just want to insult my genius. How very rude of you.”

“Yes, I’m very rude. Maybe you should take the hint and go away! If you remember, I have a planet to save today and you loitering around to taunt me isn’t getting me any closer to that goal.”

Q sighed and sat up. “I suppose you’re right. I am anxious for this project of mine to get underway again. But do remember this little talk next time you decide to be uninteresting. I get bored all so easily.”

“Are you threatening me?” Jim’s voice raised, But Q had already snapped himself away. Jim was left alone with his thoughts and the sounds of Bones grumbling about coffee in the kitchen area.

Jim bounded into the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee to go. Thanks to Q’s interruption, he was late meeting Spock. He would have to run across campus.

“What’s got you in a frenzy?” Bone grumbled. “Don’t you have a class to get ready for?”

“Maybe, maybe not. First I have to go track down a Vulcan professor.” It was past 0730, which means Spock would have headed to class by the time Jim got to his apartment. He would have to make sure Spock ended the mind meld before he reached Jim’s latest conversation with Q. And basically, all of yesterday too. This was going to be interesting. 

“What in the Sam Hill are you up to now?” Bones groaned as Jim sprinted out of their dorm. 

Jim did not make it to Spock’s apartment in time. He didn’t want to waste the day, so he decided to do as he had done before: wait outside Spock’s class for it to let out to intercept him. He wouldn’t be able to get as much done today, but Jim wasn’t about to waste an entire day just because Q side-tracked him when he woke up. At the very least, he and Spock could begin work on a new plan. But Jim got side-tracked this time talking to a first-year cadet, so it was not Spock he intercepted, but Uhura.

“Kirk, what are you doing here?” Uhura asked, arms crossed across her chest.

“Well, I was here trying to intercept your b- er…professor,” Jim managed to avoid the one word that would likely earn him a slap across the face and swift kick to the groin. Jim had seen Uhura in their first year shared martial arts and defense class. He had watched Uhura take out one of the practice dummies. Not to mention her slaps during their initial meeting in Iowa had really hurt.

Uhura narrowed her eyes. “You were about to say something else. What was it?”

“Not something I’m saying out loud in front of gossiping cadets.”

Uhura’s eyes widened now, and her arms uncrossed with surprise. “You know? How? Are you planning on blackmailing –”

Jim put up his hands in surrender. “No, no, no. Definitely not. Look, we can talk about this, but can we do it somewhere private?”

Uhura nodded. “Yes. But you are going to explain yourself, Kirk. And it better be a damn good explanation.”

Jim gulped. Why did half his interactions with Uhura feel like threats he was on the receiving end of?

Uhura and Jim sat across from each other in an empty classroom. “Talk. Now,” Uhura demanded, leaning on the table.

“Wow, okay. No pleasantries first?” Jim rocked back and forth in his own chair, staving off the nervousness he felt in some other less revealing way than tapping his foot.

“You made Gaila sad. You haven’t earned pleasantries.”

“Okay, that’s fair. But also, once I fix everything I am totally going to be on my knees for forgiveness. And I’ll tell her the truth.”

“Fix what? You know what, never mind. I’m not going to let you sidetrack me. How do you know about Spock and I? The only people who know are the two of us.”

“Straight to the point, huh?” Jim grinned.

“Now, Jim.”

“Fine. But you’re not going to believe me.”

“Try me. I’m all ears.”

Jim dropped all four chair legs back to the ground and leaned forward. “I’m stuck in a time loop. I’ve lived this day over seventy different times now.”

Uhura began to laugh. “Wow. And to think I thought you would have the decency to be serious for once.”

“I’m not lying, Uhura. I’m many things, but I don’t lie about important stuff. And this relationship between you and Spock matters. Remember when you intercepted that transmission from a Klingon prison planet? Today Vulcan is going to be destroyed by the same Romulans that attacked that planet. In the original attempt of this day, Spock and I embarked on a suicide mission to prevent the same thing from happening to Earth. I saw you kiss him farewell. I learned your name is Nyota. And then an omnipotent being made me live this day over and over again until I prevent Vulcan from being destroyed.”

“I still don’t believe you, so don’t take this wrong way, but seriously? Seventy times?” Uhura finally asked.

“It’s kind of difficult to save a planet on the day I get put on academic probation for cheating on the Kobayashi Maru.”

“So you already know what the hearing is about today? Spock has been a little on edge this morning.”

“Spock is on edge for the hearing?” Jim was surprised by that. Spock didn’t seem the type.

“Yep. He doesn’t like being put in the spotlight. And he knows that you’re probably going to do something he can’t predict.”

“Wait, you already knew the hearing was about me this afternoon?”

“Yeah, he told me this morning.”

“And you’ve never given me a heads up about it? What’s up with that?! I thought we were frenemies or whatever.”

“ _ You  _ lost what little respect I had for you when you hurt Gaila’s feelings. Seriously, Jim, ‘that’s so weird?’ Who says something like that? Especially during sex.”

“I panicked! Also, I’ve apologized to her in multiple iterations of today. And I plan to do so again once I actually save Vulcan.”

“Good. At least you’re not a total  _ nirak. _ ”

“Did you just call me an asshole in Vulcan?”

“A fool, actually. I’m still trying to find good insults. There is not a lot of material on them and Spock won’t tell them to me when I ask. I think he’s worried I’ll use them better than he does.”

Jim laughed. “He would be totally right. I’ve always known you have a talented tongue. And I’m sure Spock knows that tongue quite intimately.” Jim waggled his eyebrows at Uhura, making her laugh. He’d like to get to know Spock’s tongue intimately himself, not that he’d let that slip to Uhura. “Though to be fair, I think Vulcan insults are supposed to be more subtle than just random words.”

“That’s a good point. You better make up with Gaila soon so the two of us can get back to normal.”

“I will. Don’t worry.”

“So…do you love her?”

Jim’s smile faded and Spock’s image flashed through Jim’s thoughts. He shook his head. “No. Not romantically anyway. She’s an amazing friend. But that’s all I want us to be. And I’m going to tell her that again one of these days when she will actually remember that conversation.”

“You said that like you have somebody else in mind already romantically,” Uhura noticed. “Want to tell me who it is?”

Jim shook his head. “Not really. Since today keeps restarting he is barely even aware I exist. I don’t have the luxury of indulging in romance right now.”

“Ouch, that sucks. I’d say it’s karma, but this time loop thing sounds like a bitch. You’ve been doing this for over two months now?”

“Yeah…Wow. It really has been a while. By this point we’d be graduated, getting ready for our assignments if time progressed normally.”

“Well, your most likely fake time loop aside, what are you hoping for?”

“The Enterprise,” Jim replied without hesitation.

“Me too,” Uhura sighed. “The flagship of the fleet…think of all the new species we’ll encounter. The new languages and cultures never seen by humans before. It will be…beyond words.”

“Exploring strange new things and mapping uncharted sections of the galaxy. I can’t wait to be out there either.” Jim smiled at Uhura. “Also, when we both get posted to the Enterprise, you’ll have to put up with me even longer.”

“On the downside,” Uhura replied, but there was a teasing smile on her lips. “Wait. You said ‘when we both get posted.’ Not ‘if.’ Am I going to be on the Enterprise?”

Jim smiled. “If today is any indication, yes. You were part of the crew who saved Earth in the first attempt. If that holds true with Vulcan, I bet you’ll be able to have your pick of any position in the fleet anyway. And I thought you didn’t believe me about the time loop.”

“Okay, so I believe you. Maybe. Well, I’m at least going to give you the benefit of the doubt. How many times have we done this in this time loop of yours? Sat and talked?”

“First time actually. For a while I tried to do everything myself. Then I tried to recruit some others to help. Then Spock. But everything I try still ends in failure. Recently I’ve tried to make it so the Federation gets the distress call for Vulcan early to stop the Narada. But it has yet to work out.”

“Got to say, Kirk, a little offended you haven’t sought my advice so far.”

“Don’t get me wrong, Uhura, you’re amazing. I just haven’t had a plan that’s needed a linguist yet. At least not beyond the role you usually play in the timeline. You back me up enough to convince Pike Romulans are attacking, you help get communications back up, but none of those things ever required you to know about the time loop.”

“Well, maybe it’s time to fix that. Clearly you’re not making the best use of the resources at your disposal.”

“I see I have made a grave error indeed. Miss Uhura, do you want to help me save Vulcan and escape this awful time loop?”

“Of course. I’ll even let you call me Nyota since you asked so politely.”

Jim smiled. It felt good to have someone else on his side. He definitely wanted Uhura to be his communications officer one day. “Okay, but I have a request. It’s unlikely Vulcan is going to get saved today since I got sidetracked. And you won’t remember any of this in the next attempt. Is there something I can do or say that will allow me to convince you early in a conversation to believe me and not want to kill me on sight?”

Uhura tapped a perfectly manicured fingernail against her chin. “What do you have in mind?”

“Spock shared a personal memory with me. Otherwise, Chekov just believes me and Sulu just goes along with what Chekov says. And Bones…when I feel like telling him, he just kind of groans and goes along with it even though he doesn’t believe me.”

“I have no idea how you got the most brilliant and cantankerous doctor on Starfleet’s campus wrapped around your finger.”

“I think he still feels guilty from when he threw up on me on the shuttle ride to Starfleet three years ago.”

“Oh wow, I forgot that was Leonard on the shuttle. Wow. He cleaned up nice.”

Jim shuddered. “Don’t say things like that. We’re talking about  _ Bones  _ for crying out loud.”

“Well, here’s this then. If you need to get my attention and trust, say this to me: ash’vek lila yarmut.’”

“I’m sorry, what?”

Uhura allowed herself a private smile. “Ash’vek lila yarmut. When I was a girl I liked to make up words, and later languages. I remember this line especially because I would say it so often.”

“What does it mean?”

“Go hump a tree, weasel dick.”

Jim burst out laughing. “Oh wow. When I pictured you making up languages as a kid, it was stuff like complex grammar and obsessing over syntax. Not using your genius for nefarious purposes.”

“I used it to confuse my cousins. So much about communication is in the tone. It’s usually not about the words, but the tones used to express the words. It is part of what makes language so challenging and yet so fascinating.”

“Still, you made up an entire language just to curse at people. Nyota, you’re my hero.”

“Hey! There’s still plenty of complex grammar and syntax going on. I took the usually passive ‘sh’ sound and used it for the imperative case. Whenever I add a prefix of ‘ash’ to verbs it becomes a command, so a usually soft sound has a harsh meaning. Then, ‘vek’ is ‘to hump.’ ‘Ash’vek’ is ‘go hump.’ See, still totally nerdy.”

“You’re both a nerd and a rouge. I love you.”

“That’s so weird.” Nyota did an uncanny impersonation of Jim’s voice as she stared him down, but a smile twitched at her lips. They both ended up laughing.

“I really hope when this is all over, we’ll be back to being frenemies,” Jim said.

“Maybe when this is all over, we can be actual friends,” Nyota suggested.

“I would like that. A lot actually. Just think of all the mischief we could get up to when we’re on the same side.”

“The universe won’t be able to handle our forces combined.”

“Agreed.”

Jim and Nyota talked for another hour about random stuff, but Jim didn’t feel it was wasted. Vulcan could wait another day to be saved. And he really liked getting to know Uhura as a friend. A real friend. They probably could have gone on longer. But Spock found them both in an intense argument over salads.

“You can put basically anything you want in them!” Uhura argued. “And they’re healthy!”

“You sound like Bones!” Jim complained. “If I wanted to eat just vegetables, I would have been born a rabbit.”

“You’re an omnivore. You’re supposed to eat these things.”

“There is no universal mandate saying a human being needs lettuce to survive!”

Spock coughed as he entered the room. “Are you alright, Cadet Uhura?”

“No! Jim’s an idiot who is going to die from a heart attack or something because he’s too stubborn to eat healthy every once in a while.”

“I am healthy. I drink smoothies!”

“Those are full of sugar!”

“Whatever. There’s still fruit and yogurt. They’re healthy.” Jim swiveled. “Hi, Commander. How are you doing?”

“I came to seek Cadet Uhura as she missed our scheduled appointment.”

Uhura checked the clock. “Is that the time already? I’m sorry, Spock. I didn’t mean to miss our lunch date. We can still go now if you’re interested.”

Spock stiffened. “Cadet, to address me so informally – “

“Don’t worry, Spock. Jim knows. No, I didn’t tell him. And no, he’s not going to tell anyone else. I trust him.”

Spock’s eyes were wide. And was that a green flush in his cheeks? “I…It is inappropriate to address each other with such informality while on duty.”

“I think you almost broke him, Nyota,” Jim whispered with a grin. “Don’t worry. I’ll go ahead and leave. There’s some stuff I need to brainstorm anyway before attempt number 71. Enjoy today, Uhura! Remember, everything resets so you can basically do whatever you want. Ciao!”

Jim left the room with a grin, but it faded as soon as he left. To see Spock’s exasperated yet fond face given so openly to another person felt wrong to him. And he hated that jealousy surged like a wave in his chest. And he was resolutely not thinking of Nyota making out with Spock. No way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been meaning to write a significant Uhura chapter for a while now. I love her character and I wanted to give her a significant role in this work. I hope you enjoyed! Of course, Q was a cosmic nuisance, as always. He was particularly difficult to write in this chapter, so I hope his part flowed alright.
> 
> (P.S. Uhura's language is complete gibberish. Not based off of anything. So if it actually translates to something specific in another language, it was not intentional.)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spirk drama intensifies. Plus more Scotty and Keenser!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of 2 for a holiday treat! Hope you all are doing well this holiday season! I'll be back next week with another chapter.

_ Attempt 71 _

Jim awoke feeling refreshed. He was ready to start trying again with Spock to get the fleet to launch earlier. He anticipated another day or two full of brainstorming and planning, but Jim was still excited. It meant he would get to spend all day with Spock. Even if his semi-self-aware romantic feelings for Spock were never returned, Jim still thought of the guy as a friend. And definitely someone he wanted on his crew one day. Or maybe Old Spock was wrong. Maybe one day Spock would captain the Enterprise and Jim could be his first officer. Jim wouldn’t mind that so much if he was on a ship he adored, with a crew he loved.

Like earlier attempts, Jim talked his way into Spock’s apartment and into Spock’s mind. Jim felt the tips of Spock’s fingers on his temple like a familiar embrace. And he leaned into the mind meld, ready to begin his customary memory flashback of the highlights over the past attempts. But Spock didn’t engage with the memories.

Spock unexpectedly broke the connection, leaving Jim’s mind reeling like it was grasping at empty air. Spock left him abruptly in a wave of chilling loneliness that made Jim gasp.

“Cadet Kirk, how many times have we mind-melded in these attempts?”

Jim shrugged. His tongue struggled around words. “I…I’m not sure. Over ten? Mostly just…just…new attempts. What’s wrong? I didn’t even start…begin…start to show you the…um…memories?” Why was it so difficult to talk all of a sudden?

“Apologies. The breaking of the mind meld so abruptly has left you in a semi-aware state similar to the mind meld. It will pass in a few minutes.”

“Okay… Cool. Not broken.”

Spock stood stiffly and walked to the kitchen to prepare tea. This felt backwards. Usually it was Jim who prepared the tea.

Slowly, the edges of the world were returning to their normal state. Jim hadn’t realized how unfocused his eyesight had been when the mind meld broke. “Did I do something wrong?”

“You have romantic inclinations towards my person,” Spock stated. It sounded so matter of fact Jim almost didn’t notice the clenching of Spock’s hands behind his back. And Spock was definitely avoiding eye contact.

“What?! No! I mean, kind of…but it’s nothing to worry about. I know nothing will come of it, between this time loop and Nyota –”

Spock swiveled. “How do you know about Cadet Uhura and I?”

“Take it easy. Like I said, I’ve been in this time loop over seventy times. I pick up on things. Things you would have seen if you hadn’t broken the mind meld.” This was not going the way Jim had intended.

“How knowledgeable have you become of mind melds and their purposes?” Spock asked.

“I don’t know. We don’t go a lot into theory. Mostly just practical purposes. Sharing thoughts seems to be the main use for a mind meld. Makes information exchange a lot more convenient if one can get past the emotional transference. Oh shit…my emotions…they overwhelmed you, didn’t they?”

“Indeed.”

“Spock, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean…I wasn’t aware I could share my emotions like that. I thought it was limited to what I felt in my memories.”

“Mind melds are indeed useful for passing information efficiently. But the melding of minds is often used in intimate settings. Particularly in the formation of familial bonds.”

“Like parents and their children?”

“Indeed. And for married couples as well.”

“Oh fuck. So just then it felt like I was…trying to marry you?”

“That is a very simplistic description of it, but yes. Your mind sought the attachment of a bond. Fascinating, as I have never heard of a psi-null individual with such a capability.” Spock returned to the table with a cup of tea. Jim found it rather rude that he didn’t think to make him a cup as well. But then again, today Spock wasn’t even aware Jim had developed a fondness for the Vulcan beverage. Jim was still a stranger to him: just that cocky cadet who had cheated on his test and then somehow gained entry to his apartments with an intimate memory.

Jim stood. He couldn’t do this. Couldn’t sit here while Spock looked at him like he was a first-year cadet with a crush on their exotic professor. “I’m…I’m sorry, Spock. I’ll…think of something else.”

“Cadet?”

Jim fled. He bolted from Spock’s apartment, trying to manage something fragile and explosive growing in his chest. His limbs shook as he tore his way out of the faculty apartments. He ran across campus, but he wasn’t sure where to go. He didn’t want to go back to his dorm and have to explain to Bones what was wrong. And everywhere else he could think of to go would likely mean running into people. People he couldn’t stand to be around right now because of his shame. If he was honest, there was only one place he really wanted to be right now.

Jim was thankful he had learned the access codes to join a shuttle crew to the Enterprise a while ago. On the way up into space dock, he kept his mind busy hacking into the Enterprise’s basic systems so once he got on board he would be able to mask his biosignature rather easily. Thankfully, no one bothered him as he huddled in his small corner of the shuttle looking like an engineer trying to catch a few winks after tinkering all night when he should have been resting.

Once the shuttle docked, it took all of Jim’s self-restraint to prevent himself from tearing through the halls. He masked his bio-signature, then strode purposefully toward the aft observation deck of the ship. As Jim predicted, no one was there. The observation decks on the starships existed almost exclusively for the purposes of the mental health of the crew. When they began to feel claustrophobic or homesick on long trips, they could watch the stars fly past on the starship and allow their brain to remember they were not trapped in a hunk of metal, but flying through the vastness of space to the unknown. And standing on the aft observation deck, there was a sense of nostalgia as well. One could imagine Earth – invisible to the naked eye – at the center of the receding space: a home they would return to eventually.

But Jim wasn’t on the aft observation deck to gaze at where he had been. Rather he looked to the vastness of stars and space beyond and tried to remember where he was going. He began to cry. He curled up by the large windows. The computer asked him if he wanted to gaze at any particular region of space or use a UV or infrared filter to see something more clearly.

“Negative. Show standard visual window,” Jim replied, even as his tears made his voice quaver, his face red and stinging. The computer beeped and the visual menu on the window disappeared. Kirk was left with the stars and the emptiness of space. He felt so very alone.

Jim was uncertain how long he lay on the observation deck floor alternating between silent brooding and tears. But eventually he sat up, curling against the window and looking up to see the stars through windows that arched over part of the ceiling.

“Can you believe I tried to marry your new first officer?” Jim talked to the silent Enterprise. “I knew I was developing feelings, but goddamn! You know, I’ve never tried to marry anyone before. Never even thought about it really. I saw what happened to my Mom when my Dad died. She never recovered. I was not going to do that to anyone. Ever. Or let it happen to me. And then her marriage with Frank was a complete clusterfuck. So, I was going to be a lone wolf. Forever on my own. And then I joined Starfleet and decided I would be married to my work. Boldly going places because there wouldn’t be anyone worried about me making it home safely.” Jim took a deep breath. “I tried to marry Spock. I still can’t believe it.”

The Enterprise, predictably, didn’t respond. But Jim could still imagine her embracing him like a mother would comfort a child. How had he become so attached to this ship already?

“What do I do now? I need Spock to help me fix this day. How can I do that with these feelings? I can never meld with him again.” That sent another wave of aching through Jim’s chest. He would miss feeling connected to Spock’s mind. Bones had been right. He had it bad. 

Jim lay back on the floor. His stomach grumbled, but he didn’t feel hungry. He didn’t want to feel much of anything really. Maybe it was time to get drunk again.

It was then Jim heard voices and the sound of people running past outside the observation deck. He checked the time on his padd. It looked like they had received the distress call from Vulcan about fifteen minutes ago. The fleet was gearing up and getting ready to launch.

Jim thought about his options. He really didn’t want to die in space again. He really just wanted to collapse into a drunken stupor. Something that would be much easier if he just offed himself right now and woke up to drink through his and Bones’ stash of alcohol again. But he didn’t want to. Not this time. He wanted someone to drink with. And he couldn’t deal with Bones’ sympathies right now either.

Jim Kirk smiled to himself as he had a new idea. There was somewhere he could go without restarting the day. He’d have to bring his own alcohol though.

Rather than cause a scene on the Bridge again, Jim had a few hours to hack into the Enterprise’s systems to control the red alert at a moment's notice. Once that was accomplished, he used a replicator with Bones’ identification to synthesize a bunch of scotch. He would have felt bad, except the day would restart anyway. He would just have to make sure to hightail it out of the Enterprise once she dropped out of warp before Bones could find and kill him.

Jim patted himself on the back for starting a timer as soon as the Enterprise hit warp so he could time when to initiate the red alert. He started it with only seconds to spare. He finished doing a pre-launch flight check before a small shudder ran through the Enterprise as she dropped out warp. Jim’s fingers flew over the padd to access the shuttle bay doors. As long as he did everything he remembered from visiting Old Spock, it should work smoothly.

It did. Jim left the Enterprise with only a few stray shots to the shields of the shuttle. He would make it one piece to Delta Vega.

Instead of searching for Spock this time though, Jim headed directly for the Starfleet observation station. Jim liked Montgomery Scott. And Keenser, though he hadn’t gotten a good read on the Roylan in their brief interactions.

Jim touched down on Delta Vega as close to the outpost’s doors as he could. Then he bundled up in a coat with the bottles of scotch against his chest. He could hear someone calling on the comm, but Jim ignored it. He headed out into the cold and pushed his way into the station.

“Hello!” Kirk yelled down the hallway with flickering lights. “Keenser? Scott? Anyone home?!”

Keenser came down the hallway and cocked his head at Jim.

“Hey, I come bearing gifts that will probably make your roommate a little more agreeable.” Jim showed him the bottles of scotch.

Keenser looked at Jim. It was hard to read Roylan expressions, but there seemed to be visible relief in Keenser’s shoulders. He gestured for Jim to follow him down the hallway.

Keenser approached Scott to get his attention, who jumped with alarm. He looked Jim over. “Do ya realize how unacceptable this is?”

Jim smiled as Scott continued, “Yeah, I'm sure you're just doing your job, but could you not come a wee bit sooner? Six months I've been here, living off Starfleet protein nibs and a promise of a good meal. And I know exactly what's going on here, okay. Punishment, isn't it? Ongoing, for something that was clearly an accident.”

“Hi there, Mister Scott. It’s good to see your face again.”

“Do I know you, lad?”

“Not yet, but I’m in a bit of a time dilemma. I come bearing gifts.” Jim held out the bottles of scotch.

“Well why dinnae ya say so to begin with? Aren’t these a sight for sore eyes? Let's pop one open and warm up. Then I expect ya to tell me what exactly we’re drinking to.” Scott grabbed some mugs and popped off the cork on one of the scotch bottles.

“So, what’s your name, oh benevolent time traveler?”

“James T. Kirk. But you can call me Jim.”

Scott poured a mug of scotch for himself and took a big swig. “Oh that goes down right smooth. It’s nothing special. Can tell it’s the replicated stuff, but I’ll drink just about anything on this icy wasteland. You won’t find another hard-working, equally starved Starfleet officer around.

“Me,” Keenser replied, after gently shaking his head at Jim’s offering of a mug of scotch.

“Keenser, shut up! You don't drink anything. Hardly eat too. Like a bean, and yer done.” Scott rolled his eyes. “So how do you know us anyway?”

“Believe it or not, I’m in a time loop. I’ve lived this day before. And you two helped me save Earth.”

“That’s crazy. Not that I don’t believe you. Even though I don’t. But if that’s the case why are ya here drinking with us?”

Jim smiled. “It’s been a rough day. And I need some drinking buddies who I don’t know me that well yet. Besides, I can prove it. You are going to invent transwarp beaming one day, based off the experiment that got you stuck here. And if I have anything to say about it, you’re going to be an engineer on the Enterprise. If I have my way, you’ll be chief engineer, Mister Scott.” Jim gulped down his mug of scotch in one go. The burning was a nice distraction from the aching in his chest.

“Well, that’s a future I can drink to, lad. Even if it doesn’t prove anything.” Scott finished off his mug. “Pour me another. And call my Scotty.”

They were almost through a whole bottle of scotch with ten minutes left to go until Vulcan blew up.

Scotty hiccupped. “Let me get this straight. Not only do ya love the Vulcan, ya want to marry ‘im too?”

“No! That’s…that’s not it,” Jim grumbled. “I don’t know what I want yet. This whole thing’s...” Jim fumbled for words.

“Fucked up?”

“Pre…pee…precisely,” Jim managed. He clumsily opened the next bottle and refilled his mug. “Sure you don’t want any, Keenser? All go poof by tomorrow.”

Keenser shook his head.

“More for us, laddie.” Scotty reached for the bottle and took a swig directly out of it. “Sounds like ya gotta either find a new plan or find a way to work with ‘im without him knowin’ ‘bout yer feelings.” Scotty followed his sage advice with a belch.

“I need his help. He’s the only officer I can think of willing to help. And…”

“And ya like him,” Scotty finished.

“We work well together!” Jim protested.

“’Cause ya got chemistry,” Scotty grinned.

“Shut up.” But Jim couldn’t help but smile too. It could be the alcohol or maybe it was just talking with someone impartial, but he felt considerably warmer.

“So, the Enterprise is going to be my lady?” Scotty hoped.

“I think so. Can’t imagine a future otherwise. Wouldn’t trust her with anyone else.”

Scotty looked into his cup. “Even if I lost an admiral’s dog? Jim, they’re going to keep me here until I quit. And I cannae quit. This is all I got.”

And that was the moment Jim knew for certain Scotty would be on his crew. Because he had the same lost but hopeful look that they all did. The way Bones stepped onto a shuttle he was terrified of because he’d rather take a leap of faith than end up stuck somewhere he wasn’t wanted or appreciated. The way Chekov was so uncertain of his own genius, yet so determined to take advantage of all the strange adventures Starfleet had to offer. The way Sulu came alive nowhere else but behind the helm of a starship, warping towards astra incognita. The way Spock felt drawn to the wonders of the universe, taking his chances with illogical humans to experience those wonders first hand rather than study them second hand in a Vulcan academy. The way Uhura got lost in tongues and cultures of people, finding a silent cosmos alive with chatter she yearned to listen to and learn from. The way Jim himself saw Starfleet as the father’s shadow he could never escape from, but joined anyway, because the stars were more of a home than anywhere on Earth would ever be. And just maybe, there was a family he would find out here too in this motley of lost souls yearning for the stars and the spaces between them.

“I think I feel a mite sick, lad,” Scotty said. “Yer sure the day will restart?”

Jim looked at his padd. It took a moment for his eyes to focus on the letters, especially with the room spinning. “In about two minutes, yes.”

Jim realized he had never replied to Scotty’s previous comment; just stared in silence at a near empty scotch bottle as he had his epiphany. “I’ll get you up there one day, Scotty. I can’t picture the Enterpwi…Enverti…Enteprise’s engine room… without you in it.”

“Thanks, Jim. I…I won’t let ya down.”

“You’ll be there too, Keenser. Not gonna abandon you here either.”

Keenser seemed to beam at Jim, but it was difficult to tell. “Thanks.”

“Means he’s excited. But ya wouldn’t know it by the look of ya, wee oyster,” Scotty grumbled, earning him what was probably a glare from Keenser. But Jim really couldn’t tell. Especially with the whole world blurry.

“Jim…since we’re gonna vanish any second, Imma do something I never done before.”

“Wha’s that?” Jim was finding it hard to keep his eyes open.

“Imma down this bottle in one go,” Scotty announced, holding the last unopened bottle of scotch.

“Ouch,” Jim mumbled, his stomach queasy at the thought. He had drunk far too much.

Keenser made the smart decision to step back a few feet and climb on top of some equipment.

Scotty popped open the bottle and made ready to down the amber liquid, but Jim’s world went dark before he could. He couldn’t tell if it was because he legitimately passed out or Vulcan had just imploded again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, not sorry for the Jim-angst chapter. Hope the scene with Scotty and Keenser made up for it at the end. 
> 
> I feel like the past few chapters have mostly been personal indulgence. Don't worry, the story gets a little more back on track after this. I just love my space nerds so much! And I love writing Jim's one on one interactions with the different crew members. But we'll be beginning a new arc soon with the next chapter.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim enlists Gaila's help and tries something new. Plus more Q interactions!

_ Attempt 78 _

For the past six attempts Jim had tried everything he could think of to try and fix the time loop alone again. But it just wasn’t working. He had even done what Spock had argued against: create a distress signal from Vulcan to send early so the fleet would arrive, but Spock had been right. Starfleet had followed up and Jim was arrested despite his attempts to try and intercept Starfleet’s calls to Vulcan. Nothing worked. And all the days felt wasted. Old Spock was right. Jim couldn’t do this alone.

But who to call? Chekov was out, Scotty and Old Spock were on Delta Vega, Bones would be willing but not a whole lot a doctor could do in Jim’s plans so far. Spock was also out and Jim didn’t really feel like facing Uhura either even if she didn’t know about his mind meld. There was always Sulu, but Jim had never tried convincing him without Pavel’s help. Pavel was out for obvious reasons.

Jim lay on his bed and tossed a ball in the air. There had to be something he hadn’t tried. Some new angle he hadn’t considered that would expose a critical weakness in Nero’s defenses for the Enterprise to be victorious. The problem would still be getting on the Enterprise now without Spock’s help. Bones would have to infect him again, then make him pass out for the majority of the trip to Vulcan. It was valuable time Jim could use to do more to prepare the Enterprise and her crew for a confrontation with time traveling Romulans. But what did he need to do differently? What plan could he use once he got up there?

A heavy sigh next to him on the bed broke Jim’s latest train of thought about convincing Bones to inject him with something so he wouldn’t need to be passed out for four hours after the fact. “Seriously? Are you still moping? I thought that little rendezvous with your grease monkey would have gotten it all out of your system,” Q complained.

“I’m not moping. I was thinking, until you showed up to pester me.”

“Really? Do tell? Planning something elaborate and completely out of left field? Come on, Jimmy, give me some spoilers.”

“I don’t have anything yet. Still thinking. Come back never.”

“Ugh! Seriously? I thought you were supposed to be smarter than this or I never would have chosen you. I could have snapped my fingers and been done with you ages ago. This is getting tedious.”

“Really? I’d like to see you do better,” Jim dared. It was a stupid move, but he was so fed up with Q and his bullshit.

“Ha! Easy.” Q prepared to snap his fingers.

“No! Wait!” Jim was sick of this time loop, but he was still certain there was a way to beat it. He couldn’t let Q just end it. Not after all the work he had done. Not after everything he had been through. “I didn’t mean it. I’ll fix it. I just need more time.”

Q clucked. “Tsk, tsk. Very fickle, you humans. Make up your mind, James, do you surrender or no?”

“I don’t. I know I can fix this. There is a way to beat Nero and fulfill all your requirements, I know it. And I  _ will  _ find it.”

“Now that’s the James T. Kirk everyone either raves about or hates.”

“Thank you?” Jim believed that to be the closest thing to compliment he would ever receive from Q. “Almost sounds like you like me.”

Q glared. “Don’t push it, Jimmy-boy. You’re still a pathetic human who is doomed to live through one life-threatening situation after another until your last. I don’t like you; I  _ pity  _ you.”

Jim grinned. “Nah, you like me. I knew it. I’ve grown on you.”

“Hardly,” Q scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Besides, you are wasting valuable time. Weren’t you in the middle of thinking up a plan?”

Jim jumped off his bed. “Actually, I think I have the beginnings of a plan in mind. Guess for once your irritating distractions bore some fruit.”

“Ugh, gross, human gratitude. If I could barf, I would. Your newfound optimism is making me sick.”

“And yet you’re still here,” Jim noted. “See, growing on you. You’ll be raving about me soon enough.”

“Take that back,” Q said. His voice was the height of offended.

“Grown on you like a mole,” Jim smiled wider.

“I could obliterate you from ever existing in a moment, Jimbo. Don’t think I won’t do it, either.”

“Oh I’m sure you could do it. But you won’t because you like me,” Jim taunted in a singsong voice.

Q stood up. “Don’t get cocky, Kirk. You can’t out-annoy me. The universe is my playground. Reality caters to my whim.”

Jim wasn’t sure why his mood had suddenly improved so much. His new plan could have something to do with it though. For once, it didn’t feel like even Q could bring his mood down. “True, but I’m James T. Kirk, and if the hints from you and Old Spock are any indication, I have a long illustrious career ahead of me of pestering new worlds and civilizations, boldly annoying where no man has annoyed before.”

“That is certain,” Q glared. “Try not to fail again today, Jimmy. Or I might have some new fun with you tomorrow.”

“Bye, Q!” Jim shouted as the omnipotent being snapped his fingers and vanished. Probably an incredibly bad move to talk back to Q like that, but Jim was giddy with the beginnings of a new plan and new hope. Also, annoying Q had been fun. Even if Jim was certain he hadn’t been much more annoying than a mosquito. Unfortunately, the thing about mosquitoes was that they tended to get squashed.

Jim knew where to find Gaila in the mornings: in bed. Gaila was definitely not a morning person and she never took a class before 1000 hours unless she had to. And since Uhura was definitely in class this morning, he knew she would be there alone.

“Computer, request access for Lieutenant Gaila’s quarters,” Jim ordered.

The computer beeped and Jim waited. It was almost 0900 hours. Technically Gaila should be awake, but Jim wasn’t certain.

A bleary-eyed Gaila answered the door dressed in Starfleet undergarments. “Jim, what the fuck are you doing here?”

“Here to apologize, and…”

“And what?”

“Ask for your help with something,” Jim replied sheepishly with a smile. 

Gaila blinked at him. “Nuh-uh. I did not just hear you say you were here to ask for my help. Not after our incident. And certainly not after you got me involved in your Kobayashi Maru scandal. I heard Spock’s on the rampage against you.”

“I wouldn’t classify it as a rampage, but yeah, he’s not happy. Anyway, I wouldn’t do this to you unless it was really important. A planet hangs in the balance.”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Jim?” Gaila yawned. “It’s too early for your bullshit.”

“I know, I know. Just…can I come in and apologize properly first? Then I’ll explain everything.”

Gaila looked Jim over. “Fine! But don’t expect any make up sex.”

“Thanks, Gaila.”

In the room, Jim sat in a chair while Gaila threw her sheets back over her bed, sloppily making it.

“So, I was a jerk. Completely and utterly.”

“Yeah, obviously.”

“Gaila, you are one of the greatest friends I’ve come to know at Starfleet. But I have to be honest, I don’t love you romantically.”

“See, isn’t that so much nicer than saying, ‘that’s so weird?’”

“I panicked!” Jim protested, but under Gaila’s glare he added, “I mean, that doesn’t excuse what I said, but I definitely wasn’t thinking straight. Can you forgive me?”

“Of course, Jim. Orions are made of harder stuff than you humans when it comes to love. I was over it the day of actually. Just waiting for you to get around to apologizing. So, what’s up, Jim that you came crawling over here for my help at this early hour?”

“It’s past nine in the morning, Gaila! How have you survived at the academy this long?”

“Night classes. As you were saying…”

“Right. Well, I’m stuck in a time loop living this day over and over again…”

Jim told Gaila the story. He left out most of the details, but talked through it enough to get the point across. “So, what questions do you have so far?” He finished.

“How did you end up smitten with a Vulcan? No offense, but that species seems to be the exact opposite of your usual type. Not exactly known for being easy lays.”

“Well, you know I like a challenge. Also, rude. I don’t go for people because they’re easy. Not unless I’m really desperate.”

“Ah, that explains Gary Mitchell then. I was wondering why you hooked up with that weasel.”

“Wow. You know when I asked for questions, that wasn’t an invitation to analyze my love life. Can we stay on track, please? For Vulcan?”

“Fine, fine. But you do realize my roommate is currently dating your latest infatuation?”

“Yes, I am very much aware of that. And it doesn’t matter anyway because Spock forgets me every day. Besides, I think he and Uhura are a cute couple.”

“Right, maybe if you keep telling yourself that you’ll believe it. But you’re right. Let’s talk about Vulcan. What do you need my help for?”

“You believe me?”

“Obviously. I know you, Jim. You don’t make up stuff like that even if you do pull off a ton of stupid pranks. Now what do you need me to do?”

Jim smiled. He had forgotten how great Gaila could be. She was fun and she was daring. Some days it felt like she loved getting into trouble just as much as Jim did. “I need you to help me write a program to access the Enterprise’s systems.”

“Why? What’s your plan?” Gaila’s stare was guarded, but there was still a mischievous smirk on her face.

Jim returned the smirk. “I’m going to hijack a starship.”

“Jim, you can’t be serious.”

“Oh, I’m very serious. Don’t worry, I’m not going to hijack it for very long. I just need to put the Enterprise’s defenses up, leave a small bug to keep them from tracing the controls, use weapons for a little while, and then transport to an enemy vessel.”

“Jim, do you know what kind of protocols are in place on a starship to prevent that kind of shit from ever happening? There’s no way this is possible.”

“Yeah, maybe if it’s just me coding, but with your help I might just be able to pull it off.”

Gaila shook her head at Jim. “I make you no promises about success, but I’ll help. And don’t think I’m going to help you implement this. It’s not my ass that’s going to be on the chopping block when you get arrested for mutiny.”

“Don’t worry about that. I’m going to have you implement a completely different code.”

“What?!”

Jim stood and paced. “Look, I’ve lived through this day a lot. And there are a lot of pointless deaths, not just on Vulcan but in the fleet too. I’m not going to have the entire fleet warp into a death trap for no reason. Do you know how many cadets Starfleet is going to lose today if they do? Nine ships full. Only the Enterprise survives the Narada. And even when she does, she is critically injured.”

“Jim, what ship am I assigned to?”

Jim paused, but relented. Gaila would find out anyway and better she was prepared. “The USS Farragut.”

“You’re trying to save my life. That’s so sweet.”

“Yeah, because the other nine ships of people completely escaped my notice,” Jim scoffed. “But yeah, I’m trying to save your life. I don’t have that many friends, so can’t really afford to lose you.”

Gaila punched him playfully. “You’re the worst. Now let’s get coding.”

Other than Gaila’s coding, most of the actual grunt work of this attempt would be done by Jim himself. When the hearing was called, Gaila snuck off to infect some of the transport shuttles with Jim’s code. The shuttles would carry the code like a virus to the starships that would disable their warp fields and drop them out of warp once they hit warp 5. It was a fairly simple code if Jim was honest. Because jumping to warp was probably the most dangerous part about flying a starship, the smallest alarm could set off the fail safes to keep prevent a warp jump. Jim just had to write a code to set off an alarm. 

Jim went through the hearing and managed to convince Bones to sneak him on board. He had Gaila’s code on his padd ready to infect the Enterprise. Admittedly, it wasn’t perfect. There were some holes that anyone with advanced coding knowledge could probably use to sneak in, but Jim just needed the Enterprise down for a few minutes. Put up shields, take out the drill, beam to the Narada. Piece of cake.

Jim ran to an auxiliary transporter room and took out the cadet manning the station with a sedative hypo he had stolen from med-bay. Bones was really going to kill him if Jim managed to save Vulcan today.

Jim implemented the code and then he worked like crazy to transfer main bridge controls to this lower deck transporter room. Gaila’s code was always wonderful in its creativity and adaptability. It was what made her so brilliant. She knew her theory, but she also knew when to throw the rule book out the window and improvise. It made any experienced coder pull hairs as they tried to figure out what the hell she was even trying to do before they could even attempt to counter it.

It was successful. Alarms were blaring, but Jim was in the system. So, as the Enterprise dropped out of warp, Jim implemented Red Alert and got to work on heading straight for the Narada’s drill. A transmission was coming in from the Narada. They had spotted the Enterprise. Time to keep them busy. Jim rerouted communications capabilities to the Bridge. Hopefully they could distract Nero for at least a little bit.

He swooped the ship low towards the Narada, switching helm control back to the Bridge as he headed for a collision course for the drill. He knew Sulu would be able to divert the ship’s trajectory in time. But right now Jim needed to focus on the drill. He would only get one shot.

Targets locked onto the drill, and Jim felt the ship shudder as it returned to Bridge controls, Jim launched a photon torpedo straight for the drill. At least this time he wouldn’t have to go down to that stupid drill platform.

The torpedo made it and the drill exploded. Communications and transporter capabilities were back on line. Just in time too. Spock and a security detail busted through the transporter room doors just as Jim made his way to the pad.

“Cadet Kirk, stand down immediately,” Commander Spock ordered raising his phaser. “You are under arrest for breaking the terms of academic probation, commandeering a Starfleet vessel –”

“Sorry, no offense, Mister Spock, but I do not have time to listen to every single Starfleet regulation I’ve broken today. I got a planet to save.” Jim tapped his padd and as phaser fire erupted around him, his molecules dissolved. That interaction was not going to win him any favors in the future with Spock. 

Jim came back to awareness on the Narada’s ship. He was only able to approximate where to go after seeing Scotty and Chekov’s attempts to beam him over. But it looked like he had guessed right. He was behind some cargo containers when he re-materialized and so far it did not look like any Romulans had caught sight of him. 

There, across the hangar, was Old Spock’s ship from the future. That’s where the red matter would be. Jim began to sneak over, avoiding the Romulans running about the ship. They seemed slightly panicked actually. Was the Enterprise holding her own? It seemed unlikely. Despite her success in the first attempt, the Enterprise was still hopelessly outmatched for the Narada. 

Jim was about to race across the relatively unguarded open space, when a shimmering sound made him glance behind him. Commander Spock had beamed over with a couple redshirts. Shit. 

Jim looked around, but by some miracle the Romulans had not yet noticed them. 

Jim made eye contact with Spock.  _ Go Back! _ He mouthed. No way was he going to watch Spock die too. Not after seeing Chekov cut down on the same goddamn ship. 

Spock did not listen, but instead moved towards Jim. It was here Jim wondered what to do. He could flee, but that might draw attention. But so would Spock and the other redshirts eventually. It was hard enough sneaking one person aboard Nero’s ship. And their uniforms definitely stood out. At least Jim was wearing all black. 

Jim decided on letting Spock approach. “Cadet Kirk, explain your motive behind beaming to the enemy vessel immediately and submit to detainment.”

“Are you serious, right now? I’m trying to save your planet, Spock!” Jim whispered. 

“Commander, Romulans headed this way. I suggest we beam back immediately,” a redshirt replied. 

Jim bolted out of Spock’s reach before the Vulcan could nerve pinch him or incapacitate him. “Spock, I know you don’t trust me, but believe me when I say when I know what I’m doing. I’m going to save Vulcan.” Jim prepared to bolt, but that was when the Romulans spotted the Enterprise’s security team members. In two bright green flashes, both redshirts were shot down. Only the fact Jim and Spock were crouching behind large obstructions saved them. 

“Shit,” Jim muttered. “Now look what you’ve done! I almost had it! I was finally going to beat this stupid loop and save Vulcan. Not to mention the entire fleet!” 

Spock might have replied, but someone else beat him to the punch. “Wrong!” Q shouted, and time froze. Romulans had their weapons raised to fire, but were frozen in place. The only ones not frozen were Q, Spock, and Jim.

“Wow, twice in one day. Boy, do I feel special,” Jim muttered. “Q, what are you doing here? I have three more minutes left. And I haven’t been killed. Yet.” Jim shot a pointed look at Spock who was baffled and silently taking in the strangeness of his new reality. 

“Nuh-uh,” Q wagged his finger. “You forgot the third requirement. Save the crew. You left the Enterprise to fight the Narada alone and unprepared. What do you think happened?”

Jim groaned. “I thought she would make it. All I had to do was get to the red matter, but Spock just had to stop me.”

“Not feeling so affectionate for your little hybrid today, Jimmy?” Q smirked.

“Cadet Kirk, I wish to be apprised of the current situation of which you appear to be familiar,” Spock ordered. At least now he was holding his phaser at Q rather than Jim. 

“Spock, meet Q. Again. He’s an omnipotent being who has trapped me in a time loop to live today over and over until Vulcan is saved. Welcome to the end of attempt…”

“Seventy-eight,” Q supplied. He walked towards Spock, who held his phaser tighter. “Now, now, Mister Spock. Stand down. That phaser won’t do anything to me and you know it. Actually,” Q snapped his fingers and the phaser was encased in a brief flash, “now it won’t do much harm at all.” The phaser had been replaced by a banana-like fruit from Rigel IV. 

“Fascinating,” Spock said in his way that was both wonder, and hesitation. Left without another alternative, he relaxed the arm holding the phaser pistol. 

“Alright, Q, go ahead, restart the day. I’ll figure out something different tomorrow.”

“No, no. Not yet. I want to watch and see how this goes.” Q leaned back in a Romulan chair and grimaced when it proved to be less comfortable than he was intending. Romulans weren’t exactly keen on ergonomics. Nevertheless, he also snapped a bucket of popcorn into existence as he crossed his feet on a Romulan console. 

“See how what goes?!’ Jim protested. “There’s nothing left to do! Restart the day and I’ll try again.”

“You were expecting today’s attempt to succeed,” Spock stated. 

“Yes. I always expect that when I actually try to fix the day. Otherwise I’ll go insane.”

“Then you put your entire Starfleet career in jeopardy with your actions in the full knowledge that the effects could have been permanent.”

Jim sighed. “Yes, I did, Spock. It seemed like the best course of action at the time.”

“Why not enlist the help of a senior officer such as Captain Pike or myself?”

Jim opened his mouth, but Q spoke first, “Because he’s already tried that. And then he got too emotionally invested.” He tossed a popcorn kernel into his mouth. “Keep going, this is actually somewhat entertaining.” 

“You stay out of this,” Jim glared at Q. He turned back to Spock. “He’s wrong. We just had…difficulties, Commander. I felt it best to go through a couple of attempts alone before seeking your help again.”

“Translation: Jim Kirk is an emotional coward,” Q said.

“I wasn’t the one who ran off after a mind meld!” Jim protested before he could realize his mistake. 

Spock flinched. “We engaged in a mind meld?”

“Many times, actually,” Jim sighed. He turned to Q. “You’re enjoying this far too much. Why are you doing this? He’s just going to forget when the day resets anyway.”

“You were avoiding the drama, the sexual tension…Admittedly, this last attempt was somewhat amusing. Interesting choice seeking help from the Orion. Pity she’s had to die the past seventy-seven times,” Q jabbed.

Jim clenched his fists. Meanwhile, Spock looked like a turtle shrinking back into an emotion-free shell. “To continue to engage Cadet Kirk in this discourse seems unproductive to achieving the end goal of preserving Vulcan.”

“Exactly! Thank you, Spock,” Jim replied. “See, he gets it.”

“Must you be so dull, James?” Q groaned. “At least I expect the Vulcan to suppress his emotions. I wasn’t expecting you to do the same.”

“I thought you wanted me to be unexpected,” Jim scowled. “And leave Spock alone. Bad enough you’re putting me through this confusion. You don’t need to drag him into it too.”

“Is that so? Even if it meant you would no longer be alone in this time loop? Someone to share the past memories with?”

“This Q has a valid point,” Spock replied. “The given task would be better suited with multiple participants.”

Jim jumped on Spock’s comment immediately, for fear if he thought about it too much he might agree. “No. I’m not doing this to you, Spock. No way I’m going to let anyone else suffer through what I have to. Best to do this the hard way and fill everyone in on a day by day basis.”

“Well, that is unexpected of you. I would have thought you would leap at the chance to have your little crush by your side through all this.”

“He’s… I’m not…It doesn’t matter anyway. I know what it feels like to die dozens of times. To watch other people die but have no one else remember it. And I know what it feels like to fail over and over again. It’s exhausting. And I’m not going to let anyone have to do that too.”

“Cadet Kirk – “

“No, Spock. Please listen to me. We’ll figure this all out, I promise. I just have to start thinking of better plans.” Jim turned to Q. “Okay? Can I start the next attempt now?”

“I must protest – “ Spock began. 

“Very well, Kirk. Have fun doing this all alone,” Q smirked. He snapped his fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with the end of this chapter I believe we are about halfway through the fic. I anticipate 32 chapters right now, but we'll see! Otherwise, happy new year, everyone! Hope this year is better than the last!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Attempts 79 and 80. Jim talks with Sulu and then begins a new plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! We passed halfway with the last chapter and I just want to give a brief expression of gratitude for all of your support. I never thought this fic would get as much attention as it is and I'm so glad so many of you enjoy it. Thank you for all your kudos and comments! As a token of my thanks, here's a little longer chapter this time. (Mostly so I could squeeze in some personal indulgence while still keeping up with the plot.) Hope you enjoy!

_ Attempt 79 _

Jim headed for one of Starfleet’s gyms the next morning. He had a lot to think about and a lot of steam to blow off. While he was just as inclined to hit the books and dig into research like Chekov or Spock when he was feeling lost, sometimes there were problems only a few rounds with a punching bag could solve. The recent interaction with Spock and Q was one such problem.

When Jim arrived at the recreational center, he was surprised to discover Sulu alone in gym 4. He was in Starfleet training sweats and not much else, sweat running down his chest as he practiced parries and thrusts with a fencing sword. 

“Sulu! Hi! Do you mind if I work out here?” Jim waved from the doorway. 

Sulu jumped at Jim’s presence and spun to face the latest intruder. “Kirk? What are you doing here?”

“Oh, you know, drafting star charts. What do you think I’m here for?” Jim grinned. 

Sulu rolled his eyes. “The gyms are public spaces. You’re free to train here if you want.” He raised his blade to continue practicing his technique.

Jim leaned against the gym room door, still neither in nor out of the room. “True, but that’s not the question I asked.”

Sulu paused and shrugged. “Nah, I don’t mind. You may want to stay out of my reach though. I can get trance-like when I’m practicing and would hate to have to fill out a bunch of paperwork because you ended up as collateral damage.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Jim hurried to the opposite corner of the gym where a line of a few punching bags hung somewhat close to the wall. 

For about an hour, the pair of them worked out in silence. Sulu practiced his fencing techniques and Jim let the thoughts in his mind settle as he directed his focus to relieving the tension inside him via mixed martial arts. Jim wondered why he hadn’t thought to do this before as he happily circulated through images of Q, Nero, and assorted hostile Romulans on the punching bag. It was a release of the anger and aggression Jim hadn’t realized he had been mostly keeping bottled up. And it was incredibly exhausting. 

Jim finally took a break to get water, sweat soaking his torso. Like Sulu he had forgone the shirt and was in Starfleet training shorts. He sat on the bench and watched as Sulu maintained his routine. 

“Enjoying the view, Kirk?” Sulu smirked as he performed a complicated series of moves. 

“While you do have a nice ass, Sulu, I’m afraid you aren’t my type.”

Sulu lowered his sword and decided on a break too, heading towards Jim with his bottle of water. “You couldn’t handle me anyway.” He collapsed on the bench beside Jim.

“You know, if you’d like a sparring partner, I do know some basic fencing. I wouldn’t be much of a fight, but maybe I could surprise you with my inexperience.”

Sulu laughed. “No offense, Kirk, but I would have you on your back in under five seconds.”

“That a promise?” Kirk smiled. 

“Was that flirting?” Sulu raised his eyebrow, smile fading. 

Jim shook his head. “No, just friendly banter. Call me, Jim by the way.” He outstretched his hand for Sulu to take. 

Sulu took it. “If you can last longer than ten seconds, I’ll let you call me Hikaru.”

Jim smiled. He did love a good challenge. “Oh, I am totally going to get first name privileges. Let’s do this.”

Jim should have expected it after seeing Sulu fight Romulans with nothing but a sword, and also from witnessing Sulu’s rigorous training routine, but Sulu was a damn good fencer. Probably a master. And Jim was hopelessly and utterly outmatched. Already they had done seven rounds and Jim had never lasted long enough to earn Sulu’s first name. 

“Give up yet?” Sulu asked, the dulled point of the sword once again at Jim’s throat. 

“One thing you have to learn about me, Sulu, is that I do not give up. I’m like a mold. I always come back.”

Sulu laughed. “It sounds like you just are incapable of standing down from a challenge.”

“Well, there’s that too.” Jim prepared his stance to restart the match. “I’m feeling good about attempt number eight.”

Sulu only chuckled and prepared his own relaxed stance. “En garde,” and the tinging sound of swords slamming against each other filled the gym once again. 

It took twenty-one attempts, but Jim finally managed to do something unexpected enough to make Sulu falter and give Jim a chance to duck and shift left to put Sulu in a momentarily defensive position. Of course, Jim still lost the match, but he lasted a record-breaking thirteen seconds, or thereabouts.

“I let you do that,” Sulu panted. 

“Of course, you did,  _ Hikaru _ ,” Jim taunted. 

They decided to take a break and once again sat on the gym’s solitary bench. (It was a rather small recreation room). Each drank deeply from their water.

“So, who were you fighting earlier when you were with the punching bag?” Hikaru asked. “Or is that too personal a question?” 

“How did you know I was fighting someone? Maybe I just wanted to keep up on my martial skills.”

“Nah. No one is that aggressive when they are merely training. You were punching someone in that punching bag. Who was it? Professor? Another cadet?”

Jim snorted. “Neither, actually. I wish it were that mundane.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me. I don’t think we have ever really talked outside general small talk before today. I’m still basically a stranger. Just thought maybe you’d like an impartial sounding board.”

“I already think of you as a friend, Hikaru, but I just don’t think you’d believe me.” Jim decided to switch topics. “So, fencing…how did you end up a master?”

Sulu shrugged. “I tried a lot of different martial arts styles when I was a kid. But none of them really stuck with me. But the thing is, I was obsessed with this one book as a kid. I don’t know if you’ve read it: The Three Musketeers?”

Jim beamed. “Are you kidding me? That book is great! I love Alexandre Dumas. Admittedly, maybe not in my top ten, but he’s still a great writer. And it’s a great story. Has the classic swashbuckler elements: brave knights banding together, evil nobles, damsels in distress…never struck you for a fairytale guy though.”

“Like you said, it’s a swashbuckler novel. Let’s just say the image of a team of young men banding together to follow their dreams and fight for justice appealed to a young Hikaru who was questioning a lot of things at the time.” Hikaru paused. “And the duels are awesome.”

“Agreed. The duels are fantastic.” Jim smiled. He was pleased, despite how long he had been reliving this day, he continued to find out new things about his future crew. Or intended future crew, anyway. He hoped one of these days they would remember these conversations too. 

“So naturally your obsession with a book led to you becoming a master fencer.”

“I heard you joined Starfleet because someone dared you to. I don’t think you have any room to talk, Jim.”

“That is very true, though there was a bit more to it than that. Didn’t really see my life heading anywhere else at the time.”

Hikaru shook his head. “Are you always this personal with your new friends?”

“Only the ones who are as much of an old book nerd as I am. We are bonded by Dumas now, Hikaru.”  _ Even if you won’t remember it, _ Jim thought. 

“Then as a friend, let me give you a bit of advice,” Hikaru supplied. “Stop focusing on the sword like it needs to be your shield. You’re nimble and quick. Flexible. And when you know what you’re doing, you’re unpredictable. Be a flurry of movement. These strengths may not appear to help you all that much when you’re just beginning to fence, but these are the skills that will set your style. Be aware of your weaknesses, but only to make sure the enemy can’t use it. It’s the greatest lesson I learned while fencing.”

“’Play to your strengths,’ as the expression goes,” Jim summarized. 

“Precisely.”

Jim turned over Hikaru’s words. And perhaps they applied to more than just fencing. “Want to give it another go? Maybe I’ll even get a hit in,” Jim offered. 

Hikaru smirked. “I can’t tell if your overconfidence is a strength or a weakness.”

Jim smiled. “All depends on how you use it.”

_ Attempt 80 _

Jim had a new plan. Or rather, the beginnings of a new plan. Hikaru’s fencing advice had lingered in Jim’s mind the rest of the day. He realized he had been treating Nero and the Narada all wrong in this time loop. He had been playing Nero’s game, working with what he knew of the Narada, but not necessarily what he knew of himself. Jim had been playing the game blindly. It was time to figure out what  _ he  _ could do. Not just anyone else. He had been so busy trying to figure out everyone else’s strengths, he had neglected his own for the most part. But first and foremost, he needed help. More specifically, he needed Spock’s help.

The first part of Jim’s plan was simply that he needed to figure out how to meld with Spock without emotionally short-circuiting the guy with his complicated feelings of affection. That was where it got complicated. To teach something like that, Jim probably needed the help of a Vulcan. He only knew of two who would be willing to help him though. (Technically the same person, but semantics). One of them was Spock. The other was Old Spock. It was obvious who Jim would choose for this mission.

This is where Jim ran into the major problem: getting to Delta Vega. The day would feel wasted waiting around for the time the Enterprise finally arrived at Vulcan. Jim needed a way to get to Spock before then, but how? As he had previously discovered, no way to get there without the fleet.

It occurred to Jim in the shower he decided to indulge in that morning.  _ Venthyr.  _ Jim had almost forgotten about his Rigelian freighter persona. Even though it had taken a couple tries, Jim had managed to launch a few starships ahead of schedule. He just had to be sure he could sneak on one of them. So, Jim began the morning process of looking up USS Farragut schematics and re-prepping his Rigelian transmission to Starfleet. Hopefully Bones would not interrupt Jim again. There seemed to be a fifty-fifty chance of Bones returning to their apartment early. Jim still did not know what he did differently to cause this reaction, but hopefully it wouldn’t be one of those mornings since he couldn’t go to Spock’s quarters to hang out. Unless…

Jim had almost forgotten he had near total access to Spock’s quarters. He had the access code to the building and it would be a relatively simple matter to hack into Spock’s door for entry. It helped Jim had a lot of practice for when he had hacked into Pike’s door in his first few months at Starfleet. It always seemed more polite to break into the captain’s quarters and steal the couch rather than force Pike to wake up after a particularly long day. After only a couple misunderstandings in the mornings, Pike had acquiesced to the fact Jim Kirk was an unpredictable presence in his life he wouldn’t get rid of.

“You’re the one who convinced me to join,” Jim had protested. “Honestly, you should have seen this coming.”

“I think I’m becoming very much aware that I won’t expect anything you do from here on out,” Pike had sighed, setting down the table lamp he had almost beat Jim over the head with; an action that Jim still didn’t understand considering Pike had a phaser in his apartment. “Why are you here again?”

“New roommate sucks. And I don’t know anyone else well enough to sleep on their couch yet. Maybe Bones - that Southern doctor, McCoy, you recruited - but I’m pretty sure I don’t want to wake up to his Southern ramblings shouting in my ear. Anyway, you’re the one who pulled me off an Iowa barroom floor. Looks to me like I’m your responsibility now.”

“I’m going to regret ever daring you to join.”

“Most likely.”

“Starfleet, forgive me.”

Jim smiled at the memory. Once he roomed with Bones, he hadn’t needed to break into Pike’s apartment, but he still liked to have dinner with the captain every now and then. Despite his annoyance with Jim’s various shenanigans over the past three years, Jim always got a sense of pride from Pike with his accomplishments, which was more than Jim could say about just about any other parental figure in his life. It was…nice. And it made Jim feel all the more guilty now that he kept betraying Pike in all these time loop attempts.

He finished hacking Spock’s apartment. Just as Jim predicted, the room was empty and silent. He settled onto Spock’s couch, probably untouched by the Vulcan who preferred more rigid furniture for sitting and the floor for meditation. In any case, it was a good deal comfier than the one in Jim’s apartment. And Jim felt an ease of comfort surrounded by the warm smells of Vulcan incense and musk that smelled like Spock. Jim elected to ignore that realization as he adopted his Venthyr persona and began his transmission.

The transmission went smoothly. But from there, Jim had to move fast. He knew where the Farragut shuttles were docked. He borrowed one of Spock’s uniforms, hoping he would be able to pass as a regular science ensign after removing the lieutenant rank insignias. He updated the crew manifest. Since his own name was too well known, he used an alias. If someone tried to find out more about Ensign Ven, they would immediately see the ruse, but Jim hadn’t had a lot of time to develop a more in-depth background and it was unlikely for anyone to look up a single ensign’s qualifications and clearance in the midst of a crisis. So, at 1000 hours, the USS Farragut departed with two other ships for Vulcan’s system, with Jim successfully on board and hiding in an obscure lab on the lower decks for the next six hours as he prepared to figure out how to steal a shuttle pod from a ship he wasn’t familiar with.

All things considered, stealing a ship from the USS Farragut was even easier than stealing one off of the Enterprise. Jim felt a little guilty that almost as soon as the Narada arrived via space lightning storm minutes later the USS Farragut and other two Starfleet ships were reduced to a debris field, but this was hardly going to be the attempt where Jim succeeded, so he didn’t feel as awful as he could have.

As the Narada got to work in Vulcan’s system, Jim landed on Delta Vega, either undetected or insignificant enough that Jim made it down without incident. From there he waited for Old Spock to be beamed down to the icy hellhole, staying in the warmth of the shuttlecraft and biding his time by observing the Narada and its actions six hours before the fleet was due to arrive. He used scans of the system to monitor the Narada’s actions, as it fought off and destroyed the Vulcan defenses. Three hours in and still no sign of Old Spock though.

And then, as the last vestiges of Vulcan’s defenses held off, an alert went off. Jim had set the shuttle’s scanners to monitor when something beamed down to Delta Vega, and someone had just come down from the Narada. It appeared Spock had arrived.

Jim followed the tricorder’s signal of Vulcan biosigns in an ice cave not all that dissimilar to the one Jim had found him in the original attempt. Old Spock was expertly dodging a fearsome creature with razor sharp teeth that looked like a nightmare t-rex turned inside out with four lips. He recognized it as the type of creature that had chased him into a cave originally. Jim took out his phaser and set it to kill. When it hit the creature, the beast was merely stunned though. But it was enough for the creature howled and ran from the cave in pain.

“Jim?” Old Spock asked. “How did you find me?”

Jim smiled. “It’s good to see you again, old man. Let’s get a fire going. I have a lot to tell you.”

Old Spock took Jim’s explanation in stride. Jim didn’t want to mind meld with him in this attempt. After all, they had the time and Jim thought it would be too awkward for Old Spock to experience his infatuation with his younger self. Time travel could be so weird.

“You have found yourself in a perplexing situation this time, Jim. I am curious as to why you have sought my help in this attempt though.” Old Spock stoked the fire as Jim threw more Starfleet ration packs into it. They smelled awful, but it was better than freezing to death in the cave.

“This is where it gets weird. How comfortable are you talking about emotions, because the you from this time avoids them like the plague?”

“I am considerably more patient with the fickle and perplexing illogic of human emotions than I was in my younger years,” Spock replied. Was that a mischievous twinkle in his eye?

“Ha, ha. See, I keep saying you have a sense of humor, but younger-you never believes me.”

“What is it you are avoiding telling me, Jim?”

Jim took a deep breath. This was harder than he thought it would be. “Did…Did I…Did your version of me and yourself ever have…romantic feelings? Towards each other?”

Old Spock did not reply initially. “To answer that question would be far too revealing of future events that it would be prudent to allow you to discover yourself.”

“I get that, I do, but I’ve encountered a problem, Spock. In these attempts, I’ve started to have…ugh, I can’t believe I’m telling you this…I’ve started having _ feelings _ for you. The younger version of you that is.”

Old Spock raised an eyebrow and inclined his head. “I presume these ‘feelings’ are of a nature beyond that of friendship.”

“I think so,” Jim replied, a heated blush spreading through his cheeks. “Look, I wouldn’t be here talking to you about this, but your younger self and I often engage in a mind meld for me to convey all my memories of past attempts, but lately new feelings have been leaking through. And according to younger you, my mind has been trying to bond with Spock’s or something. He said I was basically trying to marry him! Did your version of me ever try something like that?”

Spock waited a while, apparently choosing his words carefully. “My Captain and I did engage in multiple mind melds. A bond did form between us. I will not reveal to you the nature of that bond, for it is something you must define and determine with your Spock. Not act on the choices of an alternate timeline.”

Jim ruminated on the elder Spock’s words. “Interesting. Thank you.”

“Was this all you wished to discuss with me?”

Jim shook his head. “No. Actually, I wanted you to teach me how to make mental shields. I still need Spock’s help to get out of this time loop and I just don’t think we’ll be able to do that without melding. But I also can’t let the mission get side tracked because my brain wants to become one with yours or whatever ‘bonding’ means.”

“The mental discipline required to effectively shield during a mind meld takes years of study, practice, and patience,” Spock replied. “It will be difficult to teach and train you all that you need to know.”

Jim’s shoulders slumped. “Isn’t there some kind of basic techniques you could teach me? I just need to keep our mind melds focused on the task at hand. I can’t let my feelings filter through.”

“That will be incredibly difficult for you.”

Jim’s jaw clenched. “Oh really? I think we should at least let me try before you decide I can’t do it.”

“Do not misunderstand me, Jim. It is not a commentary of your weakness, but rather an acknowledgement of your strengths. The Jim Kirk I knew was balanced in emotion and logic, but neither of them existed without the other for him. It is what made him a great captain, but could also lead to some foolish decisions. I feel you would be much the same way. Emotion and logic are so inextricably linked in your thoughts, to shield one without the other would be unnatural and very near to impossible.”

Jim hung his head. “Then what the hell am I supposed to do about this? I need your younger self to meld with me, but I can’t let him see my feelings for him.”

Spock’s gaze seemed to soften. He looked Jim in the eyes. “The Jim Kirk I knew was also excellent at bluffing and redirection. Perhaps it is not a question of separating emotions, but diverting attention from them.”

“Make them seem so insignificant Spock will have no reason to look at them,” Jim realized.

“In a way. They are significant feelings, but if you draw them into a deeper part of you than your surface level thoughts, they will be more difficult for my younger counterpart to grasp. Especially as he is considerably less trained than I am in telepathic arts. From there, you can erect the mental shields and doors necessary to keep these thoughts active but hidden from sight.”

“Like cosmic background noise. Certain ships will use background radiation to mask their signals so other ships will think it is unimportant, just part of a larger, more indifferent whole.”

“A strange, but apt metaphor.”

“Okay, so how do I do this?” Jim asked. Leaning closer to Old Spock and the fire.

“First, I must teach you to clear and focus your mind. We will meditate.”

Jim groaned. “Is this really necessary? I just want to learn how to shield my thoughts.”

“The mind is a muscle like any other. It must be developed and trained in order to be strong.”

“So I have to start lifting some mental weights. Got it.” Jim crossed his legs and rolled his shoulders. “Where do we begin?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I felt like Jim has gotten significant interactions with just about all the major characters in this fic except for Sulu, so I thought I would go ahead and give him some one on one bonding with Kirk. After rewatching "The Naked Time" from the Original series, I thought about how Sulu's musketeer-esque fantasies and Kirk's love of classic literature would be perfectly suited and wrote the Sulu scene above. Not exaclty relevant to the plot, but I think it's important Jim got this time with Sulu.
> 
> 2) I'm about to go into a lot of mind-meld stuff moving forward. This will be mostly be my personal take on it, influenced by other fanfics, canon, and my own experiences with meditation. Won't necessarily be accurate, but it is a hell of a lot of fun to write. 
> 
> 3) The Pike flashback was also a personal indulgence. Just couldn't get the scene out of my head and had to include it.
> 
> See you next week!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim continues training with Old Spock and has an enlightening conversation with Uhura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Updating a little earlier than usual today, but I'm not sure how busy I'll be tonight, so wanted to go ahead and post this now rather than potentially sending it out late. Hope you enjoy!

_ Attempt 84 _

Jim fidgeted. He had tried not to. Really, but they were sitting on the rough stone ground in an ice cave on an ice planet and his ass was simultaneously feeling bruised and numb. Regardless, Old Spock noticed.

“Jim, for you to achieve total focus of mind and body you must not dwell on your physical condition. Recognize it, accept it, and let it pass.”

“I’m trying. I am, but…”

“But you are unaccustomed to clearing your mind,” Spock finished as Jim trailed off. “It is understandable. My Jim Kirk would often have his brain occupied with various tasks at any given moment. But to achieve the necessary mental discipline for shielding – ”

“ – I have to learn how to focus first,” Jim interrupted. He relaxed and uncurled his body. “I know, Spock. And I’m sorry I suck at this so much.”

“You are doing well, Jim. Remarkably so, as always, for a human. Remember that I told you it usually takes Vulcans years to master the mental discipline for manipulation of telepathic bonds. It has only been a few days.”

“I know, I guess I’m just impatient. Usually stuff comes so naturally to me. Or at least I make a good beginner. Being patient isn’t exactly in my nature.”

“Nevertheless, it is an important quality of any starship captain. You will encounter many scenarios – to use one of your metaphors – that will try your patience.”

Jim sighed. “You’re right. Can we take a break though? All this ‘not thinking’ is making my brain hurt.”

“Were we not already engaging in a break from meditation?”

“Touché,” Jim smiled. He teased apart something Spock had said in their conversation. “So, you knew how your Jim’s mind worked? How intimately did you know his mind?”

“This is the third time today you have attempted to seek information regarding the nature of my relationship to my version of James T. Kirk. As I expect you have postulated similar queries in past attempts, I wonder at how long you will be persistent on this topic despite my refusal to provide a definitive answer.”

“Until I wear you down, I suppose. I don’t like to give up.”

“A trait most fortunate to have considering your current circumstances in Q’s time loop.”

“At least tell me this, did alternate me ever admit he liked you?”

“On numerous occasions, my captain would express his gratitude and fortuity at having me as both a first officer and a friend.”

“That’s not what I meant, Spock and you know it. Did I – I mean, he – ever say he loved you?”

“I believe we should return to meditation. You have had a sufficiently long ‘break.’”

Jim sighed. “I guess you like to avoid awkward conversations about emotions no matter what age you are.”

“Jim Kirk’s feelings for me were his. I cannot speculate on what he thought prior to any sort of melding. But he often expressed great affection towards me that cannot be limited by words such as ‘friend’ or ‘lover.’ His feelings were complex, as are yours. I often find that language, whether it be Vulcan or Standard, limiting to describe the precise nature of the relationship I had with your counterpart. Does that successfully satiate your curiosity?”

Old Spock raised an eyebrow as Jim’s mouth dropped open. “Wow…That was…I don’t know what to say to that. Somehow you both answered the question and didn’t in the same sentence.”

“Remember, Jim, I was an ambassador for many years after I resigned from Starfleet.” And there was that twinkle in Old Spock’s eye again. One of mischief and conspiracy that Jim wondered if his Spock ever showed. The kind of twinkle that almost made it look like Spock was smiling.

“You look downright human sometimes, do you know that?”

“A comment I would have once felt offense at hearing, but now I will simply express gratitude. Shall we resume your studies?”

Jim returned to a meditation pose even though his legs still felt stiff from the last round. “I guess I’ve procrastinated long enough.” Jim closed his eyes and tried to focus on thinking of absolutely nothing. It was a difficult task considering all the new information Spock had shared in their conversation. It was very difficult suddenly to not fall into one of his daydreams that had become more and more frequent. Images filled his thoughts of the younger Spock pressing Jim against the wall and kissing him, and then trailing his lips down Jim’s neck. Jim squirmed, trying to fight off the fantasy he wished could be real.

“Focus on clearing your mind,” Spock said. “Use your breaths. Inhale… Exhale…” 

It took a while and a whole lot of mental energy, but Jim managed to release that daydream from his thoughts.

_ Attempt 99 _

Jim had spent the last thirteen attempts not returning to Delta Vega. He didn’t really need Old Spock’s guidance any more for meditation so currently he had been spending recent attempts practicing his meditation on Earth. Usually in the main campus quad. It probably wasn’t the best place to practice as Jim had always had more success focusing surrounded by people and noise. (In the near-silence of the ice caves of Delta Vega it had been a lot harder for him to focus.) But if Jim was going to be forced to spend his days sitting around literally thinking of nothing, he was definitely going to take advantage of the beautiful weather to do so.

Usually, Bones interrupted him some time in the morning, passing Jim on his way to Advanced Non-federation Xenobiology and giving him a brief and Southern metaphor-filled lecture on why Jim should haul his ass to class, but it was always a brief interlude and Jim had been delighted on attempt 95 when he realized he was able to anticipate Bones’ arrival before Bones ever said a word. Maybe if he kept this up, he would be able to have an internal clock like Spock one day. Now that was wishful thinking.

Jim decided to switch things up this attempt. Find a different meditation spot. He had noticed a few attempts ago that there was a garden courtyard he had yet to explore on top of the Linguistics building. Might as well try it out now.

The roofs of many buildings in San Francisco had worked to overcome the urban heat island effect by growing gardens on the roofs of some of the shorter buildings. For large sky-scrapers, gardens would be growing on the sides of buildings in balcony-like alcoves running up the buildings. Starfleet had also made use of this architectural innovation to create roof gardens, which happened to also make great studying and gathering spaces for the faculty and students of Starfleet academy. Jim still preferred the main courtyard of campus to any of the rooftops purely because of its central location that meant people were constantly passing through. But he liked the gardens too. Sometimes he found solitude more conducive to studying than anything else. Also, the gardens had some secluded corners that were perfect for making out.

Jim passed one such couple not so subtly hidden on a bench when he walked along the main path. He chuckled to himself and allowed himself a brief entertainment in which he was locking lips with Spock in a similar fashion. Even if it was the height of improbability that Spock would ever agree to make out with someone in a public place.

Each rooftop garden at Starfleet academy was unique, often representing the character of the studies within. The Biology building had a garden that was more of an outdoor lab than anything else. Almost everything growing on that roof was in some state of experimentation. The political science, philosophy, and history building felt like an outdoor museum, the intricate garden lined with statues and memorials to prominent historical figures of the Federation and its member planets. Archer and the crew of the original Enterprise had a plaque, but there were also figures like Surak represented.

The linguistics building had its own unique flavor too. It felt a bit like a young forest that had a melting pot of flora. Young trees from various worlds lined the winding paths. Each one had a plaque that had its name in Standard and its language of origin. The alien plants had been genetically engineered not to pollinate or reproduce so Earth was safe from threat of invasive species. There was even a small pond in the edge of the garden that had papyrus reeds growing around it. In fact, noting the various plants, Jim realized many of them probably had historical significance to the development of language on each of the planets represented.

Jim found a quiet space near the pond and folded himself into a meditation pose, relaxing to the sound of the reeds whispering. He stayed like that for a while, both succeeding and failing to effectively focus his mind on breathing, purging stray thoughts from his mind. It was soothing, and yet frustrating.

“What are you doing on top of the linguistics building, Kirk?” A familiar voice broke Jim from his thoughts in what could have been anywhere from fifteen minutes to three hours into his meditation practice.

Jim opened his eyes to Uhura standing over him.

“Are you meditating?” Uhura cocked her head.

“I was trying to,” Jim replied.

“That’s a Vulcan meditation stance. How do you know it?”

“That is a very long story you probably don’t have time for at the moment.”

“Probably not, but I am insanely curious as to why I am finding you of all people in the Linguistics garden meditating like a Vulcan. Am I dreaming?”

Jim uncrossed his legs. No more meditating for a little while. He wasn’t going to lie to himself, that prospect was immensely relieving. He was due for a break anyway.

“Wish you were. Then my personal nightmare might end. The truth is I am up here because I’ve never been up here before. I was curious.”

“And the meditating? Stop being cryptic. Just tell me.”

“I’m stuck in a time loop,” Jim started. He thought about going for a more subtle approach, but since he knew the day would restart, he didn’t see much point in whether or not Uhura believed him. “I’ve been reliving this day over and over for…actually, I’ve lost count, but I know it’s higher than seventy. I have to save Vulcan in this time loop, but I can’t do it alone, so I’ve been enlisting other peoples’ help. Your boyfriend has been most successful so far.”

“My wh – “ Uhura started, but Jim didn’t let her finish.

“The plans work best with Spock helping. And the mind meld trick helps speed up the ‘please believe me’ process a lot. But here’s the thing – and you’re going to hate me for this – like an idiot I’ve started developing feelings for him. And it’s pretty hard to do a surface meld with someone when - like an idiot - my brain tries to Vulcan-marry him. So, I had to sidetrack my plans to learn Vulcan meditation techniques so I could strengthen my mental discipline. This way, I can develop mental shielding so I can meld with Spock, so he will believe me about today, so we can save Vulcan from time traveling Romulans, and I can escape this hell of a time loop. And if it all goes well, without anyone else ever knowing I regard him in anything but a professional light. Did I break your mind yet?”

Uhura’s face contorted through a series of emotions before she finally spoke, finally settling on an impassive yet guarded expression. “That’s quite the story. Who taught you to Vulcan meditate though?”

“Are you ready for this, because I’m pretty sure this part is going to push you over the edge: Spock from the future,” Jim finished, immensely proud of himself. “He’s going to get stuck on Delta Vega today by the time travelling Romulans.”

“Right…another question: What are you on?” Uhura’s arms crossed.

“Absolutely nothing. Didn’t even have coffee this morning. It’s a sucky way to start the day, but the caffeine makes it harder to focus.” Jim sighed. “Look, if it helps you believe me, I say this out of the kindness of my heart and don’t actually mean what I’m about to say: Ash’vek lila yarmut.”

Uhura’s jaw drop opened. “How could you possibly know that?...Wait, what do you think it means?”

Jim smirked. “You should know, Nyota. You made it up. ‘Go hump a tree, weasel dick.’ You told me the story behind it a couple dozen attempts ago. You said if I ever needed to convince you of my story that’s all I would need to say to you.”

“Someone must have told you…”

“Yeah, you did.”

“And you used my first name. I never told you my first name. Though, I’m sure you just looked up my record for that.”

“Actually, no. That would have been too easy. I always thought I needed to earn your first name the hard way: annoy you to no end.”

“Ah, so that explains the past three years.” Uhura gave Jim a brief and shaky smile. It was a start. It was probably a lot of Uhura to process all the information at once. Jim realized he probably shouldn’t have started off talking about his feelings for her boyfriend.

Uhura sat next to Jim on the grass. Her hands were trembling slightly, Jim noticed. “Sorry, this is a lot to take in. Right now, I can’t decide if I want to slap or hug you.”

Jim scratched his head. “Yeah, I have that effect on a lot of people. I probably shouldn’t have led with my feelings for your boyfriend though.”

“Yep, kind of a dick move.” Uhura stared into the sky. “So…do I have to worry about a future Jim Kirk stealing Spock from me. By the way, how did you find out about our relationship? This better not be an elaborate blackmail attempt, Kirk.”

“Believe me, that’s the last thing I want to do. I actually found out about you and Spock in the original attempt. Spock and I were headed to the enemy ship. None of us were sure we were about to survive the fight, so you kissed Spock good-bye. That’s also when I learned your first name, by the way. Spock let it slip.”

Nyota laughed. “That I can see. Sometimes he can be downright emotional.”

Jim thought of Old Spock and the nostalgic sadness of him. He thought of Spock on the bridge of the Enterprise strangling him in the first attempt. He remembered  _ feeling  _ the thoughts of older and younger Spock both interlaced with distinct yet similar emotions. “That’s for sure.”

“You…you didn’t hook up Spock at any point, right?”

“Ha! Oh God no.”  _ I wish,  _ Jim added in his thoughts. He took a pause. “I’ve gotten to know Spock pretty well in this time loop. I mean, we have melded in a lot of attempts. And from what I can tell, he really likes you. I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Especially not from me.”

“I mean, you do have a tendency to get under peoples’ skin. It’s not outside the realm of possibility for my jealousy-fueled paranoia.”

“You don’t strike me as the jealous type,” Kirk grinned. “Angry and sarcastic, but not jealous.”

Uhura shrugged. “I grew up in a large family with lots of siblings and cousins. Jealousy was kind of bred into me.”

“I just have one brother. Or had, I guess.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I mean, it’s not like he’s dead. At least, I don’t think so. He’s just never bothered to reach out to me since he left Iowa.”

“Now I’m really sorry. That sounds even worse.”

Jim put on a smile, no matter how fake it felt. “No worries, it happened a long time ago. Besides, once I met Bones it’s like I got a new mother and older brother all in one.”

Uhura chuckled. “I noticed he does keep you in check occasionally.”

Their conversation died after that, draping a tense silence over them like a fog. Uhura tactfully changed the subject. “So what else have you attempted in this time loop?”

“You want to stay here and talk to me? Really? Even after I hurt Gaila, fell in love with your boyfriend, and managed to stay a thorn in your side for the better part of the past three years?”

Nyota shrugged. “You’ve changed. You’re less…immature. I feel like I can have a civil conversation with you now. In fact, I think we just had one.”

“I’m not sure if I should be offended or complimented. What if I’m losing my signature Kirk charm in this time loop?” Jim groaned.

Nyota rolled her eyes. “And he’s back. Relax, Kirk. It seems to me like you’re changing for the better. You’re as exasperatedly interesting as ever. As for your crush on Spock, naturally I’m upset and jealous, but mostly I just feel sympathetic. My relationship with him is only a month old. I spent the past two years trying to get him to go out with me. I feel for you. Besides, that sounds like a problem we’ll just have to fix when you finally get this time loop business out of the way.”

“Agreed. But seriously, you think I’m interesting?”

“I think I’m not going to answer that honestly at the risk of fueling your cockiness.”

“You think I’m interesting,” Jim smiled to himself. He called out to a first-year cadet strolling by, “She thinks I’m interesting!” The first year gaped and scurried off, unused to attention from exuberant seniors.

Nyota rolled her eyes. “That kid is in one of Spock’s classes that I TA. Now the rumors are going to spread that we're dating or some nonsense.”

“Better me than everyone finding out about you and your professor, right?” Jim waggled his brow. “Just think of me as a convenient cover story.”

“I think I can handle my love life without your help,” Uhura countered, but her tone was light. “Now tell me about these other attempts.”

So, Jim did. And it felt good to talk with Uhura one on one again. He couldn’t believe he had missed out on such a promising friendship for the past three years, more determined to be an annoyance than suck up his pride and get to know Uhura as a person. 

“…And that was when I got arrested again. But at least this time it was Bones’ fault,” Jim finished his story about his initial attempt impersonating a Rigelian freighter captain.

“Astounding it took Bones to get you caught. Your accent is atrocious,” Uhura scoffed, braiding some papyrus fronds between her fingers.

“Wow. Thanks. It’s not like I’m a linguist or anything. I thought you would be impressed by my near fluency in Rigelian.”

Nyota smiled. “I just wanted to give you a hard time. Your accent wasn’t  _ that  _ terrible.”

“Thank you.”

Nyota bit her lip. “You’ve tried so many different things,” she noted. “I probably would have given up ages ago.”

“Yeah, well it still hasn’t been enough. Nothing has really worked. I’ve gotten close, but not close enough.”

“Maybe that’s it.” Nyota furrowed her brow. “You haven’t been doing enough.”

“Excuse me? I know I just said it, but come on, you’re not supposed to agree with me!”

“No, no, don’t misunderstand. I’m just thinking. You’ve roped a lot of different people into these attempts. But most of the time it’s been exclusively. Different people have helped you in different ways, but you’ve never really brought them all together. Maybe you have all of the pieces, you just need to put them together.”

Jim considered Nyota’s words “You mean, like in the original attempt. When we saved Earth… There was a team of us that saved the day. I need that team to save Vulcan too.”

“’Exactly!” Nyota said. “I mean, it will be trickier to get everyone on board, but it might pay off in the end.”

“Nyota, you’re a genius! And I’m a complete idiot for not thinking of this sooner.”

Jim stood. He practically bounced with excitement as he paced. No way he would be able to meditate again anytime soon. “It makes so much sense! I’ll need you, of course, Spock, Pike, probably Scotty and Old Spock too, Sulu, and…” Jim trailed off.

“Chekov?” Uhura supplied, her voice soft. Jim had told her about Pavel’s death in one attempt too. “You’ll probably need him too, you know. He sounded important.”

“He is, but he’s also liable to sacrifice himself. What if we succeed but Pavel has to die for it? No way am I watching that again.”

“Shouldn’t you let him make that choice? He joined Starfleet the same as the rest of us. He knows the danger of what we do. And you will need him.  _ We _ will need him.”

Jim sighed. “You’re right, but I don’t have to like it. Okay, Pavel too. And it couldn’t hurt to get Gaila on board. Our program successfully kept the rest of the fleet from dying in one attempt. Maybe we could do the same thing again, prevent the rest of the fleet from reaching Vulcan.”

“It would sure save a hell of a lot of lives. As long as you didn’t get caught. May want to work on a backup plan. We don’t need to save Vulcan and then get arrested for mutiny.”

“If that’s what it takes –”

“No! No way,” Uhura interrupted. “If all of us work together, there will be a way to pull this off and have our careers intact at the end. We just need to figure it out.”

Jim smiled. “And this is why I need you on my ship one day. You’re just as persistent as I am, even if you don’t realize it.”

Nyota looked away. “I’m really not.”

“No? Who else would persist in convincing a Vulcan to date them outside regulations for two years? That’s me-levels of relentlessness.”

“Oh God, it sounds so awful when you compare me to you.” Uhura groaned dramatically. “Alas, I have become that which I detest!”

Jim rolled his eyes. “It’s a wonder it took time travelling Romulans to make us friends. We’re perfect partners in crime.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I made original Spock and original Kirk's relationship kind of ambiguous intentionally. To leave it up to you all to decide what you think it should be. As you can tell, I definitely ship them, but I think there's a lot of room for personal interpretation in their canon relationship and I tried to echo that feeling I get from the original show and movies. 
> 
> 2) I had fun just playing around with the Nyota and Jim dynamic in this chapter. Stuff about Uhura's family and childhood language isn't canon, but I did include them to help develop her character. 
> 
> 3) You may have noticed I had a bit of fun doing some world-building in this chapter with the rooftop gardens. I noticed that in Star Trek there are still large cities, so that means that typical problems that come with large cities are probably still an issue, but they have probably done more to fix them. The urban heat island effect, for those of you who don't know, is a real problem in just about every city. It's why cities usually get less snow than their surrounding rural areas or get hotter than average in the summer. There are several factors that contribute to this, like carbon emissions and population density, but lack of greenery is also a major contributing factor. There are a lot of relatively simple solutions to combat the effect, one of them being adding more green spaces. Especially on roof tops which are usually empty spaces anyway. I like to think, in a utopian future, there would be lots of gardens and green spaces to make cities more aesthetically pleasing and environmentally sustainable. And I had a lot of fun thinking what they would be like at a college-like setting such as Starfleet Academy. 
> 
> Sorry, that was bit of a word dump.  
> TL;DR: Spock Prime/Kirk Prime is complex, I like writing the Jim and Nyota friendship, you should look up urban heat island effect, and hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim's training with Old Spock continues. Plus some Scotty and Keenser!

_ Attempt 100 _

Naturally, Jim wanted to implement his new plan right away. He was calling this one Operation GBBT (Getting the Band Back Together. The name was still a work in progress.). But there was still the matter of learning to shield his thoughts. He would inevitably need to meld with Spock and Jim still didn’t have the mental discipline necessary to do so again. But he did feel a return to Delta Vega was in order. Perhaps Old Spock could begin teaching him some of the actual shielding techniques. Jim was anxious Old Spock would think he was not yet ready to graduate from meditation, so he spent the trip to the Vulcan system practicing.

_ Your mental focus is remarkable for a Jim Kirk of your age,  _ Old Spock commented as he melded with Jim on Delta Vega. In the mindscape, they stood in a place familiar to them both: Starfleet Academy’s main assembly hall.

_ Thank you,  _ Jim managed to convey, but he knew Spock could sense his urgency to learn shielding techniques.

_ Patience, Jim. Though you have adequate preparation to learn some basic skills. _

Jim’s excitement washed through both Jim and Old Spock’s minds, like waves of sunlight. Jim could feel Old Spock’s discomfort.  _ Sorry about that. _

_ It is of no consequence. My own Jim would be similarly flush with strong emotions close to the surface of his thoughts. For this lesson we will begin with memory space construction. Memory is often compared to a labyrinth. I imagine my own thoughts to be like the caves in the Forge on Vulcan. If I do not wish someone to view a memory, I merely envision a dead end where it should be, but that will come later. For the first lesson you must create your own memory-scape. _

Spock broke them both out of the connection. Gradually like swimming towards the surface of a still lake, Jim returned to himself.

“Now, I would like you to envision your memory in a space that is familiar to you. Some place you know intimately would be best.”

Jim shifted into a meditation pose. He let his mind wander and linger on different ideas. There were places he knew well, but most of them he didn’t want to replicate as his memory-scape. There was the family house in Iowa, but when he envisioned the silent wooden house with the potential of an irate and drunken Frank lurking around every corner, Jim feared his thoughts would be constantly on edge. He would be terrified of his own memory scape. 

Jim had lived a few different places over the years, but most of them were not places he considered he knew well. Sometimes he lived at Starbases with his Mom and Sam in earlier years, which had been fun, but Jim had always known they would be temporary. Then, after finally leaving the family home in Iowa, he had jumped around in different motel rooms and apartments for a while, but they were always rest stops. Never truly his. Then, there was Starfleet Academy, probably the closest place Jim had ever felt like he belonged. But Jim didn’t think his memories echoed the compartmentalized and spread-out grounds of the academy. His memories were interconnected, overlapping and relying on each other to stay stable. They felt like a macrocosm full of disparate, but interconnected parts. They felt like…a starship.

Jim wasn’t sure how he knew, but it fit. He could see it clearly in his mind’s eye: he could see everything from the ship’s bridge of his mind, from the short-term memory of the busy main hallways and primary rooms to the long-term memories long buried and obscure like the lower cargo decks. Every system was unique, but they were still all connected together, working holistically with one another. And only Jim had access to them all, like a captain of an actual starship would. He knew it wasn’t quite the Enterprise, or like any other ship in the fleet, but that was okay. It gave him the basis for his memoryscape. Everything else would build to fit Jim’s personality and vision.

“Okay, I think I have it,” Jim said.

Spock’s eyebrow raised. “Are you certain? I had to meditate for close to an hour to determine the shape of my memory-scape.”

“Well, it might not be fully flushed out, but I think I have the basics down. You can let me know what you think and tell me what I need to improve on.”

“Then with your permission I will reconnect our minds.”

“Go for it,” Jim leaned forward to allow Old Spock to connect fingers with his temples.

“My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts,” Spock murmured. And then they were back.

Instead of neutral ground, Spock had entered directly into Jim’s mind. They stood on the starship bridge Jim had imagined as the helm of his mind.

_ Fascinating,  _ Spock said, looking around the bridge.

_ I know it won’t be like an actual starship, since I don’t have years of experience on one yet, but this just felt right. The ship itself is my memories. _

Spock moved to the helm control station.  _ May I?  _ He asked.

Jim nodded, and the elder Vulcan began to press buttons on the consol. On the view screen came up Jim’s memory from his first trip to Delta Vega in the original attempt.

_ I apologize. I did not realize so many of my emotions would transfer to you. It must have been…overwhelming. _

Jim waved the memory from the view screen.  _ Don’t worry about it. You’ve already apologized. And it was necessary. After all, we managed to defeat Nero with that information. _

Jim jumped up from his captain’s chair.  _ This is so cool! If we want to go deeper into the memory, I figured the turbo lift could take me to relive the memory. Is that how it works? _

_ I am curious to see you attempt to do so. _

Jim grinned and headed for the turbo lift. He thought of the day he joined Starfleet and figured Old Spock would love to relive Jim making life-altering decisions on the spur of the moment. He would be so affectionately exasperated. Jim might even get the old guy to do an eyebrow rise.

Jim gestured for Old Spock to join him on the turbo lift. He envisioned the turbolift transporting them to the old memory, straight to the shuttle craft that would take Jim to Starfleet. But when the doors whooshed open, Jim was back on his mind’s Bridge with Spock. Instead, the memory played on the view screen, Jim’s motorcycle roaring down the narrow highway between the dawn-touched fields of Iowa.

_ I don’t understand!  _ Jim’s thoughts shouted.

He winced when he saw Old Spock flinch from Jim’s emotional burst.  _ Sorry about that. I just wasn’t expecting it to take us back here. _

_ It is not unsurprising. What you were attempting to do was a total immersive memory. It takes many years of mental discipline for a Vulcan to effectively use this technique, especially during a mind meld. If you will allow me… _

_ Go ahead,  _ Jim gestured for Spock to lead. This time when they emerged from the turbo lift, under Spock’s guidance, they emerged in the memory Jim had intended.

_ “Wife took the whole goddamn planet in the divorce. All I got left is my Bones,”  _ Leonard McCoy spoke as he took a swig from a flask next to Jim, before offering it to Jim to sip.

A wave of affection washed through Jim’s mind that he knew wasn’t his.  _ Spock? _

_ Forgive me. It has been a long time since I have seen Doctor Leonard McCoy. He was my friend as well. _

Now that was something Jim would pay to see. He couldn’t imagine his roommate and best friend getting along with Spock in a million years.

_ I sense your doubt. Do not misunderstand, Leonard and I had many disagreements over the years, but we came to trust each other quite deeply. _

Jim felt a strange sensation from Spock he couldn’t quite understand.  _ Did you meld with Bones too? _

_ Some answers I will not give, Jim. That is one of them. _

_ That’s totally a yes. Man, too bad I can’t tell Bones that. I’m pretty sure he’d burst a blood vessel. _

_ You are becoming distracted, Jim.  _ Sure enough, as Jim’s mind wandered the memory began to fade and ripple as it was overlapped by other memories fighting to emerge.

_ Focus on your mind’s Bridge, Jim,  _ Spock offered.

Jim did so, and the pair found themselves once again on the Bridge of Jim’s mindscape. From there Spock eased them both out of the mind meld. Jim felt victory surge in his chest. He was another step closer to getting reacquainted with Spock.

_ Attempt 117 _

“I don’t understand. Isn’t this enough to keep your younger self from accessing memories I want to keep secret? What more do I have to learn?”

“You must also learn to shield your emotions,” Old Spock argued with Jim in the ice cave of Delta Vega. Your memoryscape is quite remarkable. You can even deny access to the memories you do not wish me to see. But your emotions still flow freely through your mind without direction. You cannot effectively redirect or mask them and thus they are always present and rather intense. You allow them to pool in your every thought, but they must be like the current, ever present, but always shifting and moving so my counterpart cannot latch onto them.”

“Wasn’t it you who said that emotional transference is an effect of the mind meld? I felt your emotions, Spock.”

“You felt a fraction of my emotions in our initial meld. It is not the same. I felt what I transferred to you. I can assure you that my Vulcan emotions flow much stronger than what you witnessed.”

Jim crossed his arms. “So then how do I shield my emotions then? They aren’t like memories I can put a door and an access code between. As you’ve said, they are interwoven with every thought and memory that crosses my mind. How do I suppress that?”

“This is where my practices and your own will diverge. Vulcan practices focus on the purging of emotions. However, emotions cannot truly be purged without intensive training such as the Vulcan practice of kolinahr. But humans, such as yourself, are reliant on emotional release rather than suppression. You must focus your mind on muting your expressions, on integrating them in the normal processes of your mind so they do not draw attention. To achieve a state similar to meditation during your meld so you may observe your memories impassively to lessen the effect of emotional transference. It is this state that will also allow you to prevent your mind from attempting to seek a more permanent bond with my younger self.”

Jim sighed. “This sounds like it’s going to take a lot of practice.”

“It will. But you are human, so letting your emotions flow naturally into background noise will be much easier than suppressing them the Vulcan way. Let us begin.”

_ Attempt 126 _

“I leave you for a while and this is where I find you? Meditating? On a starship that is definitely not the Enterprise? Though who can tell? All your little ships look alike. All so uniform.” Q made gagging noises.

“Bold words from someone whose entire race is named Q,” Jim bit back. He opened his eyes to see Q literally hovering over him.

“Jimmy, what exactly have you been up to while I was gone? Have you done anything other than sit around starships?!”

“I was wondering when you’d be back,” Jim scoffed. “To be honest, I’m meditating because you forced me to admit to all sorts of feelings about Spock, and I can’t meld with him until I get my mind under control. So, I’m learning Vulcan mental shielding techniques. Happy?”

“Not in the slightest. Here I was thinking you couldn’t make this side project any more boring, and yet you have. If I wanted to watch Vulcan meditation, I would have chosen your hybrid crush for this task. Please tell me you at least blew up something while I was away seducing an empress from the sixth dimension.”

“He’s not my first officer. Not really. Chances are when this is all over, he’ll be a captain long before I ever will. And no, I did not blow something up. I think there’s been more than enough of that from Nero.”

“Ugh! So boring! Please tell me you’re planning something epic when you finish your latest obsession with Vulcan meditation.”

Jim thought of Uhura and their discussion, and the plan he had begun crafting with so many moving parts. “I’m planning something alright.”

“You are? Do tell!” Q laid on his stomach on the floor and held his chin like a toddler awaiting story time. “Give me all the spoilers.” 

Jim shook his head. “No way. So, you can just say I’m going to fail and then offer zero constructive advice? I don’t think so. Looks like you’ll have to wait and see what happens like everyone else.”

“Ouch, so cruel, Jimmy. But fine, I’ll let you play this out. The anticipation is refreshing. How much longer do you think you’re going to keep up this meditation arc anyway?”

Jim shrugged. “Until Old Spock thinks I’m ready. But I do think I’m getting close.”

“Ha! Old Spock. I love it. What do you call your hybrid? Junior? Young Spock? Oh! I know! Mini-Spock!”

Jim frowned at Q. “I am not going to dignify that with a response.”

“Ugh, absolutely no fun at all. Hurry up and save Vulcan so I can move onto some more interesting mortals, will you?” Q snapped his fingers and vanished, leaving Jim once again alone in the USS Farragut, on his way to work more on his shielding techniques.

_ Attempt 137 _

Jim furrowed his brow. His head hurt with the effort of a red alert noise blaring in his own head. He found himself wondering why he decided to use the annoying alarm system as his defense mechanism for his memory-scape. The alarms seemed more distracting than anything. Yet, here he was trying to keep Old Spock out of a memory, red alert alarm going off in his head and working to construct mental walls against Spock’s probing mind.

Finally, Old Spock moved on to a new target and Jim struggled to keep up with the Vulcan’s run through his mind. He was attempting to use some of Jim’s surface memories to trigger a chain reaction of uncovering hidden memories. Similar to something Kirk was wont to do during a train of thought. However, weeks of meditation and shielding practice hadn’t been for nothing. Jim managed to successfully prevent his mind from diverting onto Spock-instigated tangents into hidden memories.

_ It appears you have developed admirable skills, Jim,  _ Spock spoke through the mind link. He could detect a whiff of pride emanating from Spock’s mind. And something bittersweet. It felt like when Jim caught sight of Spock across campus. The exact feeling of an ache under his heart when younger Spock failed to take interest in or even notice Jim’s presence staring at him.

_ Thank you,  _ Jim replied, multi-tasking as Spock attempted a final attack on one of Jim’s shields.

Old Spock broke the mind meld and the pair of them slowly came back to themselves.

“It is truly remarkable all that you have accomplished in such a short time,” Old Spock murmured.

Jim shrugged. “I am a fast learner. But to be fair, this is literally all I have been doing the past few weeks. Apart from a couple sidetracks and getting myself to Delta Vega when I needed to. Does this mean you’re clearing me to officially meld with your counterpart?”

Spock inclined his head with a nod and Jim let out a whoop, pumping his fist in the air. “Finally, I can begin putting a plan into motion!”

Old Spock raised an eyebrow and an almost smile twitched on his face. “I hope you will continue to practice these skills even beyond this time loop. I anticipate you will have need of them in the future.”

“Giving me future advice, Spock? I thought that was a no-no.” Jim grinned at the elder Vulcan sitting across from him.

“I have revealed nothing, but merely speculated on your future endeavors considering the personality of yourself and the actions I know of your counterpart in my timeline.”

Jim laughed. “I’m going to miss you. I hope that my Spock and I can figure out a plan quickly so I can come get you off this ice planet once and for all.” Jim stood up. “Come on, let’s go.”

Spock cocked his head. “Where are you intending us to go?”

“I basically just passed a Vulcan shielding crash course with a professor who forgot I was his student every single day. We should celebrate! Good thing there’s a Scotsman and Roylan around who will probably love to do just that. Too bad I didn’t bring any scotch this time around.”

“Fascinating. Would the Scotsman you are referring to be Montgomery Scott?”

“The one and only. How about it?”

“I would be amenable to joining you,” Spock replied.

“I bet younger you would give some excuses to not come and ‘begrudgingly’ relent after a while which he would then justify with a bunch of logic. Probably something about preserving body heat at the Starfleet base or something…No offense.”

“I was most insecure about my human impulses in my youth. It took me many years to reconcile my two halves, Jim. Please have patience on my younger counterpart.”

“Don’t worry, Spock. I’ll be the best friend a Vulcan like yourself could ask for.”

“Of that I have no doubt.”

After that, the winds of Delta Vega made it too difficult to speak, so Jim and Old Spock shuffled in silence to the Starfleet outpost.

Jim pushed open the door to the outpost and yelled down the shadowy corridor of the outpost, “Scotty! Keenser! We’re back!” Jim knew neither of the two Starfleet officers knew who the hell either of them were, but it would be fun explaining later. Not even explaining his time loop situation for the umpteenth time could put a damper on his good mood.

This time Keenser looked more trepid as he came down the hallway to greet him.

“Hey there, Keenser!” Jim greeted. “Spock, meet Keenser. Keenser, this is Spock. He’s from the future. I’m not, but I am in a time loop, so we’re basically both time travelers. Anyway, let’s go wake Scotty. We have a little less than an hour left for a grand celebration. Might as well make the most of it.”

Spock nodded and offered Keenser a Vulcan salute.

Keenser stared at the pair of them for a while, before finally shrugging and leading them both down the hallway of the outpost. Did anything faze that Roylan?

“Give it to me again,” Scotty demanded, lowering his now empty mug of synthehol. “Yer from the future?”

“He is, I’m not. I’m from your time, just in a time loop,” Jim replied, nursing his still half full glass of synthehol. Keenser and Old Spock had opted for mugs of hot water. Apparently, there were no glasses in this outpost anywhere.

“Forgive me, lads, it’s all a wee bit difficult to wrap my head around. So, why are we celebrating again? Not that I’m complaining about the company, but could ye have at least brought some decent drink instead of us forcing this stuff down?”

“Scotty, I passed my crash course in Vulcan mind-shielding! That means I’m a step closer to getting you and Keenser off this ice planet.”

“Well, that’s something to drink to, fer sure.” Scotty poured himself another mug of synthehol and toasted the other three.

“Thank you.”

“So, when are we leaving then?”

“Oh sorry, we’re not leaving today. It’s too late to save Vulcan. But rest assured, the day will restart and I’ll start working with the Spock from our time to come up with a plan. I have a good feeling we’ll be coming by to pick you up fairly soon.”

“So ye get to end this day and wake up back in your warm San Francisco bed while Keenser and I are still stuck here?”

“You will be unaware this exchange ever occurred,” Spock assured Scotty.

“Maybe, but I still don’t like it much,” Scotty grumbled.

“If you have a way to save Vulcan from being destroyed in the next fifteen minutes, I’m all ears, Mister Scott.” Jim took another sip of his synthehol. It really didn’t compare to the taste of the real stuff, no matter what anyone said.

“I don’t,” Scotty sighed. “Well then, tell me more about the Enterprise, lads. You say I’m going to be chief engineer?”

“If I have anything to say about it,” Jim promised. “And let me tell you, I didn’t quite understand your instant infatuation with her initially, but I do now. She’s a beautiful ship.”

“A well-endowed lady,” Scotty nodded. “I can’t wait to get my hands on her warp coils!”

Keenser snorted, which Jim believed to be the Roylan’s way of laughing.

“Ah, shut it! I know ye want to be up there just as much as I do, ya daft gremlin.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “A curious parlance considering Keenser’s skills as an engineer while gremlins were an Earth mythical creature often blamed for unexplained faulty machinery.”

“What did he just say?” Scotty asked.

Jim laughed. “That’s just Spock’s way of messing with you. Also, I think he’s wondering why you’re being insulting to Keenser.”

“What? It’s not an insult. It’s a pet name!”

“That I don’t like,” Keenser interrupted.

Scotty swiveled. “You don’t? Why dinnae ya say anything then? I would’ve stopped using it.”

Keenser shrugged, and Scotty proceeded to interrogate the Roylan about every nickname he had been using since their mutual stranding on Delta Vega. It was a long list.

Jim looked to Old Spock and if Jim didn’t know better, he would swear there were tears glistening in the Vulcan’s eyes. “Are you alright, Spock?” He whispered.

“I am well, Jim. I did not think I would have an opportunity to share in the comradery of the Enterprise crew again, and I am fortunate for this moment, even if I will fail to remember it.”

“Then I guess I’ll have to make sure to introduce you to the whole crew once this is over. Especially now that I know that the universe won’t be destroyed if this time’s Spock knows about you.”

Before Old Spock could reply, the world went black, and Jim was left with a content feeling from Old Spock’s warm gaze, and Scotty and Keenser’s continued banter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I am not a student of neurobiology, nor do I claim to have any knowledge about how human memory actually works. Jim's training was basically my best guess plus whatever random information I have managed to pick up from my pre-med and med student friends. 
> 
> 2) A lot of people depict Jim's mindscape as fields in Iowa. While a pretty image, I always felt like Jim's mindscape would be more complex and something more attuned to his love of space travel. So I envision his mindscape to be like the Enterprise. However, I understand if you have a differing opinion, or if it is different in canon.
> 
> As always, hoped you enjoyed, and thank you for your continued support. Next chapter, we're getting the band back together!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim begins preparing for a new plan with Commander Spock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, all! So I might have stretched the truth a little when I said I would be getting the band back together in this chapter. I had intended to, but the story ended up taking a different direction as I started writing Jim and younger Spock's reunion. And then everything spiraled a bit out of control as Spock and Jim got further into planning. To make up for it, I'll be posting two chapters tonight. Thank you for your patience and I hope you enjoy!

_ Attempt 138 _

Jim was rocking on the balls of his feet as he waited outside Spock’s door. He hadn’t seen Spock face to face in what felt like forever, even if it had only been a few weeks. He knew he probably should have taken the time to meditate this morning to clear his mind before going over to Spock’s. He had settled instead for running a couple laps around the main campus before heading to Spock’s apartment.

So, when Spock opened the door, a bright-eyed and sweaty Jim was practically bouncing on the doormat.

“Cadet Kirk,” Spock greeted.

“Good morning, Commander Spock,” Jim greeted, perhaps a little too exuberantly. “We have a whole lot to discuss this morning. May I come in?”

“I have classes I must attend to, Cadet Kirk. How did you gain access to the faculty living quarters?”

Jim beamed. “You gave the access code to me. You see, Mister Spock, I am trapped in a time loop, and I need your help to fix it.”

“An unlikely – ”

“Yeah, let’s just skip all that and get straight to the point. I’m in a time loop until I can stop Vulcan from being destroyed. When you were seven years old, your brother, Sybok, was banished from Vulcan, and you let your mother hold you because you were so distraught. You have never told anyone this memory to your knowledge, but you did tell me. In a previous version of today’s events. Now may I come in?”

Spock stepped aside to allow Jim entry.

“Thank you. And we’ll get to apologies and all that later, but for now, I think it’s best if we mind meld so you can be up to speed. Is that alright with you?”

Spock looked Jim over. “Your emotional state is particularly elevated. A mind meld could prove unstable in your current emotional state.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Fine! I’ll be calmer. Just give me about ten minutes. Mind if I use your floor?”

Spock nodded.

Jim sat and crossed his legs. He rolled his shoulders to get the proper meditation posture. “Oh, and start warming some water. We’ll definitely want tea when we’re done.”

As Jim closed his eyes and formed his hands into a Vulcan meditation pose, he heard Spock murmur, “fascinating.” Jim couldn’t help but smile as that single word warmed his heart.

Jim and Spock sat across from each other. Spock looked like he had a million questions he wanted to ask Jim, but he had acquiesced that if Jim was right about Vulcan’s destruction, the mind meld was far more pressing.

“My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts,” Spock spoke softly as his fingers pressed gently against Jim’s temples.

As soon as Jim felt the connection, he brought Spock to the “Bridge” of his mindscape.

_ Fascinating,  _ Spock said and Jim could feel the wonder wafting off of him.  _ This appears quite similar to the Enterprise’s Bridge. I was not aware you had been. _

_ I’ve been there often in this time loop,  _ Jim supplied.  _ The Enterprise felt like a natural reflection of the way my own thoughts are organized, both logical and chaotic all at once, every thought integrated with everything else. _

_ Fascinating. _

Jim felt a brief flicker of happiness evade his shields every time he heard Spock say that word in his mind. This would be harder than he thought it was, but Jim had also been training for this. Even as the emotional parts of him wanted to draw Spock further into his mind, he didn’t let them. This was supposed to be a surface meld.

_ Ready for me to show you some of the past attempts?  _ Jim asked.

_ Yes. _

Jim sat in the captain’s chair on the mind Bridge and he thought of the memories he had selected with Old Spock’s guidance in the past few attempts. Carefully selected memories that left out Jim’s burgeoning love for Spock, as well as their conflicts in earlier attempts. He also left out the personal moments he had with other members of the other Enterprise crew. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to stop his thoughts from steamrolling through Chekov’s death yet again, but in all fairness, it was probably good Spock got an impression of the young cadet’s tenacity. At least he managed to skip the attempts that followed of Jim’s mental breakdown.

Jim inserted various other character-defining moments of the crew. He showed Scotty’s transporter mastery from the original attempt, and Sulu’s expert flying of a shuttle craft in attempt 41. He conveyed memories of Chekov’s ecstatic babbling in the library, and images of Bones expertly handling casualties during battle with the Narada. He showed Pike willing to sacrifice his life just to buy the Enterprise some time, and Old Spock helping Jim meditate. He showed Gaila’s masterful coding, and Keenser’s overwhelming gratitude with Jim’s promise to get him on the Enterprise. Finally, he showed Uhura, brilliant Uhura who had been a genius communications officer on the Enterprise’s bridge, and then in the garden when she had given Jim the idea to bring everyone together.

Jim could feel Spock probing for more information on the memories of Jim’s last conversation with Nyota. Jim blocked him. He absolutely refused to let Spock know anything about his deeper feelings. Not now. Not anytime soon. And he almost let the bittersweet jealousy poke through, which he only managed to cover with a burst of determination.

_ Your mental shields are strong. Did my older counterpart teach you this as well? _

_ Yes,  _ Jim replied.

_ Why will you not let me see this memory? Did Nyota and yourself engage in some form of intercourse and you wish to prevent me from gaining access to this knowledge? _

Suddenly, Jim could feel the anger and jealousy heating off of Spock and heating Jim’s mental state as well, making it feel unstable, straining against the shields Jim had constructed. Jim knew that in the face of Spock’s unrestrained emotions and potential attack, his shields would disintegrate like paper.

_ No!  _ Jim shouted. He hadn’t meant to, but his mind felt defensive, a tactical alert sounding on the Bridge of his mind.  _ There is no way Nyota would make out with me. Not to mention she cares for you! Relax, Spock. I just shared some personal things about myself I don’t want you to see. Okay? _

The anger wafting off of Spock subsided and Jim felt his mind ease. He suddenly felt exhausted. Countering Spock’s brief aggression had taken a lot out of Jim.

_ I apologize for the intrusion, cadet. I will break the meld now and give you time to recover. _

Jim managed to express a brief feeling of gratitude before he felt Spock’s mind slip away.

When Jim came back to himself, Spock had already risen and prepared two cups of tea.

“I must apologize for my actions during the mind meld. I did not wish to intrude on your personal memories. To act as such was inexcusable.”

Jim waved his hand in forgiveness. “Don’t worry about it, Spock. If someone tried to hide their memories of me with their girlfriend, I would want to demand more too. But you really have nothing to be concerned about between Nyota and I. We make good friends. And I care for someone else anyway.”

“Do not take this lightly. For someone to force themselves onto that which is shielded during a mind meld is an inexcusable action. It is an act of violence.”

“Spock, I swear, it’s fine. Until I started developing my mental capabilities, I would cross some boundaries you did not want crossed. At least for you it was out of concern for your girlfriend.”

“But I have had training. I should not have pushed where I was not wanted.”

“Look, berate yourself all you want, but I forgive you, and we have more important pressing matters to tend to, like saving Vulcan.”

“I also find it…disquieting, that you can speak so casually about my relationship with Nyota.”

Jim smiled. “Understandable. I know it’s a pretty big secret. Even if it isn’t technically against regulations with Nyota being your TA rather than your student. Don’t worry, I’ve been keeping your secret for months in this time loop.” Not strictly true, but since no one but Jim remembered the days, he wasn’t technically wrong. “Are we good now? Any more questions about the time loop?”

Spock sat at the table across from Jim. “Q. Why did he place you in this time loop of all people?”

Jim gave Spock a weak smile. “Apparently in the original timeline I become someone rather important. He decided he wanted to see the Kirk-factor in action, I suppose.”

“You disagree with him.” For a moment Jim thought it was a question, but he knew it wasn’t. Spock knew Jim didn’t believe Q’s words.

“When Pike convinced me to join Starfleet three years ago, he dared me to do better than my father. A man who sacrificed his life for eight hundred others in the ten minutes he was a captain. But in that other timeline, my Dad survived. I had a completely different childhood. And that means I’m a completely different person than I was supposed to be. There’s no reason I’ll amount to anything in this timeline.”

“Then why not let Q reset it himself? Why continue to live through this time loop?”

“Because…” Jim looked up, feeling a surge of the James T. Kirk stubbornness that had gotten him this far. “Because I’ll be damned if I’m not going to at least try to live up to and surpass that expectation. I like living. And after standing on the Enterprise bridge feeling like I belonged there, I knew that was a future I wanted to fight for. Something to live for.”

“Fascinating,” Spock replied. This time, Jim didn’t even try to suppress the warmth that blossomed in his chest, letting the buzzing emotion overwhelm him briefly.

Spock was a little hesitant about Jim’s plan of including nine other people originally. He didn’t think it could be feasible to convince that many people of Jim’s time loop theory.

“I’m kind of relying on herd mentality here,” Jim was honest. “Besides, I know convincing Bones, Gaila, and Chekov will be pretty easy. Scotty and Keenser will do just about anything as long as they get off of Delta Vega. Old Spock will believe me too. You can convince Uhura. Sulu will go along with Chekov. And then once Pike sees all of us on board, I bet he’ll be convinced. See, it will work.” 

“You also work under the assumption that these disparate parties will create a cohesive crew. What about the rest of the Enterprise crew? And the admiralty?”

“That’s part of where Pike and you come in. You two will be able to convince them that what I say is valid.”

Spock seemed skeptical as he raised an eyebrow. Already five so far today.

“Look, I’m not saying this is going to be easy. In fact, this will probably take multiple attempts, but I really feel like this plan could work, having us all together. We just have to figure out the details, play to everyone’s strengths.”

“It is a plan that has the potential of success. I cannot determine an exact success rate without further development of said plan.”

“That’s good enough for me. Also, I’ve already thought of the perfect plan name.”

“A plan name?” Spock repeated, cue another eyebrow raise.

“Yep! Enterprise’s Eleven!”

Spock was silent.

“It’s a parody of this old Earth movie – two of them actually, plus some sequels – called  _ Ocean’s Eleven _ , where a mastermind decides to pull off this huge heist in Las Vegas casinos using a team of eleven crazy geniuses.”

“An inaccurate comparison to make considering we are not robbing gambling establishments, but rather preventing the genocide of my people and restoring you to a linear timeline.”

“It’s totally relatable. There’s a near impossible task to complete that only a team of crazy geniuses could pull off. There’s even eleven of us! It fits,” Jim insisted. “I had some other ideas if they sound better to you. How about ‘Locus Tempus Chors’? Translates from Latin into Space Time Crew.”

“I do not glean the purpose of having a name for this plan. Should we not be more concerned with the specifics of your proposal?”

“Sometimes you are no fun, Mister Spock. I bet the others will love the name.”

Once Spock had been sufficiently convinced to skip the day, Jim had managed to drag him to the library to make use of the huge interactive white boards to begin brainstorming.

“Alright, here’s what we know so far,” Jim started, using a board stylus to begin writing like chalk on a blackboard. “We know that Nero and the Narada are more advanced than the Enterprise in just about every way possible. But we have something they definitely don’t have: surprise. And a whole lot of spunk.”

“Spunk?” Spock repeated in a tone that almost sounded like a scoff.

“Just…we’re awesome, okay? Give me a break, it’s not like we’re superior to Romulans from the future technologically. We have to find other strengths so this doesn’t seem so hopeless.”

Spock stood from his seat and plucked the stylus from Jim’s hands. “Perhaps it would be prudent to list what methods have thus far proven effective against the Narada.”

“Okay, we can do that. One, stealth attacks. Hiding in Saturn’s, and later Delta Vega’s magnetic fields make us undetectable on their sensors.” Jim watched as Spock began to scratch a more technical phrasing of Jim’s answer on the board:  _ Use of planetary magnetic distortions to disrupt Narada sensors. _

Jim plucked the stylus out of Spock’s hand and rolled his eyes, writing his next point on the board. “Two,” he said, “The name of Enterprise herself. Nero knows you’re going to be on the ship and he wants to make you suffer. Not die quickly in a full assault. We can use that.”

“I don’t think ‘Enterprise has Spock’ fully conveys your point,” Spock critiqued Jim’s shorthand.

“Fine! You write it then. Just don’t make this board look like we’re reciting out of a damn textbook.” Jim begrudgingly handed the stylus back to Spock. “Three, stealing the red matter via Old Spock’s ship ensures that Nero can’t destroy a planet. That worked in saving Earth.”

And on and on, it went, Jim listing off different techniques that worked. Spock would input occasionally if Jim forgot something. By the end, they had a decent list. In addition to the first three points, the board contained:

_ 4) Use of a future transwarp beaming equation allowed entry to the Narada during warp. _

_ 5) Elder Spock’s knowledge of Nero and the Narada transferring to Kirk _

_ 6) Gaila’s coding abilities to prevent other starships from warping into trap. _

_ 7)  _ ~~_ Mis _ ~~ _ using Gaila’s code to gain access to the Enterprise’s systems. _

_ 8) Sulu’s  _ _ fencing kicks Romulan ass!  _ _ exemplary fencing capabilities proven to incapacitate Romulans _

_ 9) Destroying the Narada’s drill to allow for communication and transporter capabilities. _

_ 10) ~~Impersonating a Rigelian freighter captain to launch some of the fleet ships. VENTHYR LIVES ON!~~ :) _

_ 11) Getting me out of academic probation! _

~~_ 12) Chekov’s near successful attempt to capture Elder Spock’s vessel from the Narada _ ~~ _~~.~~ NO. _

_ 13) Mindmelding with Spock so he can remember all the things I forget. _

_ 14) Beaming to the Narada with Spock to rescue Pike and steal Old Spock’s ship. _

_ 15) Sulu’s superior helm capabilities in most iterations _

_ 16) Using the red matter against Nero _

_ 17) Bones’ improvisational medical expertise to get me actually on board the Enterprise and not die _

_ 18) Scotty’s unique engineering fixes (Evicting and igniting the Enterprise’s warp core to successfully evade the event horizon of a singularity.) _

~~_ 19) _ _ Pike going over to the Narada to allow the Enterprise to conduct defensive operations. _ ~~ _ Again, NO. _

_ 20) Chekov’s in-depth knowledge of gravitational and temporal physics to postulate about the red matter _

_ 21) Capturing the Vulcan ship from the future (the Jellyfish!) and the red matter to use against the Narada. _

_ 22) Kirk’s ability to garner information and devise unique tactical solutions from previous experience. (Aw, thanks!) _

_ 23) Spock’s ability to be a walking stopwatch/clock. _

_ 23a) J.K., Spock has a memory like a steel trap and he’s a genius. He’s been quite the asset this whole time. (Emphasis on the ass ;) ) _

__

The list ended up being a mess with Jim and Spock’s conflicting notes and crossing outs, reflective of their slightly combative brainstorming.

“I fail to see why you needed to include that final comment with a crude facsimile of a winking smile,” Spock commented.

Jim flushed, suddenly realizing he was in the company of. “Let’s just call it an illogical human joke, Mister Spock.”

Thankfully, Spock had left it at that. They had also begun another list. A list of assets they had but Jim had not yet incorporated into any of his plans:

_ 1) Uhura’s  _ ~~_ badassery. _ ~~ _ fluency in Romulan dialects.  _

_ 2) The rest of Starfleet’s stand-by fleet ships _

_ 3) Vulcan’s defense system, should we arrive to stop Nero before their elimination _

“I just had a thought,” Jim interrupted during their list creation. “Do you know anyone at the Vulcan High Command or something like that? I’m not implying all Vulcans know each other, but I figure there’s a chance you could use a Vulcan connection to help convince them how serious this situation is.” 

“I have conversed regularly with many members of the Vulcan High Council due to my familial relation to Ambassador Sarek.” 

“Oh my God. I’m an  _ idiot _ !” Jim exclaimed. “That means back in the original attempt, it was your Dad who stopped you from killing me. I just thought it was a random Vulcan in a position of authority. Wow, I must have made a terrible first impression.”

“I attempted to kill you in the original attempt?” Spock asked, his eyes wide and Jim winced as he realized his mistake. 

“Oh yeah, I guess I did hide that from you in the meld today. Look, it doesn’t matter because technically it didn’t happen. Okay?”

Spock shook his head. “I find my emotional shields to be particularly strained while in your presence both during the Kobayashi Maru and again today. But I did not think that you would be able to push them to an act of violence.”

Jim gulped. He interpreted Spock’s little speech as “you drive me crazy, but I didn’t think you would be annoying to warrant me killing you.”

Jim sighed, “Look, Spock, when that happened you basically didn’t have any emotional shields. You watched your planet and mother die. And I pushed you to attack me. I said awful things I didn’t mean and I am still ashamed of those words even if you don’t remember them. I didn’t want you to see that side of me.”

“So you could assume captaincy of the Enterprise, correct? At the behest of my elder counterpart.”

“Yes. But I’m glad we’ve found a better way to get through today than emotionally compromising you.”

“Indeed.”

“Great! Well, now we can add this to the list.” Jim scrawled a new number on the board.

_ 4) Spock’s Dad is a literal ambassador to Earth. How have we not used this before? _

“I do not think it prudent to list my father on this board. He will not listen to me.”

Jim turned to face Spock. “What? Why? Come on, he’s your Dad. Even if you have a strained relationship with him, he will surely listen if the fate of Vulcan hangs in the balance. After all, it’s only logical,” Jim added teasingly.

Spock did not take the bait. “My father and I have not spoken since my departure for Starfleet. He is…” Spock trailed off.

“Ashamed? Angry? Look, I get the whole asshole parent thing. My Dad died before I got to know him, so I don't know what he would have been like. But my mother basically abandoned me with an absolute dickwad of a stepfather. Parents and I don’t mix well. But you have to admit, having the ear of the primary ambassador between Vulcan and Earth would be really helpful in today’s time loop.”

“It does not matter if he will not listen.”

“Okay, but there has to be some way to get through to him. Maybe your Mom - “

“Enough, Jim!” Spock’s voice barely raised, but for a Vulcan it was practically shouting. It was enough for Jim to flinch. His fingers unconsciously brushed his neck where he could remember Vulcan hands squeezing him. And the memory of a fist pounding against his face made him wince.

“I apologize, Cadet Kirk. I - “

Jim shook his head and forced a smile on his face. “No worries, Spock. We’ll delete it. We have plenty of other assets to help us. Jim started writing. The idea of parents had gotten him thinking.

_ 4) Captain Pike’s influence with the admiralty _

_ 5) Leonard McCoy, aka Bones. _

_ 6) Chekov’s coding capabilities _

_ 7) Uhura’s fluency in Klingon _

_ 8) Uhura’s fluency in Orion _

_ 9) Uhura’s fluency in multiple alien languages, which also includes Vulcan and Andorian. _

_ 10) Montgomery Scott’s idiosyncratic engineering fixes (HELL YEAH!) _

_ 11) Scott’s affinity for working with the Enterprise’s engines. _

_ 12) Pike’s coolheadedness during a crisis _

_ 13) Pike’s experience running Starfleet’s flagship. _

_ 14) Old Spock’s knowledge of the future _

_ 15) Keenser’s engineering capabilities _

_ 16) Keenser’s patience and experience dealing with Montgomery Scott’s unique personality. (Okay that’s fair.) _

_ 17) The Enterprise’s status as the Federation’s most agile and powerful ship to date _

_ 18) Keenser’s Roylan acid sneezes _

__

“Jim, I fail to see how the secretions of Roylan nasal passages would be helpful in preventing Vulcan’s destruction,” Spock pointed out.

Jim twirled the stylus in his fingers. “You said we should list all our assets. Technically, that is an asset. I don’t know how Keenser having a cold would be helpful, but it could be. Our unpredictability will ensure our victory. We already know for certain what Nero is going to do. Especially if we conduct multiple attempts. Nero has no such luxury, that’s why it’s our greatest strength.”

“I also fail to garner your reason to include Cadet McCoy as an asset. It is not clear to me why a doctor’s expertise would be necessary.”

“All assets,” Jim repeated. “Bones may be a Southern sourpuss, but he is a still damn good doctor. We might need him. And he’s on the team as far as I’m concerned. Also, he’d never forgive me if I didn’t include him.”

“I still do not see the need for a medical expert in this plan, but I will acquiesce to your judgment in this matter.”

“Why thank you, Commander. Now, what’s next?”

The pair worked another hour to brainstorm additions to both lists. Jim finally left for a short bathroom break. As he returned, after a brief detour to the replicators to grab a bag of trail mix, he found Spock puzzled over the lists they had written on the board. “It appears that a surprise attack would be most effective. Speed and precise timing will be of the utmost importance.”

“A good place to start. Also, I’m thinking we ought to try something new. What would you say to a little deception against our Romulan time travelers?”

“How do you propose to use deceptive tactics?”

Jim grinned. “I have an idea that might be brilliant or completely moronic. Depends on if we can pull it off.”

“Statistics of this plan being the latter are significantly higher.”

“And you say you don’t have emotions.”

“I did not express emotions.”

“Then what was with that sass, Mister Spock?”

Spock stared at Jim in a way like he was trying to avoid rolling his eyes. “What is your plan, Cadet?”

Jim and Spock decided to go over their first draft of a plan with Captain Pike first. He was the one who would ultimately be leading the mission anyway, so it would be best to ensure he would go along with it. Also, apart from Old Spock, Pike had the most experience out of anyone else in the plan. He had the wisdom of years of Starfleet experience to poke holes in Jim and Spock’s plan.

They caught Pike this time as he was leaving the faculty lunchroom.

“Mister Spock,” Pike inclined his head. “…And Jim? What are you two doing together?” Pike’s face blanched. “Oh no, what has Jim done now?”

“Actually, I haven’t done anything yet today. But with your help, that’s about to change. Spock and I are facing a problem that we need your help with.”

“You and Spock…are working together?” Pike repeated. He turned to face Spock. “Is Cadet Kirk aware that you are bringing up charges against him today for academic dishonesty?”

Jim waved his hand. “Old news, Pike. Also, Spock… sorry, Commander Spock…dropped those charges earlier this morning.”

“And I’m guessing the reason for that is the same reason why you’re both here talking to me before my last class today.”

“Affirmative,” Spock replied.

“May we go to your office to talk about this further, sir?” Jim asked.

Pike sighed. “Lead the way. I am immensely curious to know what in the universe could manage to bring you two together for scheming.”

“Cadet Kirk and I are not scheming. We are seeking to remedy a situation to save billions of lives,” Spock amended.

Pike raised his eyebrows. “Seriously?”

“Have I ever given you the impression I am ever not serious?” Spock asked. With a double eyebrow raise, it was clear he was the height of offended.

Jim rolled his eyes. “He means we’re very serious.”

As Spock and Jim alternated in their explanation of the situation and their plan, Pike seemed to slump in his chair and the lines on his face deepened. Jim knew Pike had probably a thousand questions, but he was courteous enough not to ask any of them until Jim and Spock had finished presenting their plan.

“So…What do you think?” Jim asked when they were finished.

“I think…I’m going to have to cancel my class this afternoon,” Pike started.

Jim handed Pike’s padd over to him. “Already have the message typed out and ready to send.”

“How? You don’t know my – ”

“Access codes?” Jim finished. “Actually, I do. Have since Freshman year when I crashed on your couch. We’ve been over this before. And since you were irritated last time I cancelled your class preemptively, figured I’d let you look this one over before sending it out.”

“Well, at least you’re learning in this time loop experience.” Pike managed a smile, but it was uneasy as he still took everything in. He glanced over the message Jim had composed before sending it off to his students. “You’d make a great yeoman, Jim. That email even sounded like me. Might have to snag you for the Enterprise.”

Jim fought the urge to wrinkle his nose. He wanted to be on the Enterprise, sure, but he was hoping for a position a little more action-oriented when he finally got on board than a yeoman, but to be honest, he would take just about any position as long as he had a place on the Enterprise.

“Don’t worry, Jim,” Pike laughed. “I’m not going to make you my yeoman. I know you’d prefer a job with more tactical experience and away missions. There will be the perfect job waiting for you on the Enterprise once you graduate.”

Jim’s jaw dropped. “You want me on the Enterprise? I haven’t even saved Vulcan yet.”

Pike smirked at Jim. “Of course, I want you on the Enterprise. I decided that back in your first year. Your childish antics aside, you would be a valuable asset to any crew. Not only are your grades fantastic, you have shown a knack for keeping a cool head during extreme circumstances. Not to mention your ingenuity and integrity are both admirable.”

Jim’s jaw was open. He had no idea what to say.

“Of course, my first officer will have to agree. But considering you two are working together now to prevent a natural disaster, I am guessing that will no longer be an issue.”

“Affirmative, but may I propose we return to the subject of preventing Vulcan’s destruction today?” Spock suggested

Jim fumbled for words. Pike wanted him on the Enterprise? Spock wasn’t opposed to having him on the Enterprise? And all those things Pike had said…Jim had left Pike’s office many times with the captain feeling something between exasperation and regret for ever picking Jim off a barroom floor in Iowa. Or that’s what Jim had thought anyway.

“Cadet Kirk, please close your mouth. You’re not fish,” Pike winked.

If Jim didn’t know better, he would think Spock was silently laughing at Jim’s expression. Pike however, made no effort to hide his amusement as he grinned at Jim.

“Right. Okay. Saving Vulcan. So I can join the Enterprise for real when this is all over.” Jim forced his mind to focus, a task which had become significantly easier since his training with Old Spock.

“I have some concerns about the logistics of your plan. You claim there are eight other people you want to reach out to for help? How are we going to not only brief them, but give them cause to believe that your claim is true? No offense, Jim, but I’m still not entirely sure I believe you. I think I’m still half expecting this to be like any other day.”

“Ripple effect and mob mentality. I know cadets Chekov, Gaila, and McCoy will be on board from the beginning. And once Commander Spock and I meld each day he completely believes my claims. Spock will convince Cadet Uhura and he has proven successful at helping to convince you. Chekov will convince Sulu. And by the time we get to Delta Vega, we’ll have enough of a group that Keenser, Scotty, and Old Spock should believe us rather readily.”

“Yeah, still trying to wrap my head around the idea of a future version of Spock arriving in this time as well.”

“You’re going to love him. He’s like Spock but way more expressive.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “I fail to see how my waning mental discipline in later years is something to inspire affection.”

“Don’t worry, Spock, I’m not saying I like old you better. I’m just pointing out differences. You’re still my favorite Vulcan.” Jim froze when he said those words, icy panic wrapping around his heart, and illogically, there was also a burn rising to his cheeks. Had he really just said that? He was just a step away from confessing his love for Spock.

Thankfully, Spock did not appear to pick up on the tone of Jim’s words, but from Pike’s sideways glance someone did.

“An illogical claim to make as I am certain your exposure to Vulcans has been rather limited.”

“Moving on,” Pike interrupted, to Jim’s great relief, though he was certain if Pike got a chance today, he would be discussing Jim’s slip of the tongue further. “I also don’t quite understand how we are going to disable the drill. From your plan description, I don’t think even the element of surprise is going to be able to give us the time we need to move from Delta Vega to Vulcan, target and destroy the drill without these Romulans noticing and then attacking.”

“If the Enterprise makes an angle of trajectory precisely 43.78 degrees from the South of Delta Vega in an elliptical course, the majority of the Narada’s sensors will not pick up the Enterprise until the last conceivable moment, making the probability of the Enterprise successfully destroying the drill at 32.89-percent.”

Pike shook his head. “Realtime flying is never that precise. Even with the best helmsman in the universe. And I don’t like those odds. We need to figure out an alternative plan. What did you do in the first attempt to destroy the drill?”

Jim shifted uncomfortably. “Not something I really want to repeat.”

Pike sighed. “Jim…”

“In the first attempt, you nearly died!” Jim burst. “Nero called you over to his ship. Three of us jumped from your shuttle as it passed over Vulcan’s atmosphere and destroyed the drill from one of its platforms. You headed to the Narada to buy us time, but we didn’t get you back until we were saving Earth. They tortured you. You were barely conscious when I found you. Before Q put me in this time loop, we weren’t sure if you were going to be paralyzed for the rest of your life.”

Pike looked taken aback by Jim’s outburst. “How is that any different from what you and Spock plan to do with yourselves?”

“It’s completely different and you know that.”

“Okay, so maybe we don’t play it exactly how it went the first time. But we do basically the same thing,” Pike suggested.

“Clarify,” Spock stated.

“Here’s my idea…”

After hashing out more of the plan with Pike, there was only about an hour left before the distress call inevitably came from Vulcan. Jim and Spock knew this wouldn’t be the day they saved Vulcan, but there was still more they could do.

“I figure it’s too late to get Chekov’s input. That kid is a genius, but he’s a talkative genius. We’ll get sidetracked and discuss time paradox theories until the day resets,” Jim explained.

“I suggest contacting Cadet Uhura. I find she has developed enough mental discipline to adequately stay on track.”

“Wow, that was basically an overture of love coming from you,” Jim joked, even as his heart broke a little saying it.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Spock seek input on their new plan.

Uhura looked between Spock and Jim across the table while she sipped on a mug of coffee. Jim and Spock had just finished explaining their plan and were awaiting her response.

“So…any questions? Expressions of incredulity? Insults?” Jim attempted to fill the silence. He knew Sspock and Uhura didn’t notice, but it felt so awkward being around the couple having been attracted to Uhura at one point, and now had some very deep feelings for Spock. 

“I would think this was a joke except Spock’s in on this with you,” Uhura admitted. “And why are you hanging out with Kirk? I thought you didn’t like him, Spock.”

“Ouch,” Jim muttered, but he flashed a smile in Spock’s direction.

Spock let out a tiny huff that might have been a sigh if he was fully human. “I do not dislike Cadet Kirk. I found his dishonesty on the Kobayashi Maru brash and immature, reflective of a cadet not yet ready to graduate from Starfleet academy. In my collaboration with Cadet Kirk today, this initial supposition has since been proven incorrect.”

“Aw, I knew you cared,” Jim joked, but in the back of his mind he kept obsessing about Spock’s earlier words this morning about being a strain on Spock’s emotional shields.

Uhura’s jaw dropped. “Okay, nevermind, this is the most unbelievable thing you’ve said yet. I’m having a nightmare. There is no way Jim Kirk and my boyfriend would get along in real life.”

While Spock raised an eyebrow, Jim laughed. “You are going to have a conniption meeting Old Spock. He basically said Spock and I will be best friends in the future.”

“A conclusion that is not necessarily definite as my future counterpart has significantly altered this timeline by his presence and the Narada’s,” Spock pointed out.

Jim struggled not to let Spock’s comment bother him, even if he did know it was true. Nothing was definite, but he wanted that amazing friendship Old Spock talked about. He wanted that feeling of completeness Jim felt when Old Spock’s thoughts turned to the Jim Kirk of his timeline. A completeness that felt like more than just friendship, but Jim couldn’t be sure.

“Whatever, I’m sure I’ll grow on you, Commander Spock. Just wait and see. Now, Uhura, do you have any questions about the plan or the upcoming events today?”

“So, what you are telling me is that the Klingon transmission I picked up a few days ago is because of these time-travelling Romulans who are attempting to systematically wipe out the Federation planet by planet?”

“Precisely,” Spock replied.

“Now I really wish I had told someone about it,” Uhura muttered.

“That’s why we need you. You are going to get the Enterprise to Vulcan ahead of schedule. And then you’re going to be our communications officer for the mission.”

Uhura shook her head. “No way. I’m just a cadet. They will want at least an ensign at that post.”

Jim smirked. “I guarantee you whatever officer they initially put at the comms doesn’t know a lick of Romulan. You’re the person for the job. Besides, Pike has already agreed – kind of – with the team Spock and I have put together. The plan won’t succeed without you handling communications. So, do you think you can do it?”

Uhura looked between Spock and Jim. “You two are really serious about all this. And you’re sure this isn’t a dream?”

“Why would either of us fabricate these predicted events?” Spock asked.

“True.” Uhura turned to Jim and met his smile with a smirk of her own. “I’m in. What do I need to do?”

“Today, nothing. We won’t be able to do anything until we know we can convince everyone of this plan. But we’ll be calling on you soon, Nyota. And then you can tell Nero ‘ash’vek lila yarmut,’ personally.”

Uhura’s eyes widened. “How did you – ”

“Let’s just say we’ve gotten on some friendlier terms in past attempts,” Jim smiled.

“Clearly,” Nyota appraised him. “Okay, I’m definitely in. And I have a few things to say about this plan of yours. For starters, how the hell do you think you two are going to pull this off without knowing any Romulan?”

“I am familiar with a basic understanding of the most widely used dialect,” Spock corrected.

“Yeah, that’s not going to be enough. I know you probably picked up your Romulan from diplomatic trips with your father. I guarantee you that high Romulan speech you used will not be used by the everyday Romulan soldiers.”

“Oh, they’re not soldiers. They’re miners. The Narada is a mining ship. Hence the drill,” Jim corrected.

Uhura stared at Jim. “Okay then, Spock’s Romulan is definitely going to be useless.”

“Fine, we’ll just use the universal translator then,” Jim said.

Nyota shook her head. “Not with your plan. Romulans are cunning. They are experts at subterfuge. To pull off your plan, you can’t have the stiffness of the universal translator with you.”

“What do you propose, Nyota?” Spock asked.

“Apart from teaching you both Romulan…” Uhura trailed off in thought. A moment later, her smile returned. “I’ll already be monitoring a few channels. What’s a couple more to add to the mix?”

“I think that went well,” Jim said to Spock, practically bouncing as the pair of them headed for the hangars when the distress call from Vulcan arrived.

“I did not foresee any complications in discussing the plan with Cadet Uhura.”

“Spock, it’s just me. You can call her Nyota.”

“As we are discussing her in a professional capacity, I see no reason for me to use anything less than her Starfleet designation. Something we appear to be in disagreement about as you have used my name informally frequently throughout the day.”

“Sorry, Commander. I’ve gotten to know you rather well over these attempts. You’re like a friend to me now.”

“Vulcans do not have friends.”

“That almost sounds like a challenge. I’m totally going to make myself your friend.”

“It was not a challenge.”

“Well, I think of you as  _ my  _ friend. That counts for something.”

“Apparently it gives you the impression that you may use my name as informally as you wish no matter the circumstance.”

“Now you’re getting it!’ Jim exclaimed, clapping a hand on Spock’s shoulder. He steered them both towards one of the shuttles heading for the Enterprise. “Now let’s go. The Enterprise awaits and we still have a lot to do today.”

Jim was right. There was a lot to do. On the four hours to the Vulcan system, Jim looked over the specs of the Enterprise, seeing just how far he could push the ship should the need arise. Spock was busy going over simulations of the plan, while somehow still performing all his duties as first officer to Pike. They planned to meet up shortly before they arrived at the system so Spock could convey his findings to Jim before Jim shuttled down to Delta Vega and the Enterprise spent as much time as possible holding off the Narada so he could talk with Old Spock, Scotty, and Keenser. Only a few hours left until Vulcan imploded. They could do this.

As Jim made his way to the shuttlebay five hours later, Spock intercepted him. “Running simulations from the data provided and that which I was able to estimate, I foresee probability of success at about 48.3-percent,” Spock informed him.

“I was hoping for a higher success rate, but I’ve pulled off plans with worse odds. I think we can do this. Besides, maybe the rest of the team will offer improvements that can better our chances.”

“Considering the changes Cadet Uhura and Captain Pike suggested when we conversed with them, I agree with that statement.”

“Excellent!” Jim clapped his hands together. “I’ll go talk with Scotty, Keenser, and future you, and let you know what we come up with in the next attempt.”

“Wait, cadet. There is still much data I must convey to you before you can depart for Delta Vega.”

“How much data?”

“As I ran over 3,000 simulated attempts – ”

Jim groaned. “You can’t be serious. How do you expect me to remember that much? For that matter, how the hell can you remember that much?”

“If you would allow me to finish my statement, I was going to say that I planned to summarize my findings for you.” 

“Oh. Sorry about that, Mister Spock. Continue.”

“I have 89 points I need you to listen carefully to so I will be able to access them in a meld tomorrow…”

Jim groaned again.

“Let me get this straight, lad. You want the three of us on the Enterprise to stop Romulan time travelers today, but in a different version of today?”

“Precisely. Now can I go over the plan with you?”

“As you estimate we have less than twenty minutes left until the day restarts, I would advise that would be the most preferable course of action,” Old Spock replied.

Scotty took a swig from his mug of scotch. Jim had brought down a bottle with him in the shuttle to Delta Vega. He had picked up Old Spock and then the pair had taken the shuttle to the Starfleet outpost to meet up with Scotty and Keenser. Now they sat around one of the console stations, Jim and Scotty drinking the scotch Jim brought while Keenser and Old Spock sipped on water.

“Ya don’t even need to tell me the plan, laddie. Anyone who brings me a bottle of scotch and a ticket off this planet has earned my eternal gratitude.”

“I’d still like to get your input. I may have studied the Enterprise a lot in these attempts, but you’re still the engineers. And Spock, you know more about these Romulans than anyone else.”

Keenser nodded at Jim to continue. Jim spent the next ten minutes outlining the plan and various moving parts, placing special emphasis on the roles Scotty, Keenser, and Old Spock would perform. When Jim had finished, it appeared Scotty was about to have a conniption.

“You want the Enterprise to do what?! I know she’s the finest ship in the fleet and all now, but even that’ll be a strain on the poor lady.”

Jim sighed. “I was afraid of that. But we need to somehow outmaneuver a ship from the future that is faster than us. Right now, the only way we are nimbler is because of our size. But when we face the Narada head on, that won’t be enough. I need to know you can adjust the matrix to increase responsiveness and divert power from impulse engines to radial thrusters. I want us to be the most annoying fly possible to the Narada.”

Scotty sighed. “Aye, it’s possible. But I cannae do it alone. And I guarantee you most wee engineering cadets won’t have the experience needed to keep up with the fluctuating warp readings.”

“So, you’re saying we need another experienced engineer.”

“Precisely, lad.”

Jim turned to look at Keenser who had been digesting Jim’s plan silently this whole time from his spot on top of the consol. “And that is why we have Keenser. Keenser, you’re an experienced engineer. Can you keep up with Scotty’s mad shenanigans?”

“Oi! I resent that!”

Keenser nodded slowly. “Best in Starfleet class,” he replied.

Jim grinned. “Excellent! Keenser, you’ll be Scotty’s assistant and deputy engineer. Think you can handle that?”

The Roylan’s stem-like eyes flickered back and forth until a cautious smile emerged on his face. “aye,” he said in a voice eerily like a certain Scotsman.

Jim laughed at Scotty’s expression. “Did you just…did he just…?”

“Welcome to the team, Mister Keenser. Okay, so that takes care of that. Spock, what are your concerns?”

“This plan, are you certain you should put yourself in such danger?”

“Better me than someone else. At least if I die the day will just restart.

“Jim, neither you nor my counterpart have the technical transporter experience needed to pull off this mission alone. I advise you to allow someone else to go in your place. As Mister Scott will be preoccupied, may I suggest your Cadet Chek – ”

“No. No way. I am not doing that again. We’ll pull this off, Spock. And if you’re so concerned, maybe you should man the transporters on the Enterprise to be sure. After all, you know the transwarp equation better than anyone here currently.”

“Yeah, about that, I have a few questions. You said this is  _ my  _ transwarp beaming equation. But last time I dabbled in that stuff I got sent here.”

“Trial and error, Scotty. You’ll get that equation eventually. Besides, if my knowledge of past attempts is anything to go on, all you have to do is look at things from a new perspective.”

Scotty flustered. “A new perspective? Now what’s that suppose tae mean?”

The alarm on Jim’s padd was going off. Vulcan would likely be imploding any moment now.

“Okay, that’s all we have time for today. Any last minute remarks? Next time I come we will set the plan in motion.”

“Some final parting advice. Jim, your emotions are often your strength. But they can also be your weakness if you pursue them without logic. It is my opinion – to borrow an Earth metaphor – that you shine your brightest when your emotion and logic work together. Follow your instincts.”

“That’s something I would ne’er think to hear a Vulcan say,” Scotty marveled, throwing back the last gulp in his mug.

“Something I never thought I would hear Spock say either. I thought you disapproved of my instincts.”

“As they are more successful than not in my dealings with my timeline’s Jim Kirk, I was forced to amend my original misgivings.”

Jim smiled. “Thank you, Spock. Good to know I can change your mind.”

“But, Jim, please consider – ” But Spock never got to finish what he intended to say as Jim’s world went dark and attempt 138 ended.

_ Attempt 139 _

Jim woke up and smiled. So far it looked like Plan “Enterprise’s Eleven” was a go. Pike had merely chuckled at the name and Uhura had rolled her eyes. In the midst of worrying whether he conveyed all the information in a timely manner for Old Spock, Keenser, and Scotty, he had forgotten to include the name, but that would be remedied when he picked them up to implement the plan. But today he had other people to convince.

Jim jumped out of bed and set to work making some coffee. It would certainly put Bones in a better frame of mind for the insane plan he and Spock were working on. And Jim knew he could pull it off. But convincing Bones that their death-defying mission would work was another story.

Bones slumped into the kitchen. “God, I hate it when you’re chipper in the morning. You’re probably up to no good today and I will inevitably be dragged into whatever mess you make.”

“Good morning to you too, Bones. Coffee?”

Bones mumbled something unintelligible, before swiping a cup of coffee from Jim’s hand and taking a sip. “Thanks.”

“No problem! There’s something I have to talk to you about.”

“I knew it! No cup of coffee ever comes free. Especially with you. Do we have to talk now? I had a late night at the clinic. I got tasked handling this first year ensign. Got herself a broken leg. Damned idiot was attempting to backflip off – ”

“The hoverport of the science building,” Jim interrupted.

“How did you know that?” Bones’ eyes narrowed.

“That’s what I want to talk to you about, Bones. I’m in the middle of a time loop where I live today over and over again. And I need your help to fix it.”

Bones glared at Jim. “This feels like a second cup of coffee type of discussion.”

Jim shook his head. “Sorry, not today. There’s three other people I have to talk to after this. Not to mention I have to somehow convince Pike again. I forgot to ask him for the specifics of the distress call Vulcan sends today.”

“Wait, what?”

“Let me start from the beginning…”

Jim was progressing fairly well through his spiel to Bones. His roommate made several interesting expressions throughout the story and as Jim began to explain his plan. However, Bones refrained from interrupting with metaphor-laced comments and questions as Jim babbled. It was rather uncharacteristic of him. Then again, Jim never needed Bones for such a serious plan before. Regardless, that changed when Jim started explaining Bones’ part in the plan.

“You want me to do what?” Bones interrupted. “Are you out of your corn-fed mind?! I’m not doing that.”

“But, Bones, we need someone to do it. And I’d rather not have to ask Doctor Puri, the person who is supposed to be CMO today until he dies. But only in some attempts. I’m hoping to minimize the casualties today, so hopefully he’ll be alright. It would kind of suck for him to actually die. He’s been gunning for retirement for a few years now.” 

“Focus, Jim.”

“Right. So, I really don’t think that conversation would go over well with him. And you’re the best doctor I know. If anyone can put me back to the way I’m supposed to be, it would be you.”

Bones pinched the bridge of his nose. “This plan is idiotic. And certain to get you killed.”

“Good thing I can’t die in this time loop then,” Jim grinned back.

Bones turned back to Jim, his gaze softening. “Jim, how many times have you died in this time loop?”

“Do you believe me?”

“I don’t know. I just know you’re acting more serious than usual. And there’s something different about you. I can’t explain it, but you don’t feel like a child sticking his fingers in electrical sockets anymore.”

“I don’t do that!”

“Bet you would if you were dared.”

“Maybe…”

“But like I said, you don’t quite feel like you anymore. Can’t explain it. To be honest, I’m a little concerned. Are you alright, Jim?”

Jim’s thoughts flickered to the different times and ways he had died: asphyxiation in space, Romulan phaser fire, getting hit by a hover truck… he squeezed his eyes to suppress the thoughts and memories of flashes of pain as his world abruptly ended in sudden, painful ways. “I don’t know, Bones. But I do know I have to get out of this time loop. And this is my way of doing it. Are you going to help me or not?”

“Hell, Jim, of course I’m going to help you. But I’m also concerned about you. This sounds a bit like a suicide mission on your part.”

“Well, it’s not. Because even if it was, I’d just end up back in this morning anyway.”

“Fine, I get the message. But once this is all said and done, you and I are going to sit down and have a lot of alcohol and talk about this whole damn time loop thing and how it affected you.”

“Deal. Now can we please focus?” Jim wasn’t sure why he was getting so irritated at Bones. Perhaps it was the realization the time loop had been affecting him while it was just another day for everyone else. And the fact his best friend was concerned about him made that fact all too real. But he couldn’t be distracted with his personal problems. Not now. He had a planet to save and time loop to escape.

“Okay, so about this plan,” Bones started, shaking Jim from his thoughts, “There’s a couple things I want to get straight in that thick skull of yours…”

Jim left his apartment feeling marginally better. But Bones’ words still settled uncomfortably with him. It was painful most days to wake up and realize no one else remembered anything of the day’s previous attempts. Melding with Spock was a brief reprieve from those feelings but there was still an overwhelming loneliness Jim had not felt the like of since living on the farm with Frank, while his mother was on one of her missions and Sam had run away for good. He had solved that problem with a whole lot of sex, alcohol and barfights. Hopefully, once this time loop finally ended, he’d be able to manage a bit better.

Next up on the list was Gaila. He allowed himself a small treat at the campus café before heading to her dorm, knowing that if he attempted to garner her help any earlier than 0900 he would get a door in his face. That was going to be the trickiest part of pulling off this plan, getting Gaila to wake up early.

But Gaila was fairly easy to convince. Especially since Kirk stuck to mostly the same script he had used before in confronting Gaila. An apology for his immature behavior went a long way in resolving their quarrels, and Gaila was usually up to help Jim with his mischief. Turns out that was even more so the case when it wasn’t so much mischief he was getting up to, but world-saving schemes.

“I like the sound of this Chekov fellow. I can’t wait to work with him,” Gaila admitted as they discussed the plan over coffee in Gaila’s dorm.

“You’re going to love him. He’s this tiny Russian genius who just lights up at the mere mention of physics. Think you’ll be able to keep up with him?” Jim teased.

Gaila leaned forward with a grin. “I think I’ll manage. So, when do I get to meet him?”

“Probably not until the day of.”

“What? Why not now?”

“What would be the point? You won’t even remember any of this when it is time to actually implement the plan.”

“The point is I want to know who I’m working with. How am I supposed to give you accurate feedback on the parts of the plan I’m working on if I don’t even know what my collaborators are like?”

“Fine! You can come with me when I go to meet Chekov. Happy?”

Gaila leaned back in her chair with a grin. “Yep! Now tell me more about this Sulu. He sounds incredibly attractive. Been a while since I charmed a pilot.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Good luck with that,” he replied, confident that Gaila wasn’t Sulu’s type.

Jim and Gaila intercepted Chekov on his way to the library. “Need a hand, cadet?” Jim asked as he watched Chekov struggle with his tower of books and papers once again.

“Are you addressing me?” Chekov asked.

“Of course! We actually have some stuff to discuss with you. Can you spare some time?”

“Maybe…I am headed to the library.”

“Sounds like as good as place as any to talk. I’m Jim. Jim Kirk. And this is my friend, Cadet Gaila,” Jim introduced.

“I am Cadet Chekov. But my friends call me Pavel.”

“A pleasure to meet you officially, Pavel. I’ve already heard lots of good things about you,” Gaila winked at him.

Pavel flushed under Gaila’s look. “O-of course, Ms. Gaila. A pleasure to meet you too.”

“Well, let’s adjourn to the library then. There’s a table waiting there that practically has our names on it.”

Pavel rambled happily about physics theories - particularly those of Russian origin - while the three of them waited for Sulu to arrive. After telling Chekov the basics, he had instantly wanted to know more about Jim’s predicament and his eventual plan, but first they had to bring Sulu in too. So, while the three of them waited for the pilot, they had started out by discussing possible theories that could prove the capability of Jim’s predicament. Jim had mostly heard it all before, but he was just happy his two friends were getting along. Pavel had been a bit shy to talk at first, especially when Gaila turned her attentions to him, but once Jim got Pavel started on a discussion of wormholes, the young genius had latched onto the discussion and had not ceased chattering about the different theories of the physics of large gravitational wells and their impact on spacetime.

Jim realized how much he had missed the Russian Wizkid as he listened to Pavel list the different points of Dmitriev’s theory that postulated gravitational waves in black holes spiraled outward like Fibonacci spirals. It was neither a well-known, nor very well-respected theory, but Pavel still believed there was some merit to it. 

“But how can you prove something like that? Normal spatial dimensions do not apply when approaching a black hole. Space only moves forward in the event horizon of a singularity.”

“Zis is true, but just because ze spatial dimensions are not ze same, does not mean it does not have dimensions. If we adjust our frame of reference, we could see ze golden ratio in ze grawiton readings.”

“You could see a golden ratio in anything with the right frame of reference!” Gaila argued.

Jim smiled as he listened to the argument. Clearly introducing Gaila and Chekov had been a good idea.

“What is going on here?” Sulu asked as he approached the table. “You do realize that the librarians are glaring at you, right?”

The three of them at the table looked around and sure enough, the nearest librarian was looking at them with narrow eyes and pursed mouth.

_ Sorry!  _ Gaila mouthed and waved apologetically.

The librarian rolled their eyes and returned to their work.

Sulu sat in the last chair at the table, next to Pavel. “So, what is this about? Why are you consorting with Jim Kirk and…”

“Gaila. Science track, emphasis on computer science. Pleasure to meet you, Mister Sulu.” Gaila stuck out her hand in a customary Earth greeting.

Jim smiled as he watched Sulu accept the gesture, albeit somewhat cautiously.

“Hikaru, you are not going to believe zis, but Jim is in a time loop! And he needs our help to save Vulcan.”

Sulu’s expression was stoic and accusing as he looked at Jim.

Jim sighed, readying himself to convince Sulu yet again.

“Look, it just won’t be possible. The distance from Delta Vega to Vulcan is too great. The Narada will pick us up long before we can do anything substantial in a surprise attack,” Sulu argued as the four of them poured over a map of Vulcan’s system.

“But Delta Wega is aligned with Vulcan right now. Zat must make it possible!” Chekov argued.

Sulu shook his head. “Come on, Pavel, you’re a navigator. You know that without warping, the time it will take to arrive at Vulcan purely on impulse will be long enough for the Narada to pick us up on sensors before we could get within weapons range.”

“Question here,” Jim interrupted what had essentially turned into a debate between Sulu and Chekov. “How come none of you brought this up before? We tried the Delta Vega orbit plan and it almost worked.”

“Did we actually effectively surprise the Narada in any of those attempts once we left Delta Vega’s orbit?” Sulu asked.

“Well, no…”

“There you go.”

“However, we still need to pick up the other team members Jim mentioned on Delta Vega,” Gaila remembered.

“Okay, fine. We’ll still exit warp around Delta Vega. But how are we going to adjust for the fact that this will no longer be a surprise attack?”

Jim sighed. “We’re probably going to have to do something similar to the original attempt. Sulu, you’re going to have to brush up on your fencing skills. Also, give me some names of potential pilots who are top of their class at orbital maneuvering.”

“What? Why won’t I be piloting?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Like before, all scientific theories and techno-babble here I basically made up. Fibonacci spirals are real though, and there are a lot of them in nature. (They are also referred to as golden spirals). It's pretty neat how mathematicians can take Fibonacci sequences and apply them to something tangible, such as galaxies to seashells.
> 
> 2) Any guesses on what Jim and Spock's plan might be?
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed these two chapters. I swear that next chapter we'll see some interactions with the whole gang together.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enterprise's Eleven is a go!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting a little early today because of a busy schedule later. Hope you all enjoy!

_ Attempt 140 _

Jim awoke after jumping in front of a hover truck on attempt 139 when the distress call for Vulcan came. He bolted out of bed and pulled on his uniform faster than he had in any attempt yet. “Bones! Wake up! Today’s the day we’re going to save Vulcan!”

“What are you raving about now, you damn morning person?” Bones trudged into the kitchen area of the dorm.

“We’re going to save Vulcan today, Bones!”

“Really? I wasn’t aware the planet of the robots in meatsuits needed our help.”

“Not yet, but they will,” Jim grinned. “And you’re going to help me make sure we succeed.”

“What gives you that impression?” Bones grumbled, his eyes focused intently on the two cups of coffee Jim was replicating.

“Because you told me so! I’m in a time loop and I’m going to need your help.”

“It’s too goddamn early for this,” Bones grumbled, snatching a mug of coffee from Jim’s hands.

Jim rummaged through Spock’s cabinets, gathering the stuff to make tea.

“You changed several aspects of the plan in the last attempt,” Spock noted.

“Well, that was the purpose of asking everyone beforehand. They’re the experts in the stuff we have them doing. We needed their input on the plan before we went through with anything. You agreed that was a wise course of action.”

“Indeed. But it will take me a few minutes to integrate the changes into current predictions of the plan’s success.”

“Oh, well, take your time. Of course, not too much time, we still need to get everyone else and get started as soon as possible.”

“I concur.” Spock fell back into silence, resting his chin on his clasped hands.

So, Jim resumed making tea and did his very best to be as quiet as possible. Of course, Jim spilled boiling water on himself. “Shit!” he shouted.

“Cadet, perhaps it would be prudent for you to begin collecting Cadets Gaila, Chekov, and Sulu,” Spock suggested.

“But…” Jim trailed off as he realized how ridiculous he was about to sound.

“But what?”

“But we always have tea,” Jim mumbled. He wasn’t sure why exactly the thought of not having tea with Spock after their mind meld bothered him. He suspected it was the lapse in routine. And he missed talking with Spock just the two of them following every mindmeld. “Nevermind, you’re right. I’ll go get the others. Don’t forget to bring Uhura and Pike here. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Jim grabbed his coat to head out the door.

“Cadet Kirk, it would be the most prudent use of our limited time to gather the team. I am sure there will be time for us to converse later.”

“Okay, sure.” Spock’s words lifted Jim’s heart a little. Only when he was a couple blocks away did he realize it was because it seemed like Spock had read his mind.

“This seems an awful lot like one of your elaborate pranks, Kirk,” Sulu commented as he walked with Jim, Chekov, and Gaila back to Spock’s apartment.

“I wish it were. But unfortunately, billions of lives hang in the balance right now, in addition to my sanity.”

“I believe you, Meester Kirk!” Chekov exclaimed, shooting a pointed glance at Sulu and winking at Gaila. “We will be like heroes, da?”

“Sure thing, Pavel. And remember, you can call me Jim. But Spock will still want to be called commander. Or professor. I’m actually still not sure which one he prefers.”

Gaila yawned. “I believe you too, but I’m still confused on why we have to do this so early in the morning. Couldn’t we wait another hour before we save Vulcan?”

“Believe me, working on a time crunch for this day is not fun. Besides, this is the start of a brand new plan. Enterprise’s Eleven! We can do this!” Jim exclaimed as the four of them arrived outside of Spock’s apartment building.

“I still think the plan name is ridiculous. In fact, why does the plan even need a name?” Bones complained, standing outside the building.

Jim had commed Bones to meet him here. A part of him was a little worried Bones wouldn’t listen since it cut so close to his class time. But he was here and they were another step closer to success. “Chekov, Sulu, this is Bones. Bones, this is Chekov and Sulu.”

“Actually the name is Leonard McCoy. Don’t listen to this idiot.”

“Sure thing, Bones,” Gaila winked at Jim, already on friendly terms with the grumpy Southern doctor.

“I see you forgave Jim. I was half-expecting you not to show up,” Bones grumbled.

“You don’t have room to talk. If he so much as bats his sky blue eyes at you, you’re putty in his hand,” Gaila pointed out. “Who could resist that smile of his?”

“See, I’m a likeable person. Now come on, Uhura and Pike are probably waiting upstairs already. Let’s get this team together already.”

Jim punched in the code to the building and led the four other cadets up the stairs to Spock’s room.

“I don’t think students are allowed in here,” Sulu pointed out.

“They’re allowed to be here accompanied by a faculty member,” Jim replied.

“Which none of us are, last I checked,” Bones complained. “If you get me in trouble to ding-dong ditch the resident Vulcan professor, you’re going to wish Pike left you on that bar floor in Iowa.”

“No one plays that game anymore. And even if they did, they wouldn’t bring five people along and talk at normal levels in the hall outside because of the Vulcan with superhuman hearing.”

The door to Spock’s apartment whooshed open without Jim even needing to request entry. “With the amount of noise your conversation is carrying, it would not require Vulcan auditory capabilities to note your approach,” Spock said.

“Spock!” Jim greeted. “Everyone who doesn’t know him, this is Commander Spock. Spock, here are Cadets Sulu, Chekov, Gaila, and B – I mean McCoy,” Jim amended after a withering glare from Bones.

“Please come in,” Spock moved aside, allowing the cadets in his quarters.

Gaila twirled around the room. “Ooh! Vulcan quarters. I see you have a minimalist design going on, but I like the spots of color you have. Is that a meditation rug?”

Spock raised his eyebrow at Jim as if to say,  _ Seriously? Is this individual really necessary for the team? _

“It iz a pleasure to meet you, Commander Spock,” Pavel greeted. “I am wery excited to work with you on ze Enterprise.”

Sulu simply nodded as he entered.

“Oh my God, you weren’t kidding. Jim really is here,” Uhura walked into the main sitting area of the apartment.

“I do not ‘kid,’” Spock dismissed.

Jim laughed. “Pleasure to see you too, Uhura.”

Uhura’s gaze swiveled to Gaila. “Don’t tell me you’ve already forgiven him. He had better have been on his hands and knees…and not in a sexual way!” Uhura added when she saw the mischievous grins both Gaila and Jim flashed her.

“Sometimes you take the fun out of everything, roomie.”

“Just how large is this team supposed to be anyway?” Sulu asked, sitting down on the edge of the couch.

“We also have Captain Pike on this team. And three others we are going to pick up on Delta Vega.” Jim paced around the room.

“So we really will be working with Keptin Pike? He believes you too?” Chekov’s eyes somehow managed to widen further.

Jim turned to Spock. “I don’t know if that’s the case today. Did he believe you, Spock?”

“As I did not inform him what business we would be discussing when he arrives, it remains undetermined if he will believe us. But from the memories you shared with me and my own knowledge of Captain Pike, there is approximately a 67-percent chance he will believe us.”

“Could be better odds,” Jim sighed.

“You do have a propinquity for stretching the truth,” Spock pointed out.

“Okay this is too weird. My boyfriend and Jim Kirk should not be getting along this well,” Uhura shook her head.

“Boyfriend?!” Bones exclaimed. “You’re dating a professor, Miss Straightlace and never bend a rule?”

Uhura flushed realizing her slipup. “It’s not against the rules. I’m not his student anymore. Moving on, Jim, are you going to explain this plan or what?”

“We have to wait for Pike. He’s the one that technically has to approve everything we all have come up with. And just because he agreed to the plan before doesn’t necessarily mean he will today.”

“What if he doesn’t believe you?” Pavel asked.

“Then I guess I restart the day,” Jim shrugged.

Then, Spock’s doorbell chimed.

“Zat must be him!” Chekov exclaimed. Sulu and Gaila, who had both been sitting, rose to stand at attention.

The door whooshed open on Spock’s command, and Captain Pike walked in with a startled expression on his face to see a motley of cadets gathered with his future first officer. “What is going on, Mister Spock?”

“Pike! You’re here! Excellent. Now we can get started!” Jim greeted.

Pike’s brow furrowed. “Kirk, why are you here and why do I feel like everything I’m about to hear is your idea.”

“Actually, I only came up with the basic idea. The entire team helped come up with the plan. You included.”

“What? What plan? What for? Please don’t tell me you’re wrapping me into one of your pranks. I enjoy seeing the reports, but that doesn’t mean I want to be part of them.”

“I always knew you approved of my schemes,” Jim grinned.

“Perhaps it would be prudent to stay on topic considering our time limit,” Spock interrupted.

“Right, sorry,” Jim apologized. “Pike, you might want to take a seat for all of this. All of you make yourselves comfortable. We have a lot of ground to cover and a lot to do before the morning is over.”

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Bones grumbled as he leaned against the corner of Spock’s entry-way wall. Pike pulled up a kitchen chair into the living room. Sulu, Chekov, Gaila and Uhura crammed onto Spock’s small couch Jim was certain Spock never used and had been Starfleet issued with the apartment. Spock stood to the side and nodded for Jim to begin his presentation.

“As most of you know, today Vulcan is going to be attacked…”

An hour later, everyone had finished with their questions and had begun their tasks. Almost everyone had elected to remain at Spock’s apartment so they could collaborate on each other’s tasks. Pike had left because he had to be ready to receive Starfleet’s call to action and also transfer Gaila from the USS Farragut to the Enterprise.

Meanwhile, Gaila and Chekov were supposed to be busy working on a code modification for the Starfleet servers so it would appear Vulcan was experiencing communication malfunctions, but they were simultaneously offering suggestions to Uhura for cleaning up the transmission from the Klingon armada that had been attacked. Sulu had offered some interesting ideas on phrasing that would make the intelligence of the Narada’s movements more subtle, so it didn’t seem like the Klingons were sending out the transmission to warn Starfleet directly about an attack on Vulcan.

Similarly, Spock was arguing with Gaila and Chekov about the efficiency of the code they were developing. And Jim was helping Sulu with planning maneuvering tactics for the Enterprise for engaging the Narada in battle.

“You really think that the Montgomery Scott you mentioned is going to be able to get this kind of maneuverability and response time from the Enterprise? I know she’s the fastest ship in the fleet right now, but still…”

“If anyone can do it, Scotty can.”

“I will want to meet zis Meester Scott,” Pavel said as he typed on his padd. “He sounds wery fascinating.”

“Indeed,” Spock agreed, who had been somewhat doubtful about the Scottsman’s abilities considering his effusive personality.

“I think I’ve got it!” Uhura exclaimed. “Klingon transmissions compiled and ready to send.”

“Ooh! Let me see!” Gaila exclaimed, reaching for her roommate’s padd.

Uhura held the padd out of reach. “Why? You don’t even know Klingon!”

“Here, I can look over it. After all, I know the Narada the best,” Jim offered.

“Yes,  _ Captain, _ ” Uhura teased. Jim did his very best not to let it show on his face how much he liked that title or the bittersweetness of the memories of everyone in this room using that title on him in the original attempt. In moments like this it would suddenly hit Kirk how much he missed that crew who had gotten through the battle for Earth with him. And he hoped by the end of this he would have that crew again.

While Jim looked over the transmission, Uhura began helping Spock with some Romulan phrases. Gaila put the finishing touches on the code, so Chekov started working with Sulu to peruse the star charts and database to find a particularly empty section of space in which to lure the Narada away from Vulcan.

Jim smiled as he watched his group of space nerds plan and debate and collaborate. His fears dissipated as he saw them work together for a common goal. They made a good team.

The turbo lift doors whooshed open to allow Jim Kirk onto the Bridge of USS Enterprise. He took a deep breath and smiled, gazing at the friendly faces who greeted him.

“Welcome aboard, Mister Kirk. Though I suppose you’ve been up here a lot in this time loop,” Pike greeted, swiveling his chair around.

“Not as much I would have liked to, sir. But it is good to be here.”

“Alright, take the tactical station, Mister Kirk. Status report, Mister Spock?”

“Engineering reports ready for launch, captain,” Spock acknowledged.

Jim felt a swell in his chest as he took a station on the Enterprise’s Bridge, no mutiny or rule-breaking required.

The plan so far had been running smoothly. Once Starfleet found difficulties in contacting Vulcan thanks to Chekov and Gaila’s program, they prepared to send the fleet on its way to help. That, paired with Uhura’s report on Klingon transmissions from a couple days ago, made for a compelling argument. Once Starfleet reached out to the fleet captains still based at Earth, Captain Pike had jumped on the opportunity to lead a mission to Vulcan. The rest of the grounded fleet soon followed suit, which was how Starfleet mobilized its forces four hours ahead of schedule. The Narada would already be in Vulcan’s system by the time they arrived, but Jim hoped this would still give them a significant enough lead.

Pike activated the shipwide comm. “All decks, this is Captain Pike, prepare for immediate departure.”

Sulu and Chekov reported the Enterprise had cleared space-dock and a course had been laid in. Soon enough, the rest of the fleet was also ready to go to warp.

“Are we all set, Mister Kirk?” Pike asked, giving Jim a knowing look.

“Aye, Captain.” Jim crossed his fingers, hoping the second program he and Gaila had worked on would shut off the warp drives for the other ships. He really didn’t need to worry about the other ships whilst trying to pull off this plan. Pike had agreed as well. This was a one ship plan and they didn’t need to lose the majority of his Starfleet class trying to pull it off.

“Let’s punch it,” Pike commanded, and the Enterprise was off.

Once at warp, Chekov activated the shipwide comm. “May I have your attention, please. Zis morning, communications’ intelligence reported the attack of a Klingon armada in Klingon space by a Romulan ship approximately two days ago. Its heading indicated it iz headed into Wulcan space. Current attempts to contact ze Wulcan high command have failed. Our mission iz to assess ze condition of Wulcan and assist zem in a potential attack or for evacuations if necessary. We should arrive at Wulcan in four hours and forty-nine minutes. Zank you for your time.”

“Excellent job, Mister Chekov,” Kirk praised. He looked over his station. It wasn’t quite as good as sitting in the captain’s chair, but this was a position he could only dream of having fresh out of the academy. Chances were after this mission, he would still end up in some lower deck to work his way up. But here at main tactical, the full availability of weapons, the shield generators, and awareness of all shipwide primary and auxiliary functions were being monitored and were accessible to him, with the Captain’s permission of course. Jim could get used to a position like this.

“If you’re done grinning like a kid in a candy store, I believe we have some strategy to go over in briefing room one, Mister Kirk,” Pike interrupted his thoughts.

“Of course, sir.” Jim slid out of his chair and followed Spock and Pike into the adjoining briefing room.

With the plan reviewed, and Pike relaying it to the Bridge officers on duty, Spock and Kirk headed down the sickbay for a later phase of the plan.

“Is this really the best course of action for you to take?” Spock asked in the turbolift.

“What do you mean?”

“I feel like your talents would be best put to use elsewhere. As we are the only two with extensive knowledge of previous attempts, it would be prudent for one of us to remain on the Enterprise. As I have more extensive knowledge of Romulans, in addition to having the capability to pilot the ship with the red matter, I am the logical choice for the away mission.”

“Yeah, maybe, but I remember being in the Narada. I know what it’s like in there.”

“Something I also know through our mind meld this morning.”

“Why are you bringing this up now? I thought you agreed that I would be a good fit for this mission. Shouldn’t you have raised this complaint a couple attempts ago? Or when Pike was suggesting something similar?”

“You seemed most determined on this course of action unlike other aspects of the plan. I wished to be expedient in the formation of the plan rather than linger on illogical arguments.”

“Wow, did you seriously just tell me you didn’t want to deal with my human stubbornness so you didn’t bring it up? That doesn’t do us a whole lot of good now!”

“On the contrary, if this plan does not succeed, it is a course of action you could consider in a future attempt.”

“Wait, you don’t think this plan is going to succeed?”

But by then the pair had arrived at medbay and Bones interrupted them as the doors whooshed open. “About time you two got here. Especially you, Jim. Do you realize how long it is going to take to reconstruct your facial features so you look Romulan? Not to mention adjust your skin pigments and shave your head,” Bones lectured.

“It’s pretty dark on the Narada. Do we really have to do the skin pigments too?” Jim complained.

“Yes. Also, I had to replicate you some contacts since you’re allergic to every eye medication under the sun. Goddamn contacts, Jim! Like I’m some department store optometrist from the twentieth century.”

“But, Bones, how am I supposed to charm the Romulans without my baby blues?!” Jim lamented, a wicked grin on his face.

“Is he always like this?” Dr. Puri, the CMO of the Enterprise, asked, walking past as he scrolled through some paperwork.

“Unfortunately, yes,” Bones complained. Spock also nodded, to Jim’s consternation.

“I can be serious!”

“Right. Serious as a whoopie cushion at Sunday dinner. And about as subtle.” Bones replied. “Now go lay down on that bio bed over there so we can get to work. A nurse will start the pigmentation process while I give Commander Spock his new brow.” 

Jim lay on the bio bed and tried to give his best flirtatious smile at the nurse who tended him. After all, he knew it wouldn’t have quite the same effect once he looked the part of a Romulan. “So, come here often?” He asked.

The nurse smiled far too sweetly and jabbed him with a hypo harder than was necessary. No other response was given. Jim Kirk was losing his touch in this time loop.

“Serves you right!” Bones yelled across the room. Nevermind. it was far more likely Bones had already warned the entire medical staff on board to beware of his Jim’s charms. Rude.

Jim prodded the strange face that stared back at him through the mirror. His eyebrows were as pointed as Spock’s, but he still couldn’t pull off the Vulcan’s emotive eyebrow raise. His eyes that used to look like they held the infinite blue of an Iowa sky were now as dark as Spock’s, but with none of his warmth. His hair had been shaved off, and some of the tattoos he had researched and analyzed with Uhura were on his face, signifying his status as a lower ranking Romulan, a miner, and a former soldier. Also, one of them represented his family name, which he and Uhura had rolled a die over which to choose. His ears were pointed and his skin a faint flush green that felt cold compared to his usual pink-ish tones.

“Stop touching your forehead. Do you know how long it took to get the goddamn bump right?” Bones chastised.

Jim attempted to smile at the mirror, but he didn’t like the face that looked back at him. It felt conniving rather than good-natured, as if he really were a spy rather than a Starfleet cadet on a mission to save a planet. “I hate this. I look evil.”

“That was the general idea,” Bones pointed out. “Maybe I should quit Starfleet and go into plastic surgery instead. Far less likely to deal with thick-headed idiots rushing into danger and diseases unknown.”

“Nah, you wouldn’t abandon me to face the void of space alone, Bones. You’re going to be my CMO, remember?”

“You’re going to give me so many grey hairs. I feel it.”

“You’ve been saying that for the past three years, Bones.”

The medbay doors opened and Spock walked in, ending Jim and Bones’ conversation. “Mister Kirk, I – ”

“Spock?!” Jim shouted, almost not recognizing the person who stood at the entrance to medbay. With tattoos running over his head where his hair used to be, Spock looked anathema to the person Jim had grown so fond of. Not to mention the pronounced forehead over his brow made him look perpetually angry.

“As I have changed significantly less than yourself, it should not be that difficult to identify me,” Spock pointed out.

“It definitely is. I don’t think anyone is going to recognize you on the Narada, Commander.”

“Your appearance was momentarily perplexing for me as well.”

Bones snorted. “I’d say. Jim normally looks so goddamn human, basically the only things I didn’t change were his chin and nose.”

“Behold, one of the rare compliments for Dr. Leonard McCoy, which he has attempted to cleverly disguise in the tone of an insult,” Jim joked to Spock.

“I did not hear any compliment from Dr. McCoy, in tone or context,” Spock replied.

Jim’s jaw dropped open in surprise, before he began laughing. “Sometimes you have the best sense of humor out of all of us, Mister Spock.”

Bones grimaced. “I’m pretty sure he just insulted you, Jim. In fact, I think he insulted our entire species.”

“Exactly!” Jim smiled, even though he knew it probably made him look like some sort of sci-fi villain.

“Mister Kirk, if you are quite finished procrastinating, I believe Miss Uhura is expecting us to go over Romulan etiquette and language.”

“Of course, Mister Spock, let’s go.”

Before Jim could leave, Bones momentarily grabbed Jim by the arm and pulled him aside. “You’ve come up with a lot of crazy ideas over the years, but lives haven’t hung in the balance. Not like this. You know what you’re doing right? I don’t want to drag your ass back to earth in a body bag.”

“Don’t worry, Bones, you won’t. If I die, the day just restarts. We’ll be  _ fine. _ ” Jim prepared to leave.

“One more thing, Jim,” Bones shouted, and then he gave Jim a rare smile in the twitching of his mouth. “Good luck.”

Jim turned and gave Bones a mock salute. “Don’t worry! This is going to work!”

“And get back here soon so I can get that Romulan facelift off you. Gives me the creeps!”

Jim snickered as he left sickbay. Bones, despite his constant pessimism, contradictorily gave Jim the pep talk he needed to get through the next part of the day.

An hour crash course into Romulan culture and language later, Jim and Spock headed to the Bridge for their imminent arrival at Vulcan.

“Oh my God, I just realized something,” Jim said, fidgeting with his Romulan robes. “I’m going to have to greet Scotty, Keenser, and Old Spock like this. They’re not going to trust me at all. I look exactly like the guys who got Old Spock sent back here and stranded on Delta Vega. He’s going to want to nerve pinch me on sight.”

“Relax, Mister Kirk. If need be, one of us can appraise your other cohorts of the situation,” Pike replied.

“Arrival to Delta Vega in one minute, sir,” Sulu announced.

“Excellent. Kirk, Chekov, accompany me to transporter room one. Mister Spock, you have the Bridge.”

“Yes, Captain,” Spock replied, settling smoothly into the captain’s chair, his Romulan robes flowing behind him as he sat. Jim was a little envious Spock managed to pull off the look so effortlessly. Also, maybe he was a little turned on. Even if Spock still looked better with his straight-edge ebony haircut and black professor’s uniform that emphasized his slim build. Not that Jim thought about that. Not at all. 

Jim bounced impatiently in the transporter room while Chekov waited for the Enterprise to get in position to beam up Old Spock, Soctty, and Keenser from Delta Vega.

“Almost got zem,” Chekov murmured, hands poised on the controls.

“Will you quit that bouncing, Kirk? You’re making me nervous,” Pike complained.

“Sorry, sir.”

“Don’t apologize. Just stop doing it.”

The glimmering sound of the transporters filled the air, three figures made of swirling lights on the padd.

“I’ve got zem, keptin!” Chekov exclaimed.

On the padd, Keenser, Old Spock, and Scotty, materialized in various states. Old Spock looked as stoic as ever. Keenser was cross-legged, likely from sitting on something when he was beamed up. Scotty looked surprised, wearing a thick, fluffy bathrobe, and snacking on a pack of protein nibs.

“Oi! What are ya doing? Beaming up a lad in nothing but his bathrobe?” Then, realizing where he was, Scotty dropped his protein nibs as he snapped to attention. “Begging your pardon, captain. I dinnae expect a rescue operation today.”

A smile twitched at Pike’s mouth. “Welcome aboard, Mister Scott, Mister Keenser, and Ambassador Spock.”

“Christopher Pike,” Spock nodded his head, before his gaze swiveled to Jim and stared at him with such a blank expression, Jim was certain there was a concealed hatred lurking behind his eyes.

Keenser stood and looked around the room with a confused expression.

“If you all will join me and cadet Kirk in briefing room 3, we have a lot to discuss,” Pike greeted. “Mister Scott, I suggest you take some time to put on a proper uniform.”

“Aye, sir. Of course.”

“Kirk will show you where to find one.”

“N’ who’s that?” Scotty asked.

Jim stepped forward, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. “That would be me. Apologies for my appearance. I swear I’m usually much more conventionally attractive. For humans anyway. I’m sure right now I look like a Romulan stud though.”

Old Spock raised an eyebrow. Jim knew he would get Old Spock to do it eventually. But he didn’t think it would take transforming into a Romulan to do so.

“Come on, Scotty, I’ll show you where we keep the uniform,” Jim gestured, doing his best to avoid Spock’s gaze.

“You are James Tiberius Kirk,” Old Spock stated.

“That’s me,” Jim beamed, turning to face the Vulcan.

“Fascinating.”

As he left with Scotty in tow, Jim felt a blossom of warmth in his chest to hear Spock say that word, even if it wasn’t his Spock. And it was far better than Old Spock nerve-pinching him on sight. 

Back in the briefing room, Pike had surrendered the typical Captain’s position at the head of the table for Jim to present the situation and plan thus far. Jim thought it had been going rather well. No one had interrupted him with questions and all eyes were on him. “…And this is where you three come in. If we’re going to face the Narada head on, we will need The Enterprise to be even more nimble and responsive than she already is. Mister Scott, Keenser, you have already told me in a previous attempt that you are the men for the job. Spock, since your younger counterpart and I are headed to the Narada, Pike has agreed to have you assume Commander Spock’s position as first officer on the Bridge. With your depth of knowledge not only the Narada, but of the Enterprise, you will be able to give the most up to date intelligence mid-situation. Any questions?”

“Aye, several. This is all a wee bit hard to believe, Mister Kirk. Not that I don’t believe you. But wha’ proof have you got that this is all true?”

“None. Other than my word and the word of Commander Spock who has performed a mindmeld with me.”

“But Mister Kirk has also gained the trust of several people on board this ship today who are ready to lay down their lives for his claims and his plan,” Pike interjected. “If you do not wish to do so as well, we would be more than happy to drop you off back on Delta Vega.”

Keenser shook his head quickly, and Scotty’s eyes widened as well. “Nah, I’m not saying I’m not on board. But how exactly do you propose we somehow make this ship even quicker than she already is? She’s brand new for crying out loud. And ye want me to do this in how much time again?”

“Two hours maximum,” Jim replied.

Scotty rolled his eyes. “Yer all crazy, the lot of you. Ye can’t redesign an entire starship in less than two hours!”

“Not the whole ship. Just impulse navigation and helm control,” Pike replied. “Don’t need you completely overhauling the ship yet. She is brand new after all.”

“So, can you do it?” Jim asked.

“Aye…” Scotty said distantly before his eyes brightened. “Actually, I do think I’ve got it. Come on, ye wee gremlin, let’s go see what this girl is made of.” Scotty stood to stride out the room. Jim would have to remember to inform Scotty once this day was over about Keenser’s dislikes of Scotty’s nicknames.

“Dismissed, Mister Scott and Mister Keenser,” Pike said, a half-smile at his lips.

“Begging your pardon, captain,” Scotty apologized as he backed out of the room, with Keenser stifling laughter in tow.

“I notice you haven’t said much,” Jim addressed Old Spock.

“I admit, I was not expecting this level of surprise from a past version of Jim Kirk. But, as I have failed to realize yet again, your unpredictability continues to be without a defined limit.”

“Thank you, Spock. Do you have any questions?”

“Negative, however I do wish to express my pleasure that I will once again have the opportunity to work alongside yourself and Captain Pike.”

“You feel pleasure, Ambassador?” Pike asked, surprised.

“I feel a great many things I am certain my younger self would not wish me to acknowledge.”

“Indeed. It is not customary for a Vulcan to express that which should remain dormant,” the younger Spock interrupted as he entered the briefing room. His lips were in a thin line, perhaps denoting anxiety, or anger, or fear. Maybe all three. Jim still found it difficult to read Spock’s micro-expressions. Especially with the Romulan makeover.

“Apologies, Commander. I did not wish to embarrass you,” Old Spock replied. Apparently he could recognize his younger self all too well, Romulan makeover or not. 

“As I am Vulcan, I do not feel embarrassment, so your apologies are unnecessary.”

“Indeed.”

The room descended into a tense silence as Jim and Pike felt caught between two fighting Vulcans. Jim felt he needed to break the silence with something, anything.

Pike must have been slightly telepathic or he knew Jim better than Jim realized, because Pike shot him a glare that said,  _ don’t you dare.  _ For once, Jim listened and held his tongue.

Pike cleared his throat. “Gentleman, I suggest we adjourn. Commander Spock and Mister Kirk, you should begin preparations for your mission. I will accompany Ambassador Spock to the Bridge.”

Both Spocks nodded their assent simultaneously. As they both left the room, Pike leaned over to whisper to Jim, “this is so weird.”

Jim only nodded, but a smile was plastered across his face. There were a lot of unpleasant things in this time loop, but having two of Spock was the one of the few good weird things. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you all think? Will this attempt be the one?


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of attempt number 140

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Just want to take a moment to thank you all for your wonderful comments on the last chapter. So glad you enjoyed seeing the whole group together. It's incredible to see you all as excited about this fic as I am. So, thanks again!

Jim intercepted Sulu and his team in the corridor.

“All set, Mister Sulu?” Jim was practically bouncing through the hallway.

“I think so. Kirk, these are cadets Gree and Leslie. They will accompany on the shuttle down to the drill,” Sulu introduced.

Kirk nodded. “Pleasure meeting you both. Best of luck to all three of you.”

“I think we’ll have a bit more than luck on our side,” Sulu winked. “Chekov had the brilliant idea while you were getting your face fixed to mask the shuttle’s signature so it looks like a regular Vulcan transport shuttle. Hopefully these Romulans will think we’re too insignificant to obliterate. And then, cadet Tesfaye will be able to steer the Enterprise within beaming distance and engage the Narada later rather than act as a distraction to keep the Narada off of our backs”

“That’s brilliant!”

“Leslie over here helped us work on the shuttle. Kind of sucks the shuttle is going to go up in flames. We did some serious upgrading.”

“We’ll do Starfleet proud, Mister Kirk,” Leslie replied.

“I have no doubt. Has Captain Pike been apprised of the new plan?”

“Of course, sir. We ran it by him before beginning modifications.”

“Excellent! Good luck, everyone! Go kick some Romulan ass, but make sure you all make it back in one piece.” Kirk waved as he dashed down the hall to meet up with Spock over some last-minute coordination.

“Same to you, Kirk,” Sulu grinned. 

Jim rocked on the balls of his feet as he waited for the Bridge to report the drill had been destroyed. Uhura had been keeping them in the loop about how Sulu’s team was doing. So far, they had evaded the Narada’s interest and the Enterprise had managed to monitor their bio-signatures effectively upon landing on the drill. For now, they just had to wait.

“Do you feel anxiety about the mission ahead, Mister Kirk?” Spock asked, standing beside Jim.

“What kind of question is that? Of course, I’m anxious. I’m worried about Sulu, Leslie, and Gree. I’m worried about going to the Narada. And then getting the red matter. And then somehow getting the entire crew and ship safely through this. Are you saying you  _ aren’t  _ anxious?”

“I am Vulcan, therefore – ”

“Spare me that mantra, Spock. It’s just us. It’s okay to be nervous.”

Spock looked at Jim distastefully. “I am  _ not  _ nervous. I am in control of my emotions.”

“You mean you’re suppressing them,” Jim corrected.

“I see no reason to debate the semantics of what I mean. I am in control of my emotions and you are not. Why must we engage in this meaningless discourse?”

“Oh my God, Spock. Are you actually fighting with me right now because I fidget? Are you kidding me?!” Jim stepped closer to Spock, suddenly aware of his movement, the fidgeting done away with as his entire body tensed.

“I am not engaging in any sort of combat with you. In fact, I am merely dismissing your claims.”

“You’re being dismissive alright, you – ”

The door whooshed open as Scotty entered the room. “I know I’ve said it afore, but I’ll say it again: this is one well-endowed lady. I think I got the ship up to your specs, Kirk. And I…” Scotty trailed off as he caught sight of Spock and Jim staring him down, probably with equally terrifying expressions on their faces.

“Do I need tae come back later, then?” Scotty asked.

“No, Commander Spock is just being nitpicky,” Jim glared at the Vulcan.

“And you are being irrational,” Spock replied.

Scotty looked like he wanted to suddenly be anywhere except the transporter room.

_ “Uhura to transporter room 1, come in,”  _ the comm on the wall chirped.

Scotty dashed to the wall. “Aye, lass, we’re here. All set to go. What’s the status on the drill team?”

“ _ Drill has been successfully disabled. We have re-established communications with the team. Patching them through now.” _

Sulu’s voice came over the comm.  _ “Enterprise? Three to beam up. And contact sickbay.” _

“Aye, lad,” Scotty replied, immensely relieved to have something to do, as he settled into his chair, fingers whizzing across the controls.

Jim’s heart clenched as he watched three beams of whirling light fizz on the transporter padd. Who had gotten injured? Was it serious?

“Kirk to sickbay,” Jim talked over the comm. I think we have an injured crewmember from the team on the drill. Report to transporter room one.”

Sulu, Leslie, and Gree materialized on the padd. As soon as they were fully back, Cadet Gree collapsed, clutching a side slick with blood.

Jim rushed to Gree’s side. “What happened?” He directed his question at Sulu.

Gree turned and smiled at him. “Romulan bastard tried to slice me in half. So I shot him off the damn drill.”

Jim helped Gree apply pressure to the wound.

“Mister Kirk, I suggest we allow someone else to take care of Cadet Gree so we may prepare to beam over to the Narada. Time is of the essence now that the Romulans know there are Starfleet saboteurs in the system,” Spock cautioned.

“Just a minute, Spock. Gree is injured.”

“Kirk, I can – ” Sulu started, before Scotty grabbed his arm.

“I wouldn’t, lad. Those two are in the middle of a bit o’ a lovers’ spat at the moment.”

Jim’s face flushed red as Spock replied. “An inaccurate statement considering cadet Kirk and I are not lovers.”

Thankfully, Bones came in to interrupt. “What’s all this then? Jim, you’re supposed to be headed over to the Narada.” He whooshed into the transporter room with another nurse.

He looked over Gree a few moments before he turned to Scotty. “She’s safe for transport. Beam her directly to sickbay and Doctor Puri will take care of her.”

“Aye.”

“Hang in there, Gree,” Jim said. “I expect you to participate in the epic party we’re going to have once we save Vulcan.”

As Gree vanished, Bones rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to treat her like she’s on death’s doorstep, Jim. There weren’t even any major organs hit. This isn’t the goddamn middle ages. She’ll be fine in a few hours.”

“As I believe Doctor McCoy was stating, we should continue with the mission and beam over to the Narada,” Spock interjected.

“Yeah, yeah, so you keep saying,” Jim spat.

Bones looked between the two of them before his frown deepened. “Aw hell, don’t tell me you two are fighting. Seriously? You’re about to beam over into enemy territory and you two are acting like two alley cats angling for a scrap of meat.”

Both Jim and Spock opened their mouths to speak.

“Nuh-uh. Don’t want to hear another word about it. You two are a team. Watch each other’s backs, and for God’s sake, come back in one piece, both of you. Because if I have to patch either one of you up because you can’t get along, I’ll shove you out a damn airlock myself. Honestly! It’s like I’m on a ship full of children!” Bones complained.

Sulu could not help a grin creeping to his face. “Oh my…”

Scotty turned to Jim. “I like that guy!”

Spock approached Jim. “Doctor McCoy is correct. We must turn our attention to the task at hand.”

Jim turned to face Spock. “And he’s also right that we have to trust each other. Whether one of us is an emotional mess or not.”

Spock paused, but nodded. “Very well. I trust you, Mister Kirk.”

“And I you, Mister Spock. And we’ll be continuing this discussion when we’re safe.” Jim clapped his hands together. “Now that we have that sorted out: Scotty, beam us over to the Narada. We have a heist to pull off!”

Spock replied with a huff of irritation so quiet that Jim almost didn’t catch it.

Jim and Spock beamed into what looked more like a cargo bay than the first attempt. In any case, there were no Romulans around to notice their sudden appearance. So far so good.

Jim tapped his comm link, placed in his ear. “Testing. Testing. Uhura, do you read us?”

Spock performed a similar test.

“I read both of you loud and clear,” Uhura replied. “Good luck to both of you.”

“Roger that,” Jim replied.

Jim and Spock walked through the ship. Jim did his best to look like he belonged on the Romulan ship, but it meant being just as stoic an unexpressive as a Vulcan, with a dash of anger. It was not a look Jim excelled at. Also, his wandering eyes wanted to take in every aspect of the ship now that he had a chance too. The past few times he had been here there had been no opportunities for sight-seeing. Jim decided – even if the Narada hadn’t killed his Dad, imploded Vulcan, and tried to do the same to Earth – he did not like the ship. It was dark and jagged inside with many open levels and solitary consoles scattered throughout the ship. It felt a bit like an underground root system. It seemed the exact opposite of the Enterprise with her bright demeanor, smooth curves, and rooms intended for collaboration.

Spock and Jim passed a couple Romulan guards. Jim almost nodded in greeting to them until he remembered that Romulans definitely did not exchange pleasantries in passing. No acknowledgement was the best acknowledgement. He figured it was because it was best not to gain the attention of other Romulans even if one was Romulan.

Then, they passed a turn and Jim could see Old Spock’s ship across the hangar. Unfortunately, in between them and the ship were definitely several stations of Romulans.

“Fvadt!” Jim cursed, one of the few Romulan words that had managed to stick in his head.

_ “I do hope your vocabulary extends beyond the use of ‘damn,’”  _ Spock replied in Romulan.

Jim opened his mouth to reply, but he remembered he was in a room full of Romulans with better auditory senses than humans. Speaking Standard was sure to garner their attention.

Uhura came on the comm line. “Is everything alright over there?”

_ “We will engage with approximately four Romulans if we take the most expedient route across the hangar,”  _ Spock replied over the comm.

“Spock, I admire your ability to speak in Romulan, but you really need to stop using the high dialect,” Uhura replied. “It’s going to draw just as much attention as using Standard. And definitely certain to piss some of these guys off.”

Jim decided it was best if he just stayed silent.

“Shaoi ben ,” A Romulan came up to greet Jim and Spock.

Jim’s brief training with Uhura kicked in his instincts. His head inclined to the Romulan officer as he greeted, “Shaoi kon.”

Spock echoed the greeting as well.

_ “Why are you not at your posts?”  _ The Romulan officer asked.

“Repeat after me,” Uhura said over the comm.  _ “We have been reassigned to look after the red matter. Captain Nero suspects human-scum are in the system and wants to be sure Starfleet does not gain any knowledge of the Vulcan’s ship.” _

Jim heard Uhura speaking the Romulan to him, but after the first eight words, he could no longer follow her voice. Thankfully Spock picked up Uhura’s speech easily. He recited her Romulan without any stutters or breaks, something Jim was not confident he would have been able to pull off.

The Romulan scrutinized them both. A mantra of  _ we’re dead, we’re dead, we’re dead,  _ went through Jim’s mind.

Finally, the Romulan official relaxed.  _ “Proceed. With any luck we will be out of this system shortly.” _

Jim fought the urge to make a comment of agreement, remembering Romulans were about as fond of small talk as Vulcans. Instead, he followed Spock across the hangar, praying that was the last Romulan to intercept them.

Thankfully, Spock’s initial estimates about Romulan interception were high. No one else bothered them as they strode across the hangar as if they belonged there. Jim had to still himself from bolting across it. He just wanted to get out of this place. He wondered how Spock could be so calm. But then he saw the Vulcan’s hands clenched a little more tightly than usual. And the way his eyes did not actually meet anyone else’s. Not even Jim’s. Could it be Spock was just as terrified as he was?

Jim did not have the opportunity to dwell on these thoughts much longer as he and Spock walked up the ramp of Future Spock’s ship, the Jellyfish. It was there that Jim found himself surprised for one of the first times in a while in this hell of a time loop.

In the original attempt, Spock and Jim had made it to the Jellyfish and found it empty and unguarded. This was not the case in this attempt. Jim and Spock strode up the ramp to find the three Romulans around the red matter. One of them, all too familiar.

“Nero,” Jim breathed.

“Qiuu mnekha?” Nero asked, his harsh gaze scrutinizing Jim and Spock, perhaps recognizing something in them both.

_ “Everything is fine, sir,”  _ Spock replied in Romulan.  _ “We were sent here for added security to the Vulcan’s ship.” _

_ “I did not request any further guards,”  _ Nero snapped.  _ “Return to your previous stations.” _

Jim gulped. This was it. Failure, again. Because this day seemed to throw curveballs at him no matter how good his plan was.

“Kirk, do you think you could cause enough of a distraction for Spock to take these Romulans out?” Uhura asked over the comm link. As if Jim could reply.

“Ie,” Jim replied with the Romulan affirmative.

_ “Yes, what?”  _ Nero glared. Probably because of Jim’s insubordination. He stepped closer to them both.  _ “I do not recall seeing you on this ship the past twenty-five years. Who are you?” _

“Tell him:  _ I am – ”  _ Uhura started.

“ _ It is not of consequence,”  _ Jim managed to remember. He made himself stand straighter and look as imposing.

“Okay, going the impulsive route. Got it. How about we issue a challenge on his authority? Hope you’re ready to make a daring escape because he’s probably going to kill you instantly,” Uhura babbled over the comm. Jim wished she would just give him the lines to say already. “Try this:  _ We are sick of waiting these long years for you to give us justice for our planet. We seek a future beyond vengeance.” _

Jim repeated Uhura’s translation word for word as best as he could. He wasn’t quite sure what she was saying, but he tried to look threatening while doing so. He settled into an easy grin that came naturally to him, but he was certain it came off distinctly un-Kirk-like with his Romulan features.  _ “…I seek to take charge of the Narada as her new captain. We have the potential to conquer this galaxy for the glory of the Romulan Empire. I will no longer let your grieving deprive us of a glorious future.” _

Nero sneered at Jim. His words came through the universal translator of Jim’s implant.  _ “This is for our future. We will eliminate the Federation by striking at its head and its heart. You are impertinent and selfish, obsessed with the battle with no thought to strategy. You would lead the Narada to destruction.”  _ Nero drew his rifle.  _ “And you will therefore die.” _

Jim ducked just as Nero opened fire. Spock’s quick reflexes ensured Nero’s fire didn’t last long as he nerve pinched the Romulan captain until he fell.

_ “Vulcan!”  _ The other two Romulans gasped, drawing their own weapons. Jim launched himself at Nero’s fallen weapon and aimed it at the first of the two Romulan guards. The first one fell, but the second was able to fire a shot at Spock’s side. Thankfully, it was the side that did not have Spock’s heart.

“Spock!” Jim shouted, before shooting the last Romulan who looked at Spock with wide eyes now realizing their ship had been infiltrated by their sworn enemy.

With the Romulans dispatched, Jim leapt to Spock’s side. “Spock! Are you okay? Talk to me.”

Spock coughed, spitting up some green blood. “I will live, but I will be unable to continue with the mission as it stands now.”

“Forget it. We’re getting off this ship. Come on, I’ll carry you to the helm. The controls won’t recognize anyone else but you. You have to disable the shields so the Enterprise can beam out this ship.”

“Mister Kirk, perhaps it would be prudent to begin this day again now that we can anticipate this ship being under guard.”

Jim shook his head. “No way. I’m not ending another day by dying on this ship. This day isn't over yet. Uhura, tell Scotty to beam us out of here.”

There was no reply on the other end.

“Uhura?” Jim repeated.

Spock coughed. “There are other Romulans headed to this ship. There is a ninety-six-percent probability neither of us will make it off this ship alive. The day should be restarted.”

“No! This is the plan that works! This is Enterprise’s Eleven. We  _ will  _ succeed. Uhura, come in!”

Now Jim could hear the Romulan feet running up the ramp.

“Ah, screw it. We can’t beam the ship on board with Romulans.” Jim took his bio-link from one of his pockets and placed it on the red matter containment unit. “Uhura, come in!”

“Reading you, Kirk. Sorry about that. I’m in the midst of monitoring calls from Vulcan, the Federation, and half the ships within a light year. Patching you through to Scotty.”

“Scott here. How are ye lads holding up o’er there?”

Jim sighed with relief as he finally dragged Spock to the helm’s chair. Immediately, Spock set to work on turning off the Jellyfish’s shields. “Scotty, listen close. Lock onto Commander Spock and I’s signals. My signal is attached to the red matter containment unit. Be very careful beaming it or else we’ll all find ourselves in a singularity. Spock and I will be sharing his signal.”

“I’m not so sure about this, Captain. I dinnae know if the red matter can transport. It’s not exactly regular matter, is it?”

“Just do it, Scotty!” The Romulans entered the Jellyfish’s main area with the red matter and Jim pulled himself and Spock out of view.

“Jim, your plan is an admirable one and it will work. But you will need to try again. No great theory can be proven without extensive experimentation,” Spock offered.

“Spock, seriously, it’s going to be fine. Get us out of here, Scotty! Now!”

Jim felt the whirring of transporter beams around him as Romulan phaser fire erupted around him. As the beaming began, the shots passed through Kirk and Spock without affecting them. However, something did feel off. And then everything felt very, very wrong. Jim felt as if his entire body was suddenly being stretched across space and also condensed to the size of an atom. It was excruciating as if he was being unraveled one molecule at a time. And then, nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Jim...
> 
> Also, I used some Romulan phrases in here. They all came from the link below, from the Federation Space Wiki. Not sure if all the words I used were canon, but it was fun to look through the list.  
> https://wiki.fed-space.com/index.php?title=Common_Romulan_Words  
> Otherwise, when the characters spoke Romulan, I just italicized it. Sorry if there was any confusion.
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed and see you next week!


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enterprise's Eleven Round 2

_ Attempt 141 _

Jim awoke in his dorm room bed. “Fuck!” He shouted. He pressed his shaking fingers to his temples and tried to forget the excruciating pain of being transported with unstable, singularity-creating matter. He decided this was the worst way to die so far.

_ So now we know we can’t transport the red matter normally,  _ Jim thought. That threw a major wrench in his plans. How were they supposed to get the Jellyfish off of the Narada?

Jim rubbed his head, delighted to be able to run his hand through his blonde locks again. At least he was back to his normal self. He was not a fan of his Romulan makeover, no matter how effective it was. Though, he had been kind of useless on the Narada. He would have to pay better attention to Uhura’s lessons today. Because Jim was going to have to attempt this plan again. Spock had been right. The plan wasn’t a bad one, but it was only a starting point. It needed trial runs, it needed tweaking. Just like when Jim took the Kobayashi Maru, he wasn’t going to get it right on the first try. In a way, this time loop was a gift. Jim was getting an unlimited amount of second chances. Most Starfleet captains would beg for the chance of a do-over of a battle. It was a habit for a captain to obsess over what they could have done differently. Jim was lucky. He got to put that obsession into practice.

With renewed determination, Jim jumped out of bed and prepared himself to talk to Bones again.

Jim sat around Spock’s kitchen table with Sulu and Chekov, his head in his hands. When he went over the previous attempt with the whole group, it turned out there were a lot more problems than Jim anticipated. And fixing them was taking far longer than Jim would like. Already, Uhura’s inability to cover the multiple channels on main communications had proven overwhelming, stretching her skills too thin. Gaila believed her programs could be improved upon. Sulu decided to reanalyze the team he chose to disable the drill for an hour and had come to the conclusion the team was fine, but their strategy left something to be desired. Spock had been abnormally stand-offish today for no apparent reason, but Jim still felt anxious that maybe he had let some of his stronger emotions leak through during their daily meld. And Bones and Spock had ended up arguing over something trivial, so Bones had since stormed out to “get food,” which Jim knew was really just the doctor’s way of cooling off after a heated argument.

Now, Spock and Uhura were busy going over Romulan verbs on Spock’s couch. Jim had been attempting to pay attention to Uhura’s Romulan lessons as well until Sulu and Chekov had called him over to help.

“Zis section of space we decided on in ze last attempt is no good,” Chekov pointed out. “Not with ze new plan.”

“What do you mean? You said it was perfect yesterday. Plenty of empty space, unlikely to interfere with any systems. What’s wrong with it?”

“In the last attempt you just wanted to blow up the Narada. Today you want to make a black hole out of it. This region of space is basically the equivalent of an intergalactic highway,” Sulu explained. “This is the most convenient area to warp through to get to seven different systems, including Vulcan and Earth. If we put a singularity here, it’s going to mess up all sorts of traffic in the sector. We have to figure out somewhere else if we’re going to make a black hole.”

Jim put his head in his hands. “Great. Fantastic. Any suggestions on somewhere else we can steer the Narada that won’t cause a problem?”

“It is wery difficult. Ze gravimetric effects must be calculated to gauge zeir effect on nearby systems. It will take time.”

“How much time?”

Sulu shrugged. “Who knows? Chekov may be a genius, but we will essentially be checking sectors of space at random and running calculations until we find a match. It could take anywhere from twenty minutes to the rest of the day. He plans on making a code though that could help run simulations. But that will take a few hours.”

Jim nodded his head and tried not to let the frustration show on his face. “Very well. Proceed and report back when you have something. I’ll have Gaila and Uhura postpone stage one for now.”

“We won’t let you down!” Chekov promised.

“I know you won’t.” Jim smiled.

He turned around to face Uhura and Spock. He was ready to despair of ever getting the hang of Romulan verbs, as he listened to Uhura correct Spock knowing his pronunciation was even more atrocious. How did stuff like this come so naturally to Uhura? And that was when a light bulb went off in Jim’s head. He had a brilliant, potentially game-changing idea.

“Oh my God, I’m a genius,” Jim muttered.

“Oh no, ego alert!” Gaila said through a mouthful of chips while her salty fingers typed intricate codes into her padd.

“I don’t think Kirk needs an alert for that,” Uhura replied, her attention pulling away from Spock. “It’s just a given with him.”

“You two are the worst, and by that I totally mean you’re the best.” Jim bounced on the balls of his feet, grinning.

Gaila and Uhura exchanged a confused look. Spock raised an eyebrow at Jim. First one today, Jim realized. He was slacking on more than one front apparently. “Your statement is contradictory, Cadet Kirk.”

Jim pressed his fingers together at his lips and smiled. “I’ve been an idiot. On our list, we made Uhura a badass linguist and yet we still failed to use her full potential.”

“What is that supposed to mean? And you really think I’m a badass?” Uhura grinned.

Jim opened his mouth to speak, but out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of Chekov. His stomach clenched. He couldn’t watch Uhura die any more than he could watch Chekov die. Was this really the right idea? There was a reason he planned it so only Spock and himself beamed over to the Narada.

“Jim, what’s your plan? Stop standing there debating with yourself. We’ll tell you ourselves if you’re being an idiot or not,” Gaila chastised.

“It’s…risky. Uhura, I don’t want to put you in danger.”

“Jim, we’re facing technologically superior Romulans bent on the genocide of all our peoples. Doesn’t get much more dangerous than that.”

Jim sighed. “Before, it’s always been Spock and I beaming to the Narada. Except in one scenario. Which did not end well. But Spock and I alone can’t pull off infiltrating the Narada. It was awkward last time and it was a miracle we got as far as we did. We need someone with actual expertise in Romulan language and culture on the Narada. Someone who has the tongue to talk us out of any confrontations.”

“You want me on the Narada team? What about communications?”

“The communications officer will have to handle a lot, yes. But there are other communications officers and cadets who can handle it. Especially considering most of those communications will be with Starfleet and Vulcan. I don’t like to think of putting you in danger like this, but Uhura, I think you might do best on the Narada team. But only if you want. I’m not going to force you into such a dangerous mission.”

Uhura jumped up. “Hell yes I’m joining this team! You said it yourself, I’d be so much more useful on the Narada. And it sounds like I was stretched too thin at communications in the last attempt.”

“Your instinct was correct, Jim,” Gaila said. “Uhura is perfect for this mission. Don’t doubt yourself.”

“But…” Jim trailed off. How could he convey the responsibility and grief he felt when it was his fault Chekov died in one attempt? He looked at Chekov briefly before glancing away.

“’But what, Jim?”

“What if you die, Nyota?! What if everything works, but you die? If we pull it off, that’s game over. You don’t come back. Are you ready for that?”

Uhura squared her shoulders. “I knew what I was getting into when I joined Starfleet, same as everyone here. If I have to sacrifice myself to save an entire planet and billions of lives, then I am going to do so. But you’re in a time loop, Kirk. I’m sure you’ll find the solution that doesn’t come to that.” Uhura winked.

Everyone around the room nodded. Jim wondered how he had already managed to gain the trust of everyone in this room. In their perspective, he had just met most of them this morning.

“Mister Kirk, perhaps it would be prudent for you to remain on the Enterprise and another member of the crew accompany Uhura and I onboard the Narada. Your tactical knowledge would be best – ”

“Nuh-uh,” Jim interrupted. “I’m going to the Narada, Spock. No one is dying on my watch.”

“It is not a hundred-percent probability that if you were to remain on the Enterprise one of us would die on the Narada,” Spock pointed out.

“Oh really? Then what is the probability, Mister Spock? Because unless it’s near negligible, I don’t want to hear it,” Jim snapped.

The room fell silent as almost everyone avoided Jim’s gaze.

“I’m going to the Narada. End of discussion. I know what it’s like in there and what we’ll face. And I can anticipate Nero’s moves.” Jim took a deep breath. Time to lighten the mood and get everyone back on track. “Besides, I make a great distraction if need be,” Jim grinned. But he only got a few half-hearted smiles in reply.

It was then Bones returned, grumbling as he entered the apartment. “Alright, went around the block and grabbed some Chinese food from that corner shop. Even got some vegetarian stuff, so you better not turn your nose up at everything, green-blooded hobgoblin.”

“Most considerate of you, doctor. I believe this is a gesture of apology, which I accept.”

“Hmph. And I suppose you have no apology to offer me then?” Bones raised his eyebrows at Spock.

“Negative as I did not commit a discourtesy that would warrant an apology.”

“How typical. Damn Vulcan doesn’t think he did anything. One of these days, someone is going to knock you off that high horse you got yourself glued to and you better believe I’m going to be there that day to give that person a congratulatory handshake.”

Jim stifled a laugh. The entire room seemed to be stifling laughter themselves. Maybe even Spock, whose lip twitched. He was  _ enjoying  _ getting under Bones’ skin. Jim recalled Old Spock becoming teary-eyed at his memory of meeting Bones on the transporter shuttle. Maybe they were destined for some kind of friendship yet. Albeit, they might have to go through a bit of a frenemy-ship first. At least their bickering had brightened the mood of the room.

“Hey, McCoy!” Uhura called. “I’m going to be on the Narada team too. Think you could do a facelift on three of us?”

Bones’ jaw dropped open. “You’re beaming over to that tentacled death trap too? Why? Are you angling for a death wish? Because I assure you there are easier ways than taking up hours of my time to make you look like a damn Romulan.”

Uhura giggled.

“I don’t know, Bones, sounds like fun to me!” Gaila giggled too, high-fiving Jim.

“Don’t you start, Gaila. You’ll only encourage the damn idiots.”

“It’s going to be okay, Bones. I promise I’ll look after them both.”

“Yeah? And who’s going to be looking after you, Jim?”

Jim was about to reply that he didn’t need anyone looking after him. If he were injured, the day would just restart, but Spock replied first. “I believe Cadet Uhura and I will be able to prevent any harm befalling Cadet Kirk on this mission.”

Jim stared at Spock, a flush of warmth spreading through him he definitely wouldn’t be able to conceal if he were melding with Spock currently.

“Spock is correct. We’ll have Jim’s back,” Uhura promised.

While it didn’t mean quite the same as Spock’s guarantee, it meant a lot that Uhura promised to look out for him all the same.

“See, Bones, we’ll be fine.” Jim hoped he could convince himself of that statement too. “So, can you make three Romulans in five hours or not?”

Bones groaned. “Why did I have to board that goddamn transport three years ago? Why?”

Uhura, Spock, and Jim stood by the transporter pad awaiting the return of Sulu’s team from the drill. Scotty was also by the controls, giving side-eye glances to the three of them, still not quite fully believing that it was actually two and a half humans who stood in front of him.

“So…” Jim started. “How are you liking the Enterprise’s engines so far.”

“She’s a fine lady, Mister Kirk. I’m a wee bit jealous o’ Keenser right now. He’s already working on those modifications ye wanted us to look into.”

“I’m sure we’ll get you back there soon enough, Scotty. We don’t have to worry about you beaming the red matter over this attempt. You can have an ensign relieve you after we’re cleared.”

“Aye, I appreciate that.”

Then the communications officer on duty on the Bridge spoke over the comm. “Main transporter room, Sulu, Gree, and Leslie are ready to beam out.”

“Acknowledged, lad.”

Sulu’s team came over the comm requesting immediate transport back to the Enterprise. Once again, the drill had been successfully disabled. 

Three figures beamed back on the pad, and no one collapsed from a devastating flesh wound. Leslie was holding his arm which was bent at a sickening angle, but he was in one piece. They all were.

“Head directly to medbay, Leslie. I’ll be there shortly,” Sulu ordered.

“You all came back in one piece this time!” Jim congratulated.

“I think our tactic worked today. You remember me going over it this morning, right? If today gets screwed up, I want to make sure we keep getting this part right.”

“You can count on it,” Jim replied. “But I’m feeling pretty good about this attempt now that we have Uhura with us.”

“You should,” Uhura replied. “We’re going to be such good Romulans, no one will look twice at us.”

“See, this is why we get along so well,” Jim said, stepping on the transporter platform. “I keep telling you we should have combined forces ages ago to wreak havoc at the academy.”

Uhura scoffed. “I don’t recall that, but I’m pretty sure I’ve said something along the lines of Starfleet couldn’t handle us.”

“See, we already know each other so well.”

“I find your willingness to engage in dubious antics with Cadet Kirk concerning,” Spock commented.

“Please, you knew I was a wild card when you started dating me,” Uhura said. She pecked a kiss on Spock’s cheek as she stepped onto the transporter pad as well.

Even if Spock and Uhura didn’t look like themselves at the moment, Jim still looked away, trying his best to ignore the surge of jealousy he felt when he saw Uhura be openly affectionate with Spock.

“Ready to beam o’er?”

“Ready, Scotty.” Jim shook his jealous thoughts away. He needed to keep his wits about him on the Narada.

“Wait!” Gaila burst into the transporter room. “I just…just wanted to wish…you all luck,” she panted.

“Gaila? You should be up on the Bridge helping with communications,” Uhura chastised.

Gaila rolled eyes. “I’m heading back right after this. I just want to make sure I got to do this before you left.”

“What’s that?”

Gaila pulled a padd from behind her and snapped a holopic with it. “Photographic evidence! I’m not letting any of you three ever live down these makeovers.”

“No!” Uhura shouted. “Delete that right now! My head is half-shaved for crying out loud!”

“And yet you still look amazing.” Gaila stuck her tongue out at Uhura.

“Well, guess we have to restart this day so that picture will be wiped from existence,” Jim joked, while Uhura and Scotty snickered. “No way you’re keeping evidence of this makeover.”

Spock was stoic, but he did raise his eyebrow. “Indeed.”

“Okay, but seriously, we should probably beam over. We are on a time crunch, and we don’t have time to properly digest that Spock went along with one of my jokes.” Jim said. “Scotty, send us over.”

“Aye, sir,” Scotty said as he stifled his laughter. 

And the three of them were enveloped in swirling beams of light.

Uhura, Spock, and Jim materialized on the Narada at about the same place Scotty had deposited them last time. 

“Okay, follow my lead,” Jim whispered to the other two. “If we encounter anyone, we’re deferring to you to speak, Uhura.”

“Ssuaj,” Uhura replied, which Jim managed to remember meant “I understand.”

All three stood and began to stride purposefully through the Narada as if they belonged there. Jim personally felt he was beginning to become too familiar with this awful ship. He couldn’t wait until he could wash his hands of the Narada for good.

They encountered a few Romulans again. More than last time, but Jim had noticed that there were not too many female Romulans on this ship. It was likely that for the Romulans on board, to see one they didn’t recognize was perturbing.

Uhura diffused every encounter gracefully, listing off the ranks and names of all three of them with ease. They had agreed on the ship that Uhura would be the higher ranking Romulan of the three of them so it would appear more natural for her to speak for all three of them. 

But then they were at the entrance to Old Spock’s ship and they encountered their next challenge: actually stealing the ship. They knew there were three Romulans on board. One of them Nero. They had it planned out ahead of time. Jim would cause a distraction while Spock and Uhura snuck on board the ship. It was risky. But there wasn’t a better option.

So, Jim strode into the Jellyfish alone and let three pairs of hostile, Romulan eyes settle on him.

_ “What are you doing here?”  _ Nero spoke.

_ “Captain Nero, there is urgent business for you on the Bridge. Starfleet has sent several more ships and your presence is requested to hold them off,”  _ Jim replied in the Romulan Uhura had him memorize earlier.

Nero slammed a fist against the wall in anger. He shouted angrily about Federation-scum running his plans and shooting the whole fleet out of the sky. Jim was suddenly very glad the whole fleet wasn’t here. 

Nero gestured at the two other Romulans to stay and continue to prepare the red matter for launch. At least Nero was taken care of as he stalked off the ship.

Jim stood where he was and awaited Uhura and Spock to make their move onto the ship.

_ “What are you still doing here? Return to you post,”  _ one of the other Romulan guards sneered.

_ “No,”  _ Jim replied, hating the fact he was so limited with this language. He really wished he could use the translator to speak at this moment.

“ _ You defy your superiors?”  _ The other Romulan guard spoke.  _ “We’ll send you to Vulcan with the weapon.” _

“Screw this,” Jim muttered. From under his robes, he pulled out the phaser he had hidden and shot the first Romulan in front of him. The other Romulan drew his weapon, but Jim took the spare moment to duck behind the red matter. He inched around the red spheroid, knowing the Romulan wouldn’t dare shoot through the red matter.

With a kick, Jim knocked the weapon about of the Romulan’s grasp, and the Romulan proceeded to tackle Jim. A struggle ensued as Jim once again felt the superior strength of a Romulan bashing his head into the floor.

_ “Who are you?”  _ The Romulan hissed.

“James T. Kirk,” Jim grinned, before the Romulan landed another blow on Jim’s face.

The Romulan got up to run off and alert the rest of the Narada to his presence, but Jim managed to swim through his dizziness to tackle the Romulan from behind. The struggle ensued again, but it wasn’t long before Jim was once again on his back.

“Usually I take someone on a date before we get into the kinky stuff,” Jim teased as he coughed to return air into his lungs.

The Romulan sneered at Jim. And as Jim braced himself for another attack, instead the Romulan tensed and froze as if shocked. He collapsed to the floor, Spock nerve-pinching the side of the Romulan’s neck from behind.

“Good timing, Spock,” Jim grinned, even if his speech was a bit garbled from the blood in his mouth.

“Seriously, Jim? Hand to hand combat? Couldn’t you just send them all to the Bridge?” Uhura asked.

“I tried! But only Nero left and then I had to improvise. I stunned one of them first! Now are you going to keep criticizing me or help me get this thing moving?”

“Admirable work, Mister Kirk, even if your technique leaves something to be desired,” Spock said, already headed for the helm of the ship.

“See! Spock knows how to give a compliment.”

Uhura rolled her eyes. “Believe me, the last thing Spock knows is complimenting.”

Jim didn’t think that was entirely true. Couldn’t Uhura note the tonal inflections in Spock’s voice whenever he commented about something he considered praise-worthy? Or the way he would give a tiny nod of acknowledgement to show his approval? Sure, it may not be the typical human complimenting, but Jim would have figured as a linguist and Spock’s literal girlfriend, Uhura would have picked up on stuff like that.

“I believe I know how to pilot this ship now,” Spock announced.

“Great! Let’s fire this baby up and see what she’s got!” Jim rubbed his hands together.

“Should we contact the Enterprise and let them know we have secured the ship?” Uhura turned to Jim.

“Yep, let’s do it.”

“Enterprise, come in. This is Uhura. We have secured the Jellyfish. Currently attempting to turn it on to fly it out of here.”

Spock tapped some buttons and the Jellyfish’s engines came to life. Jim could hear Romulans shouting outside. “Quick, Spock! Close the door!”

“First I must find the correct sequence. Give me a moment.”

Uhura rolled her eyes. “Come on, Kirk. Let’s go see how many Romulans we can hold off until Spock gets here,” she said, pulling her phaser out of the folds of her Romulan robes.

Jim stooped down to pick up his own phaser he had lost in the scuffle. “Most stunned Romulans buys the other dinner?”

“You’re on, Kirk.”

Uhura and Jim stood at the entry to the Jellyfish and began to fire through the doorway, leaning against the wall to avoid getting hit from Romulan phaser fire themselves.

“Yes! That’s three for me,” Jim cheered.

“What are you talking about? It was my shot that got that Romulan,” Uhura argued.

“No way. That was some quality Kirk aiming right there.”

“If by quality you mean you can barely hit the broad side of a barn, then yes.”

“What’s with the metaphor? I think Bones rubbed off on you while he was reconstructing your face.”

“Just shut up and shoot, Kirk.”

Finally, the door of the Jellyfish closed, and Uhura and Jim were able to rejoin Spock by the helm. The Jellyfish was ready to go. Spock pushed the impulse forward and the Jellyfish sped towards the wall of the Narada. The Jellyfish’s weapons shot a hole in the side of the Romulan vessel and it flew into open space to greet the Enterprise, currently in the midst of evasive maneuvers.

Jim pressed his comm link. “Enterprise! We’re out! Go ahead and flee to the rendezvous point. You can worry about beaming us back when we get there.”

“Roger that, Kirk,” Pike came through on the line. “Do your best to stay in one piece until then.”

“Aye, Captain,” Kirk replied. “Alright, Spock, you heard him, let’s give the Enterprise a head start.”

“Affirmative,” Spock said as he began to perform evasive maneuvers around the Narada. Jim wished he could see the look on Nero’s face right now as the Enterprise, Future Spock’s ship, and the destruction of Vulcan evaded his grasp all at once.

Flying on the Jellyfish was a thrill ride for Jim. The responsiveness and speed of the ship made it more agile than any ship Jim had been on before. He could only imagine how much Sulu would love to get behind these controls. Jim himself itched to replace Spock at the helm but he knew that it wouldn’t be the same. The ship seemed specifically coded to Spock’s mannerisms. Even so, Spock was having difficulty.

“I find it unlikely that the Vulcan Science Academy would design a ship with such illogical modifications,” Spock noted.

“What do you mean, Spock? This must be the most graceful ship I’ve ever been on,” Uhura commented. Not even she had been immune to the Jellyfish’s nimble elegance. Jim and Uhura weren’t sitting down, but they didn’t need to. Even with all the complex maneuvers the Jellyfish performed, they were not knocked around. The artificial gravity flux compensator on this tiny ship was astounding.

“The ship has several functions that do not appear to have any significant bearing on the mission the ship was designed for,” Spock noted.

Jim smiled. “Maybe the old you has a different perspective. He probably saw a lot of weird things that would make his seemingly illogical designs rather logical.”

“I do not even understand the purpose of this button, other than it most likely pertains to the viewing screen,” Spock noted, gesturing to a small button, placed near the viewscreen controls. “I have accounted for all the other controls in its vicinity.”

Jim tapped his chin. Logically, since the button was with the viewscreen implements, it was probably harmless. Right now, the Jellyfish was at warp and successfully evading Nero as they rendezvoused with the Enterprise. No better time to try it out than now.

“Have you tried pressing it, Mister Spock?” Jim asked.

“Negative. As I cannot garner the purpose of the control, it would be unwise to press it.”

“For crying out loud, can we just press it already?!” Uhura asked. “Now that you’ve piqued our interests, I’m dying of curiosity.”

Jim smiled at Uhura. “My sentiments exactly.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “You do not appear to be suffering physical degradation from a piqued interest in this button, therefore your claims are untrue.”

“Just press the button, Spock,” Uhura commanded.

Amazingly, Spock relented. Jim had a feeling he was just as curious as the rest of them about the unmarked button.

Once the button was pressed, Spock’s hypothesis proved correct. On the viewscreen, a new image appeared in the center of the screen, the stars racing past framing it like a border.

“Oh my God,” Jim said. 

Uhura leaned forward to get a better look at the picture. “Is that…”

“Fascinating,” Spock said.

“I think that’s Old Spock’s crew. See, there’s Spock next to the captain’s chair,” Jim pointed.

“Is that woman to the left me? Wow, I went in a completely different direction with my hair…I look good.” Uhura preened a bit at her image.

“That has to be Sulu and Chekov up front. I’ll be honest, I think I like Chekov’s hair as short as it is now. And then Scotty in the back.” There were a few other faces in the picture who Jim didn’t recognize, but he hoped one day he might get the chance to know.

“Is that McCoy next to Spock? They almost look chummy. Bones is even smiling!” Uhura pointed to the center of the image. “And then, that must be you in the captain’s chair. Wow. You, a captain?”

“I  _ am  _ on the command track,” Jim pointed out.

“I didn’t doubt you. I just didn’t think I’d be serving under you one day.”

“You appear differently in this image. The pigmentation of your eyes and bodily structure are different than your normal physical appearance.”

Spock was right. As Jim looked closer, this Kirk seemed a bit fuller. And his eyes were a warm brown that sparkled with good humor, even in the image. He looked…confident. And happy.

“Why would an object of such sentimentality be present on a Vulcan vessel?”

“There are stories of Vulcans bringing objects of significant importance to their families onboard vessels bound for long journeys,” Uhura pointed out. “Even Vulcans aren’t immune to sentimentality.”

“But this is an image of a former crew of my elder counterpart in an easily accessible place. Not an ancient relic of my family,” Spock pointed out.

Jim jumped to memories of being with Old Spock. The way he seemed to brighten when sharing the company of Scotty, Keenser, and Jim. Or the way he had nearly cried when seeing Jim’s memory of meeting Bones. “Because this was his family,” Jim pointed out. And then his heart lurched when he realized something else. “And the last thing anyone wants to see when they’re about to die is the faces of their loved ones.”

Uhura and Spock turned to Jim. “What are you trying to say, Jim?”

“I don’t think Spock from the future expected to survive the mission to save Romulus.”

Uhura put a hand to her mouth as she gasped and Spock looked into his lap. “It is a logical conclusion,” Spock replied. “But I still find it difficult to accept that I would come to place such significant sentimental value on an image of colleagues.”

Jim forced a smile on his face as he tried to not to let Spock’s words get to him. “Why not? It’s only been one day and Team Enterprise’s Eleven already works so well together. Is it really so hard to believe that you might make friends in Starfleet?”

Any reply from Spock was cut off as the three of them dropped out of warp at the rendezvous point with the Enterprise. And there she was, their beautiful ship, waiting for them.

“Shields are up and holding on the Enterprise,” Spock commented. He switched the image of the alternate Enterprise crew off the viewscreen.

“Good, because the Narada is going to be here any second,” Jim replied.

Uhura and Jim braced themselves as they prepared to enter the day’s defining fight.

“We’re so close,” Jim murmured.

Uhura placed a hand on Jim’s shoulder. “We’re going to pull this off, Jim.”

Jim squeezed her hand. “Thanks, Nyota.”

“Anytime.”

And then, the viewscreen was filled with the image of the Narada warping to their position. Spock drew his shoulders back, preparing for engagement.

Something in the Jellyfish chimed and Jim looked around for the source of the noise.

“I think we’re being hailed,” Uhura explained.

Spock flipped a couple switches and Nero’s visage appeared on the viewscreen.

_ “Hi, Spock. I believe you have stolen something of mine. Turn it and yourself to me over now, and I’ll leave your Enterprise intact.” _

“Your actions in Vulcan space were hostile. I can logically conclude that if I were to surrender to you, your violence against my planet of origin would resume. I will not return this vessel to you.”

Jim smiled as he watched Nero’s face tense with anger.

_ “Then you will watch all that you love die. I will have that ship returned to me, Spock. And then I will force you to watch your planet wiped from existence. From there I will systematically destroy the precious Federation you hold so dear.”  _ Nero ended the call. Immediately the Narada’s weapons turned to the Enterprise.

“Nero won’t target the Jellyfish,” Jim said. “The red matter’s too important to him. I suggest we make ourselves a target he can’t ignore.”

“A fly he can’t kill,” Uhura smiled, catching Kirk’s drift.

“Then I will endeavor to be as annoying as Cadet Kirk,” Spock replied.

“Hey! Wait, did you just make a metaphor of your own?”

“No, a comparison is a more accurate term.”

“Which is a simile, which is a kind of metaphor. I knew it! You have a humorous streak, Commander.”

Spock merely raised a doubtful eyebrow before returning his attention to flying the Jellyfish.

It went well for a while. Despite the Narada’s attempts to evade the Jellyfish, it proved rather effective at placing itself one step ahead of the Romulan mining vessel. And with the Enterprise’s enhanced mobility, she was also effectively avoiding most of the Romulan fire the Jellyfish couldn’t shield her from. But it wasn’t enough, the Enterprise was taking heavy damage, and the Narada wasn’t taking enough. There just wasn’t an opening for them to pull off the final step of the plan.

Slowly, all three of them in the Jellyfish were realizing this.

“Perhaps it would be prudent in a future attempt for you and Uhura to beam off the Jellyfish upon rendezvousing with the Enterprise. Then I will use the Jellyfish to strike at the Narada as planned.”

“But, Spock, we won’t be able to lower the Enterprise’s shields to beam you out,” Jim replied.

Uhura shook her head. “No way. You are not sacrificing yourself like this, Spock.” Her eyes glistened.

“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one. One life to sacrifice for that of billions is a worthy endeavor.”

“No. No way. We’re in a time loop. That means unlimited chances. And it means we  _ will  _ find a way so we won’t have to sacrifice you. Okay?”

“Jim – ” Spock started , which Jim would have been happy to hear, if not for the fact the Jellyfish’s screen was now filled with the sight of the Enterprise blowing up. And then, Jim’s world went dark, and he was left only with the final horrifying echo of the Enterprise’s destruction as the day faded away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoy the longer chapter. Initially I planned on splitting it up, but just couldn't find a good way to divide it. And I figured you all would appreciate it. 
> 
> Also, I may have been a bit indulgent in writing the photograph scene, but I hope you all enjoyed the nod to TOS all the same. See you all next week!


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another attempt of Enterprise's Eleven Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, some scenes in this chapter could be upsetting for readers. Trauma and suicide.

_ Attempt 142 _

“There’s three of you who beam over to the Narada, right?” Gaila asked. Once again, most of the crew was gathered at Spock’s apartment. Jim realized that in these latest attempts he was spending more time here than he was at his own dorm. But curled up on the floor with a mug of tea, surrounded by people he considered some of his closest friends now, he didn’t mind. What he did mind was the fact this time loop had continued through another couple attempts with little success.

“Yes, why? Do you have an idea?” Jim asked.

“Actually, we both do, Jim.” Gaila slung her arm around Chekov.

“But Gaila is ze one who suggested it,” Chekov said. “We were just thinking about ze Narada. We have tried many times to beat zem in a fair fight, da?”

Jim nodded. Spock, who had overheard the conversation, turned his attention to Chekov and Gaila.

“Maybe it iz not enough,” Chekov said. “We can do more.”

“I have a feeling you already have an idea for what that ‘more’ is,” Jim smiled. “I’m all ears.”

Spock neglected to comment on Jim’s latest expression, but Jim could practically feel the Vulcan wanting to as he let out a small huff that was barely audible. Too bad there wasn’t any time for Jim to needle him further.

“We were thinking, if we can disable the entire fleet, why can’t we do something similar to the Narada. Chekov and I think we can devise a virus that will interfere with its systems. And since you all are beaming aboard anyway, implementing it will be that much easier.”

“But you do not possess the knowledge of Romulan computer systems necessary to concoct such a virus,” Spock pointed out. “A task made even more difficult by the fact the Narada is from a couple centuries in the future.”

“Zat is ze second part of our plan!” Chekov replied excitedly. “You do, Commander! You have adwanced computer programming knowledge. And zen you also know ze most about ze Narada from your mindmeld with Meester Kirk.”

“With our forces combined, it will work. And if it doesn’t, Jim just needs to know what went wrong so we can fix it in the next go round,” Gaila added, feeding off of Chekov’s excitement.

“It is a good plan, da?” Chekov asked.

Jim looked to Spock. “What do you think?”

“I think it will increase our chances of success by a not insignificant amount should the code prove successful,” Spock replied.

“I agree,” Jim said. “And you can pull this code off in addition to the fleet disabling code?”

Chekov and Gaila nodded.

“Alright. Let’s do it!”

“If I may make a suggestion to amend the plan further,” Spock started.

“Go ahead, Spock,” Jim nodded. He was already feeling an excitement bubble in his gut with the new idea. New hope came with every good idea his crew came up with no matter how many times he failed. Of course, that didn’t stop it from becoming increasingly more devastating when their plans didn’t work out.

“Someone with advanced programming knowledge should be on the team to beam over to the Narada. To implement the code and adapt to any technical difficulties.”

“Well, no issues there. You’re already beaming onto the Narada, and you have advanced programming knowledge. Plus, you are kind of familiar with the Narada’s systems from my memories. Problem solved!”

“Negative. As my task is primarily to commandeer the Jellyfish, to assign me the task of implanting a malignant code on the Narada’s systems will decrease the probability of the primary mission’s success.”

“Well, I do possess some programming expertise. Of course, nothing like Chekov and Gaila’s level, but I’m sure I could pull it off…”

“I suggest, due to your experience in the time loop, your command training, and your familiarity with the plan, you remain on the Bridge of the Enterprise for the mission to assist Captain Pike in commanding the Enterprise. Cadet Chekov can take your place on the Narada team.”

“Really? You zink I can do zat?” Chekov’s eyes lit up.

“No! No way. Absolutely not,” Jim said. His entire chest felt tight and his hands on the verge of trembling as his memory flashed to the sight of Pavel’s lifeless eyes on the Narada.

“As Chekov has advanced technical knowledge, he is a prime candidate for this team. Cadet Gaila is also a viable candidate, but as she is already aiding communications for this mission to help scramble signals, her expertise would be better served on the Enterprise.”

“Zis is true. By ze sound of it, I hardly do anything after we initially engage ze Narada. I could do zis, Meester Kirk!”

When Jim looked at Chekov, he saw the same bright eyes filled with the excitement and determination for the dangers of exploration. They were eyes Jim had often seen in the mirror himself. And to know that those eyes could and probably would fade on the Narada without Jim there to help him, he couldn’t take it.

“Cadet Kirk, I know you have anxiety about allowing Cadet Chekov to carry out this mission because of a previous attempt in which he expired on the Narada, but that was under very different circumstances. For starters, we have ample time to develop a plan.”

“I said no. And no one is changing my mind about this,” Jim said, his voice hard.

“But Meester Kirk – ” Chekov started.

“You don’t know what you’re asking, Chekov. You’re staying on the Enterprise. You and Gaila write the code and go over it with Spock. Once you feel it’s ready, you can go over it with me. Alright?”

Several people in the room looked like they wanted to argue. And Chekov looked angrier than Jim had ever seen him, fists clenched at his sides and shoulders trembling. But something in Jim’s expression must have dissuaded them, because they all reluctantly resumed their projects. Spock’s apartment had never felt so tense in Jim’s memory.

Jim stood on the Bridge as the Enterprise was dropping out of warp this time. He was going over last-minute adjustments to the code with Chekov. Which was how he noticed the communications officer on duty laxing in his duties. He was being reactive rather than active and Jim really wished Uhura could be on the Bridge instead, but Bones was putting the finishing touches on her Romulan makeover. How had this guy ever made it to lieutenant?

Time to turn on the Kirk, midwestern, passive aggressive charm. “Lieutenant, how is warning nearby ships approaching the system going?” Jim asked, trying to smile kindly, knowing it probably looked more intimidating than anything with the Romulan makeup.

“Sent out a broadcast when we were in warp, sir. All ships within the immediate vicinity should have picked it up.”

Jim’s eye twitched, letting that be the only show of his inner frustration. “I’m sorry, did you just say all ships in the vicinity should have picked us up?”

“Yes,  _ cadet, _ ” the lieutenant replied, catching onto the fact Jim was checking on his status and not just being friendly.

“You do realize that if the Narada still has communications abilities – which they do by the way. They aren’t affected. – that they have picked up our transmissions as well.”

The lieutenant blanched. “All communication systems are down around Vulcan. There’s no way – ”

“Believe me, there is a way. Or have you forgotten this is the Narada’s drill? We don’t fully know what that ship is capable of.”

“And how would you know this anyway?” The lieutenant stood and faced Jim. “You’re not a communications officer. In fact, you’re not even an officer. So why don’t you let me do my job and you go join your pals in the lower decks.”

“Lieutenant, that’s enough,” Pike said, turning his attention to the budding altercation on his Bridge. “It is because of Jim Kirk’s intelligence on the situation that he has earned a place on this Bridge. And Mister Kirk, please refrain from antagonizing my officers. The lieutenant will perform his duties as needed. But I strongly suggest he begins collaborations with Misters Chekov and Sulu to mask our presence further,” Pike subtly commanded.

The lieutenant nodded and headed down to the main helm to talk with Sulu.

Chekov gave Kirk an encouraging nod as he reluctantly handed his padd over, before he joined the other two at the helm.

“What do you think, Kirk?” Pike turned to Jim. “Do you think we ruined the mission?”

Jim shook his head. “I don’t think so, sir. Nero still doesn’t see us as much of a threat. He is focused on wiping out Vulcan’s defenses first. And I expect, since he knows we’re the Enterprise, that he wants Spock to stay and observe what happens. He won’t destroy us. He wants us to suffer.”

“Very sound tactical advice, Mister Kirk.”

“Thank you, but it is basically just drawing from stuff I know has already happened.”

Pike cracked a small smile. “You really are going to be a great captain, Jim. Don’t doubt your skills. Come on, we have a mission to continue to see through.”

Jim returned the smile. To hear Pike say those words felt like all the affirmation he would ever need again. “Of course. I have to achieve your dare.”

“Jim, I think you’ve already done that,” Pike replied. “Your father certainly would have been damn proud of you.”

And Jim stood there, dumbfounded, as Pike walked to the turbolift.

“Well, are you coming or not? We have guests to greet and Romulans to defeat.”

On the Narada, Jim wanted to slam his fist against the console he was working at. They had tweaked the plan so that Uhura and Spock would go ahead and commandeer the Jellyfish. Once Jim implemented the code, the Narada’s shields should fail, allowing the Enterprise to beam Jim back, but he was having trouble. The Narada’s internal defenses were just too adaptive. They likely had all the experience of countering Starfleet codes over the past century and a half. Chances were, they even had information of countering Gaila’s codes specifically. Or maybe Jim really just wasn’t as good at this as he thought. But he had to be. He was the only person who could do this. But the more Jim insisted that, the less true it felt.

“Kirk, come in,” Uhura said through their comm link. “Spock and I have the Jellyfish secured. How are you doing?”

Jim put off replying for a few moments. How to explain that this whole attempt was wasted because Jim just wasn’t knowledgeable enough in Romulan systems to pull this off? Maybe he needed to take a few attempts off to spend time learning the Narada’s systems and various hacking techniques. Do some coding lessons like he had with Old Spock.

“Jim! Come in! Are you alright?” Uhura’s voice raised, her pitch higher and speech slightly faster.

“Kirk here,” Jim replied. “I have not infiltrated the Narada’s systems yet. I’m getting there.”

Jim couldn’t figure it out. The code should work. But the Narada just had too many firewalls. In fact, the Narada’s defenses didn’t feel so much like a series of walls, but rather a labyrinth. A labyrinth full of traps and trick codes to confuse and befuddle any attempted attack. It felt as deceptive as…well, a Romulan.

“Cadet Kirk, your probability of success severely diminishes with every second you continue to delay,” Spock added.

“Not helpful, Spock,” Jim gritted his teeth.

Jim spent another couple minutes trying everything he could think of to hack the Romulan defenses. Until he felt the Narada shudder. For a moment, he thought it was something he had done, but the defenses were just as impassable as always. Alerts were blaring in the Narada and now Romulans were rushing about. Jim could pick up with the universal translator something about the Vulcan’s ship destroying the shield generator. And then, Jim heard Scotty’s voice scratching through the comm. “Jim? Come in. Stay still, lad. Shields are down so I’m beaming you out.”

“No! Wait, Scotty!” Jim started, but he was already encased in swirling light.

Jim re-materialized on the Enterprise’s main transporter pad.

“Why did you do that, Scotty? I didn’t implement the code yet!”

Scotty shrugged. “Orders from Pike. He said he and Spock came up with another plan.

“They what?!”

“I dinnae know th’ specifics o’ it,” Scotty raised his hands. “Just following Captain’s orders.”

“Fine! I’ll get to the bottom of this myself.” Jim stormed out of the transporter room bound for the Bridge. What was Pike thinking? Were all his words just false hope in Jim? Did he not think he could do this?

On the Bridge, there was a flurry of activity as the Enterprise warped to the rendezvous point. The entire ship was on red alert and everyone was hurrying about, readying for the battle to come.

Pike was in the middle of giving out orders from his captain’s chair, setting pre-determined defensive maneuvers and calling for the preparation of weapons.

“Captain Pike! What the hell is going on?!” Jim stormed onto the Bridge, without a thought to the frenzy happening around him.

“Kirk, you’re back. Excellent. I need you to man the tactical station. You know the Narada better than anyone here.”

“Pike, I didn’t implement the code. Scotty said you came up with a new plan with Spock. What is it?”

Pike paused. “Jim…”

“Don’t ‘Jim’ me! I’m not doing anything until you tell me what you and Spock planned behind my back.”

Pike sighed. “Spock informed me earlier today that he had some concerns from your shared mind meld. He believes that the repeated attempts on today have in some ways emotionally compromised some of your decisions in recent attempts.”

Jim’s eyes narrowed and his mouth was a thin line barely repressing anger. “Oh, did he now? And who is he to make a call like that? He basically just met me today. I’m a stranger to him!”

“But he is not a stranger to you,” Pike pointed out. “No one here is. You’ve worked with these people for over a hundred repeats of the same day. You are bound to have gotten…attached.”

The word struck Jim oddly. He thought back to today’s mind meld with Spock. Had he done anything differently? Recently Jim had been showing Spock a series of memories he had compiled. He was almost able to switch his brain on auto-pilot to show Spock the memories. Like accessing a file and letting it scroll through the contents on its own. Maybe he had been a bit preoccupied this morning, sick of having to go through the same song and dance every day. Had he let his emotions slip? Spock had pointed out Jim’s grief over Chekov’s death this morning. What other feelings had he drawn Spock’s attention to unintentionally?

“Who wouldn’t?!” Jim finally replied.

“Jim, the Enterprise is outmatched for this situation. We cannot withstand the Narada long enough to disable her weapons so we can lower our shields. But we know something in the Jellyfish can.”

“What are you – ” Jim paused. He remembered what Spock had said a couple attempts ago. About trying something different. One life to save billions. A plan that would definitely work, but at what cost?

“No!” Jim shouted. “You’re going to let Spock sacrifice himself by piloting the Jellyfish into the Narada. You can’t do that!”

Jim’s eyes flickered to Old Spock, who looked uncomfortable sitting on the Bridge at the science station. “And you’re okay with this? You are basically dying today. How is that going to affect the timeline? Tell me that, Spock.”

“Jim, the needs of the many – ”

“Do NOT give me that Vulcan self-sacrificing bullshit. I refuse to let us win at the expense of Spock’s life. What about Spock’s future? Your past?”

“Events that are not definite because I failed in my mission,” Spock replied. “But I know that in any timeline, I would sacrifice my life without hesitation for this ship and this crew, Jim.”

“No…No! I can’t accept this. You all are okay with this? Seriously?!”

Spock’s voice came over the comm next.  _ “Mister Scott, prepare to beam Uhura back to the Enterprise.” _

Jim could hear Uhura in the background.  _ “No, Spock! There has to be another way _ !”

Jim headed towards the communication station, but Pike flicked his fingers for two security members to intercept him.

“Kirk, stand down. I am still the captain.”

“You’re killing Spock!” Jim shouted. His eyes stung and only then did he realize tears were running down his face.

_ “Miss Uhura has been beamed back to the Enterprise,” _ Scotty reported.

“Good work, Mister Scott,” Pike replied. His gaze was definitely avoiding Jim’s. “Lieutenant, patch us through to Commander Spock.”

“Yessir,” the communications lieutenant replied.

“Mister Spock, prepare to carry out the mission when the Narada arrives,” Pike commanded.

_ “Aye, captain,” _ Spock replied.

“I know it’s been brief, but it has been a pleasure serving with you, Mister Spock. Any last requests?”

“No!” Jim shouted. “Spock, it’s not too late. You don’t have to do this!”

Old Spock looked at Jim with such deep sorrow, and worse still, understanding, that Jim felt a thousand times worse. He also didn’t fail to notice how everyone else was sneaking glances at him, pity in their eyes.

“Spock! You can’t! We can figure out something else!” Jim pleaded. “Please!”

“ _ Cade Kirk…Jim…this is the only way. I wish for you to contact my mother. Let her know why my sacrifice is necessary.” _

“No! You stupid, stupid Vulcan! I am not getting over this time loop without you!”

The turbolift doors opened. Uhura ran out, her own face streaked with tears. Gaila and Bones came out behind her, pained expressions on their faces.

“What is going on up here?” Bones demanded. His eyes drifted to Jim, and he immediately dashed to his side to help stabilize Jim.

Then, the Narada came out of warp, weapons already charging to attack. But Jim knew Nero would offer Spock a chance to turn it over. A chance Spock wouldn’t take.

“ _ Good-bye, Nyota _ .”

Nyota raised a ta’al as she choked back tears. “Good-bye, Spock. I love you.”

“No!” Jim shouted. He struggled from Bones’ grasp, but Spock cut the connection as Nero hailed him. Spock was gone from the viewscreen. All that was left was the sight of the Narada facing the incredibly tiny white spark of the Jellyfish.

“We can do something now. While they’re talking. Take out the weapons,” Jim babbled, rushing around the Bridge, but no one replied to him.

He felt himself crumple as the Narada turned its attention to targeting the Enterprise. But his gaze was only on the Jellyfish as it rushed towards the Narada’s tentacles. Closer…closer…until it disappeared.

A small explosion was visible on the viewscreen. And then the dark arms of a forming singularity at the Narada’s heart. Jim collapsed at the sight. As did Nyota. They clung to each other and wept as the realization Spock was gone hit them like a wave. All Jim felt was pain. 

“Sulu, get us out of here,” Pike commanded, his voice tired. “Warp factor 7.”

“Aye, sir,” Sulu said quietly. And then, the Narada was gone and the stars were racing past.

Jim shifted his weight and fell on something hard and round tucked in his robes. His phaser _.  _ Jim realized the day wasn’t yet over. Not really. Three requirements to break the time loop, right? Vulcan was safe. The Enterprise was warping out of danger. Only one requirement left he could fail.

Jim broke his embrace with Uhura, reaching into his robe and adjusting the settings on the phaser.

“Jim, what are you doing?” Uhura asked, wiping tears from her eyes.

Bones looked over to see Jim fidgeting as well. He started to move towards Jim. Jim was never more thankful that no one else remembered these attempts, because otherwise he knew he could not live with the guilt of forcing Bones to watch him die.

“I’m sorry,” Jim mouthed.

“Jim, no!” Bones shouted.

Uhura’s eyes widened as Jim pulled the phaser from his robes and placed it under his neck. She moved to tackle him, but Jim’s finger was faster. A brief, sharp pain through his head, and then the world went dark. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *SPOILER NOTE! *
> 
> So...you probably all hate me right now. Jim is really having to go through a lot in this time loop. If it helps, I will let you know that Young Spock's death isn't permanent. 
> 
> As always, hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I hope I didn't tug at your heartstrings too much.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim recovers from the latest attempt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know I'm posting a little later than usual tonight. I do have a good reason though! I realized that I hadn't written a Q scene in a while and figured the story was about due for one. Last minute, I decided to write one, which is why this chapter is a little late. Hope you enjoy!

_ Attempt 143 _

Jim trudged across the campus to Spock’s door. He had already told Bones about the plan. He had avoided eye contact a little more than usual, but in Bones’ sleep-deprived state, Jim didn’t think his best friend had noticed. He had then meditated for a good thirty minutes before heading out. Not that it had helped.

He entered the apartment complex and went to Spock’s door, once again requesting entry. He tried to stop the trembling in his fingers as he thought of Spock sacrificing himself.

Spock opened his door, dressed in his professor uniform, likely ready to head to his first class of the day. Jim realized he had barely made it in time today.

As Jim looked at Spock, all he could think about was Spock’s determination to save a crew he didn’t really know yet and the sight of the Jellyfish colliding with the Narada. His eyes teared up some, filled with a strange combination of relief and sadness. 

“Cadet Kirk, how did you gain access to the faculty apartments?” Spock asked, his eyes as untrusting and guarded as they were every morning.

“I...” Jim tried to start. His voice was literally quavering and he hated it. “I can’t do this. Not today.” Jim felt his eyes sting and he bolted from the faculty apartments.

Striding across Starfleet’s campus into San Francisco, Jim noticed the blue sky and cityscape vanished with a sudden flash. He was now on the Enterprise’s empty Bridge, standing near the turbolift doors. The ship was fully functioning at warp if the viewscreen was any indication, but there wasn’t a crew member in sight. 

“Oh, Jimmy, what was that last attempt about? You were on track to win my little game, but then you killed yourself. I admit, I wasn’t expecting that.” Q’s face had materialized on the viewscreen, and with another flash, he appeared on the Bridge in his unfamiliar Starfleet-esque uniform next to Jim. He leaned closer with a smirk. “Is it because you would really miss me that much?”

Jim glared at Q, furious at the being’s taunting. “Spock died. Don’t tell me that wouldn’t mess up your timeline at all.”

“Your little hybrid’s death would indeed greatly impact the timeline in this sector for centuries. Probably bring about your death a good deal earlier as well. But I would let it slide. Doesn’t quite have the impact the untimely destruction of a planet of 3 billion people would have.”

“But it seems to fit your agenda that I should live, as should the Enterprise. Doesn’t that include her crew as well? I don’t matter anymore than Spock does.”

“Ugh, humility. So boring. And soooo annoying.”

“And you’re avoiding answering my question, Q. What did you mean when you said I had to save the ship? Just the ship or all the people who make her up?”

“What do you think I meant?”

Jim snorted and walked away from Q. “Fine, you won’t answer my question. Then, why did you bring me here? In fact, why are you here at all? As you pointed out, I haven’t finished this time loop yet.”

“Curiosity mostly. Vulcan survived, the Enterprise was safe, and the Narada was destroyed. As far as you knew, the timeline would have continued, but yet you decided to bring about a tragic lover’s ending for yourself. I admit, I was tempted to let time resume normally anyway. Would have been an ironic twist that your self-sacrifice would be for naught. Like something straight of a Shakespeare play. Now that human knew how to craft a story.” Q transformed briefly into some gaudy 16th century outfit complete with a frilly collar while he dramatically quoted  _ A Midsummer Night’s Dream. _

Jim ignored Q. His blood had frozen at the realization that he had potentially killed himself for no reason. What would everyone have thought? Pike would have been so ashamed of him. Gaila would have never forgiven him. And Bones...he would have been devastated. His best friend had been through enough, and Jim knew his suicide would have broken Bones. “So why didn’t you let me die? Why restart the day anyway?”

Q feigned offense as he snapped back into his go-to red and black uniform. “I’m a Q of my word, Jimmy. I told you the time loop would continue as long as you failed to fulfill 3 requirements. Besides, if you had died I would never hear why the man who claims there is no such thing as a no-win scenario purposefully twisted events so he would lose. It was, as I said, unexpected. It’s not often I’m surprised. I want to see what you do next.”

Jim’s blood rushed with anger. Not even having his fists clenched seemed to prevent them from trembling. “Spock died! That wasn’t winning! And it wasn’t intriguing, it was torture! I’m not just some toy you can play with until I break!” Jim’s face was flushed with anger and he felt on the verge of collapse, reliving the memory of his gut turning itself inside out when he watched the Jellyfish hit the Narada. 

And then it was on the Enterprise’s viewscreen, the bright speck of the Jellyfish facing the Narada. Around Jim, stills of the Enterprise’s Bridge Crew in that moment returned: Uhura in tears next to Jim, Pike’s grim determination, Bones’ horror, and the rest of the crew's expressions of admiration, sadness, and fear. There was even a still figure of Jim screaming at the viewscreen with eyes awash in tears.

“Enough, Q. I don’t need to see this,” Jim replied through gritted teeth.

“Why not? You’re reliving it over and over in your mind anyway. Why does this Vulcan matter so much to you?”

“Because I love him!” Jim shouted, and he felt his breath stop for a moment when he realized what he had said.

Q’s eyes sparkled with new amusement. “So you do admit it. I didn’t expect that either. From what I hear, it took  _ ages _ for your original timeline’s counterpart to admit these feelings.” Q began to chuckle. “And as far as Spock knows, you’re still just an irritating little thorn in his side.” Q doubled over with his laughter. “Oh, you are going to have a long road ahead of you with that hybrid first officer of yours. A long painful road of unrequited love.”

Jim closed his eyes. He couldn’t focus with the images of his despairing moment all around. “It doesn’t matter if he ever loves me back or not. But Spock has to live.”

“Such nobility. It makes your species particularly intriguing at times...But mostly incredibly annoying. Or it could just be that your mind has gotten a little co-dependent from all that melding. The human psyche is so fragile after all.” Q rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Very well, I’ll let you continue in this quest for a no-win scenario. But I wonder if you’ll be able to sacrifice anything in this time loop.” The chime of Q’s snap filled Jim’s ears, and he opened his eyes cautiously.

They were back in San Francisco, and Q was looking around at the people milling around the city. 

Jim couldn’t even look at Q he was so angry. “Why should I have to sacrifice someone? There should be a possibility where no one dies.”

Q looked at Jim with the mischievous gleam of a secret he wouldn’t share. “Maybe, maybe not, but you aren’t going to move beyond the last attempt if you aren’t willing to.”

Jim glared at Q. “Screw you. And screw your time loop.”

Q laughed, and Jim’s patience snapped. He grabbed the front of Q’s uniform and drew his other hand back, as if preparing to punch Q. 

“Until next time, Jimmy boy,” Q winked, and he vanished with a snap of his fingers, leaving Jim grasping empty air. 

Jim continued to trudge through the city, now burdened with his latest interaction with Q in addition to his already frayed emotions from the last attempt. His anger on top of grief on top of despair threatened to overwhelm him. Jim’s chest ached like it couldn’t contain the emotions. Eventually, Jim made his way to one of the less reputable bars of San Francisco, sat down on a barstool, and drowned his emotions until he couldn’t even remember Q or Spock or anything else. Then, he blacked out.

_ Attempt 144 _

“There…there has to be a way to do this…this…” Jim gestured his hand about as he leaned on his barstool. After getting thoroughly sick of whiskey yesterday, he decided to mix it up with some fruity cocktails today. The more out of it they made him feel, the better. “So’s he doesn’t die,” Jim explained to the bartender, very slowly so he was certain the bartender understood him. “So no one...no one does!”

“I think you need to lay off of the Orion sunrises, kid,” the bartender huffed. “It’s only noon.”

“Imma fine,” Jim slurred. “Totally fine. Incon…inconveniently?…incovenantly…indubul…debility fine.”

“Alright, kid, that’s it, I’m cutting you off. By the looks of that uniform, don’t you have class or something?”

“He does indeed have class,” a newcomer said and leaned on the bar next to Jim.

“Yours?” the bartender asked.

“Damn close enough. I’ve got this handled. Thanks.”

Jim looked up. Through the blurriness of his vision, he could make out Pike’s face. “You’re a meanie,” Jim murmured. “Let Spock die.”

“Find out about the trial then? I find it hard to believe Jim Kirk would crawl into a bar at 10 in the morning for a thing like academic probation though.”

Jim shook his head as he played with the straw in his near empty drink. “Nooo…Spock died. You let him. You’re…the worst,” Jim said, a belch between his words.

“Jim, you’re not making sense. What are you talking about? Spock is fine. In fact, I figured you would hate his guts for bringing you up on charges.”

“Pshhh…’at’s old news.” Jim leaned back, but returned back to clinging to the bar when he started to feel something nauseous crawl up his esophagus.

Pike shook his head and sat on a stool. “Jim, you’re making even less sense than usual. Come on, let’s get you back before McCoy realizes where you’ve been.” Pike moved to grab Jim’s arm.

Jim shrugged away. “No! You let Spock die! You…you went behind my back! You said I sur…sur…surper…surpassed ‘im, but you lied!” Jim felt dizzy. That was the thing about Orion alcohol, it gave the worst whiplash of sensations of any drink Jim knew of. Jim figured he was fine as long as he didn’t start feeling horny for Pike. Then again, what was one more bad decision to add to the day?

“Fine, I get it. You’re mad at me for something. Let’s just get you back to your dorm, Jim. I’m not leaving you here alone like this.”

“Stupidhead,” Jim murmured.

“What was that?”

“Stupidhead!” Jim shouted. “You’re a big, old stupidhead!”

Pike looked at Jim before erupting into laughter. “Seriously, kid? All the insults in all the languages of the galaxy and you went with ‘stupidhead?’ You really are drunk off your ass.”

Jim stood. He wasn’t going to take any more of this. He was still made at Pike. Of course, as soon as he tried standing, he promptly collapsed, hitting his head on the bar and blacking out.

When Jim came to, it was not in his bed at the start of the next attempt like usual. This time, he found himself in a hospital bed, with concerned Pike and a very disgruntled Bones leaning over him.

“How are you feeling?” Bones asked.

“Like a Romulan is drilling into my skull,” Jim groaned, feeling the full effects of a hangover for the first time in months. “Where am I?”

“You’re at the academy hospital. Because like a damn idiot you knocked yourself out at a bar. At noon! What the hell were you thinking, Jim?” Bones ranted. “I ought to knock you out again to see if some sense will stick in that empty hole you call a brain.”

“What are you doing here, Pike?” Jim asked, rubbing his temples to try and abate the feeling of needles in his skull to no avail.

“Really, you ungrateful infant? Pike’s the one who called me and helped me get your unconscious drunk ass back here. I believe you owe a couple people thank you.”

“Go easy on him, Leonard. Who knows how many Orion Sunrises he downed before I found him?”

It all started coming back to Jim, complaining to the bartender, Pike finding him…Arguing with Pike.

“Oh no…I’m so sorry, sir.”

“Ah, so you do remember. Well, all is forgiven as long as you tell me what the hell you were talking about in that bar. Stuff about Spock dying ring a bell?”

“Who’s Spock?” Bones asked.

“You’re not going to believe me,” Jim groaned.

Pike sat down on a chair next to Jim’s bed and leaned forward. “Try me.”

“So, in the last attempt, Commander Spock and I devised a plan in which he sacrificed himself to destroy the Narada and save Vulcan and the Enterprise. I’m guessing it didn’t work,” Pike clarified. He was sitting in a chair next to Jim while Bones worked on some paperwork nearby, every now and then interrupting with a well-placed southern grumble, or some ridiculous metaphor about Jim getting himself in astounding circumstances.

“Well, actually it did,” Jim replied. Not much point in being dishonest when no one would remember any of this tomorrow anyway.

“Then how are you still in this time loop?” Pike asked. “Shouldn’t time have continued progressing, or did this Q-person lie?”

Jim shook his head. “I…I couldn’t accept the idea anyone had to sacrifice their life in this time loop. So, I restarted the day anyway.”

“You what?!” Bones gasped. “Are you kidding me, Jim? It sounds like this time loop nonsense is deep frying your brain. Why would you keep this nonsense up?”

“Because I couldn’t let Spock die!...I couldn’t let anyone die. Not if I still have the chance to prevent it.”

“Jim…” Pike started. “As captain, one of the hardest lessons to learn, but also one of the most important is this: people will die under your watch and sometimes there is nothing you can do about it, but do your best to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

“But…” Jim couldn’t finish his sentence. He turned away from Pike and Bones, tears springing to his eyes as he remembered feeling like his heart was being torn from his chest when he watched the Jellyfish collide with the Narada with Spock still inside.

“Oh, Jim,” Bones sighed, the hard lines of his face softening. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

“Why are you always the first one to figure it out, Bones?” Jim sniffed. “Not even Q got to tease me about it before you figured it out first.”

“Of all the contradictory Kirk things to do, falling in love with the Vulcan professor who is literally putting you on trial today for cheating is…actually about on par for your usual shenanigans. My question is “how.” How did you come to not only enjoy, but lust after the guy who –”

“I’ve faced life and death with? Melded with countless times? Spent literal days talking with him about things both trivial and world changing? The guy who has a girlfriend I actually respect and admire so even if this time loop ends, I still have to keep my feelings to myself? The guy who somehow makes this hellhole of a time loop worth it all?”

Pike, ever proving to be the father figure Jim wished he had growing up, said nothing. Instead, he got up and reached his arms around Jim, pulling him into an embrace. Jim initially tensed, not expecting the hug, but soon returned it, breathing in the comforting smell of Pike: the fresh cotton smell of starched Starfleet uniforms and a hint of sagebrush and pine from his Mojave home.

Pike and Bones spent the rest of the afternoon by Jim’s side. Not really talking about anything in particular, as long as they avoided discussing the time loop and Spock. Bones complained about his classes, even though Jim had heard basically everything Bones said before. Pike talked about various quirks he had begun learning about the new Enterprise and some of the new upgrades that were going to be tested with her maiden voyage. Most of which Jim and the crew had in some way usually tested anyway fighting the Narada. But he appreciated their conversation all the same.

Over a game of cards, it was Pike who stepped over the unspoken line of not discussing the time loop or any of the events destined to occur today.

“You’re going to try again tomorrow, right?” Pike asked.

Jim nodded. “I need to try again before Q gets bored. With some meditation today and tomorrow I think I’ll be ready to meld with Spock again. Though, I admit I might let a little of my anger show from when he decided to conspire with you behind my back. Send a message.”

Pike smiled. “Not sure that’s going to be as intimidating as you want it to be, but I’m sure he’ll take note of it. I hope he doesn’t have to die. Starfleet shouldn’t have to lose an officer like him.”

“I hope you’ll be singing the same tune tomorrow.”

“But what’s your new plan, Jim?” Bones asked as he prepped another pain reliever hypospray for Jim. “It sounds like you still need some new trick up your sleeve to send these genocidal maniacs into the cold death grip of space where they belong.”

“Wow. That was dark even for you, Bones,” Jim noted, wincing when the hypo made contact with his neck. 

“Leonard is right,” Pike agreed. “You need a plan. But I think I might have one.”

“You do?” Jim blinked. “That doesn’t require someone sacrificing themselves?”

“I don’t think so. But it’s going to take a fair bit of planning and coordination. We’ve neglected a valuable asset so far: Starfleet.”

Jim and Bones exchanged a look.

“Don’t misunderstand me. The Enterprise has been fantastic, but we have nine other ships currently docked at Earth that are nearly as powerful. And we have Vulcan allies in the system with their own ships who will want to defend their own planet. What I’m saying is the Enterprise doesn’t have to do this alone.”

“Pike, no offense to your plan, but in a way, we already tried that. It is a massacre every time other ships get involved,” Jim pointed out.

“But those ships are still warping into a trap. They think they are answering a distress call, not getting ready for battle. We simply expand who has the intelligence of the attack.”

“How? How are we going to convince the admirals of Starfleet that their latest academic delinquent is living in a time loop and has the exact strategy they need to save Vulcan from time traveling Romulans? In most attempts you don’t even believe me. In fact, until today, you haven’t believed me without Spock’s help.”

“The admirals got to where they were for a reason. In many ways, each of them is the best Starfleet has to offer. If we can prove Vulcan is in danger, they will jump at the chance to help.”

“And how do you propose we present this information to Starfleet?” Bones asked. “Just shoot them a quick email saying, ‘here’s this neat intelligence you’ll want to know about today. Can’t tell you how we got it. Just trust us and mobilize the reserve fleet to Vulcan immediately.’ That’s not going to fly, sir.”

“Well, it appears your team has a knack for fabricating intelligence reports thus far. What’s one more to add to the list?” Pike winked.

Jim smiled. “Maybe we really will be able to pull this one off.”

_ Attempt 145 _

Jim had every intention of starting fresh with Pike’s plan. And he would, but there was something Jim needed to first. Something he absolutely could not let Spock or anyone else besides himself remember. At 7:30 precisely, Jim stood outside Spock’s apartment requesting entry and doing his best to ignore his panicking heart in which every animal instinct was telling him to flee. But he couldn’t flee. Not this time.

Spock opened the door in his meditation robes. “Cadet Kirk, I was – ”

“Not expecting me? Right. Normally I would go into a whole careful explanation about my circumstances being in a time loop and convince you to initiate a mind meld, but since you aren’t going to remember today anyway, I have to get what I say off my chest.”

Spock stood there, silent, already anticipating Jim had more to say. In many ways, it made the rant Jim was about to go into a whole lot easier. But Spock was also really intimidating when he turned his entire focus towards someone. Didn’t help that Jim had to fight the urge to simultaneously jump Spock where he stood, wrapping his arms around the Vulcan’s neck and kissing him until they were both gasping for air.

Jim shook his head. He really couldn’t think about that right now. “Okay, Spock, here’s the deal. I am head over heels in love with you for no apparent rhyme or reason. I love talking with you and working with you and helping defeat genocidal Romulans with you. I love your hair, your eyes, your pointed ears, and even that green-flushed skin that reminds me of the grass stains on my knees as a kid running through the fields of Iowa. I love your genius, your logic and that stupid eyebrow raise I keep a running tally of every day. I love the way future-you revealed the intensity of your emotions, but I also love the subtlety of the feelings you share with the world. That wit as dry as the sands of Vulcan that makes me smile every time you say something sarcastic or humorous, even if no one else besides me recognizes the joke. And I especially love how loyal you are. You don’t even know the Enterprise and her crew yet, but you are willing to give your life for them. And that is also why I am also furious with you. You would sacrifice your own life for them, but where does that leave me, Spock? Alone and without you. And even though I know I can never truly have you the way I want because you’re with Uhura and you currently do not like me very much, I still want you in my life, even if it means we’re just colleagues on the same ship. I love you, Spock. But I am also furious with you and if you ever try to sacrifice your life without consulting me first, I’m going to kill you.”

Spock stared at Jim, not saying anything. In fact, the Vulcan looked a couple shades paler and appeared to have short-circuited.

“Right, well, now that I’ve said that…” Jim fumbled for words. He hated the way he got tongue-tied around Spock. Why was it he was only ever at a loss for words around this damn Vulcan? So, Jim did what his gut told him to. He crossed the distance between him and Spock quickly and pressed his lips softly against Spock’s, taking a single moment to enjoy a feeling he could never have. It was just as good as Jim imagined, butterflies rolling in his stomach and his head dizzy with desire. He broke away before the kiss could be something less than chaste.

“Sorry. Just had to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening, Spock. I’ll do my best not to do that to you on a day you’ll actually remember it.” Jim could not figure out why his voice was quavering now. He touched his cheek to realize it was wet from tears.

“Cadet Kirk, I am…” Spock’s eyes were wide and more vulnerable than Jim had ever seen them. Except maybe on Old Spock. But he was basically a different person from this Spock, so he didn’t count.

“Shh. You don’t have to say anything. I’ll leave now.” Jim turned and began to walk away, feeling a strange mania of joy, longing, and sadness, leaving a bittersweet taste on his tongue.

“Jim…” Spock called after him. That did it. That one word said so uncertainly made Jim stop in his tracks. “I would appreciate it if you explained what just occurred.”

Jim sighed. “I’m sure you would. And normally I would love to spend the time to do so. But there’s not much point in doing that today. I’ll get back on track in the next attempt. I promise.”

Spock called out after Jim again, but this time Jim didn’t look back as he left the faculty apartments, one of the knots in his chest loosening. Of course, that still left the hundred others he had accumulated in this stupid time loop. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) When Q is quoting Shakespeare, I definitely had a quote in mind when I wrote it; from A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act 3, scene 2: "Shall we their fond pageant see? / Lord, what fools these mortals be!" Definitely one of the more popular lines of the play and definitely something I could see Q saying to be overly dramatic. 
> 
> 2) I felt like Pike deserved a redemption bit after sort of betraying Kirk in the last chapter. In case you were wondering why I wrote it so Pike discovered Kirk in the bar. 
> 
> 3) And I hope you enjoyed that ending there. It's been difficult to show Kirk/Spock development in this fic with Spock basically starting over each day (and kind of infuriating to write), but hopefully that satiated all you Spirk shippers out there for a little bit. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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